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I have physically changed while withdrawing


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I just have to say this because it bothers me so much.  I feel like a different person since I stopped taking Xanax about 15 months ago because I see it every day in the mirror.  Although I do feel like I'm close to feeling like my old self again mentally, I can't help but see the difference in my looks.  I have huge bags under my eyes, blue veins around my eyes, brittle and thin hair, I've gained around 15 pounds and feel completely out of shape. Every single day I wake up and look in the mirror, I feel more disgusted about my looks.  I just can't believe how fast my looks took a nosedive.  I'm paranoid that people are wondering the same thing while they are talking to me...like what the hell happened to her???  Some family members have already commented on the bags under the eyes.  I'm beginning to feel like this damage is permenant, and now wondering how to adjust to it.  I know I'm 44, but this whole physical change came on fast and furious.  I just can't believe this is actually me in the mirror and I'm not ready for this.

 

I just wanted to also add that my vision has also taken a nosedive.  I've always had 20/30 vision and now I'm having a hard time reading and focusing---just within the past year!!  Am I aging all of a sudden or is it W/D?

 

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Hi Mimi,

 

I can so relate to your post. I'm close to your age. I've always looked young but I've noticed my eyes just look so tired all of the time. I have huge bags and dark

circles under them. I've also gain weight from this and I'm sick of the benzo belly I have. I exercise and walk a lot but it doesn't go away. My hair has fallen out a lot during this process and it seems like it's growing back but I guess it just takes time.

 

I'm praying that these physical changes are not permanent. If not, I'm going to have to invest in some make-up and learn how to use it. LOL

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Bz wdwl is aging & as we approach midlife, it does feel like a double whammy. However, you are so much better off than you would have been, had you stayed on the bzs, so you have already arrested the process.

 

When you feel up to it, I am sure you can get back in shape. I went through cold turkey in my late 40s & was bedridden for the best part of a year but did fully recover my fitness.

 

Stress is the most aging of all, so anything you can do to reduce, whether meditation, relaxation exrcises, long baths, is worthwhile. You are still young, you can turn this process around.

 

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Thank you ihope ! That makes me feel much better about things.

 

I don't want to interupt the flow of Mimi's post but I wanted to ask you how long before the fatigue started to go away ? I have energy but I get tired so quickly and I have so many things I want and need to do......like get a job.

 

Thank you for bringing this up Mimi and thank you for your support ihope !

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2writerlou,  I'm also praying these changes aren't permenant, although it looks like I've been through hell, and that is the truth!!!! I haven't really told too many people about the whole thing, but guess what, it's completely obvious when you look at my face.  I can see that some people are analyzing my face while talking to me :thumbsup:.  UGH!!  I can't count the number of times I'm asked if I'm tired or if I'm feeling well.  It's really affecting my self esteem lately.
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Thank you ihope ! That makes me feel much better about things.

 

I don't want to interupt the flow of Mimi's post but I wanted to ask you how long before the fatigue started to go away ? I have energy but I get tired so quickly and I have so many things I want and need to do......like get a job.

 

Thank you for bringing this up Mimi and thank you for your support ihope !

 

I still have withdrawals at 10 weeks out from valium taper, so can't say I have fully recovered yet. Even though I am now 50 something, I am still seeing improvements in physical condition as I get further away from bzs. Am getting new hair growth & even the greying  seems to have slowed up a little.

 

Mimi, not saying you are imagining this, just that it is reversible, given time.

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Thank you Ihope,

 

I do realize how much better off I am that I'm off Xanax, but I'm still really trying to digest what it's done to my body---both mentally and physically.  I guess I never expected the physical part.  I am very thankful that I decided to get off it when I did, and now I have to live with aftermath...I see it every day in the mirror.  On a more positive note, I have started walking on my treadmill again, and I plan on walking 2 miles a day and then increasing my distance.  For the past two days I've been working out, I actually feel a lot better, like I'm not shriveling up and slowly dying.  To be completely honest, that is how I've been feeling...like my best days are over (mentally and physically).  I'm in a hole and trying to get out.

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I too can so relate to this post as I seem to have aged at least 10 yrs since I started tapering and I still am not seeing any good changes since I have been in recovery and benzo free for 3 months now. I seem to have lost so much muscle mass and the skin on my calves really wrinkles when moved, ugh, and my arms are starting to wrinkle up too. I am doing aerobics 3x week along with weights and yoga and walking and its not getting any better.

I am not sleeping well and I truly believe that is the cause, my body is not getting the time to repair and heal and its aging.

I am hoping for a reversal soon , some healing sleep and muscle tone returning :thumbsup:

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I can relate to the bags under the eyes and loss of muscle mass, too.  My energy level is a lot better than it was, but I just look like I've been through the mill.  The weather has finally cooled off  so today I walked a bit more.  I've read success stories that say all this eventually resolves.  I'm hoping!
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HELLO

The same here . I am 45 , age over night 100 years , lost ALL muscles in face  and over body . I always look younger, people look at me like ,,,what happenned to her now . My face is skin and bones , no muscles , even my lips  get thin 

I never see something like that happen to anybody .

I feel horrible , I exercise all life , was 125 lbs before quit , now  I am 140, over night and all in belly .DISGUSTING .

I feel very bad , like if that hell we went tru was not enough, now looks  and  gained more  ponds over night is  just  so  bad .

 

My hair too is  like mop  . Eyes , deep  holls under , just bones .,

We have all the same  looks  Must be still w/d .

Love and hugs to all  you Erika  :smitten: :smitten: :smitten:

I took pictures before I started and now , and look like other person . HORRIBLE

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I so know what you feel.  I have gained 50 lbs over the course of 17 yrs on benzos.  I have lost muscle mass my arms look terrible my skin is dry and I have dark circles under my eyes look like i have been thru hell.  I have benzo belly and I look bloated in the acute withdrawal process. 

 

I am very paranoid about my body and looks now, I thought I was pretty, was active fit before benzos.  on benzos, I was crazy.  instead of exercise, I was so messed up I had liposuction, a tummy tuck and a breast reduction and now I look at myself and say what the hell happened.  I had eye surgery while on benzos that really messed up my vision for about 2 yrs until I saw a doctor that helped correct it.  anyone that is considering having eye surgery, rk, lasik needs to be very careful having surgery while on benzos because the drug itself can cause blurred vision and cause and incorrect reading before having surgery.  god I am glad I am not  blind  i get madder and madder thinking about this drug and what it stole from me. 

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Hi Mystery, this is the first time I have ever thought about having lipo on my tummy but will wait at least a year post withdrawal to see if I get some improvement, as with others, diet & exercise isn't enough to shift it at the moment.

 

Did you lose all the benefit of your lipo?

 

Interesting about the vision, mine has deteriorated of late & thought it was just an age thing but maybe I will see some improvement in that too.  Did they tell you how long post benzo, before your vision reaches a steady state again?

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i am just laughing it all the way right now, especially Erika's post. i know, this is not funny and i am almost in the same age range as all of you, but i was laughing at Erika's line, "We have all the same  looks  Must be still w/d '.

God, i hope so!! i was crying over what happeded to my looks and i was serious. i said to my mother, i can handle everything, this brain injury, brain beatings, but not my looks!

my eyes are also deep and hollowed like a hundread year old woman, i can't believe it! and i have a patch of gray hair right where most of the brain beatings are and not so much where the brain beatings aren't and i really don't want to color my hair anymore. that is what is bothering the most. and my face just looks disentegrated. i can't gain a drop of weight. i am under 90 pounds. i am still just laying on the couch all day because i haven't slept in something like 7 months.

i hope this changes. i don't recognze myself at all. and the harder my brain beats, my hair is standing up like the  Albert Einstein. i look like a mad scientist :idiot:

i am looking at all these potions and beautifying treatments online. i am an Esthetician so skin is always a major concern for me. and mine is now yellow, orange with hints of brown. i don't like this. i really hope everything with miraculously change.

and all of you would crack up if saw my tush. i mean, i've been laying in one place for 7 months. it's all droop. at least i am laughing about it tonight.

Mimi--it's got to change, it just has to!

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I have the benzo fat rolls on my belly, loss of muscle, hair like straw, saggy skin everywhere, especially on arms and face, teeth so compromised I'm not sure I can afford all the work that's needed.

 

One thing I don't see a lot of is changes to my hands. Not many people talk about hands. They are thicker and shorter and way more painful. The fingers are now crooked and I don't have the same reach or strength. It not arthritis. No one can tell me what it might be.

 

Anyone else on the hands?

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Hi Mimi , Lady , Hope , Sunny , Flip all girls on this tread

Is crazy , but we look all the same .

We all lost all muscles , face skin saggy, arms the worst , skin right down , extra lbs , horrible hair , more and more .

Flip , my hands age  20 years too , all vains coming out under skin , like very old people . I have celulites on stomach , legs , arms . I never had that in life . NEVER .

Sex ?, I cannot evenn imagine  with disgusting benzo belly  and no muscles .

I ride bike for last year daily , i was very fit still maybe 6 months ago . Solid ass , legs  etc .This muscles collaps

happen over maybe week so fast , and  I bike and eat the same  like before ,so I know  is not me  is benzo .

My face  is absolutelly  hell .  Look pretty  still maybe 5 months ago and now  face skin sagging  like  people in 100 years old . My parents dont ' have this at 70 years age .

I see one doctor benzo ok year ago , he was all over me to help , yet  now I was there after year in september , and he dont; reconized  me .

We lost face muscles , yes , we all age , I just hope this come back soon .

I  looking for job , but I think I will freak everyone , like freak my self .

I think I look 20 years older .

Also my neck , i never have this , chicken  neck , b/c face drop down .

Every part my body is affected , from hair , face , neck , boobs , arms , hands , benzo belly , legs , ass ,  feet . Absolutely everything .

And vision , some days  I can read everything , next not blurry  , but  like haiz over my eyes . Eyes exam was great .

And I was part time modeling for  clothing store  beautiful outfits .

I am totally disgusted what happen .

some people told me , ,,,we all age , need to live with that . Yes , but we dont; age 20 years  over night .

I think maybe we  all have the same look  problem is for sure benzo . And we are under sooo much stress due taper and post , stress hormon  must have so ething to do with this .

And maybe with time like all other w/symptpms  fade away, maybe our muscles come back  and hair and we will be back like before .

 

Mirror is my worst enemy . just horrible . . horrible . :smitten: :smitten: :smitten: But  b/c  i had nice muscle tone 6 months ago , i know is benzo .

Because i doing the same exercise and diet , how  over night we can look so bit up . Erika :smitten: :smitten:

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Sometimes I think maybe I didn't look that good when I was on benzos, I thought I looked beautiful but my friends told me I looked drunk.  :idiot:
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Sometimes I think maybe I didn't look that good when I was on benzos, I thought I looked beautiful but my friends told me I looked drunk.  :idiot:

[

  /quote] 

 

 

 

I  was ,,, drunk ,, for 12 years , daily from drugs  never need it .  What  joke  is that . 3 years taper and recovery and doctors responsibility ???

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I can totally relate, too.  Deep dark circles under eyes, gained 30 lbs all in the belly.  Hopefully time will heal this because nothing and i mean NOTHING else helps. 
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I'd like to add that I really appreciate all your stories.  Makes me feel a lot less alone while looking like hell.

 

I would also like to add that I truly appreciate everyone sharing their stories, now I don't feel so alone and different. I also pray that this is reversible for all of us...we've already been through so much.  Thanks again!  :)

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I'd like to add that I really appreciate all your stories.  Makes me feel a lot less alone while looking like hell.

 

Klonopinned

this must go away and we have to look normal like before , because nothing helps . So I think time again , but is terrible .

I rided bike last year up to huge hills 24/7 , just to kill w/d ,  play tennis,  i was good shape and this was over night , just totally muscles crash , all muscles , this is not normal . And happen to all of us .

Must be w/d and we have to hope will go away like other w.symptoms .

But you put smile on my face , you not alone looking like hell  :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:.  Erika

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Erika: 

    Woman just get the all of it! I am so sorry, but you are in company here. I have changed from last year too. My hair has fallen out

    and thin. My BELLY to is as you say "disgusting". I have never had one before this. I cannot look in a mirror hardly anymore. I try

    and put make-up on when I go out so others don't look down. I just know everyone is looking at me too!!! I live in a small town

    so imagine that. The grocery store is the worst. Even before BBelly Time. Everytime I go I see someone I haven't in years. Now

    I try to go at night. I am just so ashamed of me and how I look. I walk, forget excersize right now, I can't socialize feeling like this.

    So... after all is done... I am going to work on the body, which will also help the mind. Right now I am just trying to get thru each day.

    Sorry I didn't mean to take up your thread.

    Erika and all, Next year this will all be a memory, right!!!!!! :thumbsup:

    Notforme    :angel:

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  Afterthought: I wear yoga pants  because  they have the great band around waist, are inexpensive and work with most anything

    you wear. Just a "something" to help out with the clothes.

    NFM      :angel:        8)   

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  Afterthought: I wear yoga pants  because  they have the great band around waist, are inexpensive and work with most anything

    you wear. Just a "something" to help out with the clothes.

    NFM      :angel:        8) 

 

 

Hi Angel

me to  jogging  pants , i can fit in jeans , but have rolls  to my neck , never had before . Disgusting is only word fit this .  My daughter ask me last week ,,,mom can you do something with your hair and some nice outfit ???

I said , no  , no pants , dress , skirt,  will go over this benzo belly .

 

Is so sad b/c we suffer so much , and when is almost over ,  you feel better , then looks .  This benzo is the worst poison ever . Kill you from inside outside , evey cell , every muscle .

  Everything , and nobody believe us only we  BB . Thank s for BB , so we know  this all will go away one day . Love to all Erika 

 

 

 

 

 

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Thank you, everyone, for sharing! 

 

I really thought I was the only one handling hair loss and looking like a "mop" - love that description!!

 

This thread has covered a very sensitive issue but has also made me laugh!

 

Did all these symptoms start after you stopped benzos?  I am still tapering and am slim ....... but the hair issue has already begun.

 

It really affects my confidence .......

 

Lizie 

 

 

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