After benzo "withdrawal" is over, what now for recovery?

c

Comments on recovery?

 

V

3 years off and still not well i still find myself isolated from others thinking they can see me how i really feel so i stay away alot still have some sleep issues if i get the slighest bit upset my adrenal glands dump the whole bucket into my veins and it feels like my chest is gonna explode hurts bad for 60 to 90 seconds still wake up vibrating sometimes still depressed and a real healthy dose of post traumatic stress disorder some digestive issues but not all the time. dont know how to move on and forget about all this crap thought after this long it would be a distant memory but still rolling in the damage.

I'd like to make a few comments about the term "withdrawal".  I believe that the word "withdrawal" seems to be overused, particularly after one has been through the "acute" phase which typically lasts a few weeks to a few months off a benzodiazapene.  A majority of folks seem to be feel relatively well by six months off the benzo, despite possibly having a few stubborn issues remain.  I believe that the  first few weeks to possibly couple of months off a benzo (for most) can rightly be labeled "withdrawal".  Unfortunately, if one continues to use that word beyond that acute phase, particularly with doctors (and even with family members), one can get looks and reactions that are of disbelief and sometimes defensiveness.  In our culture, "withdrawal" is often used to describe the process one goes through in "addiction".  Sadly, that often means with regard to illegal substances like heroin, cocaine...There seems to be a kind of stigma attached to that label.  Sometimes it may be best to stop using the term "withdrawal" in describing the physical condition one may find oneself in after a few months (and longer) off a benzo and sooner than later (IMHO). 

 

  I think it may be more helpful to use some other phrases with family members, friends and even our doctors.  For example, instead of saying one is "in withdrawal" at 6, 12 or even 15 months off the benzo, one can say something like "my nervous system still feels very sensitive and reactive to stress" or "even though it has been a year or over a year, the discontinuation of benzodiazapenes seems to have impacted my ability to deal with certain kinds of stress smoothly".  In speaking with one's doctors, one can perhaps use some more specific  terms such as "discontinuation syndrome".  One could say "you know doc, I have been off benzodiazapenes for over six months and my CNS (central nervous system) feels like what I've read some folks experience when they discontinue certain types of antidepressants or othe medications".  Or one could perhaps mention to a more flexible doctor that "although the benzodiazapene processed out of my body many months ago, I feel like the part of my brain that was calmed by it (GABA) is still hyperexcitable". 

 

Finally, it may be appropriate to at least consider that some of one's reactions, whether physical or psychological, could be a manifestation of some "pre benzo" issues for which one first took the benzo. For example, if one took a benzo for anxiety, once the physical acute withdrawal has passed (could be a few months), is the fearfulness or perhaps even a specific phobia about something likely to be suddenly gone?  Maybe there are some kinds of therapy or coping skills that one has not done that could help address certain problems.  With anxiety, I noticed that even up to six months off the benzo, rebound anxiety for me was stronger than the anxiety I had before the benzo.  I never had a panic attack before the benzo yet had two mini "panics" at 3 and 6 months off.  Fortunately, I had done some reading to understand the process as well as worked on developing mindfulness and some other defusion techniques so that the "panic" was contained and eventually never came back.  That being said, I welcome panic or strong anxiety now because I know I can handle whatever might come, which is half the battle.  Trying to push away or escape panic or certain kinds of anxiety seems to make them stronger and only lead to the possibility of more panic in the future.  Self compassion can also be a key.  Research has shown that most people who experience some blues or anxiety also have a higher amount of self criticism.  Learning ways to be more compassionate and accepting of oneself or one's circumstances can help as well.

 

Labeling one's  life circumstance as "withdrawal" seems to be vague and often confusing to our loved ones and friends.  I found that spending too much energy trying to "defend or justify"  post benzo CNS sensitivity can sometimes lead to lack of empathy in others.    It may  be that  less is more when it comes to the explanations one gives, although using the one word "withdrawal" may be too simple and even confusing for some.  Sometimes, one can make oneself a victim when using terms like "withdrawal" for too long.  It may keep one down and prevent one from healing more quickly, especially if there might be a  tendency to blame some of life's circumstances on "withdrawal" rather than taking responsibility for a reaction or one's behavior.  I am not accusing anyone of not taking responsiblity.  I know many are suffering and in most cases, not one's fault.  That being said, sometimes one can take more responsibility and be proactive in certain ways.

 

I wonder how others may feel about the term "withdrawal" and whether one might feel it is being overused or even misused?

 

Best,

 

Vertigo

 

3 years off and still not well i still find myself isolated from others thinking they can see me how i really feel so i stay away alot still have some sleep issues if i get the slighest bit upset my adrenal glands dump the whole bucket into my veins and it feels like my chest is gonna explode hurts bad for 60 to 90 seconds still wake up vibrating sometimes still depressed and a real healthy dose of post traumatic stress disorder some digestive issues but not all the time. dont know how to move on and forget about all this crap thought after this long it would be a distant memory but still rolling in the damage.

 

Thanks for the post, Billy.  Adrenalin surges can be frustrating, particularly when one is still sensitive to certain experiences.  Sometimes, trying to forget about our past or push it away, can make things worse.  Learning to deal with memories or even reframing some of them can be helpful.  The book "Finding Life Beyond Trauma" by Victoria Follette might be helpful to you.

 

Best,

 

Vertigo

c

v

Anyone else about done with the worst of "withdrawal", maybe have a few stubborn symptoms but focusing more on other issues in recovery?

 

Vertigo

Anyone still dealing with antidepressants or other medications in recovery?

 

Vertigo

Vertigo, are you writing a book by any chance?

 

If not, are you finding life benzo free tough yourself right now?

 

It really puzzles me why so many go back, even after healing...

 

Are you still having anxiety issues?

 

Oscar

Vertigo, are you writing a book by any chance?

 

No sir.

 

If not, are you finding life benzo free tough yourself right now?

 

No sir.

 

It really puzzles me why so many go back, even after healing...

 

I try to give back since it was this forum that gave me much support when I needed it most

 

Are you still having anxiety issues?

 

I had anxiety before benzos and I have it now, but I have much better coping skills now than before

 

Oscar

Do you think about benzos Vert or is it completely over? The thought of taking one i mean... or does it not enter your mind?

 

Oscar

Do you think about benzos Vert or is it completely over? The thought of taking one i mean... or does it not enter your mind?

 

Oscar

 

The only time I think about benzos is on this forum trying to help others get off them or stay off them, Oscar.  I recently found some old bottles of 2mg pills and the feeling I got was that I was looking at poison.  Couldn't pay me to take one.  Well, maybe $100,000, I might do it .

 

Vertigo

Hey Oscar.  If you're still out there,  I would also add that once I finished my valium taper, it never occurred to me to ever take another drop of valium or pill.  In that regard, tapering seems to be a good method of reinforcing the futility of the benzo, one really can be thrilled to be done with it once and for all, whereas in a c/t, perhaps one doesn't get that extra motivation to stay off, at least in the early months off.

 

Vertigo

Thanks Vertigo, i will add to this reply a bit later (still waking up here) 

 

Oscar

Thanks Vertigo, i will add to this reply a bit later (still waking up here) 

 

Oscar

 

Bad night Oscar?  Isn't it like noon there in Spain?

 

V

Not a bad night at all V, i just stayed up late... bad habit.

 

Oscar

Not a bad night at all V, i just stayed up late... bad habit.

 

Oscar

 

Why is staying up late a bad habit?

 

Vertigo

Hey Oscar.  If you're still out there,  I would also add that once I finished my valium taper, it never occurred to me to ever take another drop of valium or pill.  In that regard, tapering seems to be a good method of reinforcing the futility of the benzo, one really can be thrilled to be done with it once and for all, whereas in a c/t, perhaps one doesn't get that extra motivation to stay off, at least in the early months off.

 

Vertigo

i strongly disagree vertigo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I frickin cold turkeyed and my soul mind and body has been ripped apart for 3 years now if that's not enough incentive to stay away i dont know what is.i think it's the opposite because it's like people say i'm afraid to go through the fire although they do anyway and dont wanna let go of my little friend so i'll just shave off tiny  little bits for a year or so so  i maybe it wont hurt so bad. i call *******

 

Edit: profanity removed

I wanted to hop on here and say I have a lot to catch up on. I lost my family in an accident and during the time on the K for that, My parents died. I was numb and didn't have to cope too much compared to now when the feelings came back. I'm done for the most part, just taking .013 mg now - friday is the last dose.

I have a marriage I am walking away from to go to a new found love. This is getting so complicated.

I must say #1 thing that helped from symptoms was Glutethione - NOT NAC! 

Went pretty damn good considering hell I went through from CT on it and other things.

Want to build my lost friendships and family relationships. They're all distant b/c they didn't know what to do. They tried to be there but I ran and hid with anxiety before. Now I am lonely, scared about a job and being demoted....all sorts of things.

I wanted to hop on here and say I have a lot to catch up on. I lost my family in an accident and during the time on the K for that, My parents died. I was numb and didn't have to cope too much compared to now when the feelings came back. I'm done for the most part, just taking .013 mg now - friday is the last dose.

I have a marriage I am walking away from to go to a new found love. This is getting so complicated.

I must say #1 thing that helped from symptoms was Glutethione - NOT NAC! 

Went pretty damn good considering hell I went through from CT on it and other things.

Want to build my lost friendships and family relationships. They're all distant b/c they didn't know what to do. They tried to be there but I ran and hid with anxiety before. Now I am lonely, scared about a job and being demoted....all sorts of things.

 

I am very sorry to read that you lost your family in an accident and your parents, Cris2fer.  That sounds very devastating.  It's no wonder you were given benzos to try to numb the pain of it all.

 

Vertigo

Good question, Vert.

 

Well, I am in the process of still healing but hopefully almost healed.  I have an interview this Thursday for a full time job.  So I am going to take it from there.  If I get the job, then I guess I'll see if I am able this time around to work without symptoms flaring up.  That's why I had to quit my last job.

 

I am slowly rebuilding my social life again.  Just now starting to call friends and see people.  Getting back into attending church regularly. 

 

I've really learned throughout this whole process not to project too much into the future.  I like the one day at a time approach. 

Good question, Vert.

 

Well, I am in the process of still healing but hopefully almost healed.  I have an interview this Thursday for a full time job.  So I am going to take it from there.  If I get the job, then I guess I'll see if I am able this time around to work without symptoms flaring up.  That's why I had to quit my last job.

 

I am slowly rebuilding my social life again.  Just now starting to call friends and see people.  Getting back into attending church regularly. 

 

I've really learned throughout this whole process not to project too much into the future.  I like the one day at a time approach.

 

Thanks for your post Leslie and good luck with the job.  I didn't realize you had taken some time away from the last one.  Was the last one part time?  Will this be your first full time job since going off the benzo?  I agree that staying in the present can be therapeutic.  I've been emotionally "working through" a lot of past trauma relating to some difficult work situations.  I recommend the book "Living Beyond Trauma" by Victoria Follette.

 

V

Hi Vert,

 

No, I worked full time from month 5-17 and then got really symptomatic again month 18 and had to quit.  Then I tried working again full time from month 22-25 and had to quit because it caused really bad anxiety/panic attacks that I had not had since acute withdrawal.  I think the constant stress on my CNS just did me in after 3 straight months.  After I quit, I slept for about two weeks and ever since then have been feeling better and better.  Really started noticing improvements about 26 months off.

 

And, no, this job interview isn't for a part time position.  I wish it was.  I'd rather start part time but I need to take what I can get.  I really need work.  I am just hoping that by 29 months off, I will be able to work through the stress. 

 

But, yeah, this is a good thread because after the worst of the withdrawal, there is another stage to all this...putting a destroyed life back together and rebuilding from the ground up. 

c