An experience like no other

Hi Robert,

Fall is my favorite time of the year, too.  There's something about going for a long walk on a cool, crisp October morning that causes a person to look back with a gentle fondness - as they reflect upon their misspent youth, when life was simple and uncomplicated.

Walking beneath the brilliantly colored trees with the sound of the fallen leaves crunching under our feet, and the wind stinging our face - awaken our sleepy senses.

A bittersweet, melancholy kind of a feeling washes over us, making us both happy and sad.  That's the feeling I get, perhaps you get that feeling, too.

I'm glad you were able to get out and enjoy all the things that makes fall your favorite season.  Walking is so beneficial in so many ways, especially when a person is patiently waiting for their withdrawals to go away.

When I was in withdrawals, walking helped so much to clear some of the fog from my mind.  Walking also helped to reduce the stress I was under, helped to lower my anxiety and depression, and improved my sleep some.

Going for long walks can reward a person with dividends that go far beyond the energy they expend to make them feel better.

Continued healing to you, kind sir.

pj

PJ- I too find walking in fall to be a very positive experience and almost sensational overload with all the vibrant colors, sounds and smells (yes I think fall has a very distinct smell with the dying leaves).

One thing that fall and spring remind me of is that everything is transient- as the leaves come in the spring, they die in the fall and the cycle goes on and on... just like life. The anxieties, sadness, loneliness of today will all be gone tomorrow. Everything is impermanent and has it's counter balance (night/day, warm/cold, spring/fall, anxiety/happiness, etc.) and I hold my hat on this every single day.

I love what you wrote; very profound.  Life is indeed all about change and balance.  We cannot rewind the past, so we have to look forward to the future. 

"Without change there would be no Butterflies" ... This is one of my favorite quotes.  I forget who coined it.

For a strong body and a nimble mind; Keep on walking.

pj

Thank you for writing this, and for recognizing that knowledge is what empowers us and allows us to get through it. I, too, went through mini-wthdrawals for most of five months before I found Benzo Buddies and realized what was happening. Three docs until I found the one that believed in me and has seen this happen over and over again.

God bless you!

SC

Thank you for writing this, and for recognizing that knowledge is what empowers us and allows us to get through it. I, too, went through mini-wthdrawals for most of five months before I found Benzo Buddies and realized what was happening. Three docs until I found the one that believed in me and has seen this happen over and over again.

God bless you!

SC

Hi SC,

You're welcome. 

Our experience is so similar.  We were both having all those strange symptoms that prompted us to see a doctor on numerous occasions, just to be told that nothing was wrong with us.  The mental anguish of not knowing what was wrong with us was as painful as were the physical symptoms.

It took BenzoBuddies to verify that we were indeed having withdrawals from a Benzodiazepine, because our doctors could not tell us.

Sadly, just like us, there are so many other people out there who have to suffer all that pain, and mental anguish because  their doctor is oblivious to what is happening to them, and why it is happening. 

I think one important thing all of us have learned from our experience with benzos, is to thoroughly research all drugs before we consider taking them;  including, the so called 'safe' - over the counter drugs.

God bless you, too.  I wish you a safe journey.

pj

                    HAPPY HALLOWEEN

"A Lady Living With Withdrawals and a Cat Named Boo" ... A Halloween Tale

She looked in the mirror;

suddenly, her eyes began

to twitch.

"I've turned into a twitchy- eyed

Witch",

she hollered at her black cat

named Boo

who always knew what to do

went she was rude, and

got in a black mood.

He scurried

across the room

faster than a Witch

riding on a broom.

"Don't be afraid, I won't hurt

you"

a sweet voice said to her black cat

named Boo

as she picked him up from

the high shelf where he sits

to get away from her

when she has one

of her benzo fits.

Remember, Boo, when

I was always happy

and never mean,

and how I always loved Halloween;

before those dark benzo withdrawals

made me feel like a rag doll,

who's head was being banged

against the walls

by a little boy who wanted

a new toy.

Forgive me, Boo

please do.

I feel too ugly and depressed to

get dressed.

I can't take you outside. 

I know its not right

for you not to see the little kids

on this Halloween night, but

I just want to stay

in the house and hide,

from this up and down benzo ride.

There was a knock at the door.

A look of horror was on her face;

she did not want to be in this place.

"What should I do?"

she asked her cat named Boo.

"What should I do?"

She threw on her Casper the Ghost shirt;

the one she wore last year

when she knew no fear.

what could it hurt?

She combed her hair and

opened the door.

Standing there on the

porch floor,

was the cutest little Ghost she had ever seen.

"Trick or treat" she heard him say;

in the most polite and sweetest way.

She put an apple and a

bottle of Snapple

in his Winn-Dixie shopping bag.

She no longer felt like a hag.

The little Ghost who was cuter than a bug

in a rug;

thanked her for the apple and the Snapple,

gave her a big Halloween hug,

and in a shy voice said: "You're pretty."

She hugged him back;

she felt alive again.

She said to the little Ghost;

"I love you Jack"

yes, that was his name.

After tonight, her life would not be the same,

cause she was back in the game.

Well, Boo. "I learned an important lesson

on this Halloween night"

she said to her cat

as they sat

on the floor

by the door to reminisce.

The withdrawals can go to hell

or to the moon for all I care.

I want to do the things I dare.

I'm tired of living this way,

not knowing

from day to day what to do

or what to say.

I just want to start living my life

the way I did before,

when I was not afraid to open my door.

You know, Boo

Sometimes when things seem all wrong;

things turn out all right,

just like they did tonight;

Here's some water, Boo, take a sip.

Have some cat nip.

"We had a good day."

And we will have a better day tomorrow,

with no sorrow;

said the lady who lives with withdrawals and

her cat named Boo.

Happy Halloween folks.

Don't let those withdrawals spook you into thinking that you are not going to heal.  Treat yourself to some love and kindness every day.  Do the things that make YOU happy.

Wonderful "tale", PJ ... many thanks ...

Hi Nova, 

Congratulations.  I just noticed your success story.  Just like you, I will never take another benzo ever again.  One trip down the benzo road is one too many, that's for sure.

I've never been a very conventional person, so that fourth grade level of writing that went into the 'Halloween Tale' that I wrote, is just my unconventional way of saying to folks to try and do most of the things with their kids that they used to do with them before the benzos changed their world, and in some respects, their children's world.

If people have little kids, and they want them to participate in the fun of Halloween, they should go for it.  Because of withdrawals, it may not be easy for parents to muster the energy or the will to go trick or treating with their kids, but it's something their kids will always remember, and so will they, their proud, loving parents.

Folks, if a black cat crosses your path when you go trick or treating, do not be frightened.  It just might be Boo.  He loves Halloween about as much as he loves his cat nip.

The best of luck to you, Nova.

pj

Thanks PJ. Happy Halloween to you as well. -R.

Thanks, Robert.  The very best to you.

Happy Halloween PJ,

That was NO 4th grade level of writing at all.  As always... the very, very best!  The creative wonderful soul you have is just beyond measure.  You always come through with all the very best to share.  Blessings always to you dear friend.

Hugs, Patty :smitten:

Dear PJ

Cute poem.  You are such a special friend to us all, dear friend.  Thanks for staying available and supporting us.

I watched a TV special last week about what they are calling the epidemic of prescribed drugs.  Very scary.  Our FDA appears to be corrupted by the powerful drug companies.  Approving drugs that their

Own panel of physicians say no to.  The show was mainly about opiate pain killers but all prescribed drugs were included.  Someone dies every 30 min from overdose of prescribed drugs.  It was quite an eye opener.

But even over the counter drugs are dangerous to many.  My compromised metabolizing enzymes have made it impossible for me to take almost all drugs.  And there are many more just like me out there whose DNA is compromised as well.  I think this is why so many here on BB have such severe and long lasting sxs.  A simple blood test that a doctor could and should order before prescribing a drug should be mandatory.

Thank you again, dear PJ.  You are always so supportive and encouraging.  You surely have helped me this past year as I have been so scared and lost and suffered.  I improve, but at a snails pace.  17 months now. 

Big hugs and blessings to you,    Galea

Benzomama, are things getting any better for you.  I hope they are.

pj

Happy Halloween PJ,

 

That was NO 4th grade level of writing at all.  As always... the very, very best!  The creative wonderful soul you have is just beyond measure.  You always come through with all the very best to share.  Blessings always to you dear friend.

 

Hugs, Patty :smitten:

 

Hi patty,

The other day, I went back on the Off Topic forum, and read our Cowboy story again.  I hadn't looked at it since we ended it.  It was great fun reading it again.  Thanks for helping write it.  You were fantastic! 

pj 

Dear PJ

Cute poem.  You are such a special friend to us all, dear friend.  Thanks for staying available and supporting us.

 

I watched a TV special last week about what they are calling the epidemic of prescribed drugs.  Very scary.  Our FDA appears to be corrupted by the powerful drug companies.  Approving drugs that their

Own panel of physicians say no to.  The show was mainly about opiate pain killers but all prescribed drugs were included.  Someone dies every 30 min from overdose of prescribed drugs.  It was quite an eye opener.

 

But even over the counter drugs are dangerous to many.  My compromised metabolizing enzymes have made it impossible for me to take almost all drugs.  And there are many more just like me out there whose DNA is compromised as well.  I think this is why so many here on BB have such severe and long lasting sxs.  A simple blood test that a doctor could and should order before prescribing a drug should be mandatory.

 

Thank you again, dear PJ.  You are always so supportive and encouraging.  You surely have helped me this past year as I have been so scared and lost and suffered.  I improve, but at a snails pace.  17 months now. 

 

Big hugs and blessings to you,    Galea

Hi Galea,

It's so nice to hear from you again. 

It's terrible that so many people are hurt by or are succumbing to prescription drugs. Kids are looking in their Grandparents dresser drawers and medicine cabinets for painkillers or other drugs that they have no idea just how powerful they are; consequently they take them and they die.  It's so sad that they feel so hopeless and empty inside that they feel compelled to seek a false happiness from such devastating drugs.

Teenagers, especially, need lots of face-to-face contact, and lots of loving guidance from their parents, so they don't seek or are pressured into taking drugs by their peers online or in school.

The over-prescribing of drugs is indicative of a society that demands instant relief and gratification.  It seems that all the latest electronic doodads and social media have done is to distance family and friends further from each other, damaging the family structure that is so important to a person's ability to cope with life's stresses.

Starting at a young age, parents need to build a trusting relationship with their kids.  Kids need to be told just how devastating and fatal drugs can be.  Their online presence must be limited, and monitored.  They must be warned that a person's online personality can be totally different from who they are in their offline life.         

You've been dealing with withdrawals for seventeen months, and that's a long time to still be recovering from a drug, that according to doctors and the drug companies, is supposedly a safe drug that is not terribly addictive, and may cause only minor or no withdrawals at all.

When I went cold turkey, I naively thought that I would be feeling great in a couple of months, but that couple of months stretched into fifteen months.

That blood test that you mentioned sounds like a great idea, because you are correct in your assumption that the majority of the folks here at BenzoBuddies must have something in their DNA that makes them extremely sensitive to many drugs, especially the Benzodiazepine class of drugs. 

I have talked to people who had taken benzos for weeks or months or years, and they just quit taking them, and never got so much as a headache.  So we here at BenzoBuddies are definitely super sensitive to benzos.  Maybe that's why our doctors didn't take us seriously when we told them about all the negative effects those benzos were having on us, because most of, if not all of their patients, were immune from any negative side-effects of benzos.

When folks like us went to our doctor complaining about having withdrawals, it didn't register with them, because we were the anomaly, not the norm.  Hopefully, they will become more educated about benzos, sparing other folks from the pain and misery that we here, on this site had to or still are enduring.

I gave up being mad at my doctor a long time ago over my having withdrawals, because just like many experiences in life - good or bad - we can learn from those experiences.  What I learned was to never take any medications without first thoroughly researching the pros and cons associated with that drug.

I've also learned that negative experiences in our life can produce a positive result in our life.  When I recovered from the withdrawals, I began to look at, and appreciate life differently.  The sunrise and the sunset that I was often too busy to take notice of before, suddenly were like works of art to me.  The rain and the wind and the clouds awakened me to all the wondrous things that make life bearable, and so enjoyable. 

I try to look at each new day through the inquisitive and wondering, awe-filled eyes of a child, who finds joy and happiness in such simple things as watching dandelion seeds and butterflies floating in the wind to nowhere.

I also learned that the people at BenzoBuddies are kinder, more sensitive, and more understanding than just about any other folks on Earth.  Maybe that sensitivity, which is a large part of their make up, is the reason why they are also very sensitive to all types of drugs. 

Thank you for your kind words.  You are indeed one of those kind, sensitive, understanding people that I was referring to.

Be happy, stay strong, and never give up.  With the rising of every sunrise and the falling of every sunset - the day when you are healed is getting closer.

pj

Happy Halloween PJ,

 

That was NO 4th grade level of writing at all.  As always... the very, very best!  The creative wonderful soul you have is just beyond measure.  You always come through with all the very best to share.  Blessings always to you dear friend.

 

Hugs, Patty :smitten:

 

 

Hi patty,

 

The other day, I went back on the Off Topic forum, and read our Cowboy story again.  I hadn't looked at it since we ended it.  It was great fun reading it again.  Thanks for helping write it.  You were fantastic! 

 

pj 

Hello Dear PJ,

Bet you are going to get freezing temperatures and some snow this week, huh?  I loved your Halloween writing, just the best.  Yes, I went into Off Topic forum a couple of months ago and read the "Cowboy story"...  Wow... yes, it was fun and it was great.  You sowed the seed with that story, and it just kept unfolding, and it was great.  Your ability with writing is amazing, and what you did to inspire me blew me out of the water....  You are just the best... And, that "Cowboy Story", well, even though it's in the "archives", it will remain for others to find and read.  It was so much fun, though, so much needed... Thank You again!

Love to you... Patty

(P.S.  Stay warm!!)

Hi patty

The Deer and the Wild Turkey are going to have a hard time finding enough food source to sustain them if the current weather is an accurate predictor of what the upcoming Winter will look like. 

It's unusual to be expecting so much snow and such cold temperatures in this part of the country so early in November. 

I have about three cords of seasoned oak to burn in the fireplace, so I will definitely stay warm.  Nothing is as cheerful and so inviting as sitting in front of a roaring fire ~ watching the flames dance to the crackling and popping sounds of  burning logs; their sparks looking like shooting stars.

Soon the winds will be howling like hungry wolves, and the drifting snow will be covering up the lonely tumbleweeds quicker than a politician can cover up a lie. 

Have a nice Thanksgiving, patty - my literary friend.

pj

Unfortunately, the holidays can be a very stressful, and anxious time for many folks even if they are not having withdrawals from benzos.  But, if they are having withdrawals, the added stress of dealing with the holidays can fill them with a toxic mix of emotions that can consume their every thought, causing anxiety and depression to skyrocket, because during withdrawals all your emotions tend to amplify themselves to an almost intolerable level.

When going home for the holidays you naturally remember the old times.  Some of those memories, especially memories from your childhood can be quite bitter.

Even more bitter that Aunt Stella's unsweetened Cranberries.

Being in a room full of relatives during the holidays, that you try and avoid the rest of the year, listening to them dredge up old memories that take you back to your childhood ... a time in your life that you may want to forget, can be a very painful experience,

because some of the folks in that room, a long time ago may have made you feel that you were inadequate or inferior to your peers, and perhaps they still do.

May they spill cranberry sauce on their white shirts.

If you are visiting relatives this Thanksgiving, how wonderful it would be if they understood what you are going through, but don't count on it, because your pain is invisible to them, and most folks find it extremely difficult to comprehend or understand what they cannot see. 

If your relatives do understand about withdrawals, and you love being with them, you are very fortunate.  To have the reassurance and unflinching love from the people you care about, makes traveling the road that leads you from benzo hell to benzo healing, so much smoother. 

But, if you have to travel that road all alone, believe me ... you CAN do it.  With your untapped inner-strength, and the support from BenzoBuddies, you CAN do it.

If you are (expected) to visit your relatives over the holidays, and are reluctant to do so because they do not understand about withdrawals, and they don't grasp that you are not physically or mentally up to all that spending a holiday with them entails, perhaps you can( fake It ), just pretending that you are having a good time.

If you can pull that off,

you should be given an Oscar for 'Best Actor'!

If you are too sick to fake it, perhaps you should spend the holidays alone or with some close friends who DO understand what you are going through.  Being alone or with understanding friends is much less stressful than being in a room full of people who doubt you, and criticize your every move.

Having relatives, does not automatically mean that you are bound by some  moral or ethical 'Holiday Code' that decrees or forces you to spend the holidays with them. 

Rather than listening to, and following in lockstep with what other folks want you to do, you have to listen to your heart, and do whatever will work for you in your quest to get your life back,

because you want to be a whole person again, not just a mere shadow of that person you used to be.

To you brave souls who continue your valiant struggle to recover from the devastating aftermath of taking benzos ... wanting so badly to get your life back; my fervent hope is that you are healed by New Year's Eve so you can say goodbye to your horrible benzo past, and say hello to your happy benzo- free future.

If that's not to be, hopefully, long before next Thanksgiving, you will have completely recovered from your benzo experience ... and you will no longer feel like a nondesdript stuffed turkey, but like a beautiful, free-spirited Swan.

Happy Thanksgiving! 

pj

PJ - how lovely.

I always enjoyed your inspiring posts during my journey here. 

You have a gift with words. 

I hope you have an enjoyable, relaxing Thanksgiving holiday.

You Swan you!!

Nothing is as cheerful and so inviting as sitting in front of a roaring fire ~ watching the flames dance to the crackling and popping sounds of  burning logs; their sparks looking like shooting stars.

pj,

if you get the right camera that can peer into my brain you will be able to see the same thing.   a roaring, crackling, kindling, shooting star fire hoorah bash! and flames dancing all around pulling me this way and pulling me that way.

happy thanksgiving pj!

love, pretty

😍😍😍☺️☺️☺️

Dear PJ...wanted to stop by to wish you a Happy Thanksgiving.  Your last post got me to thinking about family and friends.  I wish I could be with my Mom but she is 3 states away and I simply cannot travel yet.  Nor at 90 can she.  Although she is very supportive and loving, I doubt she fully comprehends what I am going through.  She just wants me to be healed.  It breaks her heart to listen to me crying on the phone or over Skype.  We talk everyday.  I have my wonderful hubby as I have shared with you but not many friends left.  We have been invited to share thanksgiving but I am not sure I want to go.  10 other couples that have not been to see me or even called me during this past year.  Do I want to share this special day with them, answering questions or trying to explain my pain.  Not really.  Plus I have so changed physically...white haired now, lost 40 pounds.  What do you think?  Should I face the music, so to speak...face my fears and push through for my own self?😢

We are having lots of below zero weather and snow already here.  I stay mostly in with my dogs and favorite old movies and now that I can read again, some good books.  My hubby still works part time but will be off for the holidays. 😍☺️  It is slow, this healing process but I am trying to relax into the uncertainty now, accepting that only time will do the trick.  I have no control over this journey.

Best wishes to you☺️ And blessings for your continuing healing journey.  Thank you again, dear friend for your compassion, support and advice.  Stay well and keep warm!

  Galea

PJ - how lovely.

I always enjoyed your inspiring posts during my journey here. 

You have a gift with words. 

I hope you have an enjoyable, relaxing Thanksgiving holiday.

You Swan you!!

Thank you Hope,

You have a nice Thanksgiving, too.  I've been called a turkey many times, but I have never been called a Swan before.  I accept that as a wonderful compliment, thank you.

I have thought of you many times, and have often wondered how you are doing. Are you still having some lingering symptoms or have you pretty much recovered.

Take good care of yourself.

pj

Nothing is as cheerful and so inviting as sitting in front of a roaring fire ~ watching the flames dance to the crackling and popping sounds of  burning logs; their sparks looking like shooting stars.

 

pj,

 

if you get the right camera that can peer into my brain you will be able to see the same thing.   a roaring, crackling, kindling, shooting star fire hoorah bash! and flames dancing all around pulling me this way and pulling me that way.

 

happy thanksgiving pj!

 

love, pretty

Hey, funny girl,

The shooting star, fireworks bash going on in your head is all that pent up creativity floating around in your head.  But, you are going to be more than okay, because you have a sense of humor and you can laugh at yourself - two wonderful qualities to have.

After much searching, guess what?  I found a camera that allowed me to see deep into your soul.  The picture that came back to me was of a very kind, sincere, lovely lady who is very talented and creative.  That creative genius is pulling her this way and that way, causing a firestorm of conflicting thoughts to race through her mind like s shooting star.

Prettydaisys, creative people such as you have been blessed with or perhaps cursed with, having a mind that seldom turns off long enough to allow them to stay grounded to the Earth for more than a few minutes at a time.  They are constantly looking towards the Heavens, searching for answers to soothe their wandering, and wondering spirit or to calm their restless mind.

You are a unique lady who has nothing to fear, because you are going to recover from all your experiences in life, and when you do, those shooting stars will shower you with all those bits and pieces of your broken dreams that have eluded you for such a long time. 

You will find a way to put those bits and pieces of your broken dreams back together again into a beautiful, and lasting dream, because you have lots and lots of Moxie. 

Hey, you have a nice Thanksgiving, too.

pj

😍😍😍☺️☺️☺️

Dear PJ...wanted to stop by to wish you a Happy Thanksgiving.  Your last post got me to thinking about family and friends.  I wish I could be with my Mom but she is 3 states away and I simply cannot travel yet.  Nor at 90 can she.  Although she is very supportive and loving, I doubt she fully comprehends what I am going through.  She just wants me to be healed.  It breaks her heart to listen to me crying on the phone or over Skype.  We talk everyday.  I have my wonderful hubby as I have shared with you but not many friends left.  We have been invited to share thanksgiving but I am not sure I want to go.  10 other couples that have not been to see me or even called me during this past year.  Do I want to share this special day with them, answering questions or trying to explain my pain.  Not really.  Plus I have so changed physically...white haired now, lost 40 pounds.  What do you think?  Should I face the music, so to speak...face my fears and push through for my own self?😢

 

We are having lots of below zero weather and snow already here.  I stay mostly in with my dogs and favorite old movies and now that I can read again, some good books.  My hubby still works part time but will be off for the holidays. 😍☺️  It is slow, this healing process but I am trying to relax into the uncertainty now, accepting that only time will do the trick.  I have no control over this journey.

 

Best wishes to you☺️ And blessings for your continuing healing journey.  Thank you again, dear friend for your compassion, support and advice.  Stay well and keep warm!

  Galea

Happy Thanksgiving,

Galea, If I were in your shoes, I think I would accept the invitation to share Thanksgiving with other folks.  It's easy to talk ourselves out, and find many reasons for not doing certain things because of fear or uncertainty, but, once we do them, we are glad that we did.  To do some of the things that we used to do, that gave us lots of joy can rekindle those dying embers of hope within us, and bring us much warmth and comfort.

If, in your heart, you feel that you will be totally uncomfortable, and ill at ease by accepting that Thanksgiving invitation, I guess staying home on a cold, and snowy day,

feeling warm and safe in your cozy house with your husband, and your dogs, watching a favorite old movie or reading a book is a pretty good option.

I wish you the best, what ever you decide to do.

pj 

Nothing is as cheerful and so inviting as sitting in front of a roaring fire ~ watching the flames dance to the crackling and popping sounds of  burning logs; their sparks looking like shooting stars.

 

pj,

 

if you get the right camera that can peer into my brain you will be able to see the same thing.   a roaring, crackling, kindling, shooting star fire hoorah bash! and flames dancing all around pulling me this way and pulling me that way.

 

happy thanksgiving pj!

 

love, pretty

 

Hey, funny girl,

 

The shooting star, fireworks bash going on in your head is all that pent up creativity floating around in your head.  But, you are going to be more than okay, because you have a sense of humor and you can laugh at yourself - two wonderful qualities to have.

 

After much searching, guess what?  I found a camera that allowed me to see deep into your soul.  The picture that came back to me was of a very kind, sincere, lovely lady who is very talented and creative.  That creative genius is pulling her this way and that way, causing a firestorm of conflicting thoughts to race through her mind like s shooting star.

 

Prettydaisys, creative people such as you have been blessed with or perhaps cursed with, having a mind that seldom turns off long enough to allow them to stay grounded to the Earth for more than a few minutes at a time.  They are constantly looking towards the Heavens, searching for answers to soothe their wandering, and wondering spirit or to calm their restless mind.

 

You are a unique lady who has nothing to fear, because you are going to recover from all your experiences in life, and when you do, those shooting stars will shower you with all those bits and pieces of your broken dreams that have eluded you for such a long time. 

 

You will find a way to put those bits and pieces of your broken dreams back together again into a beautiful, and lasting dream, because you have lots and lots of Moxie. 

 

Hey, you have a nice Thanksgiving, too.

 

pj

ooooh, lots of moxie! i can't wait to put it to use again.

have a wonderful Thanksgiving!