Need help with anxiety about what's still ahead...

I am really struggling today emotionally and I'm finding it hard to see that I'm getting better or that I will EVER be better. I'm just so very worried that even when I get off of Lexapro that I will still be enduring day to day physical symptoms of nausea, chest tightness, fear/panic, dizziness, tinnitius, sleep issues etc. And the thought of that lingering for over a year, two years or even more just overwhelmes me into hopelessness and despair. Some people's stories say they still have issues for over a year or more. Yikes. I just don't recognize myself anymore...or trust myself or my body. It does things that I don't understand. The nausea and chest tightness is worse today and then my mind goes with it. WHAT IF...what if I get off Lexapro and this is who I am. A mess day in and day out. I was NOT like this in June of 2007 or at any time before that. I was balanced, described by all as being logical, calm, positive, fun, professional, talented, happy, motivated, ...

 

now...I doubt, I'm afraid, I'm sad, I'm angry, I'm full of body symptoms that have NEVER plagued me before June of 2007. What lasting effect will these drugs have on me. I'm so down and just being down worries me too.

 

Sorry - but this has not been a good day. Yesterday was pretty good...but today is horrible. That FEAR feeling is back with the chest pressure and nausea. Just tell me I'll get better once off Lexapro and with just a little more time. Sooner rather than later I pray. I need to hear more success stories today. Thanks.

 

Jane

ok so you have faced a lot of challenges and have over come a lot of challenges - good for you - hard work and you did it.

 

have you stabilized for all the previous cutting and withdrawing?

Hi Silver -

 

My personal opinion is that I'm reacting to the cut from 5mg to 2.5mg of Lexapro. It seems to hit me a few days after the cut. I intend to stay 7 more days at 2.5mg and then stop it. So, I'd say right now things flared up again but before I made the cut from 5mg to 2.5mg I had stabalized. Mind you - being stable has never been symptom free and just feel the symptoms less, they are mild. I've never felt good ON Benzos and not on Lexapro either (all these drugs have made me feel badly - on or in taper). I've had some good days mixed in there but there have been few without symptoms. When I have times where I feel pretty good - it gives me so much hope. However...the hope is washed out when symptoms come back. And, I can never make complete sense of why they are back. I guess the correct answer is withdrawal. Nothing has changed from yesterday until today to make today an anxious day for me. All things in my life are truly good (other than having symptoms). I make myself do things all day long despite my symptoms too and even just doing things & staying busy does not make the symptoms go away. Thus, I don't think the anxiety/fear is brought on from an outside situation...it feels like it's chemical. Would I be correct is thinking that?

i would advice you to slow down your taper - you have accomplished a lot - your body is healing from lots of things - no need to push too hard - you are making some fine progress.

Jane,

I've been reading a lot about anxiety and panic and what ifs etc.  Also been going to CBT.  Some advice I've gotten is to feel the fear and do it anyway.  For example, I've been afraid to drive over this long bridge and drive over a freeway for a long time now.  One day I just decided to pick the thing I was most afraid of (the bridge) and drive over it anyway.  I could take a pill if I needed to, I just had to do it.  I brought the pills with me, but went over the bridge.  I was nervous the whole time, but did it.  On the way back I was feeling a whole lot less anxious.  Anyway, the thing is, I think maybe if we challenge each other to name a thing we fear and to do it anyway, it will lessen the anxiety.  I don't know for sure, but I'm willing to try it.  What about you?

Summer

jane fear, anger, saddness, anxiety, insomnida, muscle pain - these are all withdrawal symptoms - sometimes just knowing this can make it easier to deal with.

 

it is not you - it is the drugs - i was horrified by my toxic emotions - later i learned to laugh at them - i used meditation - relaxation - and pampered myself so as not to unload on people.

 

i tried to find joy - tried to acknowledge good things - although some days nothing seemed good except my excellent journey to get off drugs.

Can you go down to 1.25 before you jump off? Or titrate the last little bit?

 

I was so scared to get off diazepam that I titrated down to 0.0005. Yep, that's not a typo. By George, I wanted to make sure I could handle it before I jumped. Even if someone thought it was silly to go down that far, it gave me peace of mind. I've never regretted it and I'm sure my body had stopped recognizing the dose long before I stopped taking it.

 

Good luck whatever you do, Jane.

 

rufus

Thanks for your replies. Today is day 10 on 2.5mg of Lexapro. I'm worn out, filled with depression and anxiety/panic all day long. Symptoms still include chest tightness with TERROR emotion and nausea, dizzy, flu-like feelings. Yesterday was a bad day all day (some relief in the evening but not much). I did sleep ok. Woke up this morning and I'm still living the movie "Groundhog Day". 

 

I do MAKE myself get out to do stuff. It's not that I don't want to do things (because I do...I love life) but I physically and emotionally feel ill. However, I went for a hard hike with my husband, friend and dog yesterday. I've been keeping up with exercise each day but I'm extrememly nauseous and ill while doing it. I do WANT to see people...it's just that I feel so ill I'm not good company so why schedule anything social. I'm filled with saddness and fear about this process still.

 

Summer - I don't think I have any fears of specific things (like heights, driving etc)...I do think the fear/panic I'm experiencing is what Silver called TOXIC emotions. It seems so chemical to me because it's just there and I can't figure out why. The TRUE fear I have are my fear of the symptoms, they are wearing on me to no end, I worry about how long they will last and how long can I endure it. I'm also fearful of making that last cut of Lexapro. But, I FEAR more to stay on Lexapro. No win either way.

 

Rufus and Silver - I'm thinking about making the cut smaller one last time before quitting altogether. Yet, I would also just like to stop next week and let the full healing begin. I'm torn. 2.5mg is a really low dose of Lexapro. Not sure what to do. Will see how these next few days go.

 

Heading out for a hike now. Maybe it will clear my head some.

 

Love,

 

Jane

Jane,

 

    This is the one mantra I keep repeating to myself when all my symptoms overwhelm me and everything seems the bleakest.  Ashton says that EVERONE recovers!! Remember that fact.  Sear it into your brain.  Don't let what is happening now predict what will happen tomorrow.  Keep on with your lex taper, take it down another notch before you jump if you have to.  What is one more week?  Just know that you will get off this crap and you will feel better, much better when you do.  Hang in there Jane, and enjoy your walk!!

 

  XXXX

  Christine/BlueMoth