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I am going to cold turkey instead and have already started


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I'm almost 15 hours in. I'm not having any symptoms so far, but I suspect I will soon.

 

Any thoughts about what to expect that you experienced? Thank you.

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Hi,

I haven't c/t a benzo before, so I'm not able to address it. I just want you to know my heart aches for you, the horrible time all the while tapering, plus the toll it's taken on your marriage.

 

Please know I'm thinking of you and sending you my love.

 

Take Care,

RG

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Thank you RG. That's really appreciated. I'm going to try to go for a walk soon. I'm sure I'll be smacked with bad symptoms soon enough and I think they'll last a week or two. Until then, I want to feel as good as possible.  :smitten: :smitten: :smitten:
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Hello Blueorchidlady :hug:

 

I am so sorry for what your going through i didnt cold turkey but i know people who have, I just wanted to let you know we are here for you

I know you have had a rough time i wish i could take your pain away, i would not advise anyone to cold turkey

 

I am praying things turn out ok.

 

((hugs))

 

Magrita :smitten:

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[24...]

Blue

 

I just wrote what i thought on your other thread stay close to your hubby as well and i know you know about the seizure risk i didnt have these but I know you have.  I also know your smart enough to seek medical attention.  Im worried about you nothing can sway you I did one wasnt pleasant and mentally im still suffering big time with severe anxiety.

 

Good luck

 

Lizzyxx

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wishing you the best Blue - you are the bravest of the brave...stand strong and be ready to be buffeted by winds of incomprehensible strength....keep us p osted on how you are doing...
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Hi Blue,

 

I wish you wouldn't do this.

 

However, it seems you feel you don't have a choice. I'm concerned. I don't condone this c/t but I do want you to know that as you seem to have made up your mind, I support you. This is your choice.

 

Please keep in close touch with those who care about you here on the forum (including myself).

 

 

Hope

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I'm doing very well. No symptoms at all so far other than the same sort of things which I usually have but not bad so far: slightly increased perception mainly. I just came home from hiking and then grocery shopping. It has been 20 hours since I've taken anything. It may hit later still. We'll see. I'll let you all know how it goes.
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Hi Blue-I'm happy to know that things are going smoothly for you so far.  Who knows, maybe you will be one of the lucky people who get through this without many problems. :)  After all, there are probably thousands of people out there who don't even need this forum.  I look forward to following your progress, and I will say a prayer for you.  Hugs,  Jenn
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Good luck on your C/T adventure. I understand why some people take this route. I also understand why people avoid it at all costs. Please be safe and take good care of yourself!!

 

Rock

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Good luck on your C/T adventure. I understand why some people take this route. I also understand why people avoid it at all costs. Please be safe and take good care of yourself!!

 

Rock

 

Thanks Krock! I am checking in just to let folks know I'm alright. I'm actually feeling pretty good tonight. It's a little weird. I am starting to think I already have had the acute w/d while tapering and possibly quite often at that. So this may only be an improvement. I'm definitely glad right now that I tapered off the first part of the medication over a few months. I think I know what to expect.

 

We just finished watching a movie, and the only symptom I have so far is some tingling skin and a little jelly knees which are both things I sometimes feel interdose anyways.

 

This was literally my worst fear, by the way, to cold turkey off medication. But it's been 24 hours now. I'm not discounting it getting worse, but I'm not sure either if it will. I know there is no Xanax at all in my blood stream anymore due to the short half-life. I am really testing my limits, but oddly, I feel very calm and sort of good about this all. Well, nothing too terrible so far. And on the bright side, for the first time in years, I have an appetite, and also, I'm not scared of having to wait until my next dose and am not fixated on the medication.

 

I feel a little amped up and am unsure how I'll sleep though!

 

Thanks for the well wishes, Krock! I'm not reading every reply because I'm nervous that some will chastise me, and right now, I don't want to look backwards to "should have" but just forward. I was very, very tempted to reinstate outright. Now I'm glad to try this instead. If it works, it works. If it doesn't, c'est la vie. I honestly think the taper itself had begun to make me very sick and crazy somehow with too much yo-yo'ing but not enough outright relief? No clue. But it wasn't working for me for the past month or so, although at first, it was literally a Godsend.

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dear blue,

 

I was a full c/t. My sxs didn't hit me until approximately 2 full weeks out. I say approximately because it wasn't a conscious decision, it just happened. When it started, I went into a black hole and didn't come up or out for air for about 2 months. All is documented in my journals which I am frankly to scared to read. Maybe I will someday. My memory is very bad, so recall is not perfect here.  My sxs are not all that you have endured. I never had a seizure. I did feel in quite a real way, that I was on the verge of death for many, many days.

 

I have only really truly been coming out of it the last 2 months, and really had my first window last week. As far as I can remember that is. The better I feel, the more I know how awful it has been.

 

I respect your decision, of course! I have told you many times that you are the most intelligent and self aware person that I've come across on this journey. I hope things go well for you. I will be checking your posts.

 

I agree with Lizzie, please keep spouse near for medical/support reasons.

 

Love,

 

M.  :smitten:

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Just checking in to see how it's going, Blue.  I'm pulling for this to work for you!  Since Xanax is so short-acting, symptoms should show up sooner than later, I think. 

 

I agree with Hope...if you're determined to do this, I'm behind you and hoping for the best.

 

Challis  :smitten:

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Good luck on your C/T adventure. I understand why some people take this route. I also understand why people avoid it at all costs. Please be safe and take good care of yourself!!

 

Rock

 

Thanks Krock! I am checking in just to let folks know I'm alright. I'm actually feeling pretty good tonight. It's a little weird. I am starting to think I already have had the acute w/d while tapering and possibly quite often at that. So this may only be an improvement. I'm definitely glad right now that I tapered off the first part of the medication over a few months. I think I know what to expect.

 

We just finished watching a movie, and the only symptom I have so far is some tingling skin and a little jelly knees which are both things I sometimes feel interdose anyways.

 

This was literally my worst fear, by the way, to cold turkey off medication. But it's been 24 hours now. I'm not discounting it getting worse, but I'm not sure either if it will. I know there is no Xanax at all in my blood stream anymore due to the short half-life. I am really testing my limits, but oddly, I feel very calm and sort of good about this all. Well, nothing too terrible so far. And on the bright side, for the first time in years, I have an appetite, and also, I'm not scared of having to wait until my next dose and am not fixated on the medication.

 

I feel a little amped up and am unsure how I'll sleep though!

 

Thanks for the well wishes, Krock! I'm not reading every reply because I'm nervous that some will chastise me, and right now, I don't want to look backwards to "should have" but just forward. I was very, very tempted to reinstate outright. Now I'm glad to try this instead. If it works, it works. If it doesn't, c'est la vie. I honestly think the taper itself had begun to make me very sick and crazy somehow with too much yo-yo'ing but not enough outright relief? No clue. But it wasn't working for me for the past month or so, although at first, it was literally a Godsend.

 

I only go to a few parts of this website for the most part anymore. I look at the success stories. I cruz around the Chewing the Fat Section. And I will occasionally peek  :o in this Cold Turkey Section seeing how I really understand what most of the people in here are going through. Theres a lot of posts I want to respond to in here but I don't because I'm not going to force my experience onto others. I use to do this and it was pointed out to me that my experience will not be theirs and theres a lot of truth to that. Just because one gets slammed doesn't mean the next one will. So for the most part I will read whats going on with the person and just tell them good luck and "Be Safe". Being safe both mentally and physically is the most important part while going through a cold turkey hands down. Having some type of support is a must in my opinion. If things start breaking down at home because the duration of the withdrawl is getting to them. Then log on here and let some of your friends take the weight off your loved ones until they can get their strength back to pick you up again. 

 

As far as tapering and fixating on meds? I sucked at it. Well I probably sucked at it because my doctor didn't know what he was doing and was pulling me off a large amount of Valium rather quickly. I didn't know about this site. In terms of waiting for the next dose to come around? That was Phycological torture within itself. I was already in bad shape and the doses I was taking while tapering gave me minimum relief. So I freaked out and said I'm done with this crap and checked myself into a detox. Not saying thats the right thing to do. But its what I did and I was the one dealing with the symptoms. So off I went. I just had it with the whole process. There are many people who have cold turkied off benzos and have gone on to live a happy healthy life. There are also people that taper that do the same. I have seen many people on here suffer very long painfull tapers and when they jump off they suffer even longer. Others taper and when they jump they have minimal effects. I have seen people C/T that rebound rather quickly. Others not so much. There is no rhythm or reason to any of this. You have to do what your heart is telling you to do and roll with it. People around here wont judge you either way. They just want you to get through this. Again be Safe and try to listen to the "rational voice" inside your head. As my Friend on here always tells me. That voice is the real you underneath the craziness. That voice is what will guide you through this mess. In the end everyone gets to their final destination. Its just what route you choose to take to get there. No one has to drive that route but you. So as long as your down with it. It really doesnt matter. Take care and GOOD LUCK!! :thumbsup:

 

Rock

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You are amazing, Krock. Seriously. This is beautiful advice. It is worth writing to every person on this site who first joins, in my humblest opinion.

 

I am just reporting in to say that I slept for nine hours perfectly with a cocktail of 10mg melatonin and 50mg dramamine, and I woke up about an hour ago, and other than feeling slightly fuzzy skin and a little weak with slightly trembling hands, both of which are feelings that I've had from cuts, I'm feeling absolutely fine. No anxiety, no hallucinations, no high blood pressure, no teeth chattering (symptoms which have plagued me in the past).

 

It's been 36 hours. By now, I have had no Xanax at all in my system for 16 hours (it has a 10-11 hour half-life).

 

As I was scrolling down quickly, I saw someone -- didn't see who, sorry -- saying that they didn't have symptoms for two weeks. Well, that's unfortunate. But I'd rather not hear about that right now unless your goal is to convince me to reinstate. :)Please keep it positive. I've been reading this forum for four months and am completely aware of the range of possibilities which might be in store for me. I will feel more secure that all's well at around 72 hours for Xanax, when the seizure risk subsides, and then probably in about a week. I'm pretty sure I will get some symptoms. It seems unlikely that I won't. But dwelling on this is a very bad idea for me. I'm sure I may have problems which I had prior to using Xanax, such as fears and panic attacks, and I'm ready to sort those out as they come.

 

On the flipside, I have such a good appetite for the first time in forever. If I so much as walk past the kitchen, the food all looks good. I don't know if I like this!! It's a side effect of Xanax that I'd forgotten about: for me, it always worked as an excellent appetite suppressant. My hunger is back with full force now. Watch out waistline!

 

I'll let you all know how I'm doing tonight.  :smitten: :smitten: :smitten:

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Just checking in to see how it's going, Blue.  I'm pulling for this to work for you!  Since Xanax is so short-acting, symptoms should show up sooner than later, I think. 

 

I agree with Hope...if you're determined to do this, I'm behind you and hoping for the best.

 

Challis  :smitten:

 

Thank you, Challis and Hope. I know my doctor wouldn't approve either, but it's what I felt. The taper was great at first! Then it started to feel weird for me. I knew I was at a crossroads. I also knew that a few weeks ago, I'd stopped "craving" medication or knowing when I needed it. So I think maybe I'd become no longer habituated. Just a theory. Obviously there are no tests, but it was a strange, obvious shift. And it came around the same time that the really bad symptoms came.

 

I think the big problems would come soon too. The Xanax is way out of my system now! I just feel like one of the earlier cuts. It's almost unnoticeable so far. It could hit me with a wallop still. But maybe I also did the hard withdrawal during the taper itself (that would explain the severity of my taper symptoms). I was trying to listen to my brain anyways, and it seemed to be requesting stasis of some kind or another.

 

I do feel like I'm wrapped in something furry, but I presume that's just a normal "bugs on the skin" feeling. It's not so bad anyways. I've already been so awful for months! Unless lightning bolts fly out of the drain at me, it will probably just be more of the same if anything. And at least now, I can begin healing.

 

Thank you for your help and friendship all of these months.  :hug: :hug: :hug:

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Good to hear, Blue.  If it goes for you like it did for me, the worst had hit by 72 hours, but it started before where you are now.  You're about halfway there, right? About 36 hours more or less?

 

Fingers are crossed for you, girl...Challis  :smitten:

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Good to hear, Blue.  If it goes for you like it did for me, the worst had hit by 72 hours, but it started before where you are now.  You're about halfway there, right? About 36 hours more or less?

 

Fingers are crossed for you, girl...Challis  :smitten:

 

Thanks sweetie. I am having w/d symptoms now, definitely: a sinking feeling in my stomach, anxiety, trembling, weakness, sweating, nausea, the room feels like a boat on high seas, some dp/dr, and everything is too loud. I also have a feeling of impending doom/death which is fairly intense but I'm trying to make light of it. I'm at 37 hours. I'm riding these out and my husband is keeping an eye on me in case it gets worse; also, if needed, I have Xanax, Klonopin, and the two antiepileptics. I'm trying to not take them unless needed. I presume this is just the cold turkey withdrawal feeling and this is probably at its height. I can endure this for a day or two. I'm sure of it. If it gets worse or weirder, I'm not sure, but I know I can reinstate if needed! :) I felt perfectly well an hour ago too. Maybe I'll go lay down for a while. Because it's father's day, my family's trying to invite me over. Not going to happen today!

 

I think it does get to be the worst at 72 hours. That's what I'm banking on.

 

Sorry to play "experiment" with myself. If it's too awful, I'll reinstate and then proceed with the taper. My concern is literally only that I don't have a seizure or go nuts. Beyond that, I'm already pretty poorly off lately.

 

I'm trying to tell myself these crummy feelings will lead to my healing more quickly. I do think that may be the case! I'm planning our next Summer trip as a reward for myself today.

 

So honestly, it starts to subside after 3-5 days, right? Because so far, this is a lot like a severe cut. Those have been very, very habitual for me: 72 hours is the worst, and then by five days, I start to feel really well again. I've documented these on my spread sheet, and it's been that way again and again.

 

:smitten: :smitten: :smitten:

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When things got unbearable for me, one tiny nibble of Xanax eased things into tolerable for me...I went along like that for awhile, just taking enough tiny bits to keep the wolf from the door.

Challis  :smitten:

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When things got unbearable for me, one tiny nibble of Xanax eased things into tolerable for me...I went along like that for awhile, just taking enough tiny bits to keep the wolf from the door.

Challis  :smitten:

 

I was thinking about that but wasn't sure! I may try that as well if it gets too bad.  :smitten: I mainly just want off after seeing how habituated I am. What an eye-opening experience, to go through this.

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Almost 40 hours.

 

Feeling a bit better than earlier in terms of anxiety, a bit worse in terms of nausea.

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Thanks Sweetie!

 

It's hard, but I'm doing my best. I'm literally just sitting online, trying to go about my business. The anxiety is back again but I'm ignoring it. I know it's just from discontinuing medication and is trying to trick me into going along with it. It will pass and then I'll be okay again. Thank you for being here. I appreciate it more than you know. :smitten:

 

Shaky again and going to lay down for awhile.

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Blue, wishing you the best and hope you are hanging in.  You made a very courageous decision.  Please keep us updated that you're ok.

Faulk

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