Hello - another one struggling with the withdrawals...amongst other things...

Hello all. Nice to find you here - last time I came to a forum was the trap one which sadly closed down. Last year I made a big mistake and took zopiclone 7.5 regularly for maybe 5-6 months. The doc gave me a repeat perscrip which in retrospect was a bad idea. I started to have daytime withdrawal and be really anxious during the day...unfortunately I had a difficult breakup and some other emotional stuff go down and the zopiclone really affected my ability to cope. I suppose I basically had a breakdown. Im a 31 yr guy and I had to move in with my parents! 

What a nightmare...just to add in another chestnut - Ive been trying to recover from chronic fatigue syndrome for several years and this experience has made me worse than ever. Can you believe it I was making good progress finally - and then all my good work was undone. Just as I turned 30 - Happy Birthday!

Im now sitting around waiting for the withdrawal symptoms to lift. The last time I took anything was mid feb where I stopped my Diaz taper. It has definitely improved - but I really thought Id have it licked by now...

Thanks for reading if you got this far. 

Hello Steve,

Welcome to Benzobuddies

We are glad that you have found us.  I too was on TRAP before it closed it's doors.  You will find quite a lot of familiar names here, especially if you take a look down the Buddie Blog section. Here is a link for you http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?board=88.0

I'm so sorry that you are still experiencing symptoms this far out. It's not unusual though and you are not alone here. We do have members posting that have lingering symptoms as far out as you, some beyond.  It will ease up and get better, hang in there. What sort of difficulties are you having? You might like to let us know a little bit more about your taper and how you withdrew.

I'm sorry that your Chronic Fatigue has not eased up since you have finished with the Valium taper.. Please post on the Withdrawal & Recovery Support board to get some symptom support and maybe you will connect with someone who can relate to your suffering with this. Here is a link http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?board=55.0

Our community is very friendly and you will find a lot of support here.  Please feel free to post and join in where you wish.  And do ask questions, we are here to help.

Again, welcome.

Betsy xxxx

ah thats cool some from TRAP are here! Ill check out that buddy blog...

Ok well the difficulties Im having is much heightened anxiety - over small things that would not have got me wound up before. Mainly I find it really difficult to commit to anything - like a time I might meet someone. This is partly related to having CFS where I never know whether Ill have the energy to do something - however this anxiety is now off the scale. I basically have taken myself out of commission from my previous life - where I was managing to do some part time work.

The other issue is Im so much more emotionally sensitive. I mean it is kind of ridiculous - but I can get upset by something really small. I dont neccessarily react outwardly - but I will feel upset by something. For example if my sister calls home and speaks to my parents - but not to me. I feel compelled to check in with her and speak. I always feel better if I do. Little things like that...Its really quite difficult as Im a 31 yr guy and dont feel good about feeling this sensitive.

Ive known for a long time that my CFS symptoms are linked to my deeper emotional state - and my emotional state linked to my ability to sleep. Since I started suffering from withdrawals - my sleep really suffered and my CFS symptoms flared up much more...its been really tough to manage. I said no to anti-depressants but sometimes I wonder whether that was the right move as its been such a slog.

Im afraid I was a bit impatient with the taper. I came off using valium pretty quickly. Maybe over a month or two. I was having such bad withdrawals anyway I didnt think it could get much worse. It felt horrible to take the pills but know how bad they were and not seeming to be helping much. That could have been a mistake...

Hi Steve,

Yep, you might find some familiar names on the blogs - Flip, magrita, Frizz, Laura, Dave, Frontsider and quite a few others.. Have a peep!

I can really relate to being over sensitive.. I'm very much the same, especially in regards to family and friends..I understand that you have your underlying illness to contend with on top of your withdrawal symptoms  but I do hold great store in the power of the benzo to strip back our coping ability and our self confidence.  I fall apart at the smallest thing.. I mean almost child like fragility.. We will get better.  We just need to hang in there and wait for that time.. Distraction and trying to keep as healthy as is possible is important..I wish you well and look forward to seeing you settle in. 

Betsy xxxx

Hi Steve,

 

Yep, you might find some familiar names on the blogs - Flip, magrita, Frizz, Laura, Dave, Frontsider and quite a few others.. Have a peep!

 

I can really relate to being over sensitive.. I'm very much the same, especially in regards to family and friends..I understand that you have your underlying illness to contend with on top of your withdrawal symptoms  but I do hold great store in the power of the benzo to strip back our coping ability and our self confidence.  I fall apart at the smallest thing.. I mean almost child like fragility.. We will get better.  We just need to hang in there and wait for that time.. Distraction and trying to keep as healthy as is possible is important..I wish you well and look forward to seeing you settle in. 

 

Betsy xxxx

thanks Betsy 

Sorry to hear you are finding it tough as well...hang in there also 

Thanks so much, Steve

See you around!

Hi Steve

Sorry to hear/read that you are struggling with the ME/CFS beast too.  It really does complicate everything so incredibly, I know from all the reading I have done here how hard healthy people have found withdrawal. 

Sounds like you have done much of the hard work though and that letting time heal and being patient may be the hardest thing?  (I think it will be for me). 

Take care,

T

Thanks so much, Steve

 

See you around!

Hi Betsy - I wanted to congratulate you on how well you are going with the taper according to your signature - then I clicked through to more about you and was amazed at all you have been through. I cant know how tough it must have been to have an operation like that and to deal with the associated impacts - but it is amazing to read and share it with us. I have read and experienced my fair share of suffering through the ME/CFS community and now here - but I do think there is something epic about the human spirit in the way it can deal with such difficulty - take knocks - and still try to make the best of it. The way I can see you contributing so positively around here having been through so much and still dealing with it - is inspiring!

Also your brain must still be working pretty well as it was very clever of you to question the Benzos and take that path - well done!

Hi Steve

 

Sorry to hear/read that you are struggling with the ME/CFS beast too.  It really does complicate everything so incredibly, I know from all the reading I have done here how hard healthy people have found withdrawal. 

 

Sounds like you have done much of the hard work though and that letting time heal and being patient may be the hardest thing?  (I think it will be for me). 

 

Take care,

T

Hi Thisbe

I see you had/have Fibro - so I guess that is with associated fatigue. I do some part time work when I can for a clinic that treats CFS and they say it is very similar to Fibro - but I know not everyone agrees with that...

The way I understand it CFS can come from a number of angles depending on the triggering factors and the genetic 'achillies heel' the person has. With me I have always had a sensitive nervous system - and that is the part that is a bit fried. In retrospect it was a bit silly of me to take an extended Z drug course - because it acts directly on the CNS. It made sense at the time - if you have CFS maybe more sleep will help?! But I had no idea the way the body can become dependent then tolerant and how horrible the withdrawals were. Im quite angry about that and the lack of education. It seems like with me the Benzo/Z drugs go just for my weak spot - which I was trying to work on and recover from Chronic Fatigue....

Oh well - as you say - got to try to be patient. Ive been quite philosophical about loosing the last 7 years to CFS - but just as I turn 30 - to have to miss another perhaps 2 years - Im having to work with that one...

Thanks so much, Steve

 

See you around!

 

Hi Betsy - I wanted to congratulate you on how well you are going with the taper according to your signature - then I clicked through to more about you and was amazed at all you have been through. I cant know how tough it must have been to have an operation like that and to deal with the associated impacts - but it is amazing to read and share it with us. I have read and experienced my fair share of suffering through the ME/CFS community and now here - but I do think there is something epic about the human spirit in the way it can deal with such difficulty - take knocks - and still try to make the best of it. The way I can see you contributing so positively around here having been through so much and still dealing with it - is inspiring!

 

Also your brain must still be working pretty well as it was very clever of you to question the Benzos and take that path - well done!

Thank you for your kind words, Steve.  They mean a lot to me, thank you! As for the brain, It's still chugging away

I must really update my signature.. I was doing great with my taper until I unfortunately had a seizure at .5mg ( to those who don't know my story please don't worry it will not happen to you.  I have epilepsy as a result of Neurosurgery) As a result of the seizure my Valium was up dosed to 15mg again until I could see the neurologist. He set me off withdrawing again. So I'm tapering and currently at 5mg of Valium..Going to take it easy until zero.. I'll get there and I know it's worth trying because I was beginning to experience how it feels to be living virtually benzo free.  Life was beginning to look up...

Have a good day, and thanks.

Betsy xxxx

 

 

Hi Thisbe

 

I see you had/have Fibro - so I guess that is with associated fatigue. I do some part time work when I can for a clinic that treats CFS and they say it is very similar to Fibro - but I know not everyone agrees with that...

The way I understand it CFS can come from a number of angles depending on the triggering factors and the genetic 'achillies heel' the person has. With me I have always had a sensitive nervous system - and that is the part that is a bit fried. In retrospect it was a bit silly of me to take an extended Z drug course - because it acts directly on the CNS. It made sense at the time - if you have CFS maybe more sleep will help?! But I had no idea the way the body can become dependent then tolerant and how horrible the withdrawals were. Im quite angry about that and the lack of education. It seems like with me the Benzo/Z drugs go just for my weak spot - which I was trying to work on and recover from Chronic Fatigue....

 

Oh well - as you say - got to try to be patient. Ive been quite philosophical about loosing the last 7 years to CFS - but just as I turn 30 - to have to miss another perhaps 2 years - Im having to work with that one...

The ME/CFS came years before the fibro for me and that started when I pushed myself too far.  So it really seems to me like they're intimately related states or perhaps the fibro is a progression of ME/CFS for some people.  I know many people with ME and it does seem as though lots of us were always the 'sensitive types' - if and how that plays into the development of the illness I don't think anyone can say for sure yet.  To me the most likely theory involves the 'perfect storm' of triggers and circumstances and perhaps it is one factor in the mix there.  Certainly though there are enough sensitive people around who are perfectly healthy. 

And it is such a catch-22 with all medications.  We do desperately need sleep and pain relief and many of the drugs we use are recommended by top specialists in the field.  If only there was more discussion and awareness about the dangers of dependence.  I can't remember anyone ever mentioning it to me in all the times I've told a doctor that Valium has been the only thing that really helped me but basically stopped working at some point. 

I'm in my 30's too and I lost all of my 20's to this illness.  It's hard (to say the least), there's no way around that truth.  Personally I find that birthdays - and in particular ones that end in '0' or '5' - accentuate the loss and grieving. 

The ME/CFS came years before the fibro for me and that started when I pushed myself too far.  So it really seems to me like they're intimately related states or perhaps the fibro is a progression of ME/CFS for some people.  I know many people with ME and it does seem as though lots of us were always the 'sensitive types' - if and how that plays into the development of the illness I don't think anyone can say for sure yet.  To me the most likely theory involves the 'perfect storm' of triggers and circumstances and perhaps it is one factor in the mix there.  Certainly though there are enough sensitive people around who are perfectly healthy. 

 

And it is such a catch-22 with all medications.  We do desperately need sleep and pain relief and many of the drugs we use are recommended by top specialists in the field.  If only there was more discussion and awareness about the dangers of dependence.  I can't remember anyone ever mentioning it to me in all the times I've told a doctor that Valium has been the only thing that really helped me but basically stopped working at some point. 

 

I'm in my 30's too and I lost all of my 20's to this illness.  It's hard (to say the least), there's no way around that truth.  Personally I find that birthdays - and in particular ones that end in '0' or '5' - accentuate the loss and grieving.

Ah Im sorry to hear you have also had a hard time with it...I agree with you re birthdays. I had this sleeping pill dependancy crisis just after my 30th Bday just as things were looking up...and so since Sept last year Ive been in withdrawal probably at my worst ever...

I also agree that people who suffer from CFS seem to have sensitivities in various systems for example immune system, nervous and endocrine (quite common and where I reside)...but also are just generally more sensitive to stimuli and emotions. I also agree that doesnt mean automatic trouble - its more to do with the way they learned to treat themselves and deal with their sensitivities. If like me they were raised in a conservative family and taught to push themselves and not look after themselves - then things can go wrong which is sad...the worst is when you are taught to believe your sensitivity is wrong so treat yourself badly and end up unwell...I enjoyed the book Highly Sensitive People...

I wish I had been properly educated on the dangers of tranquilizers. I had generally stayed away from them most of the time I had been ill...choosing to try to practice mindfulness and something called EFT and NLP techniques to calm my body down...but the lure of using a drug got me and I unwittingly fell into the rabbit hole...

I actually have a real interest in CFS and understanding it aside from my own recovery - as I studied science at Uni and for some time have flirted with the idea of training when I recover to treat it. Ive worked with a health clinic in the UK which specialises in treating it and learned a huge amount as well as doing my own research. I dream of making a website with lots of useful info available for sufferers.

 

Ah Im sorry to hear you have also had a hard time with it...I agree with you re birthdays. I had this sleeping pill dependancy crisis just after my 30th Bday just as things were looking up...and so since Sept last year Ive been in withdrawal probably at my worst ever...

 

I also agree that people who suffer from CFS seem to have sensitivities in various systems for example immune system, nervous and endocrine (quite common and where I reside)...but also are just generally more sensitive to stimuli and emotions. I also agree that doesnt mean automatic trouble - its more to do with the way they learned to treat themselves and deal with their sensitivities. If like me they were raised in a conservative family and taught to push themselves and not look after themselves - then things can go wrong which is sad...the worst is when you are taught to believe your sensitivity is wrong so treat yourself badly and end up unwell...I enjoyed the book Highly Sensitive People...

 

I wish I had been properly educated on the dangers of tranquilizers. I had generally stayed away from them most of the time I had been ill...choosing to try to practice mindfulness and something called EFT and NLP techniques to calm my body down...but the lure of using a drug got me and I unwittingly fell into the rabbit hole...

 

I actually have a real interest in CFS and understanding it aside from my own recovery - as I studied science at Uni and for some time have flirted with the idea of training when I recover to treat it. Ive worked with a health clinic in the UK which specialises in treating it and learned a huge amount as well as doing my own research. I dream of making a website with lots of useful info available for sufferers.

The ups and downs of the roller-coaster ride are so hard to deal with - things getting better and then suddenly finding they're worse again. 

I wish I'd been more informed and properly educated too.  I've been through morphine withdrawal before (18 months of pure hell for a drug that did pretty well nothing for me) and I certainly would have thought more about signing up for that had I known what was to come.  But at the same time I'm not sure I would have made it without the possibility of something helping (and in the case of Valium, actually helping) when I was in agony and so completely desperate. 

So many people find mindfulness useful in coping with chronic illness and I'm definitely one of them - the most helpful skill I've got in my 'toolbox'.  I have tried EFT but didn't feel it was quite for me (very possibly because of the person I tried it with I think). 

I'm really liking your dream.  It can be so hard to know where to go to find information that's reliable, having it all accessible in one place would make it so much easier for many people who aren't well enough to be wading through half of cyberspace themselves.  I do feel as though there's a lot of scientific understanding really starting to come together at the moment and hope (of course) that it's not too long before there are treatments and we can get on with doing what we want to with our lives.