Disappointed

I am disappointed to learn that some people get free of benzo´s only to go back... and to not fight on until life gets better.

 

To me that is like quitting a marathon just before the finishing line.

 

I just don´t understand it.

 

Oscar

No names, just someone i know.

 

It makes me really wonder how many actually do heal after jumping off that disappear... or do quite a few reinstate and never post again for that reason?

 

I cannot say never but i swear, if i ever put another benzo in my mouth when i have tapered off, my ass better be falling off for real as i could never do this all over again.

 

Damn.

 

 

Oscar

No names, just someone i know.

 

It makes me really wonder how many actually do heal after jumping off that disappear... or do quite a few reinstate and never post again for that reason?

 

I cannot say never but i swear, if i ever put another benzo in my mouth when i have tapered off, my ass better be falling off for real as i could never do this all over again.

 

Damn.

 

 

Oscar

 

I've been wondering the same thing..

I am with you Oscar ,  17 months for me  , dont; take any ,,,helping ,,drug and never again . I suffer away to much .

Yes , never say never , but  go tru this again , I dont; think soo / Erika

Im literally coming across on my 12 months on 12/30/2012 and going thru hell. My body is all out of whack and if I could fix it with a benzo I just might but NO I AM HOLDING ON! I see your point oscar but this life is so very exhausting and diffcult. You have to be cut from a very strong cloth to make it and people have to do what is best for their life and I think we all know how difficult this is. I hope for all of you that you don't go back. I don't want to but this suffering has got to end.

people have to do what is best for their life and I think we all know how difficult this is.

 

Precisely. No one should judge another's decision on anything in life.

I am disappointed to learn that some people get free of benzo´s only to go back... and to not fight on until life gets better.

 

To me that is like quitting a marathon just before the finishing line.

 

I just don´t understand it... is it that hard to stay free or are many just half assed when it comes to real recovery?

 

Oscar

I get furious when I read people who work so hard to taper and stay free then take these so called "rescue" doses or they "reinstate". Here is my theory......they simply haven't suffered enough. When you suffer enough you finally say...........NEVER AGAIN and you NEVER look back.

 

It always breaks my heart because IF they would only hold on a few more months (in most cases) they would be truly free and never have to think about taking a benzo again. It takes time to heal even after tapering, but people don't give it the time they need. They don't understand that they are doing more damage by reinstating or taking that occasional dose.  They're kindling and setting themselves up for more problems.

 

But, they just haven't learned yet.  It's so sad and heartbreaking.  :'(

 

I really think they believe they are doing what is best for them.  But, they're really not. We all have to live with the consequences of our decisions.

I don't know. I think some people might not have hit the tolerance withdrawal stage - so the benzo is still helping numb anxiety. For those of us who go on without a look back, I think it is the realization that we really can't go back as there is no back to go back to. The concept of a rescue dose just doesn't exist.

 

I think it is all about caring for others here - we really don't want them to suffer down the road with even worse problems when they do have to come off the benzo.

 

The whole thing is lousy, isn't it.

I don't know. I think some people might not have hit the tolerance withdrawal stage - so the benzo is still helping numb anxiety. For those of us who go on without a look back, I think it is the realization that we really can't go back as there is no back to go back to. The concept of a rescue dose just doesn't exist.

 

I think it is all about caring for others here - we really don't want them to suffer down the road with even worse problems when they do have to come off the benzo.

 

The whole thing is lousy, isn't it.

  Perfectly stated Hanna.  Well done!

 

Yes, it is because we care for others that we don't want them to have to hit the tolerance we've been through. And it's true that for me, there is no "back" to go "back" to.  The drugs will never and can never work for me like they did when I first took them because I took them for so many years and did hit horrible tolerance. There was no option but to get off of them and stay off forever. Looking back is not an option.......ever. 

I will tell you that from my experience the off and on, off and on makes things a lot worse.  This is my 4th and last time to come off as Ive been doing this dance for 4 years.  This is by far the worst time I have had.  I have all sorts of sxs that I did not have even when I went CT in rehab. 

 

I know we all have to do what we can to get by Im just not sure that reinstating is the answer but I am not here to judge another.

 

GG

Me too Oscar. I don't ever want to go thru this again!

 

This experience sure taught me how awful these drugs are.

 

IM glad they're out of my life for good.

Gard is the perfect example of someone that was determined to get off and never look back.  I use to be in BB chat with her a year ago and she was really having a hard time.  I know things are not perfect for her but she is doing so much better than a year ago.  She stayed off and never looked back

I try to respect other people's decisions, but for me, I'm done with it.  I'm 10 mo. off today and I will never knowingly take another benzodiazepine, period.  My physician has even flagged my chart, and I now list benzodiazepines as an allergy.  If I think about the shape I was in, I shudder to imagine what would happen the next time around, so there will be no next time.

 

Healing thoughts, everybody....

Sunnyside

I got almost eaten alive a few days ago by a moderator for taking a tough stance against a certain individual that was taking rescue doses to keep a job. To me it defies all logic why anyone would want anything to do with a benzo ever again! the withdrawal is so so horrible and the damage done that I wouldn't stop at anything to find a better solution. People are going to be people and they are going to do whatever they are going to do but that doesn't mean Im just going to stand there and not voice my displeasure at a decision that could cost them everything in the end (not like we havent just about lost everything already due to these poisons promoted as "medicines").

 

mtnhigh

I totally understand why some go back on benzos. Personally I would not, but how am I to judge a person in which shoes I have never walked. Some get so bad after jumping that life becomes intolerable, and if the alternate choice to suicide is reinstating, then reinstating it is the right choice.

 

So sorry if anyone becomes "disappointed" with the choice of others, but I guess that I am on the side of the people reading this who might have reinstated, and now feel ashamed because how they are being represented in here.

 

I have lots of support, but if I had none, I would not have gotten through the everlasting nights of pure terror. Instead of feeling disappointed in others I send them lots of love, especially the BB user Klonkers who had no choice other than to reinstate.

 

Dont let your own fear cloud your compassion!

 

       

 

 

 

 

I totally understand why some go back on benzos. Personally I would not, but how am I to judge a person in which shoes I have never walked. Some get so bad after jumping that life becomes intolerable, and if the alternate choice to suicide is reinstating, then reinstating it is the right choice.

 

So sorry if anyone becomes "disappointed" with the choice of others, but I guess that I am on the side of the people reading this who might have reinstated, and now feel ashamed because how they are being represented in here.

 

I have lots of support, but if I had none, I would not have gotten through the everlasting nights of pure terror. Instead of feeling disappointed in others I send them lots of love, especially the BB user Klonkers who had no choice other than to reinstate.

 

Dont let your own fear cloud your compassion!

 

       

 

 

 

 

I agree with Noolie11

 

This is a very personal choice. Its so hard and so many suffer beyond there capacity to function.. This w/d steals so much from us. And some may just make the choice to go back on . For me it was One way. Forward. I personally was so terrified what Ive done to myself that taking another pill was not a option. I do know we Heal . I do know if we fight thru this will End. Its all a matter of wether one can believe fully in that and fight thru the horror of this w/d.Best of luck to everyone who's either On or Off of this med.

 

I would never be Disappointed in Any one elses choice for whatever reason they choose to Reinstate. But Sad they that felt so badly that they had to.

 

~Jenny

I lot of us have felt like failures for so long that a few more people telling us were doing everything wrong isn't going to matter. We hear that kind of stuff everyday. 

 

 

I got almost eaten alive a few days ago by a moderator for taking a tough stance against a certain individual that was taking rescue doses to keep a job. To me it defies all logic why anyone would want anything to do with a benzo ever again! the withdrawal is so so horrible and the damage done that I wouldn't stop at anything to find a better solution. People are going to be people and they are going to do whatever they are going to do but that doesn't mean Im just going to stand there and not voice my displeasure at a decision that could cost them everything in the end (not like we havent just about lost everything already due to these poisons promoted as "medicines").

 

mtnhigh

I completely agree MtnHigh.  No need to sugarcoat or downplay the real effects these decisions can have on a life. People can be angry at me, so be it. I'll never be calm or casual about benzo use. It's far too dangerous and life destroying.

 

I do not ever think there are any benefits to rescue doses or reinstating. I think it's foolishness and folly. To me it's like saying to someone who got off of heroin, oh it's okay to have a little.  We would never say that, we know better. Anyone who thinks benzo's are safe or benign are extremely deceived. Just because a doctor gave it to you doesn't make it okay. It's the greatest deception of all.

All,

 

I am behind Oscar and the rest in the sense that in most cases, the decision to reinstate is a disappointment to others, and should be a disappointment to the individual.  I am generally kind, but I am not a fan of our PC world in which we don't "judge others."  Hell with that.  Judge with intelligence.  Do I judge someone based on their race, religion, or sexual orientation?  Never.  Might I judge the person that robbed me at gun point?  Hell yes.  So I do not feel in any way bad about passing judgement on anyone who was idiot enough to reinstate after going thru hell.

 

The best point was hanna's stating that for most of us there is nothing to which to go back.  Benzos stopped working due to tolerance and/or interdose withdrawal, so a reinstatement or a rescue dose is futile.  People have told me that coming off benzos was "brave" or "courageous."  Malarkey.  I reached both tolerance and interdose withdrawal and my only sensible choices were get off or suicide. Suicide was looking pretty good at times, but I am far too arrogant to take that road.  My work here is not yet done.

 

For those who have not reached tolerance or interdose withdrawal, benzos can be a valuable tool.  My wife was never addicted, and if she has a few nights of terrible sleep, she gets relief from Ativan.  Like once a month.  Perfect application.  People have fear of flying or the dentist or are having a surgical procedure.  Perfect application for benzos.  The drugs themselves are not evil, but for whatever reasons most of on this board are at a point where they just cannot help us.

 

If you are among the reinstated, no one here is angry with you.  Most of us live in free countries, and you are free do do as you choose.  But just as you are free to choose benzos, we are free to be disappointed in you.

 

Good luck,

 

Ramcon1

I think there is some confusion going on here.

 

Just because others take a very serious hard stand against benzo use does not mean they are not compassionate. In fact, just the opposite.

 

If your friend or child comes to you and says, I started smoking, you're likely to tell them out of love and compassion that they are making a poor decision and proceed to share all the reasons why this is a bad idea. Right?  It doesn't mean you don't love them, it's because you love them that you don't want to see them make this decision. You may see this as being harsh, but I see it as being caring. It can be said in a gentle way.  It still needs to be said.  I've never liked that people say things like......"well, do what's good for you", like taking benzo's is really "good" for anyone.

Well Oscar did call people that reinstated half assed.  Is that compassionate.

I can't believe you guys! 

 

This stuff is awful. We should never judge others in this.  Why?  What is the point in that? 

For some people, depending on the symptoms and how the body reacts, the withdrawal suffering is unimaginable.  I say "unimaginable" because if it's NOT that bad for you - then you can't imagine it.  I promise.

 

My first time, I got off benzos with a slow Ashton taper and had to reinstate at a month off my last dose. THe suffering was such that I was contemplating bad choices.  It was the worst physical and emotional torture.

 

The second time - 8 months later - I jumped off and was given REmeron to make it through. But I'm well aware that if I hadn't had that option, I might not have been able to do this. Really.

 

I'm a strong person. Determined. Have a higher degree. I've run marathons and half-marathons.

I'm no dummy.  And I"m not lazy. I'm driven.

 

HOWEVER - we need to remember that because of the resulting chemical glutamate storm, THIS IS A BRAIN INJURY.

 

People reinstate for a number of reasons - but the biggest one is just to avoid the suffering.  And who here can say they know what another's suffering is like?  NOBODY.

 

JUST LIKE someone might judge YOU for ever taking a pill to handle your anxiety, we ought not judge others for their choices - whether they would be the best choices for us or not.

 

If someone is looking for real advice about reinstating or using rescue doses, offering an opinion is healthy - because they are asking.

But why sit here on a forum and poo-poo other people - You don't have their life. You don't know what they are feeling. You don't know their life situation.  Whether they are required to support a family and must work. Whether they have support.  And you don't know what they are feeling.

 

If we can't practice understanding here, then where can we expect people to get it? 

 

Use me as an example if you will. I am a strong person - and I HAD to reinstate.  It was only the second time around where I was given another option that allowed me to eat and sleep that I was able to be successful at this.  And successful I am! But all this negative judgement putting others down certainly isn't an environment that would have been helpful or compassionate. It drives people away.

 

Rather than judging, we need to offer other people potential option while they are attempting to be successful.  We simply need to share support and other alternatives to using benzos - WHILE loving them!  That's the only way any of us makes it out of this.  Every one of us has come here for support - so BE a support. Recognize that what others are struggling with is very real for them - and rather than judge - give them a hand-up to help them through.  No doubt you're just driving them away to feel bad and isolated otherwise.

 

This dealio is the hardest thing most people will ever have to do in their lives.  NObody should be made to feel bad about themselves when to even make this choice is a very courageous step.

 

We are here to uplift each other.  In my opinion, the best way to do that is to discuss the topic of reinstating from an objective viewpoint - one that gets at WHY people may feel that way - and then seeks to offer alternative ideas.

 

Be glad you are not the person who feels SO bad that reinstating feels like your only option. Trust me. I've been there. If you haven't been to that brink - then you are fortunate.  However awful your withdrawal is - it can get worse.  Maybe that's how it is for someone else.  We don't know.

 

Love.  Love and stay open.  Getting someone through temporary brain injury requires compassion and understanding.  Sometimes it's 2 steps forward and 1 step back while folks are attempting to get off this junk.  Each person's journey is his own.

 

:)Parker

Well put cedartree.

 

IgotoGod, think of it this way using cedartree's example.  If you wish to counsel the child that started smoking you might say, "that is a poor decision that will have health consequences.  You should reconsider."  Or you might say "Are you a ^&%$#@! idiot!?  Smoking will ^&%$&! kill you!"  I think both approaches have merit, and probably both come from a caring heart.

 

PS I would probably say, "That is a poor decision that will have health consequences you ^&%$#@! idiot! You should reconsider," thereby getting the benefits of both approaches 

 

Good luck,

 

Ramcon1

Well Oscar did call people that reinstated half assed.  Is that compassionate.

 

The person i was referring to stated that it was not withdrawals that made that person reinstate, simply to state that they were not as committed to staying off as they thought.

 

Had the reason been intolerable suffering, i could have understood better but i make no bones about it, recovery is serious business and yes, for my own personal and maybe selfish reasons, i was disappointed as i looked to that person as somewhat of a role model as far as this business goes, it baffles me why anyone would go through this to start again even in the absence of symptoms.

 

I am not here to be all "there, there, have another Valium"... i say it as it is, we are dealing with addiction here and i am not going to say it is OK to reinstate when it is not, yet it is true, i am not in that persons shoes and so who am i to judge? Yet i do not have to agree with it and if i am disappointed, then that is a reaction to this as i have tried to be supportive in the last 6 months, seems that this drug is not so easy to stay off after all... and yes, that is disappointing to hear also.

 

Oscar

 

And just like we can't change the mind of the person who reinstated, we can't change each others minds.