My friend Paul's success story

I know Paul and talk to him often, he says most ppl he knows recover by 2 years, the rest by 3, and he says no one was as bad as him and most ppl will not take as long as he did..but he was about 95% by 3 and he does all he can to help others going through this mess.

 

love cupcake

 

 

 

I can't exhaust the litany of symptoms and ALL the horror I went

thru, it would take volumes, but I'll relate what I can as best as I

can. I can tell you what eventually worked for me and how I

succeeded. It took me 3 1/2 years to get to where I am today, but if

you read on, you'll see that I was one of the worst. The first year

was all survival and that was it, and I will tell you that at some

point you have to take control and do some things to make yourself

better, but if you were as bad as I was, there was not much I could

do except what you have all heard before.......TIME.....it will heal

you......

 

I was on Klonopin, just 1 mg for 12 years after some situational

panic attacks. I moved around alot in those days so the doctors just

kept me on the stuff.......you know the routine.......I was a

successful Investment Broker, natural bodybuilder, mountainedbiked,

roller bladed and many other things, I had a pretty full life, and

then it started to come crashing down.

 

Somewhere around the 8th year though I'm sure it started to effect me

before that, I started to get sick more often, handled stress not as

well, ran out of energy more often and didn't seem to have the

postive outlook on life like I once had......since this crap is so

insideous, it took several more years for the shit to hit the fan...

 

Let me tell you right now so as not to concern those that have

struggled, or those who symptoms are troublesome but they can still

kind of function, and anyone knowing Geraldine, Yvonne or Hilliary

can attest to, I was in the top 5% of the worst cases you will ever

see. I don't say that lightly cause I know we all think we are the

worst......But I really really was........so here is how it went for

me, and then I'll tell you what I did to finally get well......pull

up a chair....When I came off in Sept of 2001 and since I didn't know of this site,

I went to a detox center instead of tapering......WRONG THING TO DO

my friends, especially if like us, you are susceptible to protracted

WD but of course, you would never know it until you got off. Suffice

it to say that as hard as tapering is, cold turkey is the epitome of

hell on earth.......hundreds of times more painful than the tapering

process....

 

The first two months off were terrible but then like many, in the

third month, hell opened up and invited me in.....I had over 75

symptoms and though I never did get the dp/dr like many, be        lieve me,

        I had almost all the rest....for me, the head pressure was horrific,

        first exploding outwards for the first year, then crushing my brain

        like an orange the 2nd and part of the 3rd year....I did not sleep at

        night for onver two years.....I could not open my mail for a year,

        cook for myself, answer the phone, hell I couldn't even change the

        clocks during the change time....I was debilitated beyond belief.

 

        I was in bed 90% of the time for the first year, my central nervous

        system blown to hell.....even looking at tv or the computer was too

        much to bear, felt like my head would explode, my brain actaully

        vibrated and I was helpless.......my folks saved my life and took

        care of me.......they had too and I thought of suicide every day for

        at least 4 months until I could actually leave my bedroom and go into

        the front room.....all hope of even a small existence was gone and I

        thought would never ever return.......

 

        Sorry I can't relate more of the misery, but just know that I

        suffered more than the majority.......my good friends Geraldine,

        Yvonne and Hilliary will tell you.....

 

        Around 6 months off I first spoke with Geraldine and Yvonne. They

        both said I should go see a naturopath.....I have a background in

        health and supplements but never heard of candida......well, you may

        or may not believe in it but whatever I had, it was just like it. I

        went on a special diet mostly like an Atkins diet cause any sugar

        even natural would destroy me, and any wheat products the same

        thing...I stay on this type of diet for at least a year and maybe

        relaxed a little after 1 1/2 years off Klonopin.

 

        At 10 months off I finally could walk around the block.....but only 3

        days a week cause it would take me two days to recover from just

        walking a mile.....this is the part where I decided to try and take

        charge a bit.......but for those of you who say, "I just can't do it",

        I understand totally.....but you have to try at some point.....if you

        can't.....try again in a week....if I walked to the mailbox in the

        first 10 months, that is all I could do for the day....and most of

        the time I didn't cause I couldn't handle the stress....I could only

        walk at night cause daytime would hurt sooooo much.....

 

        I walked further and further but still only 3 days a week until about

        18 months off....remember, I was a weight trainer and jock, but I

        couldn't mangage more than this. I was still bad but improving a

        little.....I finally went back to the gym at 18 months but let me

        tell you...before all this at 6'1", I was 200 lbs of muscle and 12%

        body fat.....now I was 230, lost all my muscle and was probably 35%

        bodyfat.....I started to lift and resistence exercise seemed to help

        more but it killed me later cause my brain and body were so revved

        up, pressurized etc that my ears would ring all night, not that I

        slept anyway, and would be in agony most of that time...

 

        anyway, I did this routine for another year, I still couldn't handle

        any stress......any........maybe going to the store but that was

        it...but I persevered......and let me tell you......TIME still is the

        major healing force, but my exercise, while painful, exhausting was

        helping me strengthen my nervous system and adrenal glands....but

        very slowly.....

 

        OK.....that is just a small part of the hell I went thru...again,

        there is much much more but I know it is just too much to

        write....but HERE IS THE GOOD NEWS........I am 95% and going back to

        work now after 3 1/2 years....I weight train with more weight than

        before and in fact have gained back all my muscle, lost most of the

        fat. I can handle most stress now actually better than before and I

        am calmer now than ever in my whole life....

 

        I was transformed into a better me.....when you hear people say that

        you will forget most of your symptoms they are right.....when you

        hear them say, "it was worth it"......I know you don't believe it

        now, but it was.....the keys for me were keeping my diet simple,

        progressively exercising more but you have to go slow on that, and

        when you start to see some daylight and feel almost healed, it was

        best for me to get back into my meditation, and read books like "Mind

        Power" by John Kehoe, Total Self Confidence by Dr. Robert Anthony.

 

        What worked for me may work for you.......most of you will heal long

        before I did and thank God you will....most will never see the

        extreme nature of protracted hell like I did....bless your fortune

        and as bad as it is now.........it will heal itself provided you

        assist it along the way....when you can.....never reinstate after you

        have been off for a few months....or even years, it will reverse any

        progress......

 

        But YOU GUYS and GALS will heal......it will go away.....and it will

        get better and better......it even know is getting better and better

        and even when I feel, well, maybe I"m done healing.......it continues

        to heal.......hell, know I lift weights 4 times a week, do interval

        cardio twice a week and long distance cardio twice a week....two

        years ago.......no way.........and now I"m going to work.....my

        adrenals were the last to heal and are still healing....my energy is

        still not back to par but at 48 yrs old, I'm exercise more than most

        my age and most even 10 years younger...

 

        I'm living proof that you do heal from this torture, you really do,

        and I know some just can't or don't believe it.....don't worry about

        it, I didn't either.......but it happened if you just take any

        measures you can WHEN you can.....either way though, you will return

        to your self and in some ways be even better, cause after going thru

        this torment, nothing bothers me much anymore......how could it,

        nothing including war, divorce, other illness, etc could ever be as

        bad as what I had to endure.........

 

        So my friends.......there is light at the end of the tunnel, there is

        salvation from benzo WD.....the healed ones have told you and know

        I'm telling you......one of the worst has no blossomed into someone

        even better.......if you can't smile now......you will......faith is

        hard but you must dig down deep and know that what I tell you is

        true...I have never posted much on this site cause I as too sick..

 

        But I found my mentors and did what they said.......I forever will

        love Geraldine and Yvonne for their care, nurture and guidance, their

        knowledge and empathy......they saved my life....literally.....and I

        still talk with them to this day......but about good stuff, not

        bad....thanks to Hilliary who helped me thru the worst 4 months and

        though she is still mending......she gave me hope early on....and all

        the others that took time to lead me down the path of healing...

 

        ........and to all of you that are still symptomatic and hurting or

        even being tormented, your day will come....I promise......the sun

        will shine upon you, the Lord (or your God) will lift you up from the

        despair and misery......I know I have said alot, but you have heard

        it from others before........and one day perhaps soon, you will be

        writing your own success story.......COUNT ON IT........

 

        God Bless you all.....you are all in my prayers each and every

        day....and know that good things will happen....

 

        Paul.....

   

Thankyou so much for sharing this story Cupcake and Paul.  The pain is immense but the reward is so worth it. I will keep on hanging on.

Thank you Cupcake for sharing Paul,s story.  I read it to my hubby who is going through horrible protracted wds; off now one year.  We both cried at the end, then smiled in joy for Paul.  My Ron has more hope within, by hearing another wonderful written Success Story!  All blessings tou you always Paul in your "new life".  Always, Pattylu

Thank you cupcake and Paul. It really is hard to see beyond this misery. Your story gives us all hope.

Yes! Yes! Yes!

 

Thanks you.  Paul, you go man. 

That's a hell of a story.  I am so happy for you, Paul.  Thank you and cupcake for sharing this.  Some of us really need to hear these things.

Thank you Cupcake for sharing this inspiring story with us. I needed to read it this morning.

 

This was awesome.. Sometimes I feel like I've been thru so much but reading this, I realize it can always be worse. Really thankful you posted this!

Thank you for posting this.  I'm having a bad 27th month and in some ways feels like month 3.  This gaves me hope hope that I can continue on.

Thanks for posting that Cupcake.

 

Kian

 

Thank you Paul and cupcake. 

S.

Thanks for sharing cupcke and thanks Paul for telling us it gets better!

Thank you for the post!

 

fg

Thank you so much Paul and Cupcake for such a great success story! 

 

Tink

 

 

 

Many thanks cupcake & paul!

It means so much to hear your story.

We all need hope & encouragement like this, to help us

keep going.

Thanks a lot!

 

margaretisabel

Bump

Glad this was bumped.  For those of us who are protracted, disillusionment can be a problem.  Though I'm quite functional, I still have extremely intense bouts of symptoms.  At 28 months out a part of me says this is forever.  It's not.  When I look back at the past year, my condition has steadily improved, and I lead a fairly normal life.  I've learned to adapt to the chronic discomfort.  We have to accept this may be a 3 to 5 year journey, but symptoms will continue to slowly diminish; the waves less intense.

 

Again, thanks for the bump.  This was a good story to read this New Year's Day.  And now for another trip around the sun!

 

Joe

you are welcomed Joe, thats the reason i bumped it.

wishing you good healing for the months to come.

I too am glad to see a story like this "bumped".  I could relate to so much of it.  I am getting better slowly all the time but get down when symptoms flare up as they sometimes do.  Thanks for the great success story.  It helps!

Wow, that extract could have been my story. Hope it brings hope to all.

Bump.

sorry it took  me so long to read this great story!!

Thank you for sharing this. I, too, was one of the worst cases here, and I agree that at some point, you have to push yourself to start getting up and doing a few things. I really believe that if I hadn't done this, I would have ended up "bedbound", "housebound" - or worse. The only thing that kept me from seeking medical attention was my extreme paranoia of doctors and hospitals (going into a detox can do that to you!) Now, Im glad I didn't see a doctor, because I undoubtedly would have ended up on more drugs, or hospitalized. I am glad I stuck it out, no matter how much I suffered. I am glad I forced myself to get moving, even though some of my early activities were downright strange (scrubbing laminate floors with bleach is kind of insane!) Making myself move and do things helped me more than I can explain.

east

Great read!

 

        But YOU GUYS and GALS will heal......it will go away.....and it will

        get better and better......it even know is getting better and better

        and even when I feel, well, maybe I"m done healing.......it continues

        to heal.......hell, know I lift weights 4 times a week, do interval

        cardio twice a week and long distance cardio twice a week....two

        years ago.......no way.........and now I"m going to work.....my

        adrenals were the last to heal and are still healing....my energy is

        still not back to par but at 48 yrs old, I'm exercise more than most

        my age and most even 10 years younger...

 

        I'm living proof that you do heal from this torture, you really do,

        and I know some just can't or don't believe it.....don't worry about

        it, I didn't either.......but it happened if you just take any

        measures you can WHEN you can.....either way though, you will return

        to your self and in some ways be even better, cause after going thru

        this torment, nothing bothers me much anymore......how could it,

        nothing including war, divorce, other illness, etc could ever be as

        bad as what I had to endure.........

 

        So my friends.......there is light at the end of the tunnel, there is

        salvation from benzo WD.....the healed ones have told you and know

        I'm telling you......one of the worst has no blossomed into someone

        even better.......if you can't smile now......you will......faith is

        hard but you must dig down deep and know that what I tell you is

        true...I have never posted much on this site cause I as too sick..

 

        But I found my mentors and did what they said.......I forever will

        love Geraldine and Yvonne for their care, nurture and guidance, their

        knowledge and empathy......they saved my life....literally.....and I

        still talk with them to this day......but about good stuff, not

        bad....thanks to Hilliary who helped me thru the worst 4 months and

        though she is still mending......she gave me hope early on....and all

        the others that took time to lead me down the path of healing...

 

        ........and to all of you that are still symptomatic and hurting or

        even being tormented, your day will come....I promise......the sun

        will shine upon you, the Lord (or your God) will lift you up from the

        despair and misery......I know I have said alot, but you have heard

        it from others before........and one day perhaps soon, you will be

        writing your own success story.......COUNT ON IT........

 

        God Bless you all.....you are all in my prayers each and every

        day....and know that good things will happen....

 

        Paul.....

 

 

 

Thank you for this! Especially the part above! God is so good! I need reminders (often) that this whole nightmare will end...I will heal...I will be symptom free of everything mental & physical and then I will be able to pay it forward!

 

Amazing read.