2012 - the year of change and redemption.

Wow -- Your story and music are both beautiful.  I wept as I listened to your composition. 

 

I hope to one day be able to skate again -- and could imagine skating a program to your music in celebration of recovery from this hell. 

 

Thank you for posting.  All the best to you!!

  I feel your music as my return to my life!!! It has been a journey.....a tough one to say the least. I am lifting my head and not looking back...meeting my true self.  Blessings to you on your journey ,  Jude

Glen - thank you for your inspiring story.  Your music is beautiful and Iwish you many years of composing and creativity. 

    Do you ever think of contacting Oprah and telling her your story and perhaps she would be willing to feature it on her OWN network....just a thought...

Hoping2BFree

Hi everyone.

 

As if we needed any more confirmation that things are better than they've ever been, and only going to get better, I just found out some amazing news:

 

My wife and I are having a baby. We found out yesterday. It's our first! 

 

I'm overjoyed and profoundly dedicated to giving this new little person-to-be every ounce of my love, my light and my absolute healthy and healed self.  As if I needed another reason to never go backward.

 

I have a whole new symphony to write!!!

 

It's as if a message from high up above has said "You are ready. You are ready."

 

It's a beautiful life, and this story just keeps getting sweeter.

 

I thought I was grateful before... wow..

 

Thank you all for your kindness and understanding.  If you believe it, the universe will conspire in your favor to make it so.

 

Glen

Glen you are blessed!!!!! :) :)

Congratulations!!!!  All the best to you, your wife and the wonderful new life!!

Hi everyone.

 

As if we needed any more confirmation that things are better than they've ever been, and only going to get better, I just found out some amazing news:

 

My wife and I are having a baby. We found out yesterday. It's our first! 

 

I'm overjoyed and profoundly dedicated to giving this new little person-to-be every ounce of my love, my light and my absolute healthy and healed self.  As if I needed another reason to never go backward.

 

I have a whole new symphony to write!!!

 

It's as if a message from high up above has said "You are ready. You are ready."

 

It's a beautiful life, and this story just keeps getting sweeter.

 

I thought I was grateful before... wow..

 

Thank you all for your kindness and understanding.  If you believe it, the universe will conspire in your favor to make it so.

 

Glen

 

Congratulations Glen,

 

This really is a new life for you with the new life growing inside your wife.  I think you will have a deep and profound amazement at how wonderful it is to have a baby and watch him or her grow as you nurture and guide them.

 

Keep the music in you heart and soul and we will all benefit from your talent as you share your gift with the world.

 

pianogirl

Wonderful news Glen, http://i1193.photobucket.com/albums/aa351/margarita1959/194379d8.jpg  this really is the icing on the cake,

 

all the best to you and your wife

 

Magrita

Congratulations 

Dear Glenn, amazing story. Thanks so much for sharing and the music. I wish you every happiness. You truly give us all hope. Hugs and Love Jackie

Dear  Glen piano man,

 

Thank you so much for posting back to me.  I have been blank, vacant, empty and unable to feel any creativity, passion, or to feel any music when I play the piano.  It is also this way for my photography work, vocal interest and just all my former interests.  I cannot feel any love for my husband, any love or joy for my children, grand children and it has been this way for many many months, too much to even want to mention.

 

Were you like this before your two week creative surge came upon you and you wrote 20 pieces of piano music?  I yearn desperately to feel love for my family and creativity and interest in music and all of life again.  I am struggling desperately again today and just wanted to ask you again as I need hope that good feelings will return.  Thank you again, Hope4us

Dear  Glen piano man,

 

Thank you so much for posting back to me.  I have been blank, vacant, empty and unable to feel any creativity, passion, or to feel any music when I play the piano.  It is also this way for my photography work, vocal interest and just all my former interests.  I cannot feel any love for my husband, any love or joy for my children, grand children and it has been this way for many many months, too much to even want to mention.

 

Were you like this before your two week creative surge came upon you and you wrote 20 pieces of piano music?  I yearn desperately to feel love for my family and creativity and interest in music and all of life again.  I am struggling desperately again today and just wanted to ask you again as I need hope that good feelings will return.  Thank you again, Hope4us

 

I understand how you feel.  It was like that for me too.  But I found that, despite the emotional disconnect, I was still able to hold true to certain convictions; and that's what helped me get past that phase and begin feeling again.  My convictions were, despite how I felt, this was an absolute and total good. The best decision I had ever made.  Also, gratitude.  I was continuously thankful for being alive, knowing that despite how I felt, anything was better than dead.

 

The other thing that really helped was an understanding of how the body repairs.  Just like a physical injury, where you have to rehabilitate damaged muscles, by the often painful process of repeatedly using them, I found that in this case the damaged 'muscle' was the brain.  And it makes sense; these drugs make brain chemistry completely flip.  All areas are infiltrated, including the emotional center. So, when you remove the drug, that area is left trying to stabilize. For me, it was 'working' my brain that sped up this process greatly.  At first I didn't feel like doing anything creative, but I sat at the piano and played. But what I noticed was that slowly this extra brainpower use was healing me. 

 

The big thing is not to wait for the motivation to occur first.. The doing leads to healing, and the healing leads to motivation.

 

Glen

Dear Glen, your reply to Hope4us is so true. I am taking what you said despite how awful i have felt today and do what i know to do. Because i do believe doing is the first step. Ever so hard it is. Pain is there, but to keep going and doing will eventually lead to healing. Because i believe are bodies know how to heal if we feed them the right things. Meaning just what you pointed out. I hope I'm making sense, my day was unbelievably hard. But i kept going. Your words have spoke volumes to me and others I'm sure. Thankyou Love Jackie

thank you glen for your post.  I am so proud of your courage and strength.  Your story brought tears and your music is so beautiful and I am so happy that you are getting back to yourself.  I am struggling thru the darkest hours and days of my life now.  many days I want to die because what has happened to me as a result of benzos.  I was a brillant rn winning horse shows at world level and I have lost it all and I pray that one day I  will be albe to go back to work as a nurse which meant so much to me.  and one day I will soar on horseback, i will fly. and my spirit will live again. 

 

and one day I will have love again in my life and forgive all those who have harmed me

I created this to help people explain to others just what the whole addiction madness is all about.

 

Hopefully my experience and words can help someone else communicate just what it's all truly about.

 

It's called "To Breathe or not to Breathe".

 

https://www.dropbox.com/s/cp4a6vq9p9y5wlb/ToBreatheOrNot.pdf

 

This is about my own personal experience, but I hope it can be in some way helpful to others.

 

Thanks,

Glen

It is beautifully written; extremely poignant.    Also, I just had the good fortune of listening to your symphony.  I was spellbound; it is brilliant.  I don't know you, but I can appreciate your gifts, your talent, and I am so happy that you have your life back so that you can share these gifts with the rest of the world.  Thank you for sharing both, Glen.

 

Sunnyside

Awesome!  Congratulations on being free! I'm free too, so I know what a celebration this is.

 

Thank you for sharing your story. 

Dear Glen,

 

How did your love for your wife and your creativity for composing music come back?  Did it just happen?  I listened to your you-tube part of your symphony and wept with with both the awe of it, and despairing that I am disconnected and cannot feel the music.  Hope4us

 

After I came out of detox, my symptoms were pretty severe, but thanks to the taper in the medical detox, I believe it could have been much worse.  I had strong depersonalization, a ringing in my ear (tinnitus) that seemed so loud that it kept me up at night, and I thought other people could hear it.  I also had some pretty strange visual and auditory hallucinations. Every hour or so I would get a visual "flash" in which my entire vision was replaced by what my eyes had been seeing a few minutes earlier.  For example, I was walking from the car into the house, and then I sat down in my living room, I suddenly and entirely saw what I had seen when I was reaching for my front door handle a moment earlier.

 

I was also very hyper-stimulated, and for a good two months, I averaged 2 hours of sleep at night, and that had me completely rested. 

 

After about 4 months, the PAW symptoms were gradually fading.  And I found myself craving anything and everything that was sweet and sugary. My guess is that my brain was repairing, and a big fuel source for the brain is glucose.  I also found that some caffeine slowed and calmed things down.  I don't know if that's normal or not, and don't construe that as medical advice.  For this period of time, it was just a matter of surviving from day to day. 

 

Then suddenly in June, I had a surge of musical creativity and wrote 20 piano pieces over the period of two weeks.  After this time, I felt 100% better than I had just two weeks prior.  It's almost as if focusing and creating greatly expedited some neural repair.

 

Along with this, the world got brighter, clearer, quieter.  Every moment spent seeing the world clearly, or spent as time with my wife was a blessing. I guess I would say I adopted a gratitude philosophy.  Every day is a blessing, and not a minute goes by where I don't appreciate every second of it. Every sunrise, every sunset, every smile my wife gives me.

 

Even through post acute withdrawal, I was just too darn grateful that I was off the benzo, that the symptoms were just par for the course.  I had done a lot of research so I knew what to likely expect.

 

Every day I create.  Every day I am grateful.  I am using my brain, like one uses a muscle that has atrophied. I've simply found that pushing it a little bit, has greatly sped up my healing and recovery, not to mention providing a distraction during any difficult times.

 

Thanks,

Glen

 

Reading this has reminded me of my dream also, thank you... your writing is inspirational.

 

Do you mind if i copy this into my "Things that inspire me" thread in the Accentuate the Positive board?

 

It sure reminds me of my dream to see a sunset with benzo free eyes again.

 

Oscar

Dear Glen,

 

How did your love for your wife and your creativity for composing music come back?  Did it just happen?  I listened to your you-tube part of your symphony and wept with with both the awe of it, and despairing that I am disconnected and cannot feel the music.  Hope4us

 

After I came out of detox, my symptoms were pretty severe, but thanks to the taper in the medical detox, I believe it could have been much worse.  I had strong depersonalization, a ringing in my ear (tinnitus) that seemed so loud that it kept me up at night, and I thought other people could hear it.  I also had some pretty strange visual and auditory hallucinations. Every hour or so I would get a visual "flash" in which my entire vision was replaced by what my eyes had been seeing a few minutes earlier.  For example, I was walking from the car into the house, and then I sat down in my living room, I suddenly and entirely saw what I had seen when I was reaching for my front door handle a moment earlier.

 

I was also very hyper-stimulated, and for a good two months, I averaged 2 hours of sleep at night, and that had me completely rested. 

 

After about 4 months, the PAW symptoms were gradually fading.  And I found myself craving anything and everything that was sweet and sugary. My guess is that my brain was repairing, and a big fuel source for the brain is glucose.  I also found that some caffeine slowed and calmed things down.  I don't know if that's normal or not, and don't construe that as medical advice.  For this period of time, it was just a matter of surviving from day to day. 

 

Then suddenly in June, I had a surge of musical creativity and wrote 20 piano pieces over the period of two weeks.  After this time, I felt 100% better than I had just two weeks prior.  It's almost as if focusing and creating greatly expedited some neural repair.

 

Along with this, the world got brighter, clearer, quieter.  Every moment spent seeing the world clearly, or spent as time with my wife was a blessing. I guess I would say I adopted a gratitude philosophy.  Every day is a blessing, and not a minute goes by where I don't appreciate every second of it. Every sunrise, every sunset, every smile my wife gives me.

 

Even through post acute withdrawal, I was just too darn grateful that I was off the benzo, that the symptoms were just par for the course.  I had done a lot of research so I knew what to likely expect.

 

Every day I create.  Every day I am grateful.  I am using my brain, like one uses a muscle that has atrophied. I've simply found that pushing it a little bit, has greatly sped up my healing and recovery, not to mention providing a distraction during any difficult times.

 

Thanks,

Glen

 

Reading this has reminded me of my dream also, thank you... your writing is inspirational.

 

Do you mind if i copy this into my "Things that inspire me" thread in the Accentuate the Positive board?

 

It sure reminds me of my dream to see a sunset with benzo free eyes again.

 

Oscar

 

I absolutely don't mind. Go for it!

 

Glen

Just wanted to say hello to everyone.  Today is my one year anniversary since my last clonazepam. One year today clean and free.

 

 

Thanks,

Glen

Congrats, Glen!!

 

And to everyone else.  You ARE brave.  You ARE courageous.  You are strong and powerful.  You are a winner!

Just wanted to say hello to everyone.  Today is my one year anniversary since my last clonazepam. One year today clean and free.

 

 

Thanks,

Glen

:clap: :clap: :clap:

Thank you Glen for your wonderful postings & sharing your story & journey.

Congratulations on the beautiful music, & & upcoming baby!

 

Could you tell us where you went for your detox?

It sounds like a more savy Benzo withdrawal place than most.

Maybe it could help others who arn't able to detox on their own.

 

Many thanks again, & may the joys of love, family, & music -continue to be with you always.

 

margaretisabel

Just wanted to say hello to everyone.  Today is my one year anniversary since my last clonazepam. One year today clean and free.

 

 

Thanks,

Glen

 

Wonderful news Glen, congratulations one year benzo free