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13 Turned out to be my magic number!


[Fi...]

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After a little over a year, it feels so amazing to finally be able to say this:

 

  It’s over!  It’s finally over!  I am healed!

 

 

 

On 3/24/11 I took my last 60mg dose of Temazepam and never looked back.  My decision to go cold turkey was not one that I made lightly.  I decided to stop all at once because I was truly unable to stop benzos any other way.  Tapering was never an option for me because I craved the drug so desperately to help me sleep.  Those who can taper are warriors and I feel like I took the cowardly way out of this.

 

Immediately after stopping I became ill.   Withdrawal first manifested itself as short term memory loss, intrusive racing thoughts, hypochondria and speech difficulties.  The first eight weeks off were tough, but were nothing compared to the horror to come. 

 

I first felt the dizziness at 10 weeks off.  All of a sudden the room just started to spin, and I desperately held on to anything that I could to help myself stabilize.  The dizziness was constant and unrelenting.  Since it had hit me so “late” in the game, I was convinced that it was not withdrawal, but rather some horrible problem with my brain.  This was my first visit of many to the doctor to try and find out what was really wrong with me.  Each and every time I would insist on more tests, blood tests, neurological exams, CT scans etc.  Each test I was given came back with normal results.  I got another terrible wave at 7.5 months off that knocked me off my feet and back to day one.  It lasted for six weeks, and in those six weeks I was sure I was dying.  I was so dizzy I couldn’t walk, had the worst headaches of my life, and lost 10lbs in one week from not eating.  It was hell on earth.  Things slowly started to improve at 9 months off, and I have been much better ever since.  I have been pretty much symptom free since the start of 2012, and I could not be happier.

 

The hypochondria was the worst symptom for me.  I was simply unable to accept that this was all withdrawal.  In the past year I have had the following symptoms:  memory problems, speech problems, dizziness, trouble walking, fatigue, nausea, loss of appetite, visual floaters and disturbances, head pressure, sinus pressure, popping and fullness of the ears, blurry vision, double vision, internal tremors and vibrations, external shaking similar to parkinsons, electric shocks to my extremities, involuntary muscle movements, numbness, tingling, trouble sleeping, extreme nightmares, and terrible headaches.  Let us not forget the crippling depression and anxiety that resulted in me fearing each and every new symptom that came my way.  I would sit and dwell on each new symptom, furiously googling it to find out what could be causing it.  I truly drove myself mad sometimes from the hypochondria.  If I had only known for sure then – if I could have only had some validation from my doctors – I wouldn’t have suffered nearly as much.

 

If I could just impart one piece of advice to everyone, it is that YES, it is NORMAL FOR WITHDRAWAL!  I refused to believe that I could still be so sick at 4, 6, or even 9 months out, but here I am now at almost 13 months, and I am so, so much better.  You will heal, and it will happen for you.  I hope my story offers hope to some of you.  Considering the dosage I was on for nearly one year, I was able to heal in just about the same amount of time.  I am so very grateful for my healing. 

 

Hope and healing to you all,

 

Fieldy(chan)

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Congratulations Fieldy!  This gives me so much hope now that I'm in very dark times at about 6 months out! Thanks for coming back and posting your success story!
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Fieldy,

 

Wow, congratulations to you!!!  :yippee: :yippee: :yippee:

 

I am right behind you at 10 months off and am so happy to hear about your healing. By no means did you take the cowardly way out, you are a warrior just like everyone here.  We all have to pick the best option for us.

 

It was not only me but also my doctors who didn't know what was wrong with me and ordered so many tests.  What a terror this withdrawal is for our brains.  So hard to comprehend on so many levels.

 

I wish you the best that life can offer, you deserve it. Enjoy your health and healing,

 

pianogirl  :smitten:

 

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Thank you for your post.

I'm having a particularly difficult day and I also did a not quite c/t but close. Have been wondering if this has somehow compromised my healing process.

Just what I needed to here today.

Carol

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Hi, thank you for posting this, I am still tapering Temazepam , I hope to have it smoother than you did but its great to hear that you are healing now :yippee: I have been on this poison a long time  but I am almost at 1/4 my original dose and the windows are lasting longer.

Enjoy life and all it has to offer you :yippee: :yippee:

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Congratulations Fieldy and thank you for coming back and giving us you success story :thumbsup:

 

Im sure things can only go up for you now.

 

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[ea...]

After a little over a year, it feels so amazing to finally be able to say this:

 

  It’s over!  It’s finally over!  I am healed!

 

 

 

On 3/24/11 I took my last 60mg dose of Temazepam and never looked back.  My decision to go cold turkey was not one that I made lightly.  I decided to stop all at once because I was truly unable to stop benzos any other way.  Tapering was never an option for me because I craved the drug so desperately to help me sleep.  Those who can taper are warriors and I feel like I took the cowardly way out of this.

 

Immediately after stopping I became ill.  Withdrawal first manifested itself as short term memory loss, intrusive racing thoughts, hypochondria and speech difficulties.  The first eight weeks off were tough, but were nothing compared to the horror to come.

 

I first felt the dizziness at 10 weeks off.  All of a sudden the room just started to spin, and I desperately held on to anything that I could to help myself stabilize.  The dizziness was constant and unrelenting.  Since it had hit me so “late” in the game, I was convinced that it was not withdrawal, but rather some horrible problem with my brain.  This was my first visit of many to the doctor to try and find out what was really wrong with me.  Each and every time I would insist on more tests, blood tests, neurological exams, CT scans etc.  Each test I was given came back with normal results.  I got another terrible wave at 7.5 months off that knocked me off my feet and back to day one.  It lasted for six weeks, and in those six weeks I was sure I was dying.  I was so dizzy I couldn’t walk, had the worst headaches of my life, and lost 10lbs in one week from not eating.  It was hell on earth.  Things slowly started to improve at 9 months off, and I have been much better ever since.  I have been pretty much symptom free since the start of 2012, and I could not be happier.

 

The hypochondria was the worst symptom for me.  I was simply unable to accept that this was all withdrawal.  In the past year I have had the following symptoms:  memory problems, speech problems, dizziness, trouble walking, fatigue, nausea, loss of appetite, visual floaters and disturbances, head pressure, sinus pressure, popping and fullness of the ears, blurry vision, double vision, internal tremors and vibrations, external shaking similar to parkinsons, electric shocks to my extremities, involuntary muscle movements, numbness, tingling, trouble sleeping, extreme nightmares, and terrible headaches.  Let us not forget the crippling depression and anxiety that resulted in me fearing each and every new symptom that came my way.  I would sit and dwell on each new symptom, furiously googling it to find out what could be causing it.  I truly drove myself mad sometimes from the hypochondria.  If I had only known for sure then – if I could have only had some validation from my doctors – I wouldn’t have suffered nearly as much.

 

If I could just impart one piece of advice to everyone, it is that YES, it is NORMAL FOR WITHDRAWAL!  I refused to believe that I could still be so sick at 4, 6, or even 9 months out, but here I am now at almost 13 months, and I am so, so much better.  You will heal, and it will happen for you.  I hope my story offers hope to some of you.  Considering the dosage I was on for nearly one year, I was able to heal in just about the same amount of time.  I am so very grateful for my healing.

 

Hope and healing to you all,

 

Fieldy(chan)

 

Aww Fieldychan I remember you!!!  We lost touch sorry.  Wow SO happy for you (from the bottom of my still blunted heart) you are so much better!!!  Thanks heaps for leaving a note of reassurance for those of us still hideously suffering & being so open & honest with what you went through.  Yeah the doubt really gets to me too that it must be something else for example  I didnt know you had speech problems too???  Mine is still damaged at nearly 2 years out which scares the you know whats outta me cos I see that as something that has not changed in all this time, whereas everything else has.  Anyway I truly hope you have the best life ever from hereon in matie!!! You are FREE :D

 

Sincerely & With Hugs,

 

Ruth (from New Zealand)

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Yeah!!!  Thanks for coming back and sharing your story.  You have given renewed hope!! 

All the best to you for a wonderful life!!

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WOW!!! Fieldy! Your post was fantastic!!

Thank you so much for taking the time to come back to share,

reassure all of us still suffering -that we can, & will- get well.

You are an angel of hope.

Enjoy all your good health & renewed spirit!

Thank you, thank you,

 

margaretisabel

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wow Fieldy Chan!  it's you!  i remember you when i came in in June.  i am so darn happy for you and i really needed to believe in healing today.  been struggling with the depression and dr/dp and the  months 7,8,9 and now 10 are tough .

thanks so much for your commitment and honesty and being there for us

live your life baby.  it will be better than ever :smitten:

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Wow I am so very happy for you! I know what you mean about having someone "Doc" validate your condition. If not for BB who would we all talk to? Thank you so much for your words of encouragement!

Enjoy your life and don't look back!

Warmest hugs,

Annie! :yippee:

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Way to go!  You are such an inspiration for me.  I remember how bad we were both suffering a year ago with the same symptoms and I am sooo happy it is finally over for you.  I am still suffering with the balance problem but not nearly as bad.  Knowing you are healed gives me so much hope.  Thanks for sharing. Much love and hugs my dear friend.  :smitten:
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  • 1 month later...

Fieldy,

 

I'm so sorry I didn't get to this when you posted it. It was right around the time of my brothers service. I'm just so happy for you. You

have really fought your way thru this. I still remember all the messaging we did before your trip last year. You did so

fantastic and even had fun.

 

This should be bumped up anyway. I'm proud of you.

 

Love,

Pam

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Thank you Fieldy,

 

                Having a really bad wave right now and your story was just what I needed. Hope is one of the most important things needed to get through this I think, and you just gave me a bunch. Thank you so much

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Thank you Fieldy for telling your story.  It truly means so much to us that aren't healed yet to see the success stories and hold on to them.  Please come back and post updates on how you are doing.

 

Hugs,

Sally

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Hi Fieldy...Congratulations on your healing. Did you have a lot of pins and needles in your feet or legs during your worst parts? Could you describe the change that you noticed at 9 months?

 

I'm at 7.5 months out and have been in a wave for 2 weeks now. This is different for me because the longest wave I had ever had was about a week. My windows weren't symptom free but were a bit of a relief from the waves. The windows never lasted more than 1 day but then the wave would only be 2-3 days. All of my physical symptoms are very high now and I just seem locked here. I see that you had about a 6 week wave at 7.5 months also, before you started noticing an improvement.

 

Hope you are enjoying your recovery and any input you have would be much appreciated.

 

Bill

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