So scared and want help!

Hi everyone.

 

I'm not real sure what I'm going through. I was off of klonopin and doing well for 6 months then my husband and I had a falling out b/c he's an alcoholic and now going through divorce. They keep telling me it's ativan(Lorazepam) withdrawal but I'm terrified. My head is full of so much pain and pressure and I'm so tired. It feels like its going to burst and I get sharp pains in the right side of my head then numbness. Almost feels like a stroke but they say I'm ok. I've had an MRI with and without dye in 2010 CT scan in March 2012 and MRI w/o dye in January 2012 and nothing was found. March b/c we were out of town and I had a major panic attack episode, got real sick, head pain, went to ER twice and they gave me 2mg Ativan via IV both times and I swear I was having major withdrawals on the 2 day ride home. Came home then 2mg of ativan, feeling better, then I was put on 75mg of Trileptal with .5 to 1mg of Ativan for the past 8 weeks for anxiety. I got better then my vision started going weird like I was looking through a screen and the headaches. Been off trileptal almost a week now and only on .5mg of ativan for about 3 weeks. I am having a tough time w/ it. I'm scared out of my mind it's an aneurysm and they just can't see it yet or I'm having strokes. I do experience a little disconnect feeling then clarity with raging headache. I'm getting surges of butterflies to my stomach too and now I can't sleep. My friends and family are telling me they don't see how I could be having all this pain from just these meds and think i need to be hospitalized but my neurologist and psychiatrist tell me it's nothing. They say I'm experience ativan withdrawals, but why so bad!! I want to go to the ER right now but my psychiatrist thinks they'll just shoot me up with drugs and no testing. I would love advice from anyone b/c I'm now about to taper down from .5mg this coming weekend but so scared I'm going to die b/c they're missing something. Is it possible for me to be having all these symptoms and feelings in my head just from ativan?

Hello EBtired99,

 

Welcome to Benzo Buddies, we are so happy that you found us.  Your name describes just how I felt before I found this forum.  This is a community of support and there are so many well informed members here to help and encourage you.

 

Health anxiety is so common in withdrawal, I have had it as well.  Just like you I have had many medical tests that all came back normal.  We all look for other reasons for these symptoms and it is good to get things checked out.

 

Everything you feel is common for withdrawal. Its really hard for others to understand this, the only way they possibly can is if they go through it themselves. One great thing about Benzo Buddies is that you will receive validation that indeed these feelings, pains and anxiety are due to withdrawal.

 

We are here for you, you will get through this. It can be tough but everyone will heal.  Please feel free to ask questions.

 

Here is a link to the Ashton Manual, it gives a lot of information about withdrawal and the symptoms that come along with this proces:

 

http://www.benzo.org.uk/manual/bzcha03.htm

 

pianogirl

hello

I am sorry you are going through this.. I am withdrawling from ativan and one of my worst symptoms is health anxiety.... you will get through this and we are here when you need to talk

hugs Chance

EB,

I went through a series of health-related issues before Xanax rebounded and I was placed on sertraline(zoloft) and clonazepam(klonopin). I too, thought I was having an aneurism, heart attack, stroke, gallbladder disease and went through all kinds of tests only to be told "nothing was wrong with me, it was anxiety." Was in the ER at least 20 times. Long story short...it was benzo based. Have been tapering for 10 months and am getting better. BB has the most supportive, understanding individuals--and you will be helped here. Read the Ashton Manual and Chance is right---..."we are here when you need to talk"....

Keeping the Faith....T2

Thank you all so much for the replies already. I can't see how this pain in my head isn't deadly and it makes it hard to even fall asleep.  :'( I just started a new job this week too and I have to get up at 5 am and I have to keep it together so I don't lose my daughter too. I have to get well and get off this awful horrible evil drug. I didn't have this bad of withdrawal with klonopin last year. All I had were more anxiety attacks. I'll take that over this pain any day and having a bit of derealization off and on. I'm having a "window" right now but just a little feeling of trapped behind my eyes with pain and pressure still there and my ears feel clogged. I'm so angry the ER out of town gave it to me but I did have a panic attack. It's so scary to not know what it is and to accept it's only withdrawal. When does it stop? I'm so glad I found this forum b/c I've felt so hopeless and alone. Thank you so much for your replies and thoughts.

Hi EB,

 

How long is this withdrawal will take is the magic question we would all like answered.  The only answer is that you will recover.  Recovery isn't linear and symptoms will wax and wane.  Every benzodiazepine is different, I had terrible head pain when I came off ativan.

 

Part of the healing process is acceptance, accepting that we have to go through this.  These medications cause our gaba receptors to downregulate, only time can heal this.

 

Just keep telling yourself that this is withdrawal and remember you are not alone, we will be here for you.

 

pianogirl

Hi EB,

 

Welcome to BB. When I read your info about being off Klonopin and then being given Ativan and the side effects you are experiencing I thought I was reading my own story.

 

The exact same thing happened to me. I had been off Klonopin for 3 months and still going through withdrawal but did not know it as the withdrawal was masked by another sleep med. When I stopped that med I started having terrible symptoms and was given Xanax on an as needed basis not knowing that I should not take it, nor did I want to and it started the symptoms again.

 

I agree with the others who welcomed you that the health concerns are withdrawal related.

 

I don't know if it helps but sometimes just knowing that another human being has gone through pretty much the exact same thing as you helps to ease our mind.

 

Sending good energy your way, mandala 

Hi all. I made it through the night. I woke up every hour but I did it. This morning I feel dizzy, numb and pressure on right side of my head, but the crushing pain is gone for now. I'm a little naustious and feel a little confused. Yes, reading the other stories offer so much peace of mind. I'm at work and will check back throughout the day so I can just make it today. I'm slowly going hour by hour. I am so lucky to have found this because the fear of death has been with me for too long. I didn't realize getting off one benzo and a small dose of another for such a short time could cause this. Thank you all for the support!

Have a good day at work.  We're here for you when you have time to check in!

Challis 

So far so good. I'm getting waves of pressure then get sleepy. Having this site it definitely going to help me get through this! HUGS TO YOU ALL!

Hi EBtired99

 

Just want to say welcome to BB and its good to have you here

Your going to be ok it does get better, if you have any questions feel free to ask

 

(hugs)

 

Magrita

Hi and welcome, just wanted to say that you are an amazingly strong person to be able to work through withdrawal,  it is withdrawal and you will get through it all with time, there are so many supportive folks here that are going through exactly what you are now so its great that you have found this site, there is so much information to help you through your withdrawal,  unfortunately family and friends find it difficult to understand because unless you have taken these drugs and tried to withdraw from them yourself it is hard to understand!! you can do this

Now my neurologist says maybe I'm developing a neurological disorder they can't diagnose yet or Chiari Malformation. I'm supposed to go see him next week because possibly some of the symptoms are that since they haven't found anything else! WTH?? How after 36 years can this be happening and not be the withdrawal. I just want to cry but can't right now. Now I've got upset stomach, dizzyness, and pressure/clogged ears and scared again! I have to keep it together for work.  :'(