Violent thoughts-feelings of aggression? HELP!

Point of desperation here.  Please tell me that some of you can relate to the intensely violent thoughts that have almost constantly been popping into my mind lately. I've read that "intrusive thoughts" or "obsessive thoughts" are common, and I even saw somewhere that violent and/or sexual thoughts are common, but I'm not seeing anyone mention experiencing this. I'm terrified that I'm going to carry out one of these thoughts, but my wife assures me that I haven't shown any signs of aggression whatsoever since this all began - I just seem scared and sad.  But I'm literally going through life lately having horrific violent thoughts towards everyone and everything, but especially my family, which is destroying me.  I'm on the verge of hospitalizing myself because I feel like I need to be locked away, but my wife thinks it's a bad idea and doesn't think it's necessary, regardless of the severity of the thoughts.  I feel dangerous and I'm scared. 

How Now.  I'm sorry you are suffering so.  Please know, all those thoughts are "Intrusive Thoughts", caused from WD.  Did you have this prior to ever being on benzos?  I'm sure you'll say NO.  Well, that's how you answer all this...its WD.  I know it isn't easy, but you have to keep reminding yourself of what is causing this.  Its not you, its the affect from these drugs.  Everyone goes through that.  Just keep posting, one and all will chime in and help you.  Patty

Now-power, hang in there.

 

I am in serious withdrawal and for the first time in years I lost it, BIG TIME to day in terms of anger.

 

I was shaking from head to foot with my partner standing near by terrified of me.

 

What is absolutely key is that you remain in an environment where the likely hood of you aiming your anger at some one is minimal. Anyone with you is to watch and have a safe place. When you feel the anger flooding your mind, be alone and do this.

 

Sit up straight or stand with your head against the wall. Close your eyes and concentrate on your breathing, breath in through your nose and count ONE and breath out through your mouth. Repeat until you get to 10. Open your eyes and immediately says this. Your name, where you are, admit you were angry but it's gone. Your not a bad person and thoughts do not control you unless you allow them too.

I'm glad you're letting people know how scared you are.  I do think you need to take these thoughts very seriously and call your doctor or go to the nearest ER for help.  Feelings of rage and anger are common, but no one wants to even take a chance that violent thoughts may be carried out.

Please get some help, my friend...

I experienced my first violent intrusive thought seven days after completing my taper.  It's just scaring me especially because rather than getting better, this particular symptom seems to be getting worse, and IMO, it's the most torturous symptom of all thus far.

Hi now-power,

 

As our members have told you, these kinds of thoughts are part of withdrawal, however I must urge you to see a medical professional if you feel you may act on these thoughts. Frankly, it sounds like you are afraid you might act on these thoughts.

 

This is well beyond our scope. We can offer you support in your withdrawal but these kinds of thoughts aren't something we can't help you with. You need face to face, real time contact with a medical professional. My suggestion is that you go to the nearest ER, especially if you feel you may hurt someone or yourself.

 

Please seek help immediately. 

 

I'm going to give you the information we give to those who are suicidal as it do pertain to these sort of thoughts as well. Please review this carefully.

Although we deeply sympathize with those experiencing suicidal feelings or ideation, to protect the sensitivities of the greater majority of our members - and most importantly, for your safety - discussions and commentary regarding suicide, suicide ideation, self-harm, or threats of self-harm, are not allowed at this forum. If you experience such feelings or thoughts, you must contact your doctor or other suitable healthcare practitioner. You will find more information on our Suicide, Self-Harm & Threatening Behaviour webpage.

 

Hope

 

 

I did have an appointment with my psychologist yesterday, and told her every awful detail of these thoughts and she assured me that they didn't make me dangerous, and that she's seen it all and doesn't have any concern that I'm going crazy/schizophrenic/psychotic, all the stuff I'm fearing. But the thoughts just aren't going away. 

now-power,

 

Then I suggest you contact her again or go to your nearest ER. We can't help with these kinds of feelings. We are not doctors or therapists. You need more help than this forum can give you. Please read the information I have provided.

 

 

Hope

Point of desperation here.  Please tell me that some of you can relate to the intensely violent thoughts that have almost constantly been popping into my mind lately. I've read that "intrusive thoughts" or "obsessive thoughts" are common, and I even saw somewhere that violent and/or sexual thoughts are common, but I'm not seeing anyone mention experiencing this. I'm terrified that I'm going to carry out one of these thoughts, but my wife assures me that I haven't shown any signs of aggression whatsoever since this all began - I just seem scared and sad.  But I'm literally going through life lately having horrific violent thoughts towards everyone and everything, but especially my family, which is destroying me.  I'm on the verge of hospitalizing myself because I feel like I need to be locked away, but my wife thinks it's a bad idea and doesn't think it's necessary, regardless of the severity of the thoughts. I feel dangerous and I'm scared.

 

Look again at your own words...violence towards your family...are you willing to take this risk?

Mid way through my slow and painful taper I got hit with violent thoughts and rage, I was acting like a real B**ch to my family and cursing and not acting myself. One word or action could set me off in a rage. I know the feeling and I know I would never hurt anyone so when I feel the rage building up and before I can let it get bad I sit in my room in the dark with my door closed I punch my pillow because before I punched the wall and that was awhile ago and my hand still hurts, my doc said its ok (my hand) and I just ride out the rage in my room at the same time crying my eyes out till it goes away. There were weeks that it would not let up but it does go away. I spoke to my mother who is caring for me and said that if I do anything to myself or anyone just put me somewhere. But knowing in your mind that you feel that way and not acting out on it is basically w/d. Hang in there.

Point of desperation here.  Please tell me that some of you can relate to the intensely violent thoughts that have almost constantly been popping into my mind lately. I've read that "intrusive thoughts" or "obsessive thoughts" are common, and I even saw somewhere that violent and/or sexual thoughts are common, but I'm not seeing anyone mention experiencing this. I'm terrified that I'm going to carry out one of these thoughts, but my wife assures me that I haven't shown any signs of aggression whatsoever since this all began - I just seem scared and sad.  But I'm literally going through life lately having horrific violent thoughts towards everyone and everything, but especially my family, which is destroying me.  I'm on the verge of hospitalizing myself because I feel like I need to be locked away, but my wife thinks it's a bad idea and doesn't think it's necessary, regardless of the severity of the thoughts. I feel dangerous and I'm scared.

 

Look again at your own words...violence towards your family...are you willing to take this risk?

 

Challis is right. You need help and you need it as soon as possible. Please go to your nearest ER or contact your doctor again. Do whatever you need to do to ensure you and your family are safe.

However if you don't trust yourself and the thoughts are worse then my baby temper tantrums then I suggest you seek medical help asap.

So frustrating, because it's not like I think I'm going to do this stuff, I'm just scared of it - scared I'm going to lose my mind somehow.  I'm not a violent person. My wife says she's never even seen me be the least bit irritable, I'm just terrified.  This is all so confusing.  The ER will probably want to give me benzos!  I'll call my psychiatrist and see what she thinks I should do.  She already knows I've been experiencing this though.

I haven't actually had any temper-tantrums at all.

now-power,

I don't take writing this in public lightly, but I lost my mother in the most violent way ever to someone who didn't mean to hurt anyone. It's not worth taking a risk. 

Challis

I only experience rage a few thoughts of violence but towards myself. I would never do anything to myself even in the worst state of w/d, I have rage because I'm pent up and can't function much and I am 28 but feel like a baby that's left alone hence my term temper tantrums. When they are over I go back upstairs and apologize for my actions. Only my mom understands the rest of my family has no clue or cares about what's going on..my dad asks but that's it. I get scared too but I just get most of my rage from what I was delt with this benzo hell.

Challis99 I'm so sorry to hear about your mother. I wish there were words I can say but I'm at a loss for words. So hugs.. you have been there for me a lot and are a great person. Sorry again:(

Challis I to am so sorry to hear that.

 

I just hope that my first comments aren't taken out of context.

 

I didn't intend to offend anyone or make it seem as though the situation is less severe.

 

I was Just giving advice that has helped me in the past.

Not about me...we're all doing our best to help now-power out the best we know how from our own experiences.  Rage is scary.

Thanks everyone.  I just got off the phone with my psychiatrist.  She said these are intrusive thoughts, not hallmarks of anything dangerous-psychotic etc.  She does not recommend any kind of hospitalization.  She believes, as some of you have said, that this is benzo withdrawal - probably the worst withdrawal she's ever seen.  I feel better having talked to her and being reassured.  It brought my anxiety level way down.  She even offered to see me tomorrow morning (on a Sunday) if I need to see her.  Good doctor! 

Hi - its withdrawal. I think the fact that you are expressing your feelings says a lot. My therapist says they are just thoughts. This is by far the worst withdrawal effect. I worry that if you go to the ER that they will just pump you up with stuff.

It's good that you're communicating with your wife. She can help navigate you through this.

Thanks everyone.  I just got off the phone with my psychiatrist.  She said these are intrusive thoughts, not hallmarks of anything dangerous-psychotic etc.  She does not recommend any kind of hospitalization.  She believes, as some of you have said, that this is benzo withdrawal - probably the worst withdrawal she's ever seen.  I feel better having talked to her and being reassured.  It brought my anxiety level way down.  She even offered to see me tomorrow morning (on a Sunday) if I need to see her.  Good doctor! 

 

Glad you followed up... her reassurance brought your anxiety level down which is good.  Anxiety causes all sorts of negative thoughts. 

I'm so glad you got help, knowing and hearing over and over again helps remind us that its just w/d I have to be told a few times a day from my mom that I'm going to be ok. I suggest if you have not got any books about withdrawal but get the book by bliss johns she has amazing talk and help methods that help. The other day my w/d was at its peak and I thought I was going to die..my thread I posted about it "talk me out off giving up" or something like that anyway through the pain I was able to tell myself its now it will happen many times again but it will go away and one day be gone forever, so be as calm as possible in a stress free area and just lay there and ride it out like her book said. Some of it I corny but she has a lot of postive uplifting ways of self help.

This is what they mean by intrusive thoughts. I'm 5 weeks off and I had them and they are scary. You can go back and read some of my posts. I think what happens is that you become scared of yourself and have no trust in yourself when you go through w/d. Your fear is so heightened that your thoughts and fears just become irrational and you become afraid. Alot of people have these in w/d and they are very intrusive, scary and tormenting. They will calm down and go away when w/d is over. My intrusive thoughts are lessening as time goes by.

I havent read all the posts but will say to you im sorry that you are feeling this way. Its pure o is my layperson's diagnosis its a very very common theme with ocd.  I do know what i am talking about here is a link for you to look at

 

http://www.ocdla.com/blog/harm-ocd-1-1488

 

you are not going to hurt a fly let alone your family ok they are just thoughts and they have no power over you.  A criminal has intent dont they and they dont go around telling everyone they are feeling murderous.  Your thoughts are frightening to you also this is another factor in ocd they scare you they dont excite you.  Your going to be ok your just scared.

 

all the best

Good point. There's also a YouTube video of Charles linden talking about pure O. I have a question though, do you have the OCD stuff in w/d only if you never had it before? Does w/d cause it?