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Great....Just had an argument with Dad.


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I hate my family.I've been saying this a few times in allot of my post that my family don't care.They don't call,comeover.When they do hear from me , it's me, calling them ,telling them I'm upset about THEIR lack of concern , then I cry and get really upset and I experience horrific w/d because of my emotions.So I stopped calling because I don't need the unnecessary stress.So my one sis. writes me an email about 3 weeks ago and that's when I was experiencing a very bad time in my w/d so I emailed her and other family members 2 stories from different people about their experience with these drugs,the side effects,withdrawal how docs. are idiots type reading and I told them that this is what I'm going through but I was using their stories to be my voice because at the time I was having difficulty with writing and THINKING so I gave them their stories.No one called or anything.Then on Friday,she emails me again....very short and vague,(like usuall)so I told her ALL of the symptoms that I went through and I'm now going through and I told her to leave me alone because they all cause me to have more w/d symptoms because of my emotions. ....because if they kept in contact with me this whole time,they would know what I'm going through and I would know what was going on with them.So once again I called my moms house like 10 minutes ago and my idiot dad answers and asks how I'm doing and I started to tell him....again.......how I'm upset about theire LACK OF CONCERN.....then he starts saying something about my nephew and court and says "See, you don't even know ....It's not all about you" ...I told him "If you all were to call ,I would know this now wouldn't I?" and I hung up on him.I am so upset that I just emailed my sis. and told her allot of crap and ended it with saying "As far as I'm concerned, I have no family!!!"I can't stop crying,I'm feeling more and more (physically) like crap....I can't believe the ignorance of my family...i can't believe that I called AGAIN..I hate myself for doing that...I hate them
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I did a similar thing a month or so ago and so royally pissed my dad off. We were supposed to sit down and talk about some custody issues and other bull s**t so I finally agreed and right off the batt he does the same thing and adds accusations and just keeps pointing the finger saying how stupid'y unaware of EVERYTHING that I am, only I flipped out, right in the coffee shop stood up and started yelling at him, went outside and started throwing rocks at his car screaming

:tickedoff: and crying  :'(  out the hurt that I felt ... then some guy across the street, just stood there staring at me with his stupid ass coffee cuphalf way to his mouth; I was so enraged I walked straight across the high traffic street with cars honking at me screaming at him that I was going to rip his face off  :muscle:  and he turned around and almost ran ... Are these rages supposed to be normal or am I really a    :idiot:  psycho? I never used to have this kind of crap. NEVER! I've been wondering why the hell I get so absolutely crazed like this. I've now started realizing when I even start get like this I go hide in my bed and wait till the rage goes away. It's absolutely insane. I've had my dad call the cops on me because I haven't known how to control these "episodes". If anyone can give me some advice on how to better deal with this issue ... that would probably really help. So Raven I fell with you your frustration at your families total "lack of understanding"  :tickedoff:

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Sorry everyone ... just realized I used a word I wasn't supposed to.  :-\ 

 

There's nothing in your post that concerns me. We do have a rule about swearing, but that is there to stop the worst excesses. If you are pissed-off, you can say so. If your day has been shit, it's been shit, so again you can write about it. If someone started posting really offensive words, especially if for no good reason, and/or did it regularly, then there would be an issue. Your post is fine though. ;)

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Hi Raven

 

You know what they say, you can pick your friends, but ya can't pick your family.  I have a horrible time with my family too, but I am lucky because i have a super supportive hubby.  I don't have any advice, because I am crapola at figuring it out myself.  I guess just keep trying.  I don't know.  My Mom is loony toons and I think she has an anxiety disorder, but she won't even admit she just may have some issues.  I don't talk to her anymore because she does not understand and never will.  Once this is all over, I will call her and have some kind of distant relationship, but I will never have a close Mom and it sucks.  But I can't sacrifice my health to try and push something that is never going to be.

 

millargirl...

 

Rage is a huge issue especially when it is uncontrolled.  Do you have a therapist or a psychiatrist you can see?  Rage is often a symptom of a larger problem and I would recommend getting some help.  I see both a therapist AND a psychiatrist (gotta love canadian health care).  They discovered the root of the causes (PTSD) and helped me come to terms with a ton of stuff.  But there is no way that I would be any better today without them.  Alot of times explosions like that come from suppressing emotions and you need to re-learn ways to deal. 

 

 

Just my opinion.

 

Lori

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Hmm, well I've had therapists up my a** but none of them seem to have helped any. I now have a friend whose trying to help me with it ... this anger thing and he thinks it's something "spiritual" ...  :wacko::tickedoff:  Who knows anymore. I do know that it is listed in the meds side effects for my effexor and i also have knowledge of some other things ... which I'm not allow to talk about here. Maybe i'll send you an email sometime about it.
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Raven & Millargirl,

 

It took quite awhile for my clonazepam rages to go away. I was starting to think about going into therapy, but it turned out that they (rages) were totally drug induced. I still cringe then I think of all the bizarre things I did...

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mcluhan,thanks 4 your responce.Can I ask you how you did your taper , how much you were on and 4 how long?I think that if I "HAD" a family that gave a shit I wouldn't be so angry or I wouldn't feel this rage.It's because of THEIR lack of concern that makes me feel like this.I believe if THEY were to call me,comeover to my home and HELP me with this crap ,I wouldn't be agoraphobic and I wouldn't of course be thinking about them being such ignorant asses.Sorry ..venting
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I was on 2 mg. for several years. Actually I started at .5 and worked my way up because I thought I needed more. I didn’t taper, which is probably why I got so sick and have taken so long to recover.

 

Were you agoraphobic before you started taking Clonazepam? I was terrified to leave my house when I got up to 2mg a day, and things were even worse after the cold turkey. I don’t think it’s possible for anyone to know how hellish this experience is if they haven’t gone through it themselves. I used to be angry with my family and friends, but how could they know how bad I felt? They couldn’t possibly even come close to knowing. 

 

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No ,I was only agoraphobic with this and my paxil w/d a few years ago.I never have asked for anything from my family.I've been on my own since I was 20 and I'm now 33.I'm just asking them to care or something.I actually feel better now because your right,they have absolutely NO idea what I'm going through but it still would be nice if they asked.Thank you very much for everyones responce to this post. :)
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Wow, this is good to know ... thank you for your input mcluhan. Thanks Raven for being so REAL and honest about what's going on for you. Helps me. Sorry I've not been able to call ya lately. Been just going and going. I get a 20 minute stop once every two days or so to check in and see what's new. I really need to get a calling card or something. I hope this finds you doing a little better ...  :(
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