Author Topic: 2012 - the year of change and redemption.  (Read 6808 times)

[Buddie]

Re: 2012 - the year of change and redemption.
« Reply #20 on: November 09, 2012, 12:30:33 am »
Wow, that was an incredible story, [...]. I'm glad you've managed to come out the other side and I'm really glad you shared your story here. (Your story is is so epic that I think it would make an incredible book!)
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[Buddie]

Re: 2012 - the year of change and redemption.
« Reply #21 on: November 09, 2012, 09:02:38 pm »
Dear [...],

How did your love for your wife and your creativity for composing music come back?  Did it just happen?  I listened to your you-tube part of your symphony and wept with with both the awe of it, and despairing that I am disconnected and cannot feel the music.  [...]
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[Buddie]

Re: 2012 - the year of change and redemption.
« Reply #22 on: November 14, 2012, 11:06:43 pm »
Glad you came back to tell your story,  thank you
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: 2012 - the year of change and redemption.
« Reply #23 on: November 15, 2012, 12:19:52 am »
Dear [...],

How did your love for your wife and your creativity for composing music come back?  Did it just happen?  I listened to your you-tube part of your symphony and wept with with both the awe of it, and despairing that I am disconnected and cannot feel the music.  [...]

After I came out of detox, my symptoms were pretty severe, but thanks to the taper in the medical detox, I believe it could have been much worse.  I had strong depersonalization, a ringing in my ear (tinnitus) that seemed so loud that it kept me up at night, and I thought other people could hear it.  I also had some pretty strange visual and auditory hallucinations. Every hour or so I would get a visual "flash" in which my entire vision was replaced by what my eyes had been seeing a few minutes earlier.  For example, I was walking from the car into the house, and then I sat down in my living room, I suddenly and entirely saw what I had seen when I was reaching for my front door handle a moment earlier.

I was also very hyper-stimulated, and for a good two months, I averaged 2 hours of sleep at night, and that had me completely rested. 

After about 4 months, the PAW symptoms were gradually fading.  And I found myself craving anything and everything that was sweet and sugary. My guess is that my brain was repairing, and a big fuel source for the brain is glucose.  I also found that some caffeine slowed and calmed things down.  I don't know if that's normal or not, and don't construe that as medical advice.  For this period of time, it was just a matter of surviving from day to day. 

Then suddenly in June, I had a surge of musical creativity and wrote 20 [...] pieces over the period of two weeks.  After this time, I felt 100% better than I had just two weeks prior.  It's almost as if focusing and creating greatly expedited some neural repair.

Along with this, the world got brighter, clearer, quieter.  Every moment spent seeing the world clearly, or spent as time with my wife was a blessing. I guess I would say I adopted a gratitude philosophy.  Every day is a blessing, and not a minute goes by where I don't appreciate every second of it. Every sunrise, every sunset, every smile my wife gives me.

Even through post acute withdrawal, I was just too darn grateful that I was off the benzo, that the symptoms were just par for the course.  I had done a lot of research so I knew what to likely expect.

Every day I create.  Every day I am grateful.  I am using my brain, like one uses a muscle that has atrophied. I've simply found that pushing it a little bit, has greatly sped up my healing and recovery, not to mention providing a distraction during any difficult times.

Thanks,
[...]
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: 2012 - the year of change and redemption.
« Reply #24 on: November 15, 2012, 01:20:03 am »
I am so happy for you :) Congratulations, you are a true inspiration , thank you for sharing :)
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: 2012 - the year of change and redemption.
« Reply #25 on: November 15, 2012, 04:15:01 pm »
Wow -- Your story and music are both beautiful.  I wept as I listened to your composition. 

I hope to one day be able to skate again -- and could imagine skating a program to your music in celebration of recovery from this hell.   

Thank you for posting.  All the best to you!!
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: 2012 - the year of change and redemption.
« Reply #26 on: November 16, 2012, 06:52:40 pm »
  I feel your music as my return to my life!!! It has been a journey.....a tough one to say the least. I am lifting my head and not looking back...meeting my true self.  Blessings to you on your journey ,  [...]
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: 2012 - the year of change and redemption.
« Reply #27 on: November 16, 2012, 07:12:19 pm »
[...] - thank you for your inspiring story.  Your music is beautiful and Iwish you many years of composing and creativity. 
     Do you ever think of contacting Oprah and telling her your story and perhaps she would be willing to feature it on her OWN network....just a thought...
[...]
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: 2012 - the year of change and redemption.
« Reply #28 on: November 17, 2012, 06:51:29 pm »
Hi everyone.

As if we needed any more confirmation that things are better than they've ever been, and only going to get better, I just found out some amazing news:

My wife and I are having a baby. We found out yesterday. It's our first!  :angel:

I'm overjoyed and profoundly dedicated to giving this new little person-to-be every ounce of my love, my light and my absolute healthy and healed self.  As if I needed another reason to never go backward.

I have a whole new symphony to write!!!

It's as if a message from high up above has said "You are ready. You are ready."

It's a beautiful life, and this story just keeps getting sweeter.

I thought I was grateful before... wow..

Thank you all for your kindness and understanding.  If you believe it, the universe will conspire in your favor to make it so.

[...]
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: 2012 - the year of change and redemption.
« Reply #29 on: November 18, 2012, 06:53:46 am »
 [...] you are blessed!!!!! :) :) :) :) :)
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.