An experience like no other

Hi PJ - hope all is well in your corner of the world. 

M.

Hello M

Green, green - the prettiest color I have ever seen.  Life in my corner of the world is quite serene!

Sorry about the rhyming - I was thinking of the 'word games' that you and me and renny would play to distract us from those crazy withdrawals.  Oh, how we would laugh, and be so silly even forgetting about withdrawals for awhile.  Isn't it strange how some memories, especially the happy, meaningful ones, linger in our mind for the longest of time?

Maybe it's really not all that strange after all.  Memories - be they happy or be they sad, play a big part in molding us into who we are,

reminding us of where we have been, and guiding us in where we want to go and what we want to do in life.

I hope your life is fine, like vintage wine from the vine.  There I go again! Still playing the 'word game'!  I often wonder how renny is.

So long for now, M. You are a very kind and gentle lady.  I wish you all the best that life has to offer.

pj

Did you have any head symptoms? Like woozy funny head feelings, dizziness, anxiety, panic, could you leave your house and function ok?

 

I struggle with the woozy, funny head feelings.  Its very debilitating.    Hard to function.  Do you have this?

Hi Fighting4Me,

I don't know if this post was meant for me or Hl01.  I had so many weird symptoms, it's hard to recall them all.  But I do remember some more strange head feelings besides what I had previously mentioned to Hl01.

They were very disturbing and debilitating, especially the dizziness and the 'brain zaps'.  Thankfully, they were quite mild compared to some other folks who had very severe brain zaps. I would be so dizzy, and woozy at times - all I could do was sit down with my head in my lap, wishing they would go away. 

I feel for you.  I wish, from the bottom of my heart, that those funny head feelings leave you real soon.  They are indeed very debilitating, making it hard to function.  As difficult as it can be, try with all your might to remind yourself daily - over, and over again that withdrawals will not last forever. 

They will go away one day.  And when they are gone, no more funny, debilitating head symptoms for you ever again.

Have a very nice day.

Hi PJ - hope all is well in your corner of the world. 

M.

Hello M

 

Green, green - the prettiest color I have ever seen.  Life in my corner of the world is quite serene!

 

Sorry about the rhyming - I was thinking of the 'word games' that you and me and renny would play to distract us from those crazy withdrawals.  Oh, how we would laugh, and be so silly even forgetting about withdrawals for awhile.  Isn't it strange how some memories, especially the happy, meaningful ones, linger in our mind for the longest of time?

 

Maybe it's really not all that strange after all.  Memories - be they happy or be they sad, play a big part in molding us into who we are,

reminding us of where we have been, and guiding us in where we want to go and what we want to do in life.

 

I hope your life is fine, like vintage wine from the vine.  There I go again! Still playing the 'word game'!  I often wonder how renny is.

 

So long for now, M. You are a very kind and gentle lady.  I wish you all the best that life has to offer.

 

pj

I think of Remmy All The Time! I miss her so much.

The word games really helped bring my brain back to me along with Old Dave's word game (which was SO hard!).

Oh god, I remember laughing, when I rediscovered how to do that.  I used to log on just to find he old word games and now I don't even remember how. It is really odd to have such fond memories of such awful times.  Now, I can't imagine not going to work for months at a time.  Day after day after day of no sleep, being afraid of 'naps' due to the horrible waking up. Not being able to take a shower or wear most of my clothes because I could feel the seams. Crazy.

I too wish you only good things; calm days followed by lovely sleep filled nights.

It was good to connect with you after all these years. 

M.

I understand your missing Renny,  (RennysDream).  It's a hard thing not being able to talk to someone you used to talk to everyday.  Some of the folks we met on this great community has left an indelible impression on our heart, that time cannot erase.

You are a survivor M.  You never gave up.  No matter how dark the days or how lonely the nights, you never gave up. You had tremendous courage, and I believe you had hope - hope is that quiet, invisible force that softly whispers to your heart, " stay strong, do not give up - no matter how dark your days or how lonely your nights, never give up."

You survived and I survived. Allowing time to be their healer and patience to be their guide, hundreds of other folks will also survive the bizarre world of withdrawals.  Benzo withdrawals are not a life sentence.

Went for a long walk beside the creek today. Walking beneath the clear blue Autumn sky, colorful leaves falling at my feet, feeling the cool nip in the air graze my face - made my heart soar higher than the Eagle can fly.

M, life after withdrawals can indeed be a beautiful, wonderful adventure.

pj

pj, your heart sustains; your words paint a beautiful dream... Thank you again for being such a Light on here.

May God bless you richly always!

With huge respect and gratitude,

Lara

I am new here and hope that i will get better also. Having such a hard time.

Thank you for your kind heart.

pj, your heart sustains; your words paint a beautiful dream... Thank you again for being such a Light on here.

 

May God bless you richly always!

 

With huge respect and gratitude,

 

Lara

Hello RubyLove

Your kind words have humbled me.

Peace and happiness to you.

pj

I am new here and hope that i will get better also. Having such a hard time.

Thank you for your kind heart.

Hi tech 21

I am so sorry that you are having such a hard time living with those dreadful, unforgiving withdrawals.

The healing process is a very slow and complicated ordeal, so try not to get too discouraged when you feel that your recovery is moving slower than a snail's pace. 

Easier said than done, I know. 

The human body is a miraculous piece of engineering that wants to, and is designed to, heal itself. Your body is silently, and efficiently repairing the damage done to you by the benzos - every minute of every hour of every day. 

If you read where someone may be healing at a much faster pace than you are healing - ignore it. You will heal at your own pace

The day will come when your body will say to you: "My work is finished - you are healed - you are whole again - live your new life to the fullest."

Here is a Native American Prayer I wish to share with you.  I have a copy of it on my desk that I read every day. 

May the sun bring you

new energy by day.

May the moon softly restore

you by night.

May the rain wash away your

worries and sorrows.

May the breeze blow new

strength into your being.

May you walk gently

through the world and

know it's beauty

all the days of your life.

I wish you the very best

pj

Oh pj, that Native American prayer is priceless!

I just printed it out and put in on our refrigerator, we all can benefit from the wisdom contained therein.

Thanks friend!

PG 

Beautiful, calming words! I just copied and saved the prayer as well.

Thank you so much, PJ!

Oh pj, that Native American prayer is priceless!

 

I just printed it out and put in on our refrigerator, we all can benefit from the wisdom contained therein.

 

Thanks friend!

 

PG 

You're welcome  pianogirl

I am pleased that you, as I do, appreciate this prayer - with its gentle, simplistic words - words that are simple in their structure, yet so profound in their meaning.

I have no idea who the author of this prayer is, but whoever wrote it, certainly was tuned into his or her surroundings.  They so eloquently described nature's beauty and its healing ways.

pj

Beautiful, calming words! I just copied and saved the prayer as well.

 

Thank you so much, PJ!

Hello EverGreen

You're welcome.  I'm glad you liked it as much as in do.

In case anyone is wondering - what prayer? -- this is the Native American prayer.

May the sun bring you

new energy by day.

May the moon softly restore

you by night.

May the rain wash away your

worries and sorrows.

May the breeze blow new

strength into your being.

May you walk gently

through the world and

know it's beauty

all the days of your life.

Happy New Year! 

All the dear folks who are now healed from benzo withdrawals came here to this wonderful community, because they needed someone to listen to them, to understand them, and to encourage them during one of the most confusing and heart-wrenching time in their lives.   

They needed the friends they found on benzobuddies to keep them from going crazy, because no one in their life understood or believed that withdrawals could make a person be so different or act so differently from the person they knew.  People who are having  withdrawals must try and understand that anybody who has not experienced withdrawals can truly not understand the insidious nature of benzo withdrawals.

You dear folks who have not yet healed, take a deep, deep breath - slowly release that breath and remind yourself to stay strong, to be patient, and to never give up, because you are going to recover from those ridiculous withdrawals.  Withdrawals, as you have been told, are indeed temporary - and that's true. 

Peace and happiness to you in the New Year.   

pj   

 

You were in a strange new world where nothing made any sense.  A strange new world where up was down and down was up.  Nothing was the same.  You fell into a hole.  Your name was not Alice, and you new world was not a wonderland.

 

You were in hell.     

 

[...]

One day, you looked up from that hole you had fallen into and there was the sunshine - shining brighter than you had ever seen it shine.  You were healed!     

 

Lets hope that in the future, everyone who becomes a part of this unique community can find their friend.  Someone to laugh with, to cry with, to dream with, and to be free from withdrawals with.

Dearest pj

You've been a true friend to many here. Thank you for always remembering those of us still in the trenches with such kindness and care.

May Life shower you with all the love and light you bring us on here. Walk in that wondrous new world for us so long...you do it beautifully.

Wishing you a magical 2019! ✨

With love,

Lara

You're welcome, Lara

Thank you for those very kind words.  My occasional appearance on this site, after all these many years, probably has some folks wondering why I have hung around here for so long.  I keep coming back here, because I will never forget how painful, confusing, and disruptive benzos were to my life.

I reasoned that if benzos did what they did to me, I can imagine what they were doing to other folks, many who had withdrawals more severe than I did.

Having healed from withdrawals, I knew that it was possible to be free from those wicked withdrawals and resume a happy, productive life. I wanted to convey that thought to other people who were struggling so hard to believe that they too, would heal from those wicked withdrawals and get their life back.

Just like it did to me and to other folks, those wicked benzo withdrawals, with no warning, quietly snuck up on us like a thief in the night, and stole our identity, our dignity, and our confidence - leaving us a confused and bewildered shadow of our former selves. 

We were thrust into a World that we never knew existed.  We never had withdrawals before. How could we?  We were always careful when taking medications, even over the counter ones.  We did not get those little benzo plls from someone on the street, we got them from a doctor, whom we trusted. 

If I can convince just one person to keep on fighting, to keep on hoping and to keep on believing that they will heal and get their life back, and be happier and healthier than they imagined they could ever be, then I would have done something meaningful in my life.

May the new year be kind to you.

pj

 

If I can convince just one person to keep on fighting, to keep on hoping and to keep on believing that they will heal and get their life back, and be happier and healthier than they imagined they could ever be, then I would have done something meaningful in my life.

 

Just beautiful.

Thank you and God bless, pj.

Dear PJ

Thank you for your story...... It gave me hope for today that I thought i lost last night.

So very tired just want to lay my head down and feel peace..Oh if i make it how I will never be ungrateful for that peaceful feeling ever again. I think I miss that the most.  No sleep ever and never feeling just at rest... Somedays during this taper I feel like I just cant go on and last night was one of them.

Thank you to a stranger from the bottom of my heart.

Hi tech

You're very welcome.

Through your words, I can sense the pain and the distress that is in your life right now.  If I had the power to take it all away, I would do so in a heartbeat. No one should ever have to go through the agony of withdrawals.

A very long time ago when I was going through withdrawals I was depressed.  I felt hopeless and miserable.  My mind was racing, my heart was pounding.  I was anxious.  I Was Tired (no sleep for many nights).  I was exhausted to the point of being delusional and yet, I could not sleep.

I swear, I would have given up all my earthly possessions for just one hour of sleep. 

I questioned whether the Ativan had damaged me beyond repair.  Was my life ruined?  Would I ever be the same again?

I recovered from those horrible withdrawals, and you will, too.

It may not be today or it may not be tomorrow, but you are going to heal.  How do I know this?  I know this, because I, and thousands of other folks, who once doubted if they would ever recover .. did recover.

When you have healed, the time you lost to those withdrawals will seem like no more than a second was taken from your life, because after you have recovered, you will have many more days, months, and years ahead of you to enjoy and cherish, with a new found zest and appreciation, all the wondrous and mysterious things that fill our heart with so much joy. 

Tech, sleep will come back to you when you least expect it to.  One night, hopefully very soon, sleep will come to you, ever so sweetly, ever so softly .. bringing with it that peaceful, restful kind of feeling that you have been yearning for, for such a very long time. 

Finally ..You will have your life back. 

Peace and Happiness to you.

pj

PJ,

I can't say enough what a comfort your posts are. Disrupted sleep is something I'm struggling a lot with, and your post up above to Tech has given me strength too.  You are touching so many lives, likely more than you'll ever know, and making a huge difference. Thank you for caring!

Thank you for your kind words, EverGreen. 

Not getting enough sleep is indeed a disturbing, torturous event.  Lack of sleep, as you know all too well, can turn one into a slow-walking Zombie kind of a person.

I coped with not sleeping by not going to bed.  I knew I wouldn't sleep, so instead of tossing and turning all night long in my bed, vigorously pounding my pillow out of desperation, I spent most nights in my recliner with the television on, the volume turned down real low.  I would watch old black and white movies that were showing on the TCM channel.  Colored movies would have been much too bright, and much too stimulating for my already over stimulated mind to handle.  I didn't sleep, but at least I was resting.

As strange as it seems to say it now, at that time, all those great actors from the forties and fifties became my friends, not because I was delusional, but because they kept me company all night long, making me feel like I was not going through withdrawals all alone. 

Watching those old movies helped to ease my anxiety over not sleeping.  When morning came, I would just say to myself:  "I didn't sleep last night, maybe tonight I will."

The worst thing you can do is to go to bed, and just lie there, tossing and turning all night long.  Believe me, I did that a few times, and as you probably already know, through experience; it's torture.

Your sleep Will come back, not magically all at once, but it will come back in stages.  Your brain is working overtime to repair the part that regulates sleep.  Try not to obsess about not sleeping, it just makes it worse. I [...] your sleep returns real soon, I really do.

One night when I was sitting in my chair, and for the first time in many weeks, I started yawning - I knew that I was about to witness a miracle, and I did.  I slept that night, not perfectly, and not all that long, but I slept.

Until your sleep cycle straightens out, you can expect sporadic sleep.  Some nights only an hour or two, some nights three or four, maybe five, other nights, nothing.  There is no rhyme or reason to it.  It's maddening, I know, but eventually you will sleep like a newborn baby.

Happy dreams to you.

pj 

Hi tech

 

You're very welcome.

 

Through your words, I can sense the pain and the distress that is in your life right now.  If I had the power to take it all away, I would do so in a heartbeat. No one should ever have to go through the agony of withdrawals.

 

A very long time ago when I was going through withdrawals I was depressed.  I felt hopeless and miserable.  My mind was racing, my heart was pounding.  I was anxious.  I Was Tired (no sleep for many nights).  I was exhausted to the point of being delusional and yet, I could not sleep.

 

I swear, I would have given up all my earthly possessions for just one hour of sleep. 

 

I questioned whether the Ativan had damaged me beyond repair.  Was my life ruined?  Would I ever be the same again?

I recovered from those horrible withdrawals, and you will, too.

It may not be today or it may not be tomorrow, but you are going to heal.  How do I know this?  I know this, because I, and thousands of other folks, who once doubted if they would ever recover .. did recover.

 

When you have healed, the time you lost to those withdrawals will seem like no more than a second was taken from your life, because after you have recovered, you will have many more days, months, and years ahead of you to enjoy and cherish, with a new found zest and appreciation, all the wondrous and mysterious things that fill our heart with so much joy. 

 

Tech, sleep will come back to you when you least expect it to.  One night, hopefully very soon, sleep will come to you, ever so sweetly, ever so softly .. bringing with it that peaceful, restful kind of feeling that you have been yearning for, for such a very long time. 

 

Finally ..You will have your life back. 

 

Peace and Happiness to you.

 

pj

Dear PJ

 

Thank you for your story...... It gave me hope for today that I thought i lost last night.

So very tired just want to lay my head down and feel peace..Oh if i make it how I will never be ungrateful for that peaceful feeling ever again. I think I miss that the most.  No sleep ever and never feeling just at rest... Somedays during this taper I feel like I just cant go on and last night was one of them.

 

Thank you to a stranger from the bottom of my heart.

As I was enjoying my morning cup of coffee while reading through some of the many introductions that have been posted on BenzoBuddies through-out the years, a wave of sadness swept over me.

Why?  Because nothing has changed.  Still the same old story.

Hundred and hundreds of folks, perhaps thousands of folks who are suffering or who have suffered from benzo withdrawals.

You may be new here or you may have been here for awhile, but you all have much in common.  You are dealing with, and struggling with what has to be one of the most confusing and painful times in your  life - benzo withdrawals.

Your family and friends may not believe you when you tried explaining to them, over and over again, that benzo withdrawals are real.  That you are scared and confused.  That you need support.  You you need understanding, but they do not understand.

You have a thousand questions and no answers. 

Then you found BenzoBuddies.

A place where you are safe and no longer all alone.  A place where you will get answers to your thousand questions.  A place where you are understood and not judged.  A place where kindness and compassion surrounds you and hugs you tightly until you have healed.

In the bizarre world of withdrawals, benzo withdrawals are the worst.  They are the big bully on the block. 

You turn your back, and they sucker punch you.  They knock you down, kick you to the curb, laugh at you, and when you fight back, they do it all over again.

It takes lots of time and determination to defeat the benzo withdrawal bully.

Because BenzoBuddies, and it's many compassionate, and understanding members have your back, you will recover from your encounter with benzos.  It will take time (more time than you think it should take) and it will take patience, lots of patience.  More patience than Job had. 

When you are in the throes of benzo withdrawals, it's hard to believe that you are ever going to heal from benzo withdrawals.

Please try to believe that withdrawals are temporary.  Please try to believe that withdrawals will not kill you.  Please try to believe that you will heal from what withdrawals have done to you (because you will heal from what withdrawals have done to you).

Please try to believe that you will get your life back, because you will get your life back.  And it will be a life that is more rewarding and more fulfilling than your old life ever was, because going through, and healing from benzo withdrawals changes us in ways that we never could have imagined.

Peace and happiness.

pj

Pj you are a angel! I pray that you receive so many blessings!!!

❤️

PJ, I just wanted to say hello and thanks. I have fully recovered now at 5 plus years off. But you were my lifeline in my first few months of WD, I don't want to think back to those dark days, but I just want you to know that you literally saved my life......

Your story and message to me gave me HOPE and I held onto it.......that's all I had.....HOPE.

Thank you for saving me and thank you for giving me that HOPE.

Love and Hugs, Cindy