24 days since I checked into detox....

By all means do use it or copy it!

 

It makes for a good "desktop" background.  I have others that I have created - my attempt at being inspirational.  Whoops!  I should have said that "..that I have not created". I copied them from a now defunct "benzo w/d" site.  I, also, should have worded it as, "....posting this was my attempt at being inspirational".

 

Thank you for liking it.  I did, too.  That is why I copied this one and a couple of others.  There for awhile, I kept one as my desktop background.

 

- Y -

 

EDITED

Y  I agree it is nice to know someone is experiencing the same symptoms you have so you know it is withdrawal and not something else.  My pscy doesn't understand that I'm still in withdrawal since it has been so long since I have taken any benzos.  I think I will copy some posts on bb and take them to him.  I have a new symptom that woke me up last night for an hour. Itching!!!! I woke up scratching myself so hard. It continued for an hour.  I again have my brain fog and burning sensations this morning.  I took my neurontin this am because I have work to do to get ready for the 12 people coming over for dinner for Christmas.  Love your home stretch picture.  How do you get a photo posted and put a quote in your post from another post.  I need a bb for dummies book on how to post.

 

Hope we all have a good new years.

It would take me a bit of time to try to explain how to insert a photo, MLD.

 

To insert a quote of what somebody else has posted, go to their post and find the word "quote" or "insert quote".  Click on it. This will create the quote and then you can continue replying to the person's post.

 

I am having acute burning, etc., at this time.  I am feeling quite ill.  It is for this reason that I am not going to try to give you instructions for how to insert a photo.  I will do so another time.  Perhaps I will PM you with the instructions.

 

I hope that you had an enjoyable party.  I hope you are having less burning.

 

- Y -

 

Y. Thanks for the instructions.  The dinner was a disaster.  I was a mess with wd symptoms.  The burning , sweating, freezing cold, vomiting and more.  I took 2 neurontins but they didn't help.  I couldn't even fix my hair or makeup. I had no color in my face.  I couldn't eat.  At 8pm I felt normal and was able to clean the kitchen. 

 

I woke up again today with that terrible burning.  I didn't think I could make it to work but I did.  It is snowing here so my husband took me.

 

I'm sorry to hear you are not feeling well.  That burning is just terrible.  What do you do to get rid of it? 

 

Jillean,

 

Just some practical advice.  I don't know how you feel about medications.  However there is a prescription strength anti-histamine called hydroxyzine.  A lot of people use it on this site.  It will make you drowsy, which can take the edge off anxiety.  It is non-addictive.

 

also two supplements that seem to work for people are magnesium and L-Theanine.  These seem to be pretty safe and don't cause revving.

 

Hugs and love to you and be gentle with yourself.

Mairin

It's nice to see some chit chat on this thread.

 

Thank you for the advice Mairin, I have been taken 1000mg of magnesium a day and it has seemed to help a bit.  I also have a script for adarax which is supposed to be non addictive as well.  Most days I can get away without taking it, I only take it as last resort.  I seen some other posts of taking B6 but I was wondering if that may heighten anxiety or not.  I'll have try it on a day I dont work to see it's effects.

 

Work is going good, I have gained some confidence in myself by going back to work.  I'm glad I made the decision to go back.  I know how my thought process takes me down and the longer I would of stayed out of work the more my fears of returning would have grown.  I guess that goes along with the agoraphoiba.  I got to nip it in the bud before it grows.  I am on a four day stretch one day down 3 to go.  Then I have the weekend off. 

 

My kids are home, they were visiting my family for the holidays in another state.  I get back to my routine of getting up and taking them to school tomorrow.  Glad to have them back Ive missed them.

 

Most of my side effects are subsiding.  I dont want to jinx myself but I am pretty proud of myself.  It was hell what I went through.  But I was and am determined to not let this beat me.

 

Just a lil update.

 

~blessings

♥Jill

Jill,

  i am so happy for you.  It gives me lots of hope.... glad you are feeling well.  Jess

Jill,

I'm also glad your feeling better.

I'm so glad that  you are back to work Jillean.It gets easier.at one point  I though that I would have to quit my job but it has gotten easier.One day soon this will be behind us.

Im able to sing today!  Lots of hard work to get where I am at today.  I am singing and happy!  What a blessing He has bestowed upon me.

I love your positivity and good for you.  I hope it all just gets better and better.....

Thank you, you know sometimes I kinda hesitate to post positive things because then I feel guilty for feeling better when others are not.  Thank you for that reassurance.  People need to know that it will pass eventually.  In two days it will be 60 days since I entered into detox.  I do not recommend anyone to do it this way unless completely necessary.  It sent me for a loop or two    Also I dont like to post positive things because I fear I will jinx myself, but my faith is not in superstition so out the window that theory goes. 

 

I pray we all heal from this and I pray that others will not have to suffer as we have.  I pray they ban these drugs from usage.  I am going to do my part to make sure that everyone I know (unless the inofrmation can harm them) understands the damage these drugs cause.  I can't remember the last time I was able to think this clearly.  After 16 years kinda hard to remember what "normal" feels like.

 

~blessings

♥Jill

There is a definite need for positivity on the board...I think.  Especially with rapid taper and ct... I am really glad you are feeling well.  Sometimes rapid taper is necessary and the last thing you need when doing that is the thought that you are "permanetly damaged".  I am glad you pop in once in a while to say your doing ok...

I'm so glad that you are feeling better and back to work.  I need to hear a positive story.  I also did a 5 day hospital detox and would not recommend it . It's 7 months now and I'm wearing down from the symptoms.  I need hope that the nightmare will end.

*hugs* to you both!

Good morning BB

I've read a number of posts about alot of us CT off of these meds, I believe I practically did a CT.  Can anyone.tell me what symptoms they've had while detoxing and the first week afterwards.  I am 1 week and 1 day.out after my last pill.  I am practically bed bound, weak, dizzy, too nauseous to eat, can't sleep, tired as ever, heart pounds in the morning and BP fluctuates all day.  As of last night I have a bad cough and can't hear in my left ear.  Can somebody please tell me I'm not losing my mind!  Trying to hang in there....

hi kimmy,

 

You are not losing your mind, let me repeat that YOU ARE NOT LOSING YOUR MIND.  *hugs*  You are experiencing alot of the withdrawals.  They will pass in time, believe me I have been through it.

 

My side effects of detoxing in the hospital for 5 days were:

 

hallucinations

extreme brain fog

confusion

muscle weakness

cold to hot to cold to hot

sweating / shivering

feelings of "im going crazy"

unwanted thoughts

memories flash back

fluctuating Blood pressure

depression

extreme anxiety

aggitation/ anger

psychosis

feelings of hopelessness and that things will not improve

suicidal ideation

impulsions

burning sensations through my body

tongue on fire

"popping" noises in my brain

twitches and tremors

 

On release:

I had extreme anxiety and panic

hopelessness ( feeling things will never get better)

major depression

muscles sore hard to walk, felt like i was 1000 lbs

extreme brain fog

confusion

suicidal ideation

I could not talk for 2 days and could not relay to the doctors what was wrong with me.  I seen the words in my mind but could not bring myself to say them, this was very scary and brought on more confusion. 

extreme fear

jumpiness

loud noises

lost 25 lbs in 10 days since my release

food was too salty or tasted like chalk

fear of eating

diarrhea

esophogitis

stomach ulcers/ pain in stomach and intestines

burning sensation throughout my body

cold sweats

feeling flush and clammy hands

jittery

impulsive

unwanted thoughts of harming myself or others

not able to work

memory problems

unfocused

feelings of doom and thoughts like "maybe I should of been on this medication, it was a mistake to get off of it"  "this is how I am without my ativan, I need ativan to survive"

severe cravings for any substance that would take me out of this including the ativan, alcohol, muscle relaxers...

depersonalization out of touch with reality, feelings of being outside of yourself

personalizing everything you read and think its going to pertain to you, It wont by the way.

Crying spells.

over sensitive senses

 

I think you get the point.  I have survived.  You will survive.  All these have subsided for the most part, I am 60 days out of a 5 medical detox tomorrow.  I am back to work since Christmas.  It will get better.  Try to get as much rest as you can.

B R E A T H.  Try to stay out of the thoughts.  Go out at least once a day to get fresh air.  Practice deep breathing exercises.  If you can do a puzzle or something that will take your mind off it.  It will be hard to focus on what you set out to do, be compassionate with yourself and let YOU know its ok, it will pass.  Listen to calming music, try to read, listen to an uplifting positive speaker.  If you have an I pod or I phone download podcasts of guided meditation, these truly helped me.  Mary Maddox and Meditation Oasis.  Stay in the moment and dont think of what tomorrow is going to bring.  Just know it will get better eventually. 

 

Magnesium has helped me 1000 milligrams a day.  500 at breakfast and 500 at dinner.  Magnesium will help your cells heal.

 

GET LOTS OF REST but try not to be isolated.  Isolation makes it worse and agoraphobia set in for me when I isolated.

 

Your in my thoughts and prayers.

Hi Jillean I'm so very happy for you,when I first heard your story I found myself worrying about you because you went into detox like I did not knowing what awaited you,and I thought you had a much tougher road ahead of you,but I guess this proves we all heal in our own time.I'm so happy.I've been taking magnesium too.what type are you taking?

*hugs* eckhart we've come a long way, havent we?  I mean I still suffer with some mild anxiety but learning new coping skills has helped tremendously with that.  I take magnesium gluconate.  I also take nortriptaline 10 mg a bed time and am stabilizing on 50 mg of prozac..  stable is good.

 

And also wanted to add to kimmy that each experience of withdrawal is different.  Try not to compare yourself to others...although I do realize that we need the affirmation that we do not stand alone.  All things in moderation.  Try to stay as positive as you can.  Read more good than bad, as bad sets off our worries and anxiety.

 

God help us all.

 

♥Jill

stable is a blessing.keep us updated.And keep healing.

Jillean,

 

You just reminded me of the not being able to talk, luckily those memories are fading. I'll add,

 

Horrid nightmares "while awake or just closing my eyes"

 

Fear of sleeping

 

Fear of showers

 

Molly

Ya the nightmares I had too. 

 

Im proud of you IgotoGod for being benzo free since Christmas!!!   Your doing great!  Keep up the hard work!

 

Hi ho hi ho its off to work I go *whistles*  Hope you all have a healing day!

 

~blessings

♥Jill

I'm going to start to take Magnesium.  Had a terrible night last night.  So bad I kept repeating the lord's prayer to myself.  That has never happened.  This morning was worse.  I gave in and took some Neurontin .  I couldn't  go to work today.  Lately I have been having a runny nose and dry mouth.  Are those symptoms?

MLD,

Do you think it could be interdose withdrawal from the Neurontin, I've never heard of it being taken "as needed"?  I was on 600mg a day.

 

Molly 

Molly

I take 300mg when I need it.  I'm trying to get off of it but sometimes I can't stand the withdrawal.  Are you still on it?