24 days since I checked into detox....

Hello,

 

I wish i would of found this site sooner, like before my Dr. talked me into going to detox for ativan (up to 4mg a day).  After 16 yrs of use/dependence.

 

I would of chose the taper for sure had I have known the withdrawals are so freakin hellish.  Just got out of crisis center on Saturday due to suicide risk.  I had no idea going into this what was in store for me after.  I am so glad i found this to educate myself on the withdrawals and to KNOW that I am not "going crazy" and that these are the withdrawals.

 

My brain hurts.  I'm having trouble concentrating and I'm in such a fog.  My back constantly feels like it is on fire.  My skin is so sensitive  and clothing irritating and the constant burning in my back such a nuisance.  Anxiety level has increased and agoraphobia was starting to set in. 

 

Doc put me on 40 mg of Prozac to help with the depression and nortryptaline for mood and burning in my back.  I hope this don't last long.  I have to get back to work, my family depends on my income.  I am getting outpatient treatment, after going to the crisis center, which entails that I see a therapist 2 times a week and psych once a week. 

 

I am so thankful that I found this site to relieve most of my fears.

 

Any kind of support is appreciated,

Jill

 

   

Hi Jillean,

 

I'm so sorry that you are feeling so ghastly right now.  Coming off benzos in detox can be quite a wrench to the CNS.  All the symptoms that you report are all part of reported withdrawal symptoms.  They are really difficult to deal with, I know, but it's so important to keep in mind that this is not a permanent situation.  Your GABA receptors have been down regulated due to benzo use and it will take some time for things to right itself.  How long it will take is not a definitive as each person is different but one thing is for sure that you will begin to feel some improvements in severity over the coming months.  It's very important to try and distract right now and try and keep your mind occupied.  This does help with some of the symptoms, together with getting good nutrition, gentle exercise and rest when you are able.  Many people stay away from supplements and alcohol during the recovery period as they can rev things up and make things worse.

 

Please get stuck in here.  It is an invaluable place to get support and reassurance from members who can relate to what you are going through.  We understand here how things are.. Thinking of you, Betsy xxxx

Hello!

You are going to be ok, im on 6th week of Cold Turkey and seen pretty much of everything and some new stuff is keep coming almost every 2-3 days, but there is a morning

for everyone. Be strong and look forward, all the stuff u passing is pretty much common. You can pm or contact any time u want.

My wife is on CT as well after approx 3 years of using benzos.

You will make it and be feeling good, it takes time but definetely worth the effort!

When I went though this 6 months ago I lived on the BB site.  Extreme agoraphobia and pure hell with my CNS.  Unfortunately all those sxs are normal.  I have never been through anything comprable to when i ceased taking klonopin.  However, you will be ok.  It just takes time

ty all for the encouragement and support  :'(

 

What helps with fire on my back?  Cool showers dont work, its under the skin that burns like hell.....

 

 

any of you experience this and if so what helped relieve it?

 

 

~blessings

Jill

 

Oh, Jill, you sound just like me! My medical doctor forced me to go into an 8-day detox. It was a total nightmare. Only taper was - no kidding- Ativan in small doses for 4 days, plus a bit of clonidine for BP. During the 2 weeks before going there, I was put on Levaquin for a mild pneumonia. Did not find out until very recently that this explains the horrific and sudden descent into hallucinations, dp, dr, all of it. (Just deleted a long angry sentence about doctors...) Knew the Klonaopin (plus Ambien) was affecting me badly but didnt see how bad until at least a month later..... Despite the forced detox I am GLAD to be off it and very curious who I really am after so many, many years on drugs. Its now been 4 monthes and 5 days and I am feeling no better. The itchiness, the burning hyper-sensitive skin. (A sensation my skin sort of crackles...) Hearing so acute I could hear every raindrop pinging on the windows the other night. The touch of one of the cats whiskers nearly sends me thru the roof! This is hell. The unrelenting anxiety and panic attacks, the weird and pervasive fears. Inability to go out my front door without huge effort. Legs weak, off balance, at risk to fall.

    Being forced into detox seems to have emotionally scarred me. Am now extremely paranoid about seeing ANY doctor so it was a huge step to make an appointment with my medical doc for tomorrow. Sure I will just burst into wild tears and end up being committed..!!

    Many folks have suggested things to help, like keeping busy. My little house has never, ever, been so clean as now. Deep breathing, warm baths, etc. They do help but only a little while. I'm told that at 4 monthes out, I am doing fine. But I sure dont feel fine. I'd probably sell my soul for one nights real sleep.

    Oh dear, I made myself a promise I wouldnt wallow, and here I am wallowing again. Just that reading your post gave me tears, as I identified with your words. I DO keep going one day at a time, one foot before the other....am clinging to hope.

    Please feel free to pm me, if you wish. Reaching out to others has not been easy for me but it has helped me feel a tiny bit better, ok?

ty all for the encouragement and support  :'(

 

What helps with fire on my back?  Cool showers dont work, its under the skin that burns like hell.....

 

 

any of you experience this and if so what helped relieve it?

Yes, the skin on fire. This got worse just recently, go figure. My showers are no longer with hot water, and I dont scrub at the itchiness any more, use a gentle soap. And bathing doesnt relieve it.

Only thing that helps for a little time is to distract myself. I began stringing beads maybe a month plus ago (have lost track of time...) and havent counted but guess I've finished at least 40 (Dont laugh too hard!)  TV just irks me but I keep it on simply for the distraction. Music, at least for now, evokles way too many emotions and can set off a crying jag so dont listen right now. Too raw.

So far the best distraction has been reading and posting here.

I'm so exhausted from no sleep I messed up the quote and where I began typing....excuse, please.

 

 

~blessings

Jill

ty for your reply.

 

Its good to know that i do not stand alone in this battle.

 

Distraction will have to try that.  Maybe time to pick up the crochet hook again...

 

I'm beginnning to accept that this is the way it's going to be and hope for the best and I pray He removes the pain and fire that I feel.

 

~blessings

Jill

ty all for the encouragement and support  :'(

 

What helps with fire on my back?   Cool showers dont work, its under the skin that burns like hell.....

 

 

any of you experience this and if so what helped relieve it?

 

 

~blessings

Jill

Ice packs, cold washcloths and waiting waiting waiting. Time is what it takes for our bodies to heal from a cold turkey from benzo's.  I know this may not be what you want to hear, but what helped me more than anything is educating myself about wd and then acceptance.  Acceptance that this is going to take a lot of time and that I needed to just allow my body the time it needed to heal. I took benzo's for over 20 years and have fully recovered.  Don't worry, you'll get better too. 

 

Just be good to you!

 

Cedar

jillean

Are you doing ok? I am again having a bad time. I posted it all under "the "Withdrawal and Recovery" area, but basically I had the worst possible panic attack last night, to the point of near-madness.  It was horrifying. I was sure I was dying. I believe this is because I started taking Zoloft again, had taken the first dose yesterday. I even split the pill in 2 and took half at noon and half at bedtime. I nearly called 911, I was so convniced I was dying.

  This morniong I was watching "The Today Show" and one of the news stories was  about benzos: "People who take Valium,  Xanax, Ativan and Restoril have a 50% higher risk of pneumonia, and also of dying." Thats literally all they said so cannot explain it......I dont think Restoril is truly a benzo, tho. I think its a hypnotic.

      And I had "mild" pneumonia two weeks before going CT......and the doc put me on Levaquin, one of thoise flouro..." type antibiotics! And thats why I began hallucinating even BEFORE my last little Klonapin.....

    So, how are you doing?

mild

Hello,

 

My brain hurts.  I'm having trouble concentrating and I'm in such a fog.  My back constantly feels like it is on fire.  My skin is so sensitive  and clothing irritating and the constant burning in my back such a nuisance.  Anxiety level has increased and agoraphobia was starting to set in. 

 

Doc put me on 40 mg of Prozac to help with the depression and nortryptaline for mood and burning in my back.  I hope this don't last long.  I have to get back to work, my family depends on my income.  I am getting outpatient treatment, after going to the crisis center, which entails that I see a therapist 2 times a week and psych once a week. 

 

I am so thankful that I found this site to relieve most of my fears.

 

Any kind of support is appreciated,

Jill

 

 

 

ush...we all been there..its freaking terrible feelings...

 

the worst part in this case is if you soon have to get back to work...this can be a problem...but...you just have to try..i you dont get any sleep one night you will for sure sleep next night...

 

but oboy..my thoughts are with you...iv been to sick to work over 1 YEAR now...but my job is very pysical

Hang in there Jillian! Thanks for sharing. I am 8 days into going cold turkey myself but had attempted an accelerated taper of klonopin for two months before doing this. Within the past couple of days my withdrawal symptoms have gotten worse- no sleep, heart racing, pain in neck and back, hypersensitivity, trouble organizing my thoughts and doing little things like putting on a shirt or carrying a tray- I work at a restaurant as a sever, and can just barely do my job- its utterly overwhelming but somehow I have managed to show up and get through it by the skin of my teeth. I know this will get better. 24 days is a huge accomplishment. My guess is that if you aren't through the worst yet, you will be very soon!

Hang in there Jillian! Thanks for sharing. I am 8 days into going cold turkey myself but had attempted an accelerated taper of klonopin for two months before doing this. Within the past couple of days my withdrawal symptoms have gotten worse- no sleep, heart racing, pain in neck and back, hypersensitivity, trouble organizing my thoughts and doing little things like putting on a shirt or carrying a tray- I work at a restaurant as a sever, and can just barely do my job- its utterly overwhelming but somehow I have managed to show up and get through it by the skin of my teeth. I know this will get better. 24 days is a huge accomplishment. My guess is that if you aren't through the worst yet, you will be very soon!

 

I, like you had a horrible night and feel for you. I was in so much pain. I really have to hand it to you for being able to go to work , let alone get out of the house. To me that is amazing. I wish I have your tenacity. I find it hard to leave my bed. I hope you start feeling better.

You doing ok, Jillean?

Last night had the Mother of Panic Attacks, brought on, I sincerely believe, by starting a very low dose of Zoloft. I wont even try to describe what happened. Just say I'm glad I am alive today.

Thank you for all the replies and support. 

 

Today is 28 days.  I have had 4 good days now.  Not anxiety free, but learning how to cope with the anxiety and not letting it snowball was key.  I went to see doc and he upped the atarax to 3 times a day IF NEEDED.  And he emphasized IF NEEDED. Lol.  So I'm working on that.  Instead of taking it expecting anxiety I wait and see if it occurs.  IF it occurs and my coping measures that i have learned to not help then i take the atarax.  Yesterday I only had one.  So far today I only needed to take one and honestly should of waited a bit longer and tried something else before i took it.  Mentally i feel better, more clear and more observant of my surroundings.  Still have the shakes and fire on my back but knowing that it is part of the withdrawal and accepting it as such and that I am not looney has tremendously helped.  I am noticing what triggers my anxiety and am instead of running with it am countering it with positive talk, truth and reason.  I have some guided meditation podcasts that are free that realy help when anxiety is building up.  Oasis meditation with Mary Maddox if you are interested and have an i phone or i pad.

 

Reading the material provided by this site has helped greatly to reduce the anxiety by helping me Understand that it is "normal" to feel these sensations after being on benzos for the length of time i was on them.  I am still too "fresh" to jump in and read all the posts on here because many of the down posts trigger anxiety in me as well.  Beginning to notice what triggers it and working through it instead of fighting against it helps.

 

Thanks again, am praying for us all who is suffering.

 

~blessings

♥Jill

 

 

Jill, How is it going? Have you reached the anger stage? Just checking in. Many times during my own "trip" I have felt so utterly alone.

ty all for the encouragement and support  :'(

 

What helps with fire on my back?  Cool showers dont work, its under the skin that burns like hell.....

 

 

any of you experience this and if so what helped relieve it?

 

 

~blessings

Jill

Hi Jill,

Don't give up. There are so many people here that have been thru it all and can help.

I'm not sure if this will help u, but it really saved my mom's burning feet.

I would put Solarcain on her feet and this would provide some relief.

I think I got this tip from paraesthesia.

I hope this helps.

Mrtmeo

Jill-

    I hope you are doing ok.  It sounds like you are.  Four good days...yay.  hope it is getting better and better, Jess

Just wanted to update.  Last night me and my family celebrated 30 days off ativan, only by the grace of God.  For I would not be able to do this alone without Him.  And I mean that with all sincerity, it is not a cliche'.  Jill would of bailed and drove back to old Dr. and whine for a prescription.  And Obviously I have thought that plan through but have NOT taken such action.  I cannot control my addiction with ativan.  It was the only way I knew how to cope with "daily and past stresses".  He is showing me a new way to deal with them.  And learning these ways ARE painful and I feel like such a dunce at times.  But I am willing to be taught. 

 

Yes my anxiety is high.  I am not back to work yet, should be returning to work next week if doc okays it.  I am so freakin anxious about going back to work and "if" i am going to be able to handle my job, and all the other what if's that pop up in our heads ( like insecurity of coworkers knowing about why I was off etc. )  It is not an easy road by far.  It is like teaching a one week old how to walk!  Seems impossible at times.  And yes I was angry for awhile at my old doc for keeping me on ativan for all those years without offering me the therapy to go along with it and then the wean off.  He never offered it, in fact he told me i would be on ativan for the rest of my life.  But i was also a participant in it as well, I kept going back for the prescriptions, I have to take responsibility for my part in it as well or I won't heal... I'll keep blaming doc and be in denial.  Well .... I dont know about tomorrow, but the last 30 days and this day right now I am living without ativan.  It ain't easy, but I'm not dying.  My God is bigger than my old doc and bigger than my addiction, bigger than ativan and bigger than me.

 

I can't read posts here that mention problems with their anxiety.  It only brings out my anxiety and I spiral down.  I have to look toward posts that inspire me to rise above.  I am too weak at this point and dont know how to deal with my own anxiety lest anyone elses.  Lord willing one day I will be able to reach my hand out to others who are still suffering.  Right now I have to put everything and everybody that comes between me and sobriety on the back burner.  Including my family.  Including my job.  Etc.  Or i will perish in this.

 

~blessings

♥Jill

Thanks for the update Jill. Your story is inspiring to me, and I appreciate what you say about putting yourself first right now. Focusing on what's best for your recovery is so important- this is something I need to figure out how to do. It's been 14 days benzo free for me and my symptoms are manageable.

Thank you amarc007, I am glad your symptoms are manageable!  14 days!  That is awesome! 

 

I try not to fight it and just be. Say for instance... When i fight the flame of a "fire" with o2 (me rattling on and on and on into self pity, insecurity ect.) the fire gets bigger/problem becomes out of control.  When i ignore the "fire", it spreads to other areas of my life (family, exercise, daily activities).  When i sit and feel the warmth of the "fire" and examine the "fire" and tend the "fire" so it dont get out of hand...  When i am watchful and careful over the "fire" that it does not burn out of control and quickly take proper maintenance actions when i see it spread, that is "being" and I then find some peace while taking direct action in my recovery.  Finding that place of accepting who I am (ailments, short comings, character defects) and armed with the knowledge of why I feel these ways has tremendously helped me walk through the fire.

 

Hope that helps amarc.

~blessings

♥Jill

Hi Jill,

I am so glad you chose to be benzo free and become yourself again.

There are so many that traveled this road and made it thru successfully.

It really takes strong people to make that first step.

Have u  watched any of Bliss's relaxing videos?

Hello mrtmeo,

 

No i have not watched those videos.  Can you provide a link to them?  ANYTHING that can help me relax is worth looking into

 

I went to see new doc yesterday and we both agreed I needed another week of rest before returning to work.  I am thankful to finally have an understanding doctor who knows what he is doing and encourages me to work with him in my recovery.  It is no one else's but mine and having a good doctor who understands and realy cares is priceless.

 

I wouldnt even change to not detox and do taper instead, I know that I would not be honest with myself.  He saw through that and I admitted that to him.  It was his recomendation that got me to detox but it was my decision.  The only thing I might of changed was going into a rehab setting afterwards instead of out patient, because I did not have the support that I needed doing outpatient and was suicidal.  Thank God he sent me to angels at a crisis center to keep watch over me as i went through the worst of the withdrawals.

 

My back still burns, i still have anxiety but the depression is leaving  .  I have also been going to NA meetings and found support there.  I have a crisis plan that helps too. 

 

God bless

♥Jill

Oh YES, dont have an idea who Bliss is (but God Bless Bliss!) but yes, please direct me to the videos. I'm feeling pretty bad, on the edge again. Anything that might break the anxiety circle.

Hi all,

Baylissa (Bliss) Johns is a UK author of the book, "Benzo-Wise."

 

Here is a link to some of her videos

http://www.youtube.com/user/BlissInspiration

 

There used to be many more video's of Bliss, but they are gone.

Not sure why.

 

She also, made it to the Times

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=66201.0