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Pj you are a angel! I pray that you receive so many blessings!!!

 

❤️

Hi Jenny :)

 

You are an Angel, not me. But, I thank you for thinking that I am.

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PJ, I just wanted to say hello and thanks. I have fully recovered now at 5 plus years off. But you were my lifeline in my first few months of WD, I don't want to think back to those dark days, but I just want you to know that you literally saved my life......

Your story and message to me gave me HOPE and I held onto it.......that's all I had.....HOPE.

 

Thank you for saving me and thank you for giving me that HOPE.

 

Love and Hugs, Cindy

Hi Cindy :)

I am so happy that you have recovered.  Hope is real.  Hope can take us out of that deep, dark hole we have fallen into and lift us up to the brightest mountain top. 

Hope is a mysterious, invisible force that quietly whispers to our heart: "No matter how dark the day or how lonely the night, stay strong, never give up." 

 

Thank you for those very kind words to me.  I wish you the very best.  May you always walk gently through the world with a song in your heart.

 

pj

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Pj you are a angel! I pray that you receive so many blessings!!!

 

❤️

Hi Jenny :)

 

You are an Angel, not me. But, I thank you for thinking that I am.

 

I agree PJ, you are an angel!  :smitten:

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Thanks PJ

 

We met a few years ago when I was coming off benzos. I’ve now been off all my meds for almost 3 years. The benzos five years. The antidepressant three years and the gabapentin almost 3 years. I’m still in a living mental nightmare I am trying to hold on. So words of encouragement help thank you again

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Pj you are a angel! I pray that you receive so many blessings!!!

 

❤️

Hi Jenny :)

 

You are an Angel, not me. But, I thank you for thinking that I am.

 

I agree PJ, you are an angel!  :smitten:

Hi pianogirl :)

Ok, you girls win!  it's 2 against 1.  I will iron my wrinkled and tattered Angel Wings, making myself respectful enough to walk with you two dear Earth Angels.

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Thanks PJ

 

We met a few years ago when I was coming off benzos. I’ve now been off all my meds for almost 3 years. The benzos five years. The antidepressant three years and the gabapentin almost 3 years. I’m still in a living mental nightmare I am trying to hold on. So words of encouragement help thank you again

Hi dolphins1 :)

 

You're off all the drugs.  That's Outstanding! 

 

Keep holding onto the hope that your mental nightmare will soon turn into a pleasant, (come true) dream.  A dream that becomes a reality, where you, and everything in your world are okay again.

 

May your life be surrounded by much peace and happiness.

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P

Thanks for being there I hope you’re right buddy. What worries me the most is I had depression And anxiety before meds. Now it’s 1000 times worse. But everybody tells me not to worry that will it will all go away. I hope they’re right. I’m never going on meds again. And I’ve tried everything under the sun to get better but nothing Has worked. I went bankrupt trying. I force myself to my job to keep a roof over my head. And hope everybody’s rightj

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Hi PJ,

 

Did you have issues exercising? Any sort of physical stress or exertion brings on headaches, worse insomnia, and depression. When did the insomnia let up and was it a gradual improvement?

 

I’ve been off 15 months from less than two weeks of use and insomnia and exercise intolerance are my two biggest remaining issues. The Groundhogs Day routine is really wearing on me.

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Hi RKO,

 

You were on benzos for only two weeks.  I was on benzos for three years.  Some folks were on benzos for thirty years, and not one of us had withdrawal symptoms in exactly the same way. 

That is why withdrawals are so confusing and so hard to understand. 

 

The one thing we all have in common, no matter the length of time we were on benzos, is that it takes time to heal. Time can be a fleeting thing or time can move slower than a snail.  But eventually everyone will get there, by there, I mean to the end of their dark benzo journey to the bright light of benzo freedom.  No more pain, no more insomnia, no more worrying and wondering if and when you will be healed, because time and patience will have healed you.

 

The insidious, and harmful ways in which benzos affects us all so differently, leads us to having more questions than for which there are answers.

 

Insomnia, as it is with most folks when withdrawing from benzos, was one of my worst symptoms.  After I went cold turkey off of the Ativan and the Ambien, ( two horrendous drugs), I literally did not sleep for many days at a time.

My ability to sleep came back, not magically all at once, but in stages.  My brain was working overtime to repair whatever it was that regulates sleep.  I tried not to obsess about not sleeping (not easy to do), I know.

 

Until your sleep cycle is repaired, and straightens itself out, you can expect sporadic sleep.  Some nights only an hour or two of sleep, some nights maybe three or four hours of sleep.  Other nights, no sleep. There is no rhyme or reason to it.  It's beyond frustrating.  It's downright maddening. 

 

It makes you want to pound your pillow like a crazy person.  That's the way it was for me. 

 

I stayed away from all over- the- counter sleep aids.  My reasoning was that my brain was already compromised, and confused enough from the benzos.  Why feed it more drugs and make it go more haywire than it already was.

 

For the first couple of months of withdrawals, because of the muscle contractions and electric shocks in my legs, I could not exercise.  After that, exercising was not a problem.  I'm sorry that it is still a problem for you. 

Perhaps, if you are not already doing so, taking gentle walks, for the length of time that you are able to, preferably in a serene, sunny place where there is an abundance of nature's beauty, will be beneficial in helping resolve some of the issues that you are dealing with.

 

RKO, I do wish you the very best.  Dealing with withdrawals is like starting out on a journey and being blind-sided by a hundred miles of bad road. There are many detours, and there are many bumps along the way.     

 

pj

 

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Hi pj,

 

Thank you for posting this wonderful success story.

 

I was wondering if you could shed some light on agoraphobia and monophobia if you had these at all. I'm now 4+ months out and still have severe symptoms, cannot be by myself or go out anywher alone. The thought of going to the Park freaks me out if I'm not with someone. I was traumatized post jump by an ER visit which separated me and my family.

 

If you had these symptoms, is it something that just fades away, or should I expose and challenge myself with goals of being alone?

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Hi there,

 

Don't worry too much about trying to challenge yourself to ignore your phobias.  They are very real to you for now ( thanks to the benzos).  The benzos put them in your mind, and time will take them away from your mind. 

 

It's all about the benzos and how they changed your thinking.  You will be fine.  Those phobias are not permanent. They WILL go away.

 

I had some Agoraphobia for a very short time, but Monophobia (fear of being alone) yes, I had that one, big time for probably three  months. 

The benzos trick us and fool our minds in the most unbelievable ways.

I was a guy who rode horses and motorcycles, and the benzos  reduced me to someone who was afraid of most everything and also scared to be alone.  For pete's sake, here I was a grown man who had to sleep with a night light on, something I wouldn't have done as a young child.

 

The thought of dying was constantly on my mind.  If I saw a commercial for a funeral home, I would go into a mild panic and pace around the room for what seemed like the longest time.  Pretty crazy, right?

I shake my head in disbelieve when I think back to those screwed-up days.  Benzos have to be the most bizarre, mind-altering drugs in existence!

 

You are perfectly normal.  Your fears of being alone or out in a crowd by yourself are very common withdrawal symptoms.  I have read hundreds of post where folks are talking about the same phobias that you are dealing with.

 

Those benzo induced phobias will fade away.  Mine just faded away without my even realizing it.  They left as silently as they came.

If you had none of those phobias before you took benzos, you can rest assured that they are benzo related, and you will indeed recover from them.

 

The very best to you.

 

pj

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  • 1 month later...

Thank you for the kind words, Flip :)  It warms my heart, to once again see your name appear when I logged onto BenzoBuddies.

 

Congratulations to you for all that you have accomplished.

 

You suffered greatly, yet, you did not let your suffering harden your heart.  You ignored your own pain while soothing another's pain.  You have been a true,true friend to many folks on the BenzoBuddies forums. 

 

Without hesitation, you unselfishly befriended and consoled others who were lost and all alone. You were a friend to the friendless, and a mother to the motherless. 

 

Your Oklahoma Sooners and my Notre Dame Irish do not meet this year ;)  May they both have a terrific season!  And may you have a terrific life!

 

Your friend, pj

 

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  • 1 month later...

Here comes the holiday season, and you are in the throes of withdrawals.  What do you do?

 

Just do the best you can. 

 

For what seems like an eternity, you have been doing your best to survive in the bizarre,wacky world of benzo withdrawals.  A world where nothing makes much sense to you.  A world where you feel like a stranger to your family, and your friends. A world where you feel like a stranger to yourself. 

 

During the holidays, it's okay to express your feelings to the non-believers in your life.  They need to know, (although they probably will not understand) just how badly withdrawals have impacted your life in so many negative and painful ways. You can't expect them to understand. No can truly understand benzo withdrawals unless they have had benzo withdrawals.

 

If your family gives you grief or mocks you for not enjoying the holidays, explain to them that you cannot force yourself to be happy just because it is the holiday season.  Explain to them ( something you have probably done a hundred times already) that withdrawals from benzos don't come with a switch.  They cannot be turned off just because you want them to turn off. 

 

If your family or your friends leave you feeling lonely, or isolated during the holidays try your hardest to put on 'your happy face' and volunteer to help others who, just like you, are doing the best they can. 

Helping others in your community who are desperately in need of some love and some kindness is a good way to lift your spirits.  And you may even forget about those seemingly never-ending withdrawals for awhile.

 

Just do the best you can this holiday season in dealing with all the added anxiety and stress that may come your way.

 

The odds are in your favor, (that long before the next time when the holidays are here again) you won't be here.  By here, I mean here at BenzoBuddies.  You will have completely recovered from those God-Awful withdrawals, and gone on to enjoy a life filled with much peace and happiness.

 

Just do the best you can. 

 

Healing does indeed happen.  Healing has happened to me and healing has happened to thousands of other folks.  Healing will happen to you too. 

Until that long awaited, glorious day arrives when you have no more pain, and no more suffering,

 

Just do the best you can. 

 

All we can do during our visit upon this Earth, is to do the best we can.

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Here comes the holiday season, and you are in the throes of withdrawals.  What do you do?

 

Just do the best you can. 

 

For what seems like an eternity, you have been doing your best to survive in the bizarre,wacky world of benzo withdrawals.  A world where nothing makes much sense to you.  A world where you feel like a stranger to your family, and your friends. A world where you feel like a stranger to yourself. 

 

During the holidays, it's okay to express your feelings to the non-believers in your life.  They need to know, (although they probably will not understand) just how badly withdrawals have impacted your life in so many negative and painful ways. You can't expect them to understand. No can truly understand benzo withdrawals unless they have had benzo withdrawals.

 

If your family gives you grief or mocks you for not enjoying the holidays, explain to them that you cannot force yourself to be happy just because it is the holiday season.  Explain to them ( something you have probably done a hundred times already) that withdrawals from benzos don't come with a switch.  They cannot be turned off just because you want them to turn off. 

 

If your family or your friends leave you feeling lonely, or isolated during the holidays try your hardest to put on 'your happy face' and volunteer to help others who, just like you, are doing the best they can. 

Helping others in your community who are desperately in need of some love and some kindness is a good way to lift your spirits.  And you may even forget about those seemingly never-ending withdrawals for awhile.

 

Just do the best you can this holiday season in dealing with all the added anxiety and stress that may come your way.

 

The odds are in your favor, (that long before the next time when the holidays are here again) you won't be here.  By here, I mean here at BenzoBuddies.  You will have completely recovered from those God-Awful withdrawals, and gone on to enjoy a life filled with much peace and happiness.

 

Just do the best you can. 

 

Healing does indeed happen.  Healing has happened to me and healing has happened to thousands of other folks.  Healing will happen to you too. 

Until that long awaited, glorious day arrives when you have no more pain, and no more suffering,

 

Just do the best you can. 

 

All we can do during our visit upon this Earth, is to do the best we can.

 

wonderful post, PJ.  Thank you :smitten: :smitten:

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  • 2 weeks later...

You're welcome :)

 

My wish for you, and for all the other kind and decent folks from all over the World, who are suffering from withdrawals this holiday season, is to have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year, and to be healed very soon.  

 

When those awful withdrawals have all gone away, and you are healed. The best pieces of your life that were torn from you, and scattered like dandelion seeds to the four winds, will come rushing back to you, making you whole again.  

 

Healing does happen. 

 

pj 

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You're welcome B.

 

I hope you are doing well.  Stay positive.  Keep your spirits up, don't let withdrawals drag you down, and don't ever give up. 

Reading positive posts, as opposed to reading negative posts, can, and often does make our lives in the World of withdrawals less stressful and less anxiety ridden.

 

You may find this strange, B.  I am almost glad that I had to go through the experience of benzo withdrawals.  I don't mean glad, in a happy sense, but glad for what this ordeal has taught me. 

When I first tried to pronounce Benzodiazepines or tried to spell Benzodiazepines, I realized that, everything benzo related, was 'Greek' to me.  Maybe that old adage; that "things happen to us for a reason," is true.

 

This site has educated me in a ways that no institution of higher learning could possibly have ever educated me or anyone else about benzos and the physical and psychological damage they can cause us. 

 

We are dealing with real people here; not a number, not a commodity, not a statistic, but real folks with tender hearts, and gentle souls.

 

All of us are now very cognizant of all the dangers associated with benzos. Whenever given the opportunity in our day to day lives to inform people about benzos, we should do so without hesitating.  Some may not listen us, but many will.

 

If it were not for this site, I, and many other people, would never have known that there is a whole group of folks who have a very low tolerance to a class of drugs known as Benzodiazepines.  Consequently, they suffer greatly when they wish to stop taking these drugs.  And some folks who have a high tolerance to benzos, and other drugs, escape relatively unscathed.  Life is never fair.

 

Having experienced withdrawals, although not to the same degree that many other folks have experienced withdrawals, has given me a new respect for people, who, through their suffering, can remain positive, can still manage to smile, and can still encourage others to keep trudging forward until they can grab the torch at the end of the dark tunnel and walk out into the sunshine ... free.

 

If it were not for our benzo experience, we would never have known that a unique place like  BenzoBuddies even existed.  A place where folks who are hurting can find a friend who understands them, and all that they are going through.  Their doctors don't understand them, their loved ones seldom do, but the the good folks here, alway will understand them.

 

Yes, I am glad, in a reflective, humble kind of way, that I had my benzo experience.  I'm glad that I was able to connect with so many kind, and [...] souls. 

 

For many of us, dealing with the scourge of benzo withdrawals, is likely to be the most confusing, the most painful, and the most long, drawn

out process we have ever encountered. 

I am amazed at the strength and tenacity that we humans possess.  It's a miracle that withdrawals haven't permanently reduced us to being mind-numbed robots.

 

Peace and happiness to all you kind and gentle souls.  Keep fighting the good fight.  In life there are winners, and there are survivors.  Do not give up.  Do not give in. You will be a winner, and you will be a survivor.

 

pj 

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[47...]

Pj

 

Thanks so much for your reply.  I m hanging on by my fingers today.  Every minute is a different story.  Your posts are so appreciated.  I m hanging on to the positive on this board.  Have a blessed holiday season.  Please pop in when you can.

 

B

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  • 3 weeks later...

Here comes the holiday season, and you are in the throes of withdrawals.  What do you do?

 

Just do the best you can. 

 

For what seems like an eternity, you have been doing your best to survive in the bizarre,wacky world of benzo withdrawals.  A world where nothing makes much sense to you.  A world where you feel like a stranger to your family, and your friends. A world where you feel like a stranger to yourself. 

 

During the holidays, it's okay to express your feelings to the non-believers in your life.  They need to know, (although they probably will not understand) just how badly withdrawals have impacted your life in so many negative and painful ways. You can't expect them to understand. No can truly understand benzo withdrawals unless they have had benzo withdrawals.

 

If your family gives you grief or mocks you for not enjoying the holidays, explain to them that you cannot force yourself to be happy just because it is the holiday season.  Explain to them ( something you have probably done a hundred times already) that withdrawals from benzos don't come with a switch.  They cannot be turned off just because you want them to turn off. 

 

If your family or your friends leave you feeling lonely, or isolated during the holidays try your hardest to put on 'your happy face' and volunteer to help others who, just like you, are doing the best they can. 

Helping others in your community who are desperately in need of some love and some kindness is a good way to lift your spirits.  And you may even forget about those seemingly never-ending withdrawals for awhile.

 

Just do the best you can this holiday season in dealing with all the added anxiety and stress that may come your way.

 

The odds are in your favor, (that long before the next time when the holidays are here again) you won't be here.  By here, I mean here at BenzoBuddies.  You will have completely recovered from those God-Awful withdrawals, and gone on to enjoy a life filled with much peace and happiness.

 

Just do the best you can. 

 

Healing does indeed happen.  Healing has happened to me and healing has happened to thousands of other folks.  Healing will happen to you too. 

Until that long awaited, glorious day arrives when you have no more pain, and no more suffering,

 

Just do the best you can. 

 

All we can do during our visit upon this Earth, is to do the best we can.

 

Thank you for continuing to post here.

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  • 11 months later...

MERRY CHRISTMAS

to all you beautiful,brave people who are fighting so very hard to cope with those mean,unforgiving withdrawals. My Christmas wish for you is that long before the end of next year you will be healed and writing your success story. 

 

When your long and painful ordeal with benzo withdrawals has ended,your new life will begin. You will be as free as dandelion seeds dancing with the wind.

Your senses will come alive again,putting a spring in your step,a smile on your face and a song in your heart.  

 

Before I recovered from my benzo withdrawals, just like you,I was losing all hope. I was very depressed. I felt all alone and miserable. I was anxious and confused. My mind was racing,my heart was pounding.  I was exhausted and worn-out, yet I could not sleep.  Insomnia took a hold of me and would not let go.

My greatest fear was that the Ativan and Ambien I had cold-turkeyed from had damaged me beyond repair.  

 

Hang in there guys. Conquer your fears, smile through your tears. Benzo withdrawals are a temporary,confusing,painful disruption in your life. You must be patient. Time and time alone is your healer and your friend. Impatience is your enemy.  

 

The damage done to your Central Nervous System by the benzos was significant. Time will reverse that damage. Your body was designed to heal itself. 

Even on those days when you are hurting more than you hurt the day before, you are healing.  Silently and magically, all day and all night long your body continues to heal. You may not be aware of the subtle changes at first,but eventually you will. 

 

I don't think anyone really knows why some folks heal in two months or why it takes some folks two years or longer to heal from the damage caused by benzos.  Benzos are an  insidious,bizarre drug. I wish more people in the medical field would realize this.    

 

Believe me,I understand the pain and the agony you are living with every day. You were always cautious when taking medications. You never used drugs recreationally. Now, through no fault of your own,here you are,in the throes of withdrawals. 

 

"How could I possibly be having withdrawals from benzos"? you may have asked yourself a thousand times. And most likely your family and friends have wondered the same thing. 

Your doctor assured you that benzos were a safe drug that would not harm you. You had no way of knowing that benzos, that tiny,innocent looking pill could or would turn your world upside down,and blindside you in the way that they did.

 

You must believe with all your might that you are going to heal,because you are going to heal.       

It may not be today and it may not be tomorrow,but you will recover from the benzos. You will heal just like I did and just like thousands of other folks have healed.

 

Through your heartfelt words that I read on these BenzoBuddies pages,I can feel just how much pain and distress there is in your life right now. If I had the power to take it all away from you,I would do so in a heartbeat.

No one should have to endure the agony of withdrawals from benzos. They wouldn't have to if more doctors were educated about the consequences of 'willy nilly' prescribing benzos as if they were no more potent than an aspirin.     

 

Please believe in yourself. Do not sell yourself short. You have the strength and the tenacity and the gumption to get through this. And you have hope,that mysterious, invisible force that quietly whispers to your heart - "stay strong, do not give up,no matter how dark the day or how lonely the night"  

 

I wish you all much peace and happiness this Christmas season and all through the new year.

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Thanks so much for this pj, you are always a beacon of hope for those still in the throes of withdrawal. I wish you a peaceful holiday season as well, please stay safe!

 

PG  :smitten:

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Hi there PJ

 

Thank you for always returning with wonderful positive posts, reassuring members.  As  PG said, a beacon of light you are!    You were always a very caring, supportive person  even on tough days, so generous with your time.  Its always nice to see you here, wishing a  Merry Christmas to you and your family

 

 

Margo http://www.sherv.net/cm/emo/christmas/plugging-in-xmas-tree-smiley-emoticon.gif

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