An experience like no other

Good morning cindys, Leo, Arkansas, and ang1111

 

Thank you all for your kind words.  Forgive me for not responding to your posts sooner.  You guys are the personification of what defines a good and decent person.  I wish you all a life of peace, and happiness. 

 

Every day more and more folks realize that benzo withdrawals are tearing them and their world apart - piece by piece. 

 

Many of those folks find their way to this unique community, where, after reading a few posts, they

are in awe of all the kindness, the compassion, and the understanding imbedded in the heartfelt words that everyone unselfishly gives to one another as they are trying to come to terms with, and find the solutions to deal with all that the benzos has done to them. 

 

No matter what their station in life, folks come here, and they share the same fears and the same hopes - the same desires, and the same goals.  And that goal is to be free from benzos - free from withdrawals, and free from the almost prison-like environment that benzos have sentenced them to for such an absurdly long time.

 

Someday, when they are not expecting it to happen, those chains that bound them to the withdrawals will be broken, and they will be healed - free to live their life drug free, and withdrawal free.

 

Then they will know the true meaning of freedom.  Then they will know the true meaning of happiness.  Then they will no the true meaning of contentment.

 

The fond memories, and the caring friendships that people have reaped from their fruitful, and encouraging interactions with each other as they pondered and dissected together the many ways in which those unrelenting withdrawals has impacted their lives - may diminish somewhat as time goes by,

but the desire to help, and to care about others will never diminish.

 

To go through benzo withdrawals, and to recover from that experience creates within us, the wanting, and the willingness to be a more humble and a more compassionate person towards those who are suffering.   

 

Follow your dreams, and keep on believing.

 

pj

I always go back to this success story for hope.  Now my mind is telling me I have other problems that are not withdrawal.  I obsess on all the problems former family members had and decided that my dna will cause the same problems.  I do not have any basis for this truth, just another fear that is in my mind. Did this ever happen with you, pj, during your journey?  Thank you for listening. 

pj....I keep reading your posts for comfort, support and encouragement.  You have provided so much hope  for so many of us who are still struggling to get thru this tough journey....a journey that will lead us to wellness.  It is so greatly appreciated.

 

I still suffer daily with symptoms that keep me in benzo prison.....feel so hopeless at times....with thoughts that this journey will never end.  I am 5 1/2 months out and feel like I haven't made any progress. I am slammed every day with the same symptoms, over and over again and often wonder how our bodies will heal from the stress that we are going thru. 

 

Thank you so much for all of your kind words and all of your help for all of us still tormented by this.  Hoping and praying that we all heal and will be able to continue living our lives the way we did pre benzos. 

 

Sending healing thoughts to all......

To each of you who came back to say you are better, and to PJ, I am 16 months and still horrifyingly sick in withdrawal. I feel hopeless. I came here today to try to find hope. I feel just like I did when I was in cold turkey in the ICU, at 16 months it is cruel and impossible. Thank you all for writing here to try and foster the belief and hope for those feeling so terrified and hopeless.

 

Hi Angelprint

 

You posted this over three months ago, but I have not forgotten about you.  You were always so kind to me whenever I responded to any of your questions or your concerns. 

 

Sixteen months is an awfully long time to be battling those relentless withdrawals that should never have happened to you.  But for reasons that are hard to discern, they did happen to you.

You must not let those withdrawals destroy you and your life.  As painful, and discouraging as it is, you must

keep on believing and hoping that you are going to recover from that scary, and horrific experience of benzo withdrawals. 

 

It may take you twenty-four months to completely recover, and that is so hard for you to fathom, I know.  No one wants to hear that to recover can take as long as two years, because when you are suffering as you are, another twenty-four minutes of suffering is much too long.

 

For reasons, for which there are no adequate answers, you, like so many other innocent, unsuspecting folks, were hit extremely hard by benzo withdrawals, and because you were, your pain, and your struggle has become unbearable at times, making you believe that there is no hope for you.  But as long as there is breath in you, there is hope - and that hope will set you free one day, and you will be healed. 

 

This American Indian Prayer always uplifts me, perhaps it will do the same for you.

 

May the sun bring you

new energy by day.

May the moon softly restore

you by night.

May the rain wash away your

worries and sorrows.

May the breeze blow new

strength into your being.

May you walk gently

through the world and

know it's beauty

all the days of your life.

 

I hope, with all my heart, that you will start to feel much better real soon.

 

pj     

I always go back to this success story for hope.  Now my mind is telling me I have other problems that are not withdrawal.  I obsess on all the problems former family members had and decided that my dna will cause the same problems.  I do not have any basis for this truth, just another fear that is in my mind. Did this ever happen with you, pj, during your journey?  Thank you for listening. 

Hi Arkansas

 

Franklin Roosevelt, that great statesman - when it came to the Great Depression, said: " The only thing we have to fear is fear itself."  PJ, who is not a great statesman - when it comes to depression caused by benzos, says: " The things we fear do not exist."  ,

 

The fear that we will never heal, the fear that we will never get our life back, the fear that we will have withdrawals forever, the fear that our life will be forever changed in a negative way or the fear that we will never be happy -  are all fears that are not real. 

They are false fears - fears stuffed into our mind by the benzos, the greatest fear monger that has ever existed.  Benzos make us afraid of the dark, afraid to be alone, afraid to leave the house, afraid eat all kinds of different foods, afraid to exercise. 

 

Yes, the fears that we fear - are nothing to be afraid of - because they are indeed false fears.  Those fears seem very real to us, because that is how the benzos toy with our emotions, and play with our mind.

 

Arkansas, all the problems that your former family members had, and that most folks have, has nothing to do with DNA, they are just a result of being Human - living in, and trying to survive in a World where it Ain't Always Easy! 

 

You are you, you are not a clone of your family members.  The problems that your former family members have had,  have no bearing on you -an individual who has your own mind, and your own life to live the way you choose to live it.

 

Peace and happiness to you.

 

pj   

Much gratitude, PJ.  Now I can go lay down with a smile on my face.  Wishing you much love, peace and joy.  Thank you, dear friend, for being so caring. 

pj....I keep reading your posts for comfort, support and encouragement.  You have provided so much hope  for so many of us who are still struggling to get thru this tough journey....a journey that will lead us to wellness.  It is so greatly appreciated.

 

I still suffer daily with symptoms that keep me in benzo prison.....feel so hopeless at times....with thoughts that this journey will never end.  I am 5 1/2 months out and feel like I haven't made any progress. I am slammed every day with the same symptoms, over and over again and often wonder how our bodies will heal from the stress that we are going thru. 

 

Thank you so much for all of your kind words and all of your help for all of us still tormented by this.  Hoping and praying that we all heal and will be able to continue living our lives the way we did pre benzos. 

 

Sending healing thoughts to all......

Hi bcalm

 

Benzo prison is filled with folks who are innocent of any wrong doing.  They were framed, and put in that prison by a drug that is a liar and a thief.  It gave them hope, and it took that hope away - leaving them all alone and hopeless in a prison of hopelessness. 

 

Everyday in their prison of pain, is a day that is the same as the day before, with non-stop withdrawals, endless anxiety, and relentless confusion. 

 

Is there any good news in all this madness?  Yes, there is.  The benzo prison of withdrawals does not keep anyone a prisoner for a lifetime.  They are all eventually released out into the sunshine of freedom where they are free to live their life and their dreams in a World where withdrawals will never, ever imprison them again.     

 

Bcalm, I hope you are soon set free from your benzo prison, so that you too, can follow in the footsteps of the thousands of other folks who were released from their benzo prison - free to walk in the sunshine of freedom - healed and happy.

 

Have a wonderful weekend.  Thank you for your kind words.

 

pj

Thanks pj for your reassuring message.  This is a tough road to travel.....not knowing when you will reach your destination.  And right now I see no end to that road....just endless pain and suffering. 

 

But there is no other way....no other choice but to keep going.  Sending healing thoughts to all.....

Thank you PJ for being the light in this darkness.  Many thanks for your most precious gift, your time.  May God bless you and your family today and always.

~Guida~

Thank you PJ for being the light in this darkness.  Many thanks for your most precious gift, your time.  May God bless you and your family today and always.

~Guida~

Hi Guida

 

I thank you for those very kind words.

 

In this fast-paced world that we live in - where time often moves faster than a jet plane, there is never enough time left at the end of the day to allow a person to reflect or to de-stress or to help others. 

Wouldn't it be nice, if on some days, time slowed down - and instead of moving faster than a jet plane, it moved slower than a horse-drawn wagon, so folks would have enough time to reflect or to de-stress or to help others?   

 

Time, that precious, invisible force that controls every minute of our life, is indeed a gift that should be shared with others, especially when it comes to children.  When a child asks a question that is of great importance to them, and in return they hear:  "I don't have the time to help you" ... it can break their tender heart, and shatter their fragile self-esteem.

 

Every day, if for only one hour, we should turn off all the electronic battery powered doodads that are controlling our life.  For that one hour, we should use the time to 'charge' OUR 'batteries' ... giving us the strength, after a stressful, and tiring day, to 'really listen' to someone who is hurting, and hopefully make a difference in their life.

 

I see that you were hit extremely hard with many withdrawal symptoms.  I too, had acid reflux, (nasty and disgusting for sure).  The reflux eventually disappeared along with the rest of my symptoms. 

 

I hope you are soon healed, and when you have recovered from your benzo experience, may life be good to you in many ways.

 

pj

Hi PJ - I am surprised to see that you still visit this blog.  I am close to posting my farewell 'address' in honor of my 5 year anniversary. What a wild ride!!

 

It is only due to kind folks like you that I made it through. You are an incredible human being PJ and your kind gifts have help hundreds of people here and I'm sure scores more in the real world.

 

Take good care my friend - onward and upward!

 

Love,

 

M.

Hello M,

 

What a wonderful surprise it was to read a post from you today.  I see that you still dress your words in that pretty shade of green.   

 

I didn't think I would be here as long as I have, but as long as someone takes the time to post a question or a comment to me, I will definitely take the time to answer them, because I think it's the right thing to do.

 

Congratulations to you.  It was a long, hard, tumultuous journey, but you did it, you persevered, and you won the battle.  I will always remember you and Renny, and the word games we played that were such a great distraction from those withdrawals. 

 

You take care dear lady.  The very best to you my friend.

 

pj   

hey! thank you for your post and well done! amazing ! I also c/t from ativam after being on for 20 days

I really feel scared and like I am never going to be my old self again. I have no idea how long this is going to take. were there days for you when you just could nor take it anymore ? really looking forward to hearing from you.

Hi Claire

 

You did a c/t from Ativan - no wonder you are feeling scared, and you fear that you will never feel like your old self again.

 

I know it's a hard thing to do, but try not to worry too much about not being your old self again, because when you recover from that confusing benzo experience you definitely will feel like your old self again - you may not believe it now, but you will heal, and you will get your life back.   

 

While going through withdrawals most folks feel as you do, because benzos are the ultimate purveyor of doom and gloom, convincing us that we will be forever stuck in a life that is so different from our old life, and that we will never get that life back, and that we will never be our old self again.

 

Claire, you are going to get your life back. 

 

Claire, there were many days when I felt that I couldn't take it anymore.  It seemed like every day a new, and a scarier symptom would pop up. 

I wanted it all to stop.  Just like you, I wanted my life back.  After reading many posts on this forum, I learned that time, lots of time is what it takes to heal and get one's life back.

 

Claire, I want to share this with you: Acceptance, patience, and distraction are three things that will make the road to recovery less stressful.

 

Accept the fact that you are having withdrawals.  See those withdrawals as a temporary disruption in your life, because that is what they are.  They will disappear one day, (no one can predict just when that day will come), because benzo withdrawals, just like the weather, are unpredictable, and affect everyone differently.

 

Patience, lots of it, is required during the withdrawal process, because there will be many days when you feel like you take one positive step forward in your recovery, and a new symptom appears, taking you two steps backwards.  This is when you have to just shrug your shoulders and say to yourself, (" oh well, I guess that's just the way it is")

 

Distracting yourself from thinking too much about withdrawals is really important for your mental well-being.  Walking in the sunshine, and soaking in all the wonderful sights and sounds that Mother Nature has blessed us with is a great way to lower anxiety and depression levels. 

 

Claire, I cannot say this too many times - "You will get your life back," and it will be even better than your old life, because the experience of going through benzo withdrawals, and healing from those benzo withdrawals, for reasons that are unclear to me - makes a person a little wiser, a little more content, and a whole lot happier.

 

Have a wonderful Summer. 

 

pj       

Hi Claire

 

You did a c/t from Ativan - no wonder you are feeling scared, and you fear that you will never feel like your old self again.

 

I know it's a hard thing to do, but try not to worry too much about not being your old self again, because when you recover from that confusing benzo experience you definitely will feel like your old self again - you may not believe it now, but you will heal, and you will get your life back.   

 

While going through withdrawals most folks feel as you do, because benzos are the ultimate purveyor of doom and gloom, convincing us that we will be forever stuck in a life that is so different from our old life, and that we will never get that life back, and that we will never be our old self again.

 

Claire, you are going to get your life back. 

 

Claire, there were many days when I felt that I couldn't take it anymore.  It seemed like every day a new, and a scarier symptom would pop up. 

I wanted it all to stop.  Just like you, I wanted my life back.  After reading many posts on this forum, I learned that time, lots of time is what it takes to heal and get one's life back.

 

Claire, I want to share this with you: Acceptance, patience, and distraction are three things that will make the road to recovery less stressful.

 

Accept the fact that you are having withdrawals.  See those withdrawals as a temporary disruption in your life, because that is what they are.  They will disappear one day, (no one can predict just when that day will come), because benzo withdrawals, just like the weather, are unpredictable, and affect everyone differently.

 

Patience, lots of it, is required during the withdrawal process, because there will be many days when you feel like you take one positive step forward in your recovery, and a new symptom appears, taking you two steps backwards.  This is when you have to just shrug your shoulders and say to yourself, (" oh well, I guess that's just the way it is")

 

Distracting yourself from thinking too much about withdrawals is really important for your mental well-being.  Walking in the sunshine, and soaking in all the wonderful sights and sounds that Mother Nature has blessed us with is a great way to lower anxiety and depression levels. 

 

Claire, I cannot say this too many times - "You will get your life back," and it will be even better than your old life, because the experience of going through benzo withdrawals, and healing from those benzo withdrawals, for reasons that are unclear to me - makes a person a little wiser, a little more content, and a whole lot happier.

 

Have a wonderful Summer. 

 

pj     

 

 

Hi PJ,

 

I love your responses and even though this was directed to someone else, I still read it as if it was for me as I can always relate. I always feel relieved when i see a post from you and it usually coinsides with me feeling like this will never end.

 

Still here surviving after passing my 2 year and not turned the corner yet, however I am battling on with the help of people like you 

Hi marj

 

Thank you for your kind words.

 

You have suffered for two years, and because you have, your life has probably changed in so many negative ways that it is no wonder you feel that healing for you will never happen.

 

Stay positive, and keep on believing, because healing does happen, and just like the thousands of other folks who have healed - you too, will heal. 

 

Marj, I truly believe that when those awful withdrawals leave you, and you begin to feel inspired, and hopeful again - all the best pieces of your life that have been torn from you because of those withdrawals, and scattered like driftwood upon an angry Sea - will come rushing back to you, making you whole again in body and in spirit. 

 

And when that happens, your love of life will know no boundaries, because when the pain and the suffering leave - peace and happiness will  take it's place.

 

 

May the sun bring you

new energy by day.

May the moon softly restore

you by night.

May the rain wash away your

worries and sorrows.

May the breeze blow new

strength into your being.

May you walk gently

through the world and

know it's beauty

all the days of your life.

(author unknown)

 

marj, I hope you have the best Summer ever.

 

pj

 

 

 

Thank you so much PJ. Your words inspire me as always in this exhausting, excruciating experience. I will try my hardest to keep believing.

 

Blessings to you 

thank you so much PJ for sharing your story and coming back during all these years to give us hope  i wish you all the best!!

thank you so much PJ for sharing your story and coming back during all these years to give us hope  i wish you all the best!!

Hi GirlGatsby

 

You're welcome. 

 

I find it hard to believe that it has been five years since I joined this site, and four years since I posted my success story.  Time indeed, does not stand still.  It moves faster than an Express Train on a down hill grade.

 

I wish people in the Medical Profession had access to the Introduction Board on this unique forum ( and if they did, I would hope that they read, and try to understand what those folks are saying ) so they would come to realize just how many people are coming to this site every day - seeking answers to - all the pain and misery they are experiencing from a drug that was prescribed to them by someone from that very same medical community.

 

Perhaps, then, they would understand, that yes, folks do indeed have withdrawals from Benzodiazepines - withdrawals that are very real, not imaginary.  Perhaps then, they would begin to really 'listen' to their patients when they describe how the benzos are changing them into someone they no longer recognize. 

 

You folks who are still waiting to heal - dare to dream about what you will do with your life when you have recovered, because life - like dreams, are all about second chances.

 

I wish you well, and I hope you have a wonderful Summer.

 

pj 

Thank you for a very heartfelt story. This brings much hope for finally breaking free of lorazepam.

As I read your story I nodded my head in understanding at going to various Dr.'s over the years for anxiety, depression migraines, etc. I was once diagnosed with Bell's Pausley due to botox injections damaging nerves causing half my body to become paralyzed for a month. I was put on cymbalta & more lorazepam plus two anti depressants I can't recall. Brain fog.

There is a path to healing that may not be easy but is worth every withdrawal. Each day I become stronger.

Congratulations on your full recovery!

Hello SequinSoul, 

 

Thank you for your very kind words.

 

I am happy to hear that you are getting stronger.  You are so right - the path to healing is not easy.  It takes a lot of grit, and dogged determination to stay on that challenging, soul-searching path that leads to healing.

 

You have been through a lot, that's for sure.  Because of your strength, your never give up attitude, and your unwavering belief that you are going to heal, and be drug free - you WILL heal, and you WILL be free from drugs.  And then your days of pain, confusion, and sadness will be over, and your days of peace and happiness will begin.

 

I find this simple Native American Prayer very calming - perhaps you will, too.

 

 

May the sun bring you

new energy by day.

May the moon softly restore

you by night.

May the rain wash away your

worries and sorrows.

May the breeze blow new

strength into your being.

May you walk gently

through the world and

know it's beauty

all the days of your life.

 

I hope you have a wonderful Summer

 

pj

I had to read this success story one more time.  It brings me joy to find hope in this story.  Thank you again for sharing.  Wishing you love and joy in your life. 

Thank you, Arkansas.

 

I wish you love and joy in your life, too. 

 

Rosie, after you have healed - all the many unpleasant things that have happened to you because of benzo withdrawals will soon fade from your memory, and disappear like a flame in the wind ... making room for all the pleasant memories that are sure to come your way when you have your life back. 

 

Here is a happy tune for you to dance to on this glorious Summer day

 

 

I hope all your days bring you much peace and happiness, and lots of joy.

 

pj

I love it! You have given me hope for today.  You are a gift.  Thank you! 

Had to read your success story once again. I have been beating myself up for "maybe not tapering like I should have".  You know the scenario, trying to change the past.  I see that you have healed and continuing to have faith that I will too.  Thank you again.  Best wishes to you.