100% healed

I was going to delete my account to just forget about this whole experience, but I decided to write a success story to encourage others in a similar situation.

 

[glow=red,2,300]YOU WILL GET BETTER! I PROMISE! LOOK TO THE FUTURE; JUST GET THROUGH TODAY.. YOU WILL HEAL! IT TAKES TIME! LOTS OF TIME!

[/glow]

 

My Story:

I was put on Klonopin for "confusional arousals" (waking up randomly at night while asleep). I never had issues with depression/anxiety before withdrawal (just situational stuff -- nervous for an exam; sad when someone close died). I didn't research the drug much (big mistake) nor did I read the warnings on the bottle.

 

I didn't like the foggy feeling they gave me during the day, so I just stopped taking them (cold turkey). I ended up in a severe 2 hour long panic attack... almost ended up in the ER (I think I might have had a low grade seizure -- if that exists -- being that I was shaking uncontrollably) . I didn't know what was going on, so I took another klonopin (they seemed to help!). BTW, thank God I had a roommate with me.. if I didn't I would have ended up in the ER or who knows what. I thought I was having anxiety about my last semester in college.. I still didn't like the foggy feeling, so I stopped taking the klonopin again (I should have realized the culprit @ the time... but I didn't). By this time I was also having severe derealization/depersonalization throughout the whole day. I had the same experience -- about 2 days later I had a anxiety throughout the day and a very severe panic attack at night. Followed by more klonopin..

 

By this time I thought I was loosing my mind. I searched on the internet for what could be the problem. I came across information about "withdrawal." ... I never thought I would actually have that. I realized klonopin was the culprit.. so I attempted to withdraw from the medication...

 

[glow=red,2,300]WELCOME TO HELL[/glow].  :'( :o

 

I basically had every symptom.. it was horrible... I didn't sleep for days at points... I'd go for 3AM runs just to distract myself... I had severe severe anxiety.. I researched endlessly about benzo withdrawal... I found MAGNESIUM in malate form -- they used to use to calm psych ward patients back in the day -- helped. Also: Bacopa and theanine (although, later on they both seemed to cause depression.... watch for theanine too: sometimes it caused more anxiety), and ONLY LATER (AFTER NO SEVERE ANXIETY -- towards the very end of withdrawal): St. Johns Wort. SJW lifted my depression I had towards the end and seemed to calm some OCD thoughts. Exercise also helped LATER in withdrawal.... I had to stop exercising for a month/month 1/2 (including taper) because I would have panic attacks during exercise. After month-month 1/2... it helped greatly.

 

****Supplements impact people differently. This is just my account -- I experimented with different supplements****

 

Longecity.com has a great forum for benzo withdrawal/anxiety... this is where I found my supplements. In summary: Magnesium malate in high doses helped with heart palpitations and anxiety; L-theanine sometimes helped (less anxiety and a good feeling -- more dopamine), but sometimes caused anxiety (probably because it increases dopamine). Bacopa gave me a calm feeling (it takes weeks to start having major effects), but later on (towards end of withdrawal) seemed to cause depression (this is said to happen because Bacopa may lower dopamine levels -- it increases serotonin, though). Later on St Johns Wort lifted depression and slight OCD.

 

Bacopa and L-theanine upregulate GABA, so they're highly recommended (look through the Longecity forums).

 

THINGS THAT HELPED ME: Magnesium malate, Bacopa, L-theanine (sometimes increases anxiety a bit), and ONLY LATER: St Johns Wort. Also: meditation (great throughout: especially, mindfulness, body taping, yoga), cognitive behavioral therapy, exercise (only after the worst of withdrawal for me), forcing myself to hang out with people.

THINGS THAT MADE THINGS WORSE: fish oil! Stressful people (give yourself a break and stay away from individuals who don't help), exercise early in withdrawal (panic attacks/anxiety).

 

Worst symptoms:

Anyway, the worst symptoms for me: severe heart palpations, very high blood pressure, anorexia (severe weight loss.. -- I had NO hunger.... to the point where friends/family were suggesting going to the DRs office... NO IT'S JUST WITHDRAWAL!), severe anxiety, Obsessive thoughts (thinking I'm going to hurt/kill myself; thinking family members are going to die; thinking about old memories like my grandparents dying, childhood stuff, etc., Compulsions (constantly checking online to solve symptoms, constantly watching videos/read about benzo withdrawal, constantly reading benzo buddies, etc.), depersonalization/derealization (THE SYMPTOM I HATED THE WORST.. UGH)... depression (basically unrelenting throughout withdrawal), and waves of severe depression (this was my last symptom.. mixed with slight OCD).

 

[glow=red,2,300]YOU WILL GET BETTER! I PROMISE! LOOK TO THE FUTURE; JUST GET THROUGH TODAY.. YOU WILL HEAL! IT TAKES TIME!

[/glow]

 

20 pills... 111 days of hell... this is benzo withdrawal... I can only imagine if you've taken benzos for years. TAPER SLOWLY AND GIVE YOURSELF A BREAK... FOCUS ON THE GOAL: NOTHING ELSE MATTERS.

 

After the acute phase.. you'll feel better (you won't notice it though)... then you'll get waves of symptoms.. my waves were weird... I'd have waves of certain symptoms. For example: derealization/anxiety for 5 days.. nothing for 5... depression with heart palpations for 5 days... 5 days of only derealization... 5 days of EVERY SYMPTOM (hell)... that's how it went for me...

 

I have no symptoms anymore.. they've all lifted. At the end I only had waves of depression/ocd... these gradually became less severe...

 

This board (Benzo Buddies) really helped me. Especially the success stories.

 

Make sure to give yourself a break. Sit on the couch, surf the net about benzo withdrawal... watch movies... DON'T BELIVE EVERY HORROR STORY... YOU WILL HEAL! YES -- FOR SOME IT TAKES A LONG TIME, BUT LOOK AT ALL THE SUCCESSES. YOU WILL EVENTUALLY HEAL. IT TAKES TIME. family/friends wont understand (it's not their fault... well, sort of not).... most don't get what hell this is... I wouldn't have either had I not gone through it.

 

One last thing: You will change FOR THE BETTER after this. You'll have new brain pathways for handling stress; you'll be able to handle depression; you'll be able to handle life issues better; you'll have new techniques at dealing with anxiety/depression.

 

Anyway, I won't be reading this forum anymore because I'm out living my life (have been for some time). I've healed. I wish you all luck on this journey... Thank you for all posting about your successes/struggles. Most important: Once you're out of benzo withdrawal hell, make sure to WRITE A SUCCESS STORY (too many people I found don't.. especially for shorter withdrawal periods... they just forget about it all and leave Benzo Buddies). The success stories gave me lots of hope during the pits of withdrawal...

 

 

...most important: SCREW THE GUY WHO CREATED "CESSPOOL OF MADNESS"... that site really made me feel bad when I was in the pits of withdrawal... don't listen to that JERK. He's a mean spirited individual who is picking on people going through one of the most trying parts of their lives. He should be ashamed. He is wrong. I just wanted to say that... I ended up there by accident. It would have been nice to find someone on this board talking about what incorrect, hateful, abusive things he is perpetrating.

 

Thanks all,

 

You will heal, too. Give it time: lots.

 

j

 

 

 

 

 

  Wow that's alot of info...thank you.. Blessings on your journey...Jude

Thanks 23 for the success story.I look everyday for a new story and they dont't come often enough for me.You are right go enjoy your life.

Fantastic!  Great to hear. 

 

Did you experience body aches and pains?  It is my worst symptom now. 

Inspirational! Thank you 23, your description of benzo hell was all too recognizable to me, so it leads me to believe that your success story is something that is also in my future.  The story also rings true in that very few, if any of us on benzo buddies knew that a benzo was addictive and something that could throw you into unimaginable (as in horrid!) withdrawal symptoms.  Also it re-affirms my personal theory that klonopin is the biggest and baddest benzo monster. It is the knee-jerk reaction of most (imho) psychiatrists to switch someone struggling with Xanax to Klonopin. After living thru Klonopin wxs. That is the last thing I would recommend! My taper on Valium has been no picnic but thanks to the liquid form I can go very slow and I am now 1mg. (40 days) away from zero.  Mirtazapine has been key too, I just need to taper off that when I'm done with the benzo, oy vey!

If you check back on tour messages 23, thank you for your success story.  I really needed it today.

I just wanted to thank this person and recommend everyone read the first post on this.

 

We all need hope and this can help keep us there.

I want to bump this thread and ask: Are you still taking the supplements? Was everyone else able to eventually stop the supplement use as well?

Bump for short term users.

I feel like I'm dealing with a lot of the same issues you were. It's been 40 days for me and the past few days have been hard. This gives me some hope so thank you....being a short term user sometimes you doubt yourself, that it's just all you and that you're going crazy. I hope my time will come soon where the confusion and intrusive thoughts go away...thank you

Thanks for bumping, I wanna cry this post is so great

*Bumping* for short term users

Thanks for your great story!

Wishing you a wonderful life.

Thanks for giving hope to those who are going through this.

Lib 

I needed to hear that someone has healed from this withdrawal "hell".  Very important for all of us suffering, as you well know.  Thank you. Wishing you the best. 

I was going to delete my account to just forget about this whole experience, but I decided to write a success story to encourage others in a similar situation.

 

[glow=red,2,300]YOU WILL GET BETTER! I PROMISE! LOOK TO THE FUTURE; JUST GET THROUGH TODAY.. YOU WILL HEAL! IT TAKES TIME! LOTS OF TIME!

[/glow]

 

My Story:

I was put on Klonopin for "confusional arousals" (waking up randomly at night while asleep). I never had issues with depression/anxiety before withdrawal (just situational stuff -- nervous for an exam; sad when someone close died). I didn't research the drug much (big mistake) nor did I read the warnings on the bottle.

 

I didn't like the foggy feeling they gave me during the day, so I just stopped taking them (cold turkey). I ended up in a severe 2 hour long panic attack... almost ended up in the ER (I think I might have had a low grade seizure -- if that exists -- being that I was shaking uncontrollably) . I didn't know what was going on, so I took another klonopin (they seemed to help!). BTW, thank God I had a roommate with me.. if I didn't I would have ended up in the ER or who knows what. I thought I was having anxiety about my last semester in college.. I still didn't like the foggy feeling, so I stopped taking the klonopin again (I should have realized the culprit @ the time... but I didn't). By this time I was also having severe derealization/depersonalization throughout the whole day. I had the same experience -- about 2 days later I had a anxiety throughout the day and a very severe panic attack at night. Followed by more klonopin..

 

By this time I thought I was loosing my mind. I searched on the internet for what could be the problem. I came across information about "withdrawal." ... I never thought I would actually have that. I realized klonopin was the culprit.. so I attempted to withdraw from the medication...

 

[glow=red,2,300]WELCOME TO HELL[/glow].  :'( :o

 

I basically had every symptom.. it was horrible... I didn't sleep for days at points... I'd go for 3AM runs just to distract myself... I had severe severe anxiety.. I researched endlessly about benzo withdrawal... I found MAGNESIUM in malate form -- they used to use to calm psych ward patients back in the day -- helped. Also: Bacopa and theanine (although, later on they both seemed to cause depression.... watch for theanine too: sometimes it caused more anxiety), and ONLY LATER (AFTER NO SEVERE ANXIETY -- towards the very end of withdrawal): St. Johns Wort. SJW lifted my depression I had towards the end and seemed to calm some OCD thoughts. Exercise also helped LATER in withdrawal.... I had to stop exercising for a month/month 1/2 (including taper) because I would have panic attacks during exercise. After month-month 1/2... it helped greatly.

 

****Supplements impact people differently. This is just my account -- I experimented with different supplements****

 

Longecity.com has a great forum for benzo withdrawal/anxiety... this is where I found my supplements. In summary: Magnesium malate in high doses helped with heart palpitations and anxiety; L-theanine sometimes helped (less anxiety and a good feeling -- more dopamine), but sometimes caused anxiety (probably because it increases dopamine). Bacopa gave me a calm feeling (it takes weeks to start having major effects), but later on (towards end of withdrawal) seemed to cause depression (this is said to happen because Bacopa may lower dopamine levels -- it increases serotonin, though). Later on St Johns Wort lifted depression and slight OCD.

 

Bacopa and L-theanine upregulate GABA, so they're highly recommended (look through the Longecity forums).

 

THINGS THAT HELPED ME: Magnesium malate, Bacopa, L-theanine (sometimes increases anxiety a bit), and ONLY LATER: St Johns Wort. Also: meditation (great throughout: especially, mindfulness, body taping, yoga), cognitive behavioral therapy, exercise (only after the worst of withdrawal for me), forcing myself to hang out with people.

THINGS THAT MADE THINGS WORSE: fish oil! Stressful people (give yourself a break and stay away from individuals who don't help), exercise early in withdrawal (panic attacks/anxiety).

 

Worst symptoms:

Anyway, the worst symptoms for me: severe heart palpations, very high blood pressure, anorexia (severe weight loss.. -- I had NO hunger.... to the point where friends/family were suggesting going to the DRs office... NO IT'S JUST WITHDRAWAL!), severe anxiety, Obsessive thoughts (thinking I'm going to hurt/kill myself; thinking family members are going to die; thinking about old memories like my grandparents dying, childhood stuff, etc., Compulsions (constantly checking online to solve symptoms, constantly watching videos/read about benzo withdrawal, constantly reading benzo buddies, etc.), depersonalization/derealization (THE SYMPTOM I HATED THE WORST.. UGH)... depression (basically unrelenting throughout withdrawal), and waves of severe depression (this was my last symptom.. mixed with slight OCD).

 

[glow=red,2,300]YOU WILL GET BETTER! I PROMISE! LOOK TO THE FUTURE; JUST GET THROUGH TODAY.. YOU WILL HEAL! IT TAKES TIME!

[/glow]

 

20 pills... 111 days of hell... this is benzo withdrawal... I can only imagine if you've taken benzos for years. TAPER SLOWLY AND GIVE YOURSELF A BREAK... FOCUS ON THE GOAL: NOTHING ELSE MATTERS.

 

After the acute phase.. you'll feel better (you won't notice it though)... then you'll get waves of symptoms.. my waves were weird... I'd have waves of certain symptoms. For example: derealization/anxiety for 5 days.. nothing for 5... depression with heart palpations for 5 days... 5 days of only derealization... 5 days of EVERY SYMPTOM (hell)... that's how it went for me...

 

I have no symptoms anymore.. they've all lifted. At the end I only had waves of depression/ocd... these gradually became less severe...

 

This board (Benzo Buddies) really helped me. Especially the success stories.

 

Make sure to give yourself a break. Sit on the couch, surf the net about benzo withdrawal... watch movies... DON'T BELIVE EVERY HORROR STORY... YOU WILL HEAL! YES -- FOR SOME IT TAKES A LONG TIME, BUT LOOK AT ALL THE SUCCESSES. YOU WILL EVENTUALLY HEAL. IT TAKES TIME. family/friends wont understand (it's not their fault... well, sort of not).... most don't get what hell this is... I wouldn't have either had I not gone through it.

 

One last thing: You will change FOR THE BETTER after this. You'll have new brain pathways for handling stress; you'll be able to handle depression; you'll be able to handle life issues better; you'll have new techniques at dealing with anxiety/depression.

 

Anyway, I won't be reading this forum anymore because I'm out living my life (have been for some time). I've healed. I wish you all luck on this journey... Thank you for all posting about your successes/struggles. Most important: Once you're out of benzo withdrawal hell, make sure to WRITE A SUCCESS STORY (too many people I found don't.. especially for shorter withdrawal periods... they just forget about it all and leave Benzo Buddies). The success stories gave me lots of hope during the pits of withdrawal...

 

 

...most important: SCREW THE GUY WHO CREATED "[sCOTT GAULKE's hate blog]"... that site really made me feel bad when I was in the pits of withdrawal... don't listen to that JERK. He's a mean spirited individual who is picking on people going through one of the most trying parts of their lives. He should be ashamed. He is wrong. I just wanted to say that... I ended up there by accident. It would have been nice to find someone on this board talking about what incorrect, hateful, abusive things he is perpetrating.

 

Thanks all,

 

You will heal, too. Give it time: lots.

 

j

 

Thank you , 23days for sharing your success story! Very encouraging!! 

 

God bless you! :smitten: