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My Floxed and Benzo story...A happy ending for Jittery!


[ji...]

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Dear Buddies,

 

First, I want to apologize to those of you who have wondered where I have been...I had to take a break for awhile from the forums. There were so many of you that were a wonderful support to me and you have been in my thoughts and prayers while I was away. I wanted to come back and offer hope to those who are still struggling...there really is so much HOPE to hang on to!

 

In March of 2011, two months after my daughter was born, I was prescribed a flouroquinolone antibiotic call Cipro. I didn't know that these antibiotics can cause severe adverse reactions that only get worse after you stop taking it and may last for years. In some cases, people can be permanently disabled. I had a very severe central nervous system reaction. These antibiotics attach and block GABA-A from the receptor. What I experienced was what I can only imagine the worst benzo withdrawal symptoms imaginable would be like. These antibiotics are not just dangerous to people on benzos--they can cause this benzo withdrawal reaction to people who have never ever touched a benzo before, like me!  Please do not ever take one of these antibiotics if you can help it.

 

Of course I had no idea what had befallen me, as my worst symptoms appeared a month after I had stopped the antibiotic. I had the worst insomnia a person could imagine. I was unable to sleep for days at a time. When I finally fell asleep, it was only for a few broken hours. The anxiety was so high I could barely function, and I had very severe peripheral neuropathy. I entered into a "5th dimension" where I could just barely function. All the while I had a two month old baby to take care of.

 

I sought out numerous doctors with no answers. I was finally pushed toward psychiatry, as I believed maybe I had a post-partum issue. I saw a very uncompassionate doctor who started me on my benzo journey. He started me on xanax XR. Within a few weeks I got much, much worse. I was then given ativan. That didn't work either. I learned about benzos through this site and decided I wanted off. I tried to quit cold turkey and immediately experienced symptoms even worse than what I was already going through. I felt like someone was burning me all over with matches! I knew that my body had already become dependent in just a few months. I saw a new doctor who switched me to Klonopin and had me taper off in three weeks. Bad idea!

 

For many many months I was unable to sleep more than a few hours a night (on a good night!) I had terrible anxiety, myoclonus, muscle twitching, numbness, tingling, and buzzing sensations, heart arrythmia, shaking, sweating, tempurature issues, thyroid and sugar issues, and many other awful things. I have NO IDEA if all of these things were from benzo withdrawal or from quinolone toxicity. The symptoms are virtually identical. I think most of them were from the toxicity, but no doubt benzo withdrawal made everything so much worse.

 

Sleep was by far my biggest issue. I was so worn down. Insomnia consumed my life. I was miserable and in despair. I started seeing a sleep psychologist and started sleep restriction therapy. It worked wonders for me! I started sleeping 6, 7, even 8 hours a night! I was still sleeping in the guest room, but it was sleep! I learned how insomnia can start out biological and then morph into a psychological problem that causes it to continue.

 

In May of this year, I had a huge change. This next part may not sit well with everyone, and I sure hope it doesn't offend anyone--please, that is not my intention!

 

I realized that I was being a really negative person. I was obsessing about my condition, being on the forums 24/7, talking about my condition all the time, and being utterly miserable. I decided one day that I was no longer going to let my symptoms consume me. i was going to try to live my life DESPITE what was happening to me. I started exercising, I started praying again, eating healthier, and I discontinued my memberships to the quinolone forum and took a break from benzo buddies for awhile. I started making a real effort to be positive in ALL my thoughts, not just about my symptoms. I literally did a 180. Many of my symptoms virtually disappeared. The anxiety is almost gone! Sleep isn't perfect but it's so much better than it was. Insomnia doesn't scare me like it used to anymore. And the fear of not sleeping, or even the thought of it's possibility--will keep you from not sleeping! It's such hard cycle to live with, but it can be broken.

 

I still have a little peripheral neuropathy but I am confident it will eventually go away. I feel really good during the day now! I thought my situation was hopeless, but it turns out there was a lot of hope for me.

 

I want to thank Colin and the benzo buddy crew for this forum. Even though I had to take a break for awhile there was a time when this site was invaluable to me! I want to thank all the buddies who were there for me: Sunny71, Melo, TinaCA, popcornlady, Vertigo, Pamster, pianogirl, perseverance, sassy, recoveringfrombenzos, peaceofmind, schatje, bybymatrix, wellness, hollyms, and I know there are others and I'm sorry to forget you.

 

There were some books that really helped me during this journey: The Effortless sleep method (this book is the BIBLE for insomnia!), The power of positive thinking, and the law of attraction. I used to think your thoughts couldn't make any difference in your health... but they can! They may not fix all of your physical problems but they can cause your brain to make important changes. At the very least, it can help you deal with your symptoms better.

 

All I know is that I'm so much better than I was--and I was REALLY REALLY bad. My GABA was hit very hard in two ways...and I know it can heal! I can't say enough about exercise and positive thinking---not just thinking but believing.

 

Please don't ever give up. No matter how bad your situation is, and I know there are those of you that had it worse--just don't give up. I am so sorry each of you are suffering so much. Those memories are still very fresh for me. I haven't forgotten any of you. I will continue to pray for your healing!

 

All the best,

Jittery

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Jittery Amazing!

 

I was wondering how you were. This is wonderful .I pray as more time passes you will only see even more Improvements.

 

Way to go Girl... Excellent

 

~Jenny

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I followed your story here at BB and I am so happy for you that you have healed!! Wishing you all good things in life:)

 

LOVE, :smitten:

Chrysanthemum

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Oh, Jittery!!!!!!!!!!!!  A friend just alerted me to your post, and I am so glad to hear this!  This is wonderful, wonderful news!  Hope we still here from you now and then, but glad to hear you are back to living life again.  It makes me so happy I could cry!!

 

Many hugs and well wishes,

Love, Pommy

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I'm sorry I forgot to thank you Jenny!!!! You were an amazing support during my time here!!! Thank u!!

Aww jittery

 

You never have to thank me..All I did was try and help you thru your tuff time. I so hope you are enjoying your little baby now .I know that was all you wanted more then anything.Ill never forget.

 

I hope your Entire family is becoming Whole now! I will never forget how sweet you were and how much you suffered..

 

Best of wishes to you

 

:)~Jenny

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Congrats Jittery, that is such an amazing success story. Wish you the absolute best with the rest of your benzo free life. I really liked what you said about the mental aspect and the power of positive thinking.YOU ARE FREE. YAY!!!! Whoaaah!!!!

 

PS - I'm sure everyone will be wanting your screen name now as it is perfect for so many!!  LOL  =)

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Congratulations Jittery :)  And thank you for the advice about not focusing on the problem.  I am starting to believe that.

 

There is a scripture, "Be transformed by the renewing of your mind."  Yes the mind is powerful :)

 

Love to you,

Mairin

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[f8...]

yay to you jittery

 

so good to hear your story of strength and courage.  good luck for a wonderful future.

 

Lizzy

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Hi Jittery

 

I can't tell you how thrilled I am for you!  You really went to hell and back with your insomnia and I recall how worried you were about the effects of the fluroquinlone (sp?) antibiotics.

 

So so happy all is now okay and you've got your life back.  Enjoy it to the fullest!

 

Much love

Angel xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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Wow Jittery, What a wonderful ending to a touch and go story.  I would read your posts and pray for you for relief from your suffering.  You were able to express the fear, frustration, and overwhelming insomnia that many of us were going through.  How is your baby? How is your mother? I hope that you external life is as wonderful as your internal life.  Your post on success is so clear, cogent, and positive.  Thanks for showing us the way.  Your are wonderful. 
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Jittery  :smitten: :smitten:

 

I don't know how I missed your post. I have been wondering about you and so hoping that you had turned a corner.  Well, I am very happy to see that you have.  I remember the days and weeks not so long ago where things were so rough.  You are an amazingly strong person and have gone through so much with the cipro and the benzo.  I agree with you about attitude, although it can not take away the symptoms, a good attitude can help our perception of them and make them less important.

 

I hope you are enjoying your lovely daughter and your life. We have missed you here but in so many ways I am glad you have found peace and healing. 

 

Thank you for posting this message of hope, there are so many that need to read this and believe. As we know there are dark times that make us wonder if there is an end to the pain and suffering.  Yes there is and you are proof.

 

Hugs,

 

pianogirl  :smitten:

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[1e...]

Hi Jittery!

I am so very happy for You and your family.

I haven't logged on in quite some time and decided that I would check the Success Story section today, and there you were!  :thumbsup:

I'm right there with You on the positive thinking; it is not always easy, but it is so true. Our thoughts create our reality. When we're in a dark place, our thoughts take our bodies on quite a dangerous ride. I too am sleeping much better, pretty much all night most nights with an occasional blip here and there. I'm dealing and like you living life and not focusing on anything but total health. I want it, so I know it's mine to have!

 

I'm not at all offended by your post, I find it true and inspiring. It's your truth and I thank you for sharing it with all of us.

There came a time for me when enough was enough, the pain was too much to bare any longer. What i was doing was not working. So I too made changes.

I plan to write my story when I hit two years in December. I am sure that I will be in an even better place then.

Thanks so very much for checking in, I think of You often and I knew in my heart that You were fabulous!

Wishing you all the health, happiness and love in the world.

Melo x

:smitten:

 

 

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YOU MADE MY MORNING!

Way to go!!

Good to see that you are healing and have a new lease on life.

Positive thinking is so key. I forget that and can get caught up in all of this.

Thanks for the reminder.

Go have an amazing life!

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I'm so happy for you Jittery!  I found the same book on sleep and it has helped me tremendously. 

 

I went through a similar situation to yours.  I fried my nervous system with an antibiotic and couldn't recover.  I lost so much sleep that I was in absolute agony, and my fear of not sleeping was immense.  I ended up on the psych floor at the hospital mostly because I was so afraid of insomnia that I was willing to give up my freedom and put myself in the hands of people I don't trust.  I ended up on Temazepam, which really didn't help that much.  In fact, it made me feel ill.  As I started a rapid taper, I got extremely ill from withdrawals, so I had to slow it down.  But when I really started to turn a corner was when I began to realize how incredibly powerful my thoughts are.  King Solomon said that "death and life are in the power of the tongue", and I believe wholeheartedly that that is true.  The story you tell yourself and others can mean the difference between relative health and misery.  He also said that "the spirit of a man can put up with his malady, but as for a sticken spirit, who can bear it?"  It's so much easier to put up with physical symptoms if we speak to ourselves and others positively.

 

 

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Jittery - I don't know your story well and I have just joined a few weeks ago and am in the very very beginning of my journey to get off of Xanax - but I'm in tears reading your post because it gives me such hope.  That I can not only get off of this and move on but be stronger and healthier as a result of this hard experience.  I don't typically eat well or work out as I should.  Since I stopped Xanax and had my first anxiety attack I have cut out alcohol, caffeine, other stimulants - and your post has really inspired me to fix my eating and get back to working out more (I swim but get very frightened of a fast heartbeat). 

 

I'm just very grateful you shared your experience and thank you!  To those of us still terrified and struggling it helps.  Congrats!

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Wow i remember when I joined how many posts I would see from you. You where really suffering and came out on the other side.

 

May you have a wonderful life. Congratulations.

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  • 1 month later...

Jittery I am so thrilled for you! I remember you were struggling with insomnia around the time I was—last fall. You have been such a great inspiration to people here that there truly is hope no matter how severe insomnia can be.

 

If you don't remember, I became pregnant about 6 weeks after I jumped— during the absolute worst of my insomnia. It was definitely unplanned, as I didn't believe I even could get pregnant because my body was so run down. I would be awake for days on end. I was a hormonal mess, but somehow I healed too, and so much of it had to do with positive thinking and changing my perspective. (although I know many people will chalk my recovery up to the extra progesterone, but I really don't think that was the only healing influence. ) The mind-body connection was a very big factor for me.

 

I had a beautiful 10 pound baby boy in June—who is now 15 pounds and grinning and gurgling up at me right now from his bouncy chair, and I just can't believe the stark contrast between now and a year ago. So many blessings.

 

Now I'm mildly sleep deprived but for a different reason. :-) I get about 5-6 hours of solid sleep before he wakes up and needs to eat. He's a big guy.

I am coping though. 5-6 is luxurious for me when I know what I used to get. The nice thing is that I don't worry about falling asleep anymore.

 

There is hope. I think you and I are walking proof!

 

Best

Sarah

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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  • 6 months later...

Jittery, if you read this, I wanted to say thank you for telling your story. It helped me to read it. You raised a question that Im not sure what to do about but.....

Just before I cold t'd off Klonapin, I was prescribed Levaquin(flourouquinolone) twice in a month. I began having the worst possible withdrawal symptoms even beofre I stopped the Klonapin. No one made the connection between these things, then or now. I only stumbled across the information about antibiotics monthes later. I will never know what caused what, and whther my current sorry state is from the benzo or the abt. I was a little surprised to read there are flouroquinolone forums...did they help you at all?

I hope, if you read this, that you are still doing so very well. Your attitude is just wonderful.

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  • 1 year later...

Thank you for writing this success story Jittery.

I am bumping this one up.

 

Love and healing,

Causing

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  • 4 years later...
Thanks for this amazing story and advice on how your positive thinking or not thinking about your symptoms made a big difference in your healing.
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I know this post is 7 years old but it’s exactly what I needed to hear today. Not sure if you’ll ever read this but thank you!!!
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