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Where do I go from here?


[Ph...]

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I have tapered down from 3.00 mg per day ativan to 1.50-1.75mg per day. I have some of the returning original symptoms, high cortisol in the morning resulting in shaking or twitching arms or legs. Mind feels foggy. I work full time and it's a struggle although I try to hide it. I look in the mirror and it's as if my vision is "off". Not fuzzy but just not right. What's real anxiety and what's withdrawal? Can't stand looking in mirrors at all and try to avoid them.

 

Right before it's time to take my next dose my forehead feels tight and my brow wrinkles. I can't stop it. It's so weird. I am sick of ativan and I hate it and get upset taking each dose.

 

About 3 weeks ago I started with Omega 3's 1000 mg, and have been taking 50,000 units of vitamin D once a week, B100 complex, 1000 mg vitamin C for about 6 weeks. I also started exercising daily about 3 weeks ago, up from my previous 3 times per week. I can feel the depression lifting somewhat but the other symptoms are really getting to me. I also eat super healthy.

 

I don't think my brain will ever function like it should again and I still have to finish this taper. I got off of Ativan 25 years ago. The namebrand. It was so smooth and I never had any side effects at all. It was for full blown panic attacks. I learned to control them through self help and a therapist. This taper is not pleasant and the geneic ativan never really helped me that much anyway. Just dulled me down and made me tired. The namebrand I took years ago actually relieved the fear, and you could feel the anxiety leaving your body. Not so with the generic.

 

I feel so stuck at this dosage. I tried to do a complete crossover to valium in month 3 but it just made me so sleepy and didn't help the anxiety. My sleep isn't very good and I know sleep is important. I was prescribed a sleeping pill but I'm scared to take it.

 

Please, please, any advice? I am an older person, with a supportive husband and a really nice family. I can't enjoy anything anymore because I am so inside my own head trying to figure out how to end this fake ativan nightmare without cracking up with anxiety. The only clarity I have had in months was last week. For 1/2 of a day. I felt normal again and after lunch it went away. Beyond frustrated.

 

Will this ever really be over? So sad and I miss my confidence and my life. I have been guessing and dry cutting. I can't imagine what or how to reduce next.

 

Thank you for any input or insight into this tough journey.

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Hi Phoenix,

 

I can't help you too much with the ativan taper since I did do the crossover to valium and tapered from there. 

 

I will tell you however, that many people have found that supplements such as omega 3 and the B complex can rev up symptoms.  I also take vitamin D, my levels tested really low this spring. My doctor prescribed me the 50,000 iu once a week as well. I decided not to take the synthetic D2 and am instead taking 4000iu of D3 per day instead.

 

I stopped all my supplements during the taper, my system just could not handle them.

 

I think you just have to keep at the taper, I never really felt good and I worked the entire time as well.  A lot of people hold for a while also if the symptoms get pretty bad but I just kept plugging away. 

 

The only thing I can tell you for sure is that these symptoms will go away.  Have you thought of trying some kind of therapy so you have tools to deal with anxiety that don't involve medications?

 

I missed my life terrribly, it disappeared completely.  Little by little it has come back and it is great to hear my daughter say she sees the old me back. BTW I am not a spring chicken either so know that us mature types can heal as well.

 

pianogirl

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Thank you so much for replying. Yes, I have seen 2 therapists who claimed they were using CBT but for the life of me it didnt seem to be anything but me sitting there crying for an hout. Recently went to a hypnotherapist and I kind of liked the whole concept. When I went to reschedule he couldn't see me for 3 weeks! I need weekly therapy.

 

I tried several AD's and couldn't tolerate the side effects. I'm afraid of them anyway and it takes every ounce of courage I have to take them at all.

 

Really, I didn't think about the vitamins hindering the tapering. Since depression had kicked in I was desperate to try and lift it with exercise, diet and the supplements. I'm fearful if I stop them that the depression will come back. When my anxiety started I wasn't depressed. I still think the ativan lead to some of the depression but I could be wrong.

 

I need a better plan to taper. My hit or miss method can't be good for my body and mind. I am thrilled to hear that you are so much better. That gives me hope and hope is what I'm clinging to right now. :)

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Hi Phoenix2: You can do this. Try and find a dose that you can stabilize on if possible. It sounds like you are having interdose withdrawal. Maybe taking more doses per day would be helpful. Just go slow and easy. Take care
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Thank you for your encouragement. I dose 4 times a day. It's bizarre. I think it's .40 in the morning, .40 around noon, .25 around 5p because I go exercise and it seems I can get by with less at that time. Then .40 at bedtime. At least the .40 is my best guess. I have a pill cutter but you can't really measure anything but 4ths on it. If anybody has any suggestions on how to split this better I would be grateful. TIA. (Once in awhile when I wake up at some unreal hour and can't go back to sleep I will take .25 to try to ease off to sleep because I do work full time).
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If your doctor will prescribe it, Ativan can be gotten in a liquid form. This will make your dosing easier and more consistent
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I didn't know it came in a liquid. I see my doctor in a little over 2 weeks and I will ask him about it. I wonder if it comes with a measure of some sort? I have read where some people use a syringe? That would be so much better because that may be part of the problem, I am guessing at the cuts and the doses are actually uneven. That would be a big relief to know exactly what I was doing. Are doctors reluctant to prescribe the liquid? I have gotten to the point that I am truly sick of the taste of the pill. Thank you bart!
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There is a tapering off Ativan support thread that may be helpful to you. A pharmacist known as a compounding pharmacist can make up the solution for you but your doctor has to order it. It is important to keep your doses even and consistent
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Thank you bart. This is a fairly small town and I hope I can find a compound pharmacist. I looked at the ativan thread and there is some useful information. I am scheduled to make another cut on the 18th of July but I don't know where it's going to come from yet. My vision is giving me fits and has been since I started reducing the dosage. Thanks for your comments.
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Phoenix,

 

You may want to try water titration with the Ativan.  There is a special board for this.  I will post the link here: 

 

                http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?board=62.0

 

My suggestion is that you find a dose that you feel stable at (kinda good) and stay there for a week or two.  Then I would start the water titration and keep my doses even.  This might help.  We will be here to support you in what ever you do.

 

Popcornlady

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Phoenix,

 

You may want to try water titration with the Ativan.  There is a special board for this.  I will post the link here: 

 

                http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?board=62.0

 

My suggestion is that you find a dose that you feel stable at (kinda good) and stay there for a week or two.  Then I would start the water titration and keep my doses even.  This might help.  We will be here to support you in what ever you do.

 

Popcornlady

 

Oh, I appreciate the information. I am so scared. I'm usually a courageous, confident person but I have GAD and I'm still not over that hump. I feel anxiety throughout the day off and on and I'm nervous about reducing the dosage but I HATE this drug. I get upset every single time I take it. It makes me almost physically ill to think about it. Thank you so much! :)

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I'm made another cut today. The lunch time dose. I was at .40 and took .25. I had already started to shake and get that tight band feeling around my head. I didn't think the .25 would help much but it did help somewhat. Now, I just have a headache but don't know if it's side effect related or not. Headaches I can handle.

 

This is much more difficult than I ever thought. Exercising everyday is helping. I will be at 1.30 mg today if I make it through the day. I know the side effects could be there tomorrow or might not be so bad. You just never know. This is doable but your comfort level sure changes. = - )

 

I started with the tart cherry juice concentrate last night for sleep. I read it helps with benzo withdrawal (sleep). Two tablespoons in the morning and two at night, mixed with water or taken straight. I did sleep more soundly although I'm still waking early. However, instead of 4:30am I managed to doze back off until around 5:30am. That's a huge deal for me.

 

To everyone tapering Ativan or any other benzo,  I remember all of you in my prayers everyday. To all of you that are suffering withdrawals minor or major, the payoff will be tremendous. I can now almost envision how it will be when I'm off this med. Support is vital and thank you for any and all support I receive. I just have to remember not to rush the taper. It's tempting but not smart I don't believe, at least for me.

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  • 1 month later...

I'm made another cut today. The lunch time dose. I was at .40 and took .25. I had already started to shake and get that tight band feeling around my head. I didn't think the .25 would help much but it did help somewhat. Now, I just have a headache but don't know if it's side effect related or not. Headaches I can handle.

 

This is much more difficult than I ever thought. Exercising everyday is helping. I will be at 1.30 mg today if I make it through the day. I know the side effects could be there tomorrow or might not be so bad. You just never know. This is doable but your comfort level sure changes. = - )

 

I started with the tart cherry juice concentrate last night for sleep. I read it helps with benzo withdrawal (sleep). Two tablespoons in the morning and two at night, mixed with water or taken straight. I did sleep more soundly although I'm still waking early. However, instead of 4:30am I managed to doze back off until around 5:30am. That's a huge deal for me.

 

To everyone tapering Ativan or any other benzo,  I remember all of you in my prayers everyday. To all of you that are suffering withdrawals minor or major, the payoff will be tremendous. I can now almost envision how it will be when I'm off this med. Support is vital and thank you for any and all support I receive. I just have to remember not to rush the taper. It's tempting but not smart I don't believe, at least for me.

 

How are you feeling?

 

Is the tart cherry working? I was interested in that myself.

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Hi Journey, I gave up on it. It did seem to help some but I also felt depressed the next day. It could absolutely be a coincidence. I did try it for a couple of weeks. A doctor recommended it and she did it with success. I'm feeling slightly better than I was when I posted this but still need to cut down on my night time dose.

 

If you try it just make sure it's tart cherry juice concentrate.

BTW I have been in a rough spot for the past 3 days because I cut again. It's mental mostly. Today I just wanted to throw in the towel but I can't. It feels like its never going to end but deep down I know it will.

 

Good luck of you try it.

 

P2

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Hi Phoenix

 

I am glad you are feeling a bit better.

Why did you give up on the tart cherry?

 

I will only try something that I know will make a difference.

Non acidic Vitamin C is helping me, but I have to take a shedload.

 

IF I were you I would wait till you are dosing at even amonts evenly spaced through the day before you cut. There is no rush, you could move gradually to equal amounts if you are worried about not sleeping.

 

P2

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I gave up on the tart cherry juice because I seemed to feel depressed the next day. Could have been a coincidence with my tapering. It does contain melatonin which can cause depression.

 

Others have benefitted from it. It's not cheap. I bought mine at a health food store. If you try it I hope it works for you.

 

P2

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