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Help I'm terrified please let this just be benzo withdrawal


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I had a relatively good day, but I was terrified to drive to work and home but I made it. Nobody understands the pain I'm in and the fear I have a serious brain disorder or strokes/aneurysms they haven't caught or what! Then my doctor is telling me, maybe chiari malformation or beginning of a neurological disorder. They don't know crap! I'm so scared and crying as I write. I feel like I have a window then stabbing or a tingling then pressure with numbing. It moves around constantly. Then I feel a little dizzy or confused. How can this be happening? I can't take this crap anymore and I still have a long way to go. Please, Lord let this only be because of this awful horrible medicine! I can't be alone so scared to be alone. I'm afraid something bad will happen and it's just me and my daughter. Please help me. Please. Doctors and pharmaceutical companies should be sued for these drugs. I never had this on klonopin withdrawal. What is wrong with me? How do I get through this and not go insane or end up having a stroke b/c I'm so stressed? Please pray for me.
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So maybe I'm beginning to feel paranoid. I don't know, but I've got these butterfly sick surges to my stomach then anxious. I feel fuzzy. How do I stop this insanity? I just want to be healed!
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Now I'm feeling like this: seeing floaters and wonky vision. Not double vision but like I'm looking through a little screen. Don't know if I've mentioned it but I've had full eye exam w/ dialation and all and eye are fine. Dizzy and some pressure in my head. I almost feel ok but like I'm going to slip away any minute and like I'm here but I'm not.  My brain feels like it wants to seize and my eyes want to roll back. Chest pains are very light and I only feel a little surge of anxiety here and there. Tingling sensations come and go on different parts of my body. I feel so guilty I'm not being the best mom I can be. My daughter is making her first communion this coming weekend and I forget everything I need to do and people have to remind me. I just want to feel normal.
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EB,

 

I too am a single mom going thru this.  Well... actually im almost done with this journey.  At 28 months now, im almost healed.  My heart has a special spot for single moms going thru this. 

 

I was extremely bad.  I ct'd off alot of med, as you can tell from my sig.  I had EVERY sx that wikipedia listed and then some.  I alone took care of my child.  I had NO family support, friends didnt understand and became distant.

 

What you listed as sx's sounds like wd to me.  It is horrendeous and unbelieveable that doctors are so clueless.  As you read here we are diagnosed with alot of things. 

 

My rule of thumb is...

 

1. go for bloodwork every 3-6 months to see if anything "real" is happening.  This can put ALOT of stress on ones body, so things can happen.

 

2.  If you decide to see a therapist, Be clear that you cant work on real issues while in wd.  Dont let them diagnose you with anything.  It is impossible for a doctor to because this mimics so many mental illinesses.  It is because our brain chemistry is out of balance because of wd, not a normal dysfunction.  Seek one that works with people in trama, like a terminal illness.  They can give you coping skills to help with acceptance of being sick, and release guilt that comes with being a mom during this.

 

3.  If you are tapering ..go slow.  Do it your way, not by anyone else's schedule.  Listen to yourself first.

 

4.  If you can, set yourself up finanically.  Get insurance from work that would cover you in case you cant work.  Save money, establish a support system.  (If you read my story, I sold just about everything in order to buy time)

 

My heart really goes out to you!  I will let you know that we do heal.  Heck anyone can if I am.  I went to Vegas for a week and just got back.  Had the time of my life!  I'm sooo close to being completely healed now.  It was the hardest, and scariest thing I have ever been thru but I made it.  You will also!

 

Hugs!

Believe

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[4d...]

Hey there I know you are scared and frightened I have been there myself but there is no way I could have worked it was horrific and I just want you to know that all this will pass one day but at the time it feels like forever.

 

I admire your courage and strength to get through this.

 

Lizzy

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Dear EB,

 

As desperate as you are feeling right now, most of us could write your post at one time or another.  Some of us have written many, many posts feeling this way.

 

Bottom line is that this is very typical of 'benzo-talking' in withdrawal.  All our emotions ramp up and run amok.

Obsessive worries and thoughts plague us day and night.

 

We're here for you, EB.  Feel free to vent and ask for support.  If things get unmanageable, remember to take care of yourself by calling your doctor or a helpline. 

 

Believe's list is a good one.  I'd print it out and stick it on the fridge.

 

Challis  http://i358.photobucket.com/albums/oo29/pigletmph/zadiffgrouphug.gif

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EB, I feel just like you and I'm on a very structured taper off Klonopin. Be careful of the drugs they give you in the ER! My first visits to the ER for panic started me on this roller coaster of benzo, anti-depressant use. They will shoot you up with so much crap to calm you down without letting you know about the horrible w/d that can happen after they wear off. It seems like I'm always worried and obsessed too all the time.

 

Take care and know that others feel for you and know how you are feeling. Remember, it's the benzo's that have screwed with our brains. With a good taper and a long recovery, healing is possible. I'm struggling to believe this too, but I know it's true.

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Thank you all so much! I finally feel a little better. I had to pull it together and take my daughter to swim team. Then I went to my mom's house for dinner and I don't really have an appetite, but my mom is so worried about me. I had a good cry and now my head hurts with these pains that shoot through and sore neck a little twingy with a small tightness around my head, but I feel calmer. It's just not fair these doctors do this and put people in this position. I've been so confused about all of these feelings (emotional and physical). My only problem now is that I worry when I feel better for a day it's the calm before a storm.

 

I do see a therapist -no diagnosis just working on anxiety, psychiatrist to get off meds (psychiatrist helped to get me stabilized and is really wanting me to go slow), and neurologist b/c I've been thinking I'm done for with all this pain. Yesterday was the worst pain I felt in my entire life. My brain felt like it was being crushed and  I was so out of it. Felt like I was a bit delirious or having a stroke with it. I had to force myself to stay strong and take my daughter to CCE. I know she can see what I'm going through and I feel so guilty! I have to work too. No choice or I'm on the street.

 

I'm nowhere near getting off the drug. I'm at .5mg until Saturday then I taper to .4375. I'm going REAL slow and figure I'll stay at that dose @ least 10 days. I'm scared to sleep for fear I'll die in my sleep with all this pain in my head and I do have family thank goodness so that I don't have to be alone. So now I pray for a decent night's sleep somehow and to recover. You guys are great and I'm glad I can vent. I was told I need support through this and it's true; no one understands this unless they've been through it. I hope this is just the W/D like you all say. I'm going to keep fighting! Me and my daughter deserve better. 

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EB, I have just had a day were the worst came out.  I have had every one of the sx that you describe.  The tests they have done so far have ALL said I'm normal, except for one but that was the Lyme disease (20 years worth...) and it isn't life threatening.  I have stopped the car and waited for 'the worst to pass'.  I am even having trouble getting myself INTO the car now.. But I have read stories here of people who were housebound they were so bad off, and came back from it!!  God how it helps to read stuff like that!  The most recent was the thread about 'nausea' or terrible problems eating and huge weight loss... Got that one too... but it is easing. Mostly slowly, but sometimes faster.  Hang in!!  I used to prefer getting the tests just to know that is WAS the withdrawal.  Now I don't want the tests... I just come here and read other people's stories and symptoms...
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I used to prefer getting the tests just to know that is WAS the withdrawal.  Now I don't want the tests... I just come here and read other people's stories and symptoms...

 

I'm about there with you on that one! They might run a few more tests and I do get regular blood work, but it's ridiculous they hand out these drugs and turn the other cheek like they don't know what they do and try to cover their butts. I'm also tired of people saying "you haven't been on it that long, OR you aren't taking that much to be experiencing all this". I asked the pharmacist and she said any amount is a lot and will affect you. I'm just going to keep praying and I will get through this with all of you!

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