I Look LIke Hell

Seriously.  A friend told me jokingly that I looked like 10 miles of bad road.  And you know what?  She was right.  I know I look bad.  From head to toe I look like I have survived a catastrophic event.  Half of my hair has fallen out and what's left looks like a fright wig.  My skin is broken out and I have new big honking under eye bags and wrinkles.  My left eye twitches.  I am bloated up like a toad.  My nails are all split and cracked and have those ugly white deposits.  I weave around holding onto things like a toddler.  My arms and legs are full of scratch marks where I have scratched myself from the itching.  My feet look like tanned cowhide they are so tough and leathery.  This despite doing all the recommended things like grooming, healthy diet, exercise etc.  Now I know this seems superficial and self centered but really???  I just want to hide until I both look and feel better and have my mojo back.  Can anyone else relate?

 

MiniMinnie

I hear you, I look like sh*t too. Normally it would bother me because I tend towards vanity but with everything else I got going on, it's the least of my concern. I feel for you on the hair falling out thing though. Luckily for me I started shaving my head long before WDs.

me, too mini my hair fell out, the front is so thin and scraggy and vibrate inside, feel like chit. im too old for this oh, guess what/ My Dad, bro and sis in law are coming down for a visit, so they inform me!!!!

:o

 

w/d sure gets in way of socializing, huh??

Gosh! Thought I was the only one! Am still tapering but my hair has thinned considerably, skin on my legs & feet would look good on an alligator, lots of wrinkles around my eyes, and I should be wearing gloves to hide my hands. This stuff has really aged me

My hair was falling out so bad I went to the dermatologist because my stylist was getting concerned.  You are very new off benzos so are in the acute phase, everything is worse right now. Your hair will stop falling out, mine did a long time ago and it is growing like crazy and is thick and healthy. The bloating and twitches take time to go away.  Occasionally my left eye will still twitch but not much. I felt like covering all my mirrors.  It will get better, just give it time.

 

pianogirl 

Thanks all for your reply.  Panicattackzak, you are right that this is low on the list compared to all the phyysical stuff we are going through.  Maybe its a good sign thah I am obsessing about this insstead of my ataxia and wierd spacey feelings.  Gardenia, teacher, piano thanks for replying it helps to know I am not alone even in this vain concern!

 

MiniMinnie

Hey Minnie I cant keep track of where Im going to find you.  Have you started a blog I did yesterday Called Down but not Out.

 

Sorry to say this but mmmm your friend is she a real friend I personally wouldnt say this to anyone.  You may know how you look but do you really need it reinforced.  anyway you know im from Australia and we do tend to say things how they are hope Im not offending your friend just thinking about how that would feel for you.  You need kindness and compassion at the moment just saying thats all.

 

Anyway guess what this morning my 4am intense terror and anxiety just disappeared day 12 after my large cut so im happy it has gone.  Still feel very foggy and mad as hell but I know you will pick up soon your hair will grow back i promise you will recover.

 

Im here for you

 

 

Lizzyxx

Lizzy!!!  Thank you for your words of encouragement.  So glad your anxiety has taken a hike!  I will pop over and read your blog.    So many on this forum hurting so bad!  I know I will get past these vain thoughts and we'll hang in there together.

 

MiniMinnie

Hi miniminnie

 

I can't say how you look as I have never seen you but you are beautiful inside.

 

x

Awwww thank you Journey.

 

MiniMinnie

 

 

 

MiniMinnie, 

 

 

With your great sense of humor, and up-beat, positive attitude; you are going to emerge from this benzo experience looking, and feeling better than you ever have.

 

the best to you

 

pj

 

Absolutely, Minnie...the person you are shines through in your posts.  That's what matters.  You've been such an inspiration and great cheerleader in these forums, who cares what's going on temporarily?  You're going to come out the other side better than before.

 

Love,

Challis

 

P.S. Hope that explains why I don't recognize MYSELF in the mirror!!  Oh well, this too will pass, my friend!

Hi Challis.  Aw you are so kind.  How are you doing?  Is your BP still acting up?  I am feeling pretty good but have been having some pesky waves every evening.  Just read on this forum that ibuprofen is a gaba antagonist and can contribute to that.  I have been taking 2 advil every night for joint pain so I will stop that and see if it helps.  Anyway, onward through this mess.  Its the only way out.  We will win!

 

MiniMinnie

Yes, Minnie, still BP spikes, maybe due to anxiety over BP itself and heart rate.  Made a trip to the ER last night    where they were very nice and understanding...kissed my boo-boos and sent me home.  And so it goes.  I have an appointment with my GP this a.m. where I was warned by the doctor in the ER that she'll probably want to prescribe another benzo to help me get through this.  Not sure what to do...follow medical advice or continue the course I'm following right now.  SO badly do NOT want to start another benzo...

Challis

{{{{{Challis}}}}}  So sorry you are having to go through all this.  BP being up can be scary, I know from experience.  These hellish drugs really do a number on our entire body!  Please try to not take any more benzos!  Doctors who prescribe them don't know jack shit about all the problems they cause.  WE KNOW.  Following medical advice is what got us all in this mess in the first place.  Another benzo will only help you in the short term and then you will be stuck with trying to get off them too.  Its hard to hold the line when you're hurting so bad.  I understand.  You are not alone.  I am thinking about you.

 

MiniMinnie

 

PS Do you have a buddy blog?  I am going to start one and maybe we can keep up there.

I don't look too hot or sexy myself Seriously, I look like I just got out of jail. Goatee is starting to turn into a beard; hair all frizzly; eyes popped out at times, and on...

 

We will be Queens and Kings after this grunge party is over. I like grunge, but not this kind! 

 

Billy.

I think I look a little less hellish than I did a few months ago when things were very intense. Then, my hair was just frizzy... Now I realize it's super thin, scraggly and half of what used to be there. I honestly lost half my hair. It's very very long and colored. It would always fall out when I colored it in the past but never noticed a thinning problem. Now I feel like I've finally awoke from an a 6 month fog to discover that I have no hair left.

The alligator skin I thought was maybe just me. It's all over my legs and feet. I thought was maybe from not enough moisturizing, or not exfoliating, or poor hygiene from being bedridden. Glad to see it's not just me.

Now at almost 7 months, I have a major problem with bloating, so much so that its pushing on my bladder and leading me to think I have a urinary tract infection. I guess I could have one but the home test says it's not positive. I don't wanna take antibiotics that might worsen withdrawal for me, so I'm taking a natural supplement right now and hoping for the best. Maybe the bloating is so bad that it's not an infection at all since I don't have any pain or burning. Who would've known withdrawal could do this many things to completely destroy your body, even if it's temporarily?

Grunge, great word for it Billy.  Kate, sorry you are in the same boat as I am but misery loves company   7 months and still miserable???  Aww Kate, its time for you to get a very long window that lasts and lasts.  Hanging on, it WILL get beter.

 

MiniMinnie

hahahaah Minnie

 

I took a long look at my hair yesterday and its looking like crap it used to be my crowning glory although short it is or should i say was thick and lovely now its frizzy and my hair is dead straight oh what is to come of us and lol at Billy your sounding way to funny with your description.  How can i still laugh when all I want to do is cry??

 

This is to Challis

 

Please please do not take another Benzo im not telling you what to do (well i kind of am lol) you will find yourself again in more hot water.  Im not game to take my blood pressure for fear of what it is was high before this.  I dont trust them at all id be better off being your doctor than them.  Look what they did to me I was normal before all of this and now im totally screwed thanks to them.  They do not have your best interest at heart they just want to put a bandaid on and get you out asap.  Thats the nature of the business and i was told that by a doctor himself.  So please just be careful ok i know your frightened and so am i but dont believe everything they say ok

 

Lizzyxx

boy do i know the felling i went from 147 to 125 i looked like a bag of bones dark rings around my eyes an my hair brush has more hair then me  as for the hair falling out you mite all want to have your thyroid checked mine died from withdrawls have to take thyroid pill for the rest of my life   kate7

I'll join the "I look like hell club".  Someone wanted to skype with me recently.  NO WAY IN HELL!!!  I don't even recognize myself in the mirror!

Oh Lizzy, you said it so well about doctors and their cluelessness.

 

Kate, thyroid was what started this whole mess for me.  Was told I was hypothyroid, was given thyroid replacement, became hyperthyroid, put on Xanax for horrible symptoims from that.  Latest numbers my thyroid is normal.  I didn't have hair loss until the Xanax mess.  But yes, some people report hair loss with thyroid problems.

 

jrvmc, welcome to my club!  Only hope it is all reversed and back to better than before.  Yeah, I wish.

 

MIniMinnie

I look like the Kryptkeeper...seriously.  I hate to look in the mirror and take showers in the dark so I can't see my dry, sagging skin.  I've lost so much hair I'm thinking of buying a wig.  Even my eyelashes have fallen out.  The husband says I don't look as bad as I think I do...uh, no.  I haven't gone blind yet....

 

Donna

 

Oh, and I love the blubber gut.  I slammed it in the silverware drawer the other day.  Thin everywhere else...I look like I'm walking around with a Virgina Ham stuffed under my shirt...

 

Donna

Of course i look like chit, i rarely even brush, let alone wash my hair... same sweatpants on in bed... dark rings under my eyes, dry skin... red bloated face and no, i would not take a skype video call for anyone.

 

Oscar

Sorry guys I look absolutely gorgeous UNTIL I PUT MY GLASSES on seriously dont worry you will all be returned to your former glory im sure.  I know it sucks who needs looks to go to hell as well as our brains its really not fair.  They say a lot of the movies stars take benzos why dont i see them looking like crap i wonder.

 

 

Lizzy