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You will heal too!


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Hope...That's great news about your progress, and I'm sure you'll nail that 9 in short order. I'll keep my eye open for your blog.

 

 

Cedar...Sorry for hijacking your thread but the PM service has been taken down for a while.

 

Bill

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Hope...That's great news about your progress, and I'm sure you'll nail that 9 in short order. I'll keep my eye open for your blog.

 

 

Cedar...Sorry for hijacking your thread but the PM service has been taken down for a while.

 

Bill

No problem Bill.  :)  Great to hear you've been having some really good days. It's just going to keep getting better. 

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Dear Brave, Welcome!  I am a very scared beginner too.  I am in my second week of my first cut, so far so good.  I c/o from Cl to Valium.  Have a good day, the sun is out here in the Seattle area!
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Hi Cedar,

 

I just wanted to let you know how much your healing story has meant to me.  I've read it over and over and keep it bookmarked so I can read it again.  I'm in the beginning of a really rough taper, and feeling so discouraged about how far I have to go.  You're story is one that keeps me going trying.  I should have posted a thank you long ago, but here it is now.  Thank you!!  I would love talk to you more, but with no PMs that might be hard.  Feel free to visit my blog anytime! 

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Hello Benzo3, BraveRedOne, angelluv, and sagemom.

 

Sage, thanks for this message. I'll visit your blog and say hello!    :smitten:

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cedartree:  did you just gradually get better or did you suffer a big setback at some point.  people keep talking about getting a big wave at months 4,5 &6.  did you?  it scares me.  my progress is so slow (yet still happening) - i shudder to think of starting over.  i need to get back to work and plan to when school starts again in the fall - the thought of going back into that darkness is horrible.  curious how your healing evolved - i know i've picked your brain re: the dizziness but i wonder if the healing was slow and steady or if it had the big setbacks people talk about.  thanks for taking the time to answer my questions, it means so much right now.
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Hi Turtlegirl. No, never any big setbacks at months 4,5,6 or any other months. I just kept healing gradually and symptoms kept dropping off. Sometimes I was more aware of certain symptoms, but I could feel I was on my way to health because of the vast improvement I kept seeing.  I noticed things like I was able to take a shower in hot water without my skin screaming in agony. I was able to stand up on my own without falling over, I was able to turn up the radio without covering my ears or wearing earplugs, things like that. One by one each symptom disappeared.  Symptoms were by far the worst when I was overly stressed about something. Dizziness would come back with a vengeance and I'm assuming most of that was due to the fact I wasn't breathing properly.

 

Just know that everyone's experience is totally different. The people who have cold turkeyd seem to be the ones who have the worst time once off.  They complain a lot about getting worse and worse before they're able to get better. That's why c/t is the worst thing anyone can do, no matter how bad you feel.  I felt like garbage every single day,  never once stabilized, but I also knew that I had to keep tapering if I had a prayer of getting better.  There were days I questioned my resolve to taper, but I'm so glad I stuck to it and it payed off big. 

 

When I went into tolerance withdrawal literally overnight in the summer of 09, I went to my doctors and told him how desperately ill I was.  He actually told me to just stop taking my 4 mg's of K a day and that the drug would be out of my system in a week and I'd start to get well in a few weeks.  Was he WRONG!!!  I actually followed his piss poor advice and stopped taking the K for 3 days which essentially was a cold turkey. I renistated and wound up in the ER. At that point he switched me to Ativan and added Ambien (huge mistake!).  I swear this doc was trying to kill me.  So I tapered it the best way I could, with no real instruction from him.  He was always ambivalent about it.  He felt I could not live without benzo's and wanted me to increase my dose, not taper me off it. So, I had to learn the hard way that the only way out of this was to taper if I had a prayer of getting back to health again.  Sometimes you just have that revelatory moment when you know that you must do the thing you think you can't do. 

 

I hope this encourages you TG!  It's going to get better I promise.

 

Love,

Cedar

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Also wanted to share that I was able to taper Ambien a lot faster than Ativan.  Your two week taper was fast, but obviously doable. You should recover much faster that I did.  That's just my opinion, but also my prayer for you.

 

"Had symptoms of dizziness,vertigo, anxiety/panic while taking Ambien (interdose withdrawl??)."

 

This quote is from your signature and I honestly think it wasn't interdose withdrawal at all, but simply the effect the drug has on people. I experienced all of this too.  Ambien is a beast.

 

 

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Hi Turtlegirl. No, never any big setbacks at months 4,5,6 or any other months. I just kept healing gradually and symptoms kept dropping off. Sometimes I was more aware of certain symptoms, but I could feel I was on my way to health because of the vast improvement I kept seeing.  I noticed things like I was able to take a shower in hot water without my skin screaming in agony. I was able to stand up on my own without falling over, I was able to turn up the radio without covering my ears or wearing earplugs, things like that. One by one each symptom disappeared.  Symptoms were by far the worst when I was overly stressed about something. Dizziness would come back with a vengeance and I'm assuming most of that was due to the fact I wasn't breathing properly.

 

Just know that everyone's experience is totally different. The people who have cold turkeyd seem to be the ones who have the worst time once off.  They complain a lot about getting worse and worse before they're able to get better. That's why c/t is the worst thing anyone can do, no matter how bad you feel.  I felt like garbage every single day,  never once stabilized, but I also knew that I had to keep tapering if I had a prayer of getting better.  There were days I questioned my resolve to taper, but I'm so glad I stuck to it and it payed off big. 

 

When I went into tolerance withdrawal literally overnight in the summer of 09, I went to my doctors and told him how desperately ill I was.  He actually told me to just stop taking my 4 mg's of K a day and that the drug would be out of my system in a week and I'd start to get well in a few weeks.  Was he WRONG!!!  I actually followed his piss poor advice and stopped taking the K for 3 days which essentially was a cold turkey. I renistated and wound up in the ER. At that point he switched me to Ativan and added Ambien (huge mistake!).  I swear this doc was trying to kill me.  So I tapered it the best way I could, with no real instruction from him.  He was always ambivalent about it.  He felt I could not live without benzo's and wanted me to increase my dose, not taper me off it. So, I had to learn the hard way that the only way out of this was to taper if I had a prayer of getting back to health again.  Sometimes you just have that revelatory moment when you know that you must do the thing you think you can't do. 

I hope this encourages you TG!  It's going to get better I promise.

 

Love,

Cedar

 

That's how it's been for me.  I did not want to taper this med, I just wanted off.  But I've been through a CT before and it nearly killed me, so I know this is how it's going to have to be for me, although it's torment.  It's certainly not as frightening as a CT.

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Oh wow, yeah, CT is miserable. But, I truly believe you'll survive this Sage and feel well again.  :)

 

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[77...]

Cedartree

 

hi there i just responded to you on another thread but have come here to seek your valued opinions on a few things that are bothering me.  I c/t 2mg of xanax in late october 2011 and then dropped the other 4mg at xmas by replacing it with 45 mg of valium and then coming off that in 18 days well down to a 2.5mg of valium and then rapid detoxed in hospital the last 2.5 in ten days this was 4 1/2 weeks ago.  Now as you can imagine extremely hard and hectic this was done in hospital 7 weeks over xmas and then well just recently.  Now did you feel traumatised at all after it?  and is week five to much to soon to expect to be feeling 100 percent.  I would really value your honest opinion.  Im left feeling very fragile and really like a feeling of depression is hanging around.

 

thanks heaps

 

Lizzy

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I'm sorry Lizzy, I didn't realize you were suffering that much as your posts are so positive.  Just think it's great you're so positive and offer such great support to everyone!

 

Wow, that's a lot to go through in such a short amount of time.  Depression is the #1 worst thing to have to endure IMHO. It is a liar and has no rhyme or reason sometimes.  Anyway, I feel ya sweet Lizzy!

 

In answer to your question I mostly felt traumatized while I was tapering because I tapered for a long time with no break from symptoms, no stabilizing as people talk about, just misery and mostly wishing I could die. After I was off the benzo's I mostly felt really relieved that I didn't have to take another pill ever again even though I was still physically sick.  But the memory of the months lying on the bathroom floor shaking and vomiting in pain in every cell of my body haunted me quite a bit. As I've gotten further and further away from it (meaning time) it's gotten a lot better and there are certain things I've completely forgotten about.  I wasn't thinking of benzo's or withdrawal at all until recently I came back to post my success story.

 

This may sound awful, but I really do think that week 5 off benzo's is way too soon to be expecting to feel 100%.  It will most likely take several months if I am to be fully honest.  Hope I'm wrong, but that's pretty normal.  I'm so sorry for all you've been through and you are incredibly brave and strong to have endured it all.

 

Hugs to you Lizzy,

Cedar

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[77...]

Thanks Cedartree

 

Im glad i come off so positive i dont know how I do it honestly its been hell on earth as you know sounds to me like this stuff made you feel so sick as well.  Just knowing that in time the memory will start to fade is a good thing.

 

Im trying to be so strong atm it sure is a tough gig and one I wish i never had to go through.  anger is a huge issue as well but it is wasteful energy.  oh and the strong nightmares Im having oh my.  anyway you give me so much hope i have read how dreadful you felt and now your better.  I know it will take a while but I already feel 20 x better than what i did so time will tell.

 

thanks heaps for writing to me it means a lot.

 

Lizzy

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Cedar tree,

 

Thank you for taking the time to post your success story.  It is most encouraging and gives me hope that one day I too will fully recover.  I joined BenzoBuddies yesterday and received several immediate sympathetic replies.  My ordeal has been 16 years of psychotropic meds with three attempts to stop them.  This is my third.  Each time the amount of medication I have gotten back on has been less.  This is encouraging to me.  I am free of 6mg lorazepam as of Sept 1 2011 (10 week taper) and free of 200 mg sertraline and 100 mg topiramate as of Nov 24, 2011 (c/t). Sleeping is almost nonexistent at this point.  Burning pain in my arms and legs and feet is bad as well.  As I lay down for sleep at night trembling and anxiety begin and I have various ways of dealing with this from hot showers to stretching to just getting in front of the computer or something else to distract me.

 

Like I said, I am new here and don't even know where or how to begin posting in the right area to receive the support and encourage ment I feel I need, but it is good to hear your recovery.

 

thank you and God Bless You,

 

David

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Hi Lizzy.  Hope you're doing a bit better today?  Just hope to encourage you that you will get through this and that the trauma of it and even the anger will fade in time.  I was really angry too as we should be when benzo's rob us of our life.  :'(

 

Hello David. Thanks for the nice message and glad it's encouraged you.  Sounds like you've been on a lot of meds over many years too.  I think you're doing the right things like distracting yourself, staying busy is important. Then we don't focus on how bad we feel every moment of everyday.

There are lots of great people here to support you as you continue to heal. 

 

Anyway, hope things continue to improve for you soon!

Cedar

 

 

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[77...]

Cedartree

 

just want to say thanks you are bringing so much hope to us all and I really do soooo appreciate you sticking around for a while its making so much difference.  I know it will fade one day I just hate the feeling of "what if I cant cope" it will pass one day.

 

Thanks

 

Lizzyxx

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thank you so much , cedartree ihave qustion about the sensetivety from light and sound couz right now after 4monthes from taking buspar that what iam suffrring from light is really bother me and the sound the other symptems is kinda gone but the light still killing me , how long suppose to take fore that ?
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Hi Hoda.  I'm not sure how long it will last for anyone, but I sure suffered from it a long time after my last pill.  It took about 8 months off before I noticed significant improvement with these symptoms.  But again, it's different for everyone.  Symptoms are different and how long it takes to heal is different.  Sorry you're suffering from this too.  I know it's miserable.  It does heal though, so try to have hope.  ;)

 

Cedar

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thx cedr  , ur so nice iam sorry but u know the feelling iam 4monthes of now and most of the symptoms  gone what ihave now is the sensitivities from the light  idoono how long will take iam personal trainer so idid read they say the person have muscles meds take time with them ihope thats not right lol will thx again
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thx cedartree, iam fighiting it like isaid the big thing now is the light sensitives ihave thats what i try to get through it and this forum here and ur guys stories really made me feel alot batter
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