Author Topic: Very very short-termer healed at 13 1/2 months  (Read 9717 times)

[Buddie]

Very very short-termer healed at 13 1/2 months
« on: June 13, 2012, 06:37:00 pm »
I've been longing for the moment when I could write my own success story and that time has finally arrived, after 13 1/2 long and difficult months.  My story is quite long so please bear with me and it goes to show how dangerous even a short-term dosage of these evil drugs can be.

In March 2011 I had everything to look forward although I have to say I had been driving myself very hard.  Had sold up and moved to a new country with my husband with all that that entails leaving behind in the UK my 2 grown-up sons and my mother who suffers from Alzheimers.  Life was crazy busy and I was doing a lot of travelling backwards and forwards to see the family.

On the day I had that panic attack I had not been feeling myself foir a while but brushed it off - I was feeling a little depressed, had been suffering with insomnia and I must have been suffering from stress - I don't want to blame my mother's situation, although I am the sole carer.  I think it was a combination of things.

I had just returned from a friend's wedding in Scotland, come back to Spain, and was due to go 4 days later to the UK.  I must have been burnt-out because I had the most massive panic attack - I was so scared as I didn't even know what was happening to me but I thought I was dying, I was hysterical and told my husband to take me to the doctor.

She put a 1mg Xanax tablet under my tongue and I immediately calmed down.  She told me to take 1mg 3 times a day for at least a week then stop them.  I was calmer but zombie-like on them and when I arrived in London 4 days later I was having massive palpitations, I thought I was having a heart attack so my husband took me straight to the hospital where they diagnosed panic and told me to stay on the medication for the rest of the week then come down by 1mg a day.

I had only been on the Xanax for those 7 days when I tried to reduce - it was impossible - I was obviously dependant and realised I would have to reduce slower than 1mg a day (I had no idea) but it was awful - I was having panic attack after panic attack and reduced to a bed-bound quivering heap.

Fast-forward - I managed to get down to 1mg, was feeling suicidal and took myself off to the only psychiatric hospital I had heard of where the film stars go.  I saw a really nice psychiatrist who recognised the problem with the benzos and immediately switched me to a 22mg Valium wean and told me to reduce by 2mg daily and then jump off at 2mg.  When I asked him if I would have withdrawals like the ones I was having from the Xanax, he wrote down the name of this website - benzobuddies!  I think he was worried to tell me.

So, yes, I had bad bad withdrawals.  The main symptoms I had were massive anxiety,mornings were very bad for me - high cortisol type rushes which lasted till noon then dropped to lasting for an hour or two, palpitations, depression, sweating, Gi problems, nausea, diaorreah, dry vomiting, shortness of breath, suicidal feelings, crawling sensations like I had bugs running inside me, pins and needles, hot and cold flushes, earache, feeling of doom, feeling like had the flu, fatigue, loss of interest in everything, also I was terrified of being left alone, social anxiety (I am a social butterfly, never had that before, it was so not like me), lack of motivation.  I'm sure there were more but those were the main ones.  The first few weeks were hellish then I had a few windows then back to bad again - in fact, sometimes I thought I had gone back to the beginning but I always found that after a major wave, I started to feel a bit better. 

I actually kept a daily log and graded myself daily and then did a chart over the weeks to see how I had improved.  Sad isn't it?!  But it really helped.

I never ever thought I would recover fully though.  It did start to get easier and less and up and down at around 10 months but I was [...] plagued with anxiety up to a few weeks ago.  I had to move my mother into a care home a month ago and the anxiety came back in full force and I [...] felt sensitive to stress.  I think this may have got better but I won't know till the next stressful episode which is coming up next week when we have to clear out her house etc. - although the feeling inside is not like it was a month ago.  I think I will be able to swing it.

Things that have helped me through this were this site obviously, the support has been amazing; trying to be positive though it is hard in a way; betablockers were a lifesaver for the strong anxiety; I think that the antidepressants I was put on may have helped with the depression.  The only thing I am [...] on is 37.5 Effexor which is really little compared to the 150mg I was on throughout and it is not even a therapeutic dose but I will get off that in time. 

I just wanted to tell you that absolutely everything has GONE AWAY at I would say 13 1/2 months!  The last symptoms to go were that awful morning cortisol anxiety and the anxiety itself and my motivation has come back - I thought I was doomed in that respect.   I am sleeping well, eating well, looking well and feeling A-M-A-Z-I-N-G!!  I honestly cannot remember when I felt so well.

So anyone who is reading this - yes I was only on a short time albeit fairly high dose I think - but I suffered, I really did and it has all gone.   I am better.  Please do not despair - time is the healer and you will get better too and will be writing your own success story like me.

Good luck to my fellow Benzo Buddies!

[...]
« Last Edit: June 13, 2012, 07:45:48 pm by [Buddie] »
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Very very short-termer healed at 13 1/2 months
« Reply #1 on: June 13, 2012, 07:23:06 pm »
Fantastic!...Congratulations, [...]

Every success story that is read by somebody who is [...] stuggling, will give them the strength, to stay the course, and eventually write their own success story.  Thank you for posting.

The best to you.

[...]
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Very very short-termer healed at 13 1/2 months
« Reply #2 on: June 13, 2012, 07:56:55 pm »
Amazing what these drugs can do to us in such short period of time. How where you doing at 7-9 months off?
I'm about 7.5 months and there is improvement but i feel like I'm in another wave again.

Can't wait to get my life fully back.
We don't deserve this.
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Very very short-termer healed at 13 1/2 months
« Reply #3 on: June 13, 2012, 08:14:33 pm »
Congratulations [...],
So pleased you have finally healed, sounds like you've really been through the mill.
Wishing you continued healing !
[...]  :thumbsup:
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Very very short-termer healed at 13 1/2 months
« Reply #4 on: June 13, 2012, 08:17:41 pm »
[...] - thanks for writing.  Hope you are [...] feeling great.  What a journey eh?!

[...] - I had to check my log for 7.5 months actually - but I can tell you that although my baseline had improved by then,  I was [...] suffering from the morning anxiety and jitters, had some GI problems.  The anxiety had waned although it did come back when I had a wave that month.  Generally I was feeling pretty crappy and fatigued.  The crappiness by the way was a constant up until the past few weeks when it totally disappeared and I felt well.

I should say I had varying degrees of "crappiness" - by the evening I would feel absolutely normal only for it to return the next day.  I think this is pretty normal in w/ds.

It was a period of ups and downs but from about month 8 I was slightly more stable though [...] prone to waves and stress-induced anxiety.

But it all goes - you are over the worst, think of it like that.

All the best.
[...]
« Last Edit: June 13, 2012, 08:30:36 pm by [Buddie] »
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Very very short-termer healed at 13 1/2 months
« Reply #5 on: June 13, 2012, 08:43:15 pm »
I'm so happy for you [...].  Thank you for coming and posting this wonderful news.

I am sorry about your mother.  I know personally from first hand how hard a parent with Alzheimers is.  I hope you have a lot of support from your husband, sons, or friends.  And I also know how hard it is to clear out a parent's home.  Am in the process of that right now, well have been needing to the past few months, just taking it slow, as my siblings agree it should be done.

Did you gain any weight during your w/d?  I was just wondering if you did, have you noticed it starting to come off, just as it came on?  I have never had a weight issue in my life, not even after I had my 3 kids, I didn't diet - it just gradually returned to normal.

Go and enjoy your benzo free - healed life [...], Please do come back and keep an up date every now and then.  As you know I'm sure, the words from those a head of us are so powerful to giving us strength to go on.

I happy for you,
[...]
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Very very short-termer healed at 13 1/2 months
« Reply #6 on: June 13, 2012, 09:49:31 pm »
Congratulations [...],
So pleased you have finally healed, sounds like you've really been through the mill.
Wishing you continued healing !
[...]  :thumbsup:

Thanks so much [...] :smitten:

Wishing you the best for your healing too.

[...] xx
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Very very short-termer healed at 13 1/2 months
« Reply #7 on: June 13, 2012, 09:54:19 pm »
I'm so happy for you [...].  Thank you for coming and posting this wonderful news.

I am sorry about your mother.  I know personally from first hand how hard a parent with Alzheimers is.  I hope you have a lot of support from your husband, sons, or friends.  And I also know how hard it is to clear out a parent's home.  Am in the process of that right now, well have been needing to the past few months, just taking it slow, as my siblings agree it should be done.

Did you gain any weight during your w/d?  I was just wondering if you did, have you noticed it starting to come off, just as it came on?  I have never had a weight issue in my life, not even after I had my 3 kids, I didn't diet - it just gradually returned to normal.

Go and enjoy your benzo free - healed life [...], Please do come back and keep an up date every now and then.  As you know I'm sure, the words from those a head of us are so powerful to giving us strength to go on.

I happy for you,
Sal

Thanks so much [...] :smitten: ([...] is my real name too!  Must be a generation thing.

Yes dealing with a relative with Alzheimers is simply awful - the relief that Mum is finally in a Care Home is unbelievable - although she is taking time to settle (having already pushed another resident and broken his hip!  So she has had to be given antipsychotic medication and it is awful to see her now, she's not the same Mum any more  :(

It's funny about the weight thing - initially I lost loads as I had no appetite and my husband had to practically force-feed me.  Then I seemed to have put on loads - am not sure it was to do with the fact I let myself go a bit during w/ds - I am now on a diet as I must lose 7 lbs to fit into my jeans.  Is it a common thing to put on weight during w/ds then?

Wishing you all the best with your full recovery too.

[...] xx
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Very very short-termer healed at 13 1/2 months
« Reply #8 on: June 13, 2012, 10:06:51 pm »
yay [...]

congratulations I love hearing news like this and it doesnt matter the length of time you were on thats for sure Im just that thrilled for you go on and enjoy your life.

Sorry about your mum I know this must be real tough for you.

Lizzy
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Very very short-termer healed at 13 1/2 months
« Reply #9 on: June 14, 2012, 12:45:07 am »
Wow, [...].  What a compelling story... we really don't get the whole picture of someone's story if we catch a post here and a post there.  The nature of benzodiazepines continues to stun me with its unpredictability and the depth of suffering that it can cause, especially after seven days of use.

So glad you're now back to 100% and thanks for coming back to share your positive, inspiring story.

[...]   :highfive:
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.