The Unknown....And The Reveal...

I did a c/t from 20 to 30 mil of Valium. I was hit with severe w/d on the 6th day. I didn't know what was wrong. Had so many sxs hit me and that was the beginning of my Road .Here I go again walking the Unknown and Dark road with no idea how to get to the other side.Just like you. I just wanted to come and say. No matter how hard your getting hit rt now. You can get through this. You need to believe in your self.You need to Fight for You.You need to keep flowing in the positive the best you can. Hold on so tight .Don't let go. Stay real close to your support. Let go of any heart pain your having. Cry if you need to this is so heavy. Know that your Life is more then Precious and so Important. Hold the hand of someone you trust. Talk to your family the best you can.Don't isolate yourself. Stay Hopeful.Listen to your Heart when your brain is failing you. Be as strong as you can.Don't beat yourself up you didn't know. Be Gentle with YOU. Try not to disconnect even when your feeling so disconnected. Know that your brain knows how to work this out.It Does I promise. Self talk positive as much as you can.Don't listen to the lies this W/D tells you .There not True. Have as much human contact as possible. Hug your loved ones .Let them hug You.Do your best to go outside even for 5 Min's a day if you can. Eat and drink  to keep your body strong .You need this strength. When you feel you cant go on one more min.Call someone you feel Loves you and can Lift you through that time. These are a few of the things that I have learned during my time in W/D. The road is long and can be so Unknown. But the Reveal is so Beautiful. Hang onto that. You will get better.You will have all your body and brain back. This does come to a end. Your life becomes blessed and better then before this w/d . You will be back to living everyday feeling wonderful in your own body and mind. These sxs are temporary. Life gets restored. I remember breaking alot. I am a woman of Faith.I have always had a all knowing factor in my mind and heart. This was robbing me of that knowledge.I was tired and so done. I felt I almost wanted to give in and give up. Finding that strength was almost harder then this w/d. I spent all day praying for strength. I knew for some reason I had to be here .I had to learn how to go against everything I was going through. I had to learn how to put my faith in my hand and make it tangable no matter what. It was the hardest ever. But I stayed as calm as I could and fought through this Blind. I didn't need my eyesight. I used my Heart to guide me. It never fails not ever. I am healed now and I am at 22 months free of this beast. Time does move .Even when you think it stands still. You get strong again. And one morning when you wake something changes. Ground Hogs Day ENDS... Slowly sxs drop off and Light shines rt down on you.Please just know. I mean really know.You are going to get through this. This w/d will stop.You will feel so good again. This is Not Permanent.I just wanted to try and help with what Ive had to learn during my experience .It was a monster and I was in such grave shape for way to long.The amount of sxs I had and the thought of ever getting better were not good. There all gone all of them.So will all of YOURS...

 

I have found I would never have the most cherished friendships had I not gone down this road. I feel so lucky. I swear I would do it all over again ..To me w/d Ends but these Devine relationships are for a Lifetime.Remember the people here who walk this broken road with you.There the ones who will make the rest of your life behond Rich !!!To me its the most amazing reward. The Lottery amongst Lotterys.

 

Your friend ~Jenny

Aww Jenny, what an awesome post...you have such a great gift for inspiring others. I just think you are so amazing and I just love you like crazy...your cuz, Colleen

Aww Colleen...

 

Thank you..I feel so strongly about doing my best to bring some understanding and comfort with most of all HOPE..I remember so well how this w/d almost broke me. I hate to think of anyone feeling that way..I love you Back

 

I miss YOU!!!

Ur cousin ~Jenny

Jenny, when chat comes back we need to catch up...your being here has made a difference to me and so many. I appreciate your being here. I worry about those feeling hopeless too...its very scarey and even life threatening sometimes. So thank you again.

Colleen...aww

You are the sweetest ..You have been since I met you!!!I have watched you suffer tremendously. And you never seem to fail at encouraging others! Your truly amazing Colleen! I would love when chat comes back to catch up!!!

 

Another thing that can be of help is Music. I know for me when I couldn't even listen to the sound of my watch ticking music was so hard to listen to.But theres a Healing in music. It can bring really good endorphins from our brains. Given we listen to music that feels good.

 

Any who.. Here's a song . If anyone knows me or when I had a blog I had a song for everyday. Here's mine for you...Ah.. Revolution!!! Yes. Hang in for this..Your gonna have it.

 

 

~Jenny

Jenny... What a great post. Its like "How to Survive Cold Turkey 101." You really do have alot of wisdom for many when it comes to this deal. I'm not saying people who survive BRUTAL cold turkeys know everything because they don't. But they do know how to survive in the most EXTREME conditions that many can not endure. You should write a book " Cold Turkey for Dummies" It would be a top seller. I would buy a few copies of it incase I rip a few of them up from you repeating to me that I'm going to be OK. I know you would say it like a million times in the book. LOL. You know that frustrates me. hehe. But you have always been right when it comes to most of this stuff. I"ll give you props on that one. Keep up your positive outlook on life. It will take you FAR.

 

JRock

JRock!!!!

 

Thank You.Your so right I def dont know everything. Well almost everything lol.. Na Noway I only know how this w/d effected me and my life. I tryed to really consume and remember all these aspects and how they were effecting me. How to fight through and what I could control in this. LOL I know I frustrate you.. Your like O here we ago again telling me Im gonna get through this. This w/d ends. And I mean it Every time I do..   You have been through so much Suffering in this and are overcoming the most Extreme .. I am so Proud and Thankful you have trusted me enough to Help!!!

 

~J

Jenny- thank you so much for this post.  I am in the midst of it, only 2.5 months off, so I am being hit pretty hard.  I lost my job, my apartment, my friends, my daughter, my dignity, even the guy I was seeing.  I could not let anyone see me like this.  I hope you are right, I hope for that day when groundhogs day is over;)thank you

sarah

Sarah..

 

I am so sorry for what your going through.Your loss is huge. I know loss and how that can make you feel . Friends..Well if they couldnt stick aroound when you need them most . They dont deserve you.And True and Pure ones will come into your life.I can relate to all  your loss. I am truely sorry .

Most important is You and getting your Health back.. And looks like you are!

 

Hang in there 2 1/2 months is fairly early and you sound like you just might be back to living fully and happy sooner then you may think ..I say that cause I saw your earlyier posts on coops thread. Your doing very good.

Thank you so much for coming bye

~Jenny

Thank you Jenny. Do you have any tips on what to eat, because at this point no matter what I eat I have brain fog, just sucks:(

Sarah.. Whatever you do ... DON'T eat Nacho Cheese Doritos!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Loaded with MSG!! You will freak the hell out by the time your half way through the bag. You will have to call 911 for help and you will have cheese all over your face when the paramedics show up. LOL Then any extra cheese you have on your fingers or lips will then turn to blisters from your CNS being hyper excited. This is so not the way to roll while going thru withdrawl.  So just be carefull !!! LOL.. O' and by the way. I tried the gluten free diet as well. Didn't do a dam thing.!! Big waste of money. The rice bread SUCKS!!! Jenny told me to stick with homemade chocolate chip cookies. Lots of them. High calories and so so good. You need comfort food while going through this. Not a bunch of brown rice and spinach.

 

Rock

Sarah...

 

I wish I knew of any good foods .I didn't eat great In my W/D at all. I went through phases .Like I was so hungry in the first 3 months.I had Cravings.. I gained like 28 pounds in 3 months .I was to skinny tho before w/d so the weight was really good. Then I had no appetite. for months and lost over 1/2 that weight.Then I had different Cravings . But as long as you make sure to Hydrate and eat 3 x a day.You should be OK. Try and stay away from any foods that you feel rev you. Nothing I ate aggravated my sxs so I ate everything. lol.Hang in Sarah this gets easier

 

LOL JRock!!! Bahaha on the Gluten Free .That was so funny .I'm sorry I laughed when you told me your Newest Revelation.. I was like O ok J .Try that see how that works out for ya. lol. I wish it did help you tho.But I kinda knew it was a long shot. Just the fact that you were always trying to help yourself was really cool tho.I thought that was awesome how you always wanted to do whatever you could to help yourself through this..

 

Yuppiee ...Sugar ..Homemade chocolate chip cookies was the way to go for me.Everyday for like months.

Jenny - you are such a blessing to the people on here who suffer so badly.  You were always there to cheer me on and reassure me that I would get well.  I'm still trying, and I will always remember your kindness....and you are still here supporting others.  God Bless you.

Lots of Love

Hoping2BFree

Jenny... As you know..Nothing I did to change my diet did a dam thing to fend off the symptoms. But I sure the hell tried. I was so desperate to make this crap calm down I was straight trippin out over everything. I was reading the back of all the food labels thinking I knew what I was doing. LOL I was just some super jacked up dude withdrawl. I know it varys for some. But it didn't matter whether I drank caffine or pounded a giant milkshake. My symptoms stayed steady and didn't waver a bit. Caffine or sugar couldn't hold a match on the severe shock I cuased my brain by going cold turkey. So I've been blessed in that regards to eat whatever I want while I sufferd. Yipppie!!!

Jenny - you are such a blessing to the people on here who suffer so badly.  You were always there to cheer me on and reassure me that I would get well.  I'm still trying, and I will always remember your kindness....and you are still here supporting others.  God Bless you.

Lots of Love

Hoping2BFree

Hoping!!! Thank You so much.

I remember how you suffered so much during all of last year.I really felt for you! I hope I was able to give you some good advise.. How are you feeling now? I hope ur getting alot of relief. You deserve it so much...

 

~Jenny

JRock..

 

I know you were trying so hard to find some relief.I hated seeing how badly you suffered! You reminded me of myself alot. I wanted so badly to switch it up and find something I could do to help this Horror I was in to. Thats why watching you trying to change your diet with such hope upset me.I didnt want to see if it didnt work how devistated you would be. But you werent.You were like. Thats some BS it did not 1 thing to help..O well back to MSG and Mountain Dew. LOL

 

Your the best !Eat only the food you enjoy

 

~Jenny

Thank you guys for the advice.....I found out I have a gluten sensitivity so I have to be careful with that, but I am soooo hungry that eating veggies and fruit and chicken all day sucks.  I want pizza and cookies:)

Aww sorry sarah

 

Hopefully you will beable to eat some more enjoyable foods soon..I craved carrots and ranch dressing like 3x a day. lol I still love that.

 

~Jenny

Yes me too because I am starving!!

Hi Jenny,

 

I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart and let you know how very grateful I am to have read your post on The Unknown and The Reveal.  I am feeling overwhelmed by fear and this gave me much comfort.  Love, Klonkers

Klonkers..

 

You hang in there. This is very scary I know. I know not knowing what is happening and having all these sxs is so hard. The fear and the anxiety is so unnatural. Klonkers I was just like you waking to this everyday.It was the most extreme I have ever felt. I didnt know if this would make me go crazy. I didnt know if this was going to ever end. I really believed I Hurt my brain and it was never going to be ok. I so understand what your going through. Stay Hopeful Klonkers your going to be all better soon.

 

I am so glad this was able to bring you some comfort!!!!

 

~Jenny

Hi Jenny,

 

Thank you so much for writing the intro to this thread.  Hey I had told Colleen today that I couldn't imagine any reason that I would cry today......she had told me of your posting so I can blame her as well as you for my tears.    Who would have ever thought that the Beatles Revolution would be a good song to sob to...

 

Your words are so encouraging to me.  This is a hard journey as you know.  It grows weary as we travel along.  Even with having windows - just the highs and lows of constant change is tiring and confusing on the system.  As well as it is confusing to me, having a great day then to go into a wave is frightening.  I told Colleen that I can feel the waves coming, it is like sitting there and feeling that scary movie anticipation waiting for someone to come thru the door.  The waves you don't know how deep they will be nor how long they will last, what symptoms they will bring with them. 

 

You are right about feeling like giving in but there isn't a choice, benzos made me so physically sick I was hospitalized 3 times within 5 months for heart issues - I was in the hospital longer on one visit than when I had c sections or a hysterectomy.  Issues that went away after I c/t so there is no giving in for me.

 

I'm glad I know where this thread is from you so I can re - read it on days I need encouragement.

enjoy life,

Sally 

Stillbelieving...Aww

 

Thank You.I'm sorry this made you cry!! Yes lets blame Colleen Lmao.This is some hard stuff I know.The waves and windows can be so cruel. When I got a window one night after having 3 months no let up.I was Like OMG I'm better .I'm gonna be OK. Omg I can not believe this is finally over. I swear I was like  a Kid at Christmas time..I went to bed and was smiling like Yay. I'm better!!!

I woke and I was like .OMG I'm not better.I'm worse. This is a nightmare. Omg God hates me.Why? Ima good girl.I was Devistated.Sally You just know these waves can be so heavy.But soon the Windows become so Big and Bright.Then less waves. Wow I'm so sorry about what happened to you.That's terrible what this med has done to you. 

 

Stay Hopeful just like you are rt now.. Tell Miss Colleen HI!!! lol

 

~Jenny

Jenny you are an angel. You post is just amazing, i will save it and read it when the going gets tough and i know others will benefit from it too... please keep passing this on as we will when we get there too... this is life saving stuff, it really is.

 

Oscar

Oscar...Thank You!!!

 

Noway am I a angel I'm just like everyone else. All I did was take a real Hard Core Mental Note on everything it took for me to get through this most incredible Horrifying w/d. I knew If I got through it. I was going to Everything in my power to do Anything I could to help. You hang on and just know.This may be so scary and the sxs are super Unnatural. But its all w/d and it all ENDS.. Thank you so much Oscar again..Keep fighting this your going to be just fine..

I really hope this Thread can bring some comfort and Hope!!!

~Jenny