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I hope to encourage those of you who are still suffering in withdrawal today.

 

It’s been 2 years since I took my last pill and my health is great!  At about 9-10 months off I was doing fantastic and could not believe all my symptoms had finally disappeared. The truth is I don’t even think about withdrawal anymore, but wanted to come and share my success story with you all.

 

I was prescribed Ativan, Klonopin and Xanax at different times for about 13 years for anxiety and depression. Eventually I reached a point that the benzo’s were no longer working, so my body was forced to get off of them. At the time I noticed it wasn’t working any longer I was up to 4 mg’s Klonopin a day. At first I went off the Klonopin cold turkey, but that sent me to the ER, so I tapered for about a year. The year I tapered and the year after that I was recovering from getting off the benzo’s were the most horrific years of my life. The withdrawal symptoms were excruciatingly painful.  Some of the withdrawal symptoms I experienced were:

 

Extreme hot and cold flashes

Sweating

Nausea/ vomiting

Body aches/ muscle pain

Extreme sensitivity to hot, cold, sound and light

Shaking/ tremors

Occasional numbness and tingling in fingers and toes

Electrical shocks throughout entire body

Inability to focus on anything (reading and driving was impossible)

Distorted vision and hearing

Hallucinations

Night terrors (terrifying dreams that felt and seemed physically real)

Insomnia (sometimes no more than 1-2 hours a night)

Headaches

Weight loss

Dizziness (unable to walk without holding on to something or someone)

Crawling sensations on the skin

Tooth pain (as though my teeth were made out of metal and metallic taste in my mouth)

Agoraphobia

 

I often wore sunglasses even indoors because light hurt my eyes so much. My ears were sensitive too. For many months even the sound of a pen falling was painful so I wore earplugs.  When I was able to, I listened to TV and radio on the lowest settings. Certain fabrics hurt my skin. My teeth felt metallic and eating foods high in salts and sugars was painful. It felt like every nerve in my body was damaged to the extreme. I was bedridden for a year and wasn't sure the pain would ever end.....but it did.

 

Things that helped me survive these symptoms were:

 

Heating pads

Ice packs

Watching movies to distract from the pain

Eating whole unprocessed foods

Drinking lots of water

Avoiding things high in caffeine like coffee, tea and soda

No alcohol

Warm baths

A deep desire to not let benzo’s beat me

Positive speech

Prayer

 

I read the success stories here and it gave me hope that I would one day recover too. It was very hard to hold on, but I’m glad I did. Life is beautiful now and I am so grateful that I am off all medications and doing well on a healthy diet alone. I don’t need antidepressants or benzo's at all anymore and actually feel better now than I did when I was taking them. Exercise and eating healthy can change your life. It’s hard to do this when you feel so bad, so take small steps and accept your friends and families help. There are no heroes in withdrawal, so don’t be afraid to ask for help when you need it.

 

There is so much to say about what I went through, but I wanted to keep this as short as possible. I encourage everyone to stay focused on the end goal of getting off of benzo's and staying off, but please do not stop them cold turkey.  There are so many ways to combat anxiety without meds. I only wish I had learned that before.

 

Healing is possible.  Focus on speaking positively about your life and getting well, also focus on your health rather than stressing and worrying about every little symptom. Eventually they will all go away with time. Even sleep will come back! Your body will remember. What I learned is that when this is over you’ll be much stronger and you’ll appreciate life like never before.

 

All my best for a happy and healthy recovery!

Cedar

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Cedar,

 

Your "success story" timing was brilliant. I just posted about how scared I'm getting as I approach the end of my taper. I go from .05mg Klon to .025Klon tonight (equiv to 1mg Val --> .5mg Val) and then I take my last poison pill on Saturday. As noted in my signature, I was on .25mg Klon for 9 weeks and have a 6 week taper plan. I am so terrified that, even with the withdrawal I feel now, that the worst is yet to come and that my life will never be the same. Seeing that after your long-term use, you consider yourself healed and feeling great is so inspiring and helpful right now. Keeps me focused on the goal - no turning back. I want my life back and I'm willing to fight for it, even I don't know what the next weeks or months may bring. And, as you said, I am so much more appreciative of all that I have and will never take things for granted again.

 

Thanks for the support!

StanfordGal

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Thank you so much for coming back and giving us your success story. You went through so much; it is great to see you are doing so well.

It gives such hope and affirmation to read your story. Again, thank you, go well and enjoy your new life.

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Congratulations cedartree,

 

I am happy for you, and thanks for sharing your story.  I am also completely healed now, but I can appreciate the encouragement that those who are still suffering can gain from reading success stories.

 

the best to you

 

pj

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Cedartree,

 

After 20 years use of Librium (equiv to 12mg Valium per night) i am now 9.5 months into a very slow taper, i am at equivalent to 3.8mg Valium now and i am looking at a lot longer to get free...

 

THANK YOU for posting this, it was really needed as i am often of the opinion that i can and will get through this via a slow taper and yet at other times i think i have been on this drug for too long to ever heal, your post really helped me today.

 

It is just so good to hear you are healed, i have had many of the symptoms you had but not all and i am also wondering what the rest of my taper will be like, yet with your post, the fact that you healed and your symptoms fell away is enormously encouraging, i am very grateful you took time to pass on a message and that healing is possible.

 

It goes without saying, i am hugely happy for you to have held on for the good stuff to happen, it is a HUGE accomplishment, well done and congratulations on getting your life back, that is just wonderful.

 

Enjoy it. :thumbsup:

 

You have helped many by posting here, much appreciated.

 

Oscar

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Thanks Cedar for posting this. We all need to hear that healing happens and that we'll be fine again.

 

Congratulations of being 2 years free and having your life back.

 

Laura

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Cedar...Thanks for taking the time to come back and post your success story. I fear that many people when they start to feel much better just move along and get back to their lives, and who can blame them. The unfortunate part for us left behind is that we didn't see that they were successful and garner encouragement from it. Your taking the time to do this has been immensely important and uplifting to us all. Thanks again, and enjoy your new healthy life.

 

Bill

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Cedar,

 

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing your healing story! It brings me great hope - just what I needed today!  I am 9+ months off, and hoping that things are going to really turn around soon, but the progress has been slow.  Thanks for making it easier to look forward to the future - you stated things so well! Best wishes to you in your wonderful new life!

 

Sophia

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Cedar thank you so much for posting this but please tell me... did you have anxiety as a wd symptom, and if so did this COMPLETELY go away as well? Needing encouragement in this area today..  :-\ thank you
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Healing is possible.  Focus on speaking positively about your life and getting well, also focus on your health rather than stressing and worrying about every little symptom. Eventually they will all go away with time. Even sleep will come back! Your body will remember. What I learned is that when this is over you’ll be much stronger and you’ll appreciate life like never before.

 

Your post is an amazing and wonderful story.  Thank you so very much for writing it for all of us still suffering. 

 

I really like the part I quoted above.  I really need to reshift my focus back to knowing that I will eventually get well.  I was able to do that for the first couple of months and at times during the past few; but have actually become hopeless during this past week as I've been in a horrific wave that is unrelenting and has eroded away my resolve and hope. 

 

If I could only know some how what my "eventually" is.  weeks?  months?  year?  Yikes.  This is such an unbelievable hell.  I want my life back so badly.  I want to experience life again.  Your post gives renewed hope.  Thank you.

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Hi Hope56

 

I have read your signature and see that you have been making progress but that things have gone wrong again (hopefully briefly) from doing exercise.

 

That's a pity but presumably you did the exercise in the belief you were helping to make yourself better by becoming fitter. I have taken that approach; I went to the gym early on in my taper and sometimes I was left feeling appalling. But I persisted. Eventually my body coped better with this regime although ocasionally I had to take a break.

 

I think that the most important thing to bear in mind with all of this is that each day away from benzos is a day closer to eventual recovery even if it does not always feel like it. So many times I have thought: I am better; it is finally over- only for the symptoms to return. However, 20 months since my last fragment if I look at myself now compared to then I see that I have made so much progrss. If I look at myself and contrast myself with how I was before this trauma began I become frustrated that I am not fully well. So I try not to do that. It is better to focus on the progress I have made rather than the anger I feel that this has happened to me.

 

Something else which keeps me going is the belief that I can never allow myself to fall into the hands of psychiatrists again so I must be as positive as I can be. To be treated the way I was with psychiatric drugs again is truly unimaginable.

 

Best of luck with it all and try to be as positive as you possibly can be.

 

Ivan

 

 

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Hi Hope56

 

I have read your signature and see that you have been making progress but that things have gone wrong again (hopefully briefly) from doing exercise.

 

That's a pity but presumably you did the exercise in the belief you were helping to make yourself better by becoming fitter. I have taken that approach; I went to the gym early on in my taper and sometimes I was left feeling appalling. But I persisted. Eventually my body coped better with this regime although ocasionally I had to take a break.

 

I think that the most important thing to bear in mind with all of this is that each day away from benzos is a day closer to eventual recovery even if it does not always feel like it. So many times I have thought: I am better; it is finally over- only for the symptoms to return. However, 20 months since my last fragment if I look at myself now compared to then I see that I have made so much progrss. If I look at myself and contrast myself with how I was before this trauma began I become frustrated that I am not fully well. So I try not to do that. It is better to focus on the progress I have made rather than the anger I feel that this has happened to me.

 

Something else which keeps me going is the belief that I can never allow myself to fall into the hands of psychiatrists again so I must be as positive as I can be. To be treated the way I was with psychiatric drugs again is truly unimaginable.

 

Best of luck with it all and try to be as positive as you possibly can be.

 

Ivan

 

Ivan -- Bless you for reaching out to me with this wonderful note of encouragement.  I really need it today.  This wave is unrelenting.  I can't remember a good day.  Hubby needs to remind and reassure me constantly. 

THANK YOU!!! 

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Thanks Hanna, PJ, Angelluv, Laura, Hockeyboy, Sophia, Hope56, Evertonfan.

 

Hi Oscar. Actually I first took Ativan about 20 years ago,  but was mostly on benzo's for the last 13 years. I don't think you can really say for certain that healing will take longer. I honestly believe that a slow taper is crucial and it sounds like you're on the right track.  Don't assume it will take a long time to heal. It might happen sooner than you'd imagine.  I'm so happy that my post is helping some of you.  I just really wanted to celebrate my 2 year anniversary and what better way than to share that you can get well too. 

Cedar

 

 

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Cedar thank you so much for posting this but please tell me... did you have anxiety as a wd symptom, and if so did this COMPLETELY go away as well? Needing encouragement in this area today..  :-\ thank you

Hi Hollyms.  Yes, anxiety was really off the charts until I was about 8 months off. It gradually kept getting better as I learned how to deal with it on my own and not with a pill.  One way I know for certain I'm better is by how well I handle social situations where there is a lot of stress. For instance, last week I went with my sister to Chuck'E Cheese for my nephews birthday and it didn't phase me at all. In the past the loud sounds, lights, commotion would have driven me out the door, but I was fine. Also, I really handle stressful life events better than ever before.  It used to be if I had a stressful interview, meeting, etc, I would reach for a pill or a cigarette, but no more. I can handle it all now. I practice deep breathing, meditation, exercise and eating well. There is so much we can do to overcome intense anxiety. Part of handling stress when going through withdrawal is knowing your limitations. Don't take things on that you know are going to make you worse. Try as much as possible to baby yourself and avoid things that you know will increase stress and anxiety. Obviously we cannot avoid all stressful situations in life, but we have to know when to say no and take care of ourselves.  I really hope this helps you some. I promise it keeps getting better. 

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So I try not to do that. It is better to focus on the progress I have made rather than the anger I feel that this has happened to me.

 

Ivan

Hi Ivan. I did the same thing, focused on the progress I made and even had to forgive the doctors who prescribed these pills for too long.  It's been SO healing to forgive. I wasn't able to forgive them for a long time, but I honestly feel healthier now since I have forgiven them.  The anger and rage was only hurting me and I wanted to truly be free from it all, so I forgave them. That's not to say I'm in agreement with what they're doing, or that I feel it's okay at all that doctors so carelessly prescribe these drugs with no repercussions, but I needed to be free from the hurt and anger it caused.

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Hi buddies, just had another revelation just now.

 

As I was reading some posts on the forum today I realized how many symptoms and issues I had completely forgotten all about!  For instance intense heart palpitations and chest pain. It was unreal and I even went to the ER because I thought I might have a heart attack. Of course they didn't want to admit to me that it was withdrawal for legal reasons, but I'm certain my doctor got the picture after all I told her.  5 ER trips total the year I was in the worst of withdrawal.  What a nightmare. The pain was unbearable. How amazing that we can forget things like this as we move on with our lives.

 

You're all in my prayers for a full recovery and a happy life!

Cedar

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Cedartree thanks a lot for this

 

It is so nice and gave me a lot hope with my process and my future sleep. You are a great story for me and I want to say thanks again because its a relief to know that we heal like you.

 

Sergio

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Hi Cedar -

 

I remember your story from BW even before I was a member there. I think I was four months out then and deep in the pit. Yours was one of the very first stories I printed out and read day after day for many months. I am glad that you have been able to mentally put that phase of your life behind you. I am looking forward to that as well.

 

Congratulations on two years. Thanks for posting your story. It's a good one.

 

eli

 

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Hi Cedar :hug:

 

Congratulations on your healing and thank you for sharing your story it gives everyone on this journey hope

 

((hugs))

 

Magrita :)

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