Battle Field...

For me this W/D was the War amongst Wars ...It was a Battle Field.

I have never experienced such a Immence amount of Suffering..And Ive suffered in my Life alot.

This left me in a very Unfamiliar and Unknowing as to how am I supposed to Endure this and continue Fighting a Fight I was unsure if there was a Victory at the end..

I woke everyday Nonstop no let up with these sxs... Rt away ..A blanket of Vibes ran down my butt to my legs like all my nerves were in rare form and very much alive..Hit with in mins of a Extreme amount of Anxiety and Akethesia that forced me out of bed immediately. Muscles were completly loss of mass and tone had a rush of acid like burning through them with in 10 seconds. Pain I can not describe in all my muscles back theighs calves arms neck and my head would shake internally,Numbness from head to toe,Tingleing,Couldnt feel texture of the ground  or water temp.Muscles twisting,Spasms everywere.and GI was so bad. Pain severe in my head caused pressure in my ears .Sinuses were messed up terrible sneezed with in 30 seconds of wakeing, Then the feeling of Despair would hit by 9 am , tears I was just done,As the oh so wonderful sxs would now take there turn with me.. Intrustive thoughts, Raceing thoughts, Doom and Gloom hit me something awful and Now I would start to Burn all over my skin and my CNS was so active i felt in shock most the day..Im only saying this cause it was The Never Ending Story for me and Windows were non existint for me.. This w/d was leaving me who Once was a very extreme Fighter with a Will that couldnt ever be shaken ..Broken down and Humbled on my knees often ..devistated and now weaker by the min..

The loss was huge ..Family was being tested and marrige was falling to peices and Lost my buisness ,Cant see no Dr. No RX was going to help and Friends well lets say ..What friends..

Not only was I in a Torture Chamber I was now watching the walls come crumbleing down ..And I could do nothing about it.. This w/d Owned me and was now owning my family..

I put it in my heart I was going to fight against this monster No Matter What I was feeling No Matter What I was seeing and No Matter What any1 else told me.. I was now Going to fight this Battle Field and do it with every ounce of spirit I ever have ..No Matter What..

I did and it was unbelievable how much I was going to have to endure but It was the hardest most testing and blind experience ever... But this Battle Field does have a Victory and I know there are so many of you who are rt now begging for Help... Begging for answers and In dire need of someone to Please tell you this ENDS!!!

My w/d was Off the charts EXTREME and I know so many of you are going though so much more then I did.. Please Please Just hang In there and Hold on so dearly to HOPE..  The Hope in You that you can Endure such torture and be You again.. The Hope that this Ground Hogs day will come to a End . The Hope that You are not Permenant.Hope that You will make it through .The Hope that no matter what your going through you are not alone and many of us have been where you are and felt like you do rt now..And can Honestly say to you ,YOU HEAL.. our brain knows how to work this out ,.Have Faith ..In urself and Have Faith that even when you think you cant do nomore ...YES YOU CAN!!!! Dont doubt yourself .Know even though it can feel like 1 step foward and 3 steps back...Ur Healing.. To me this was My Battle Field,My War and my God we dont have to Fight it alone ..Look for the People who stand besides you in this and look for the Hands that will pick you rt up when you slip and fall.Hold onto Hope and stay close to your loved 1s..Hang in for the Trueth..and Thats... HEALING .. No Matter What..

As Blinding as this w/d can be it doesnt have to Blind YOU...Look in ur heart and you will see..

Yes This Battle Field can leaves us with Bumps Bruses and bleeding and Hurt.. Its a War ..But when you WIN all those will slowly disapear.. And You will be Rebuilt into the most amazing upstanding Human EVER..Put your Armour On and Fight this fight with all you are .. Dont ever give up and just know You Can Do This....

P.S I just wanted to give alittle of my experience so you know a bit about how my w/d was and If I can get to Healing ..Every1 Can..

P.SS so Sorry I rambled on..This is why I dont start Threads .LOL

~Jenny

Hi jenny,

You did go through a war Jenny.  I remember reading your blog when you were in the thick of withdrawls and how bad i felt for you, and wished there was something i could do to ease your pain.

You were at the bottom of the pit, but you never gave up, you managed to scratch and claw your way out.  It took a lot of courage and strength, but you did it.  And now you unselfishly encourage others as they are fighting their battle to win their war against the evil benzo enemy.

I wish you and your family nothing but good things.

pj 

PJ.. Thank you so much..

When I was in the thick of this w/d I didnt speak much of the sxs and pain..

Only reason for that was cause I had to keep my and brain kickin in the rt direction.And stay Mindful.

I had to keep myself in the mindframe of .. I know this hurts and is so relentless but If i was able to walk again The I was going to able to be ME again Fully..

I believe so many more of you are hurting more then I ever did and I just want to always beable to keep being that reminder that You will get thru,You will be ok,This w/d ends and Life gets real good again.. I hope your doing better Pj and you feel ur healing takeing place..

I have only started like 4 threads here and I have to say I have always had a Driving Force behind them a Inspiration from watching now from the outside and seeing the pain and fear this w/d brings when someone is in the Hurting so badly..

Your Friend ~Jenny

Dear Jenny,

Whenever I need a boost I read your posts. Whenever I need some encouragement I read your posts. Whenever I feel fear and hopelessness I read your posts. You are such a kind and generous person to come here and remind us that it is possible to heal from the ravages of these meds.  Just knowing that you have endured horrible horrible symptoms and have come out well gives me tremendous hope.  I have accepted what this is and accepted that I have no control.  That being said, it is important to let this benzo beast know that it won't win. I can't tell you how much you are appreciated here, there are no words to describe it.  You deserve all the best this world has to offer.

Love,

pianogirl  :smitten:

Aww PianoGirl

So nice of you to say that..Thank you..

Im so glad I am able to give you alittle hope and maybe some reassurance in this w/d .

Its really hard with all we go thru on so many levels.. I was blind sided with how many aspects of my life were being hit by this.. I guess I really focuse on what it was that really broke me down.That was the Duration and severity and Ground Hogs Day over and over and the Not Knowing was slowly breaking me down.

I pray for you Pianogirl to just fight the good fight and hang onto Healing and just know you to will be able to say. We Heal...

Ur friend ~Jenny

Jenny, I hope someday you write a book.

You are such an inspiration and always give encouragement.

Bless you and i hope from now on in your life it will be only good come to you, you sure

deserve it!

Gardenia Hi !!!

O thats so sweet thank you so much your so nice...

Ill tell you something and its true.. about 3 years ago I was going to start to look into writeing a book ..I need a Ghost writer but I put it on hold I kinda felt like I wasnt done learning some stuff and needed some more experience .. LOL Was I rt ..But I never thought this kind of experience .

But the book thats ingraved in my brain isnt really about me.. Sure some of my Journey will be there but truly Its about all Of us every1.. Its Title is called The Aggreements..

Its super cool I wish I had the motovation to do it.. Who knows 1 day Im sure ..But thank U Gard..And I hope ur feeling well. I hope you get out to see family and friends often..

PJ. Carlos ....Thank YOU!!!!!

~Jenny

Jenny,

I'm glad you start threads. You still have something new to share in them each time. I never tire of

hearing how you fought this beast and won. I can't believe what you have been thru and who

you are now...

You amaze me...

Love,

Pammy

Jenny -

Always good to read your posts, as they have always been very encouraging to me.  It is great to hear that you are healed; you certainly went through a very difficult w/d.  I wanted to ask, if you don't mind answering, if you have any remaining symptoms or health issues from w/d.  You mentioned that you lost plenty of muscle mass - has that come back since being healed?  Do your joints still creak and pop, etc.  I'm dealing with numerous symptoms these days, the most concerning being muscle loss and joint issues. 

Thank you,

Rico

Rico Hello.

Its so nice what you said. Thank you.

At month 15 I was healed .I had nomore mucle tone and mass deteriation.It all came back. I never thought it could. My muscles took the most hugest extreme hit

Im gonna be honest here. at month 18, and 19, I had to take 3 rounds of antibiotics. I believe it hit my muscles a bit. And as for the joints ..Them to. Its not terrible. Its just that antibiotics can compromise a already sensitive brain I think. But I have no other sxs none. My mental is perfect. sleep is wonderful. Nomore nerve pain and burning. So Yes it all comes back. The muscle restore to were they once were before the w/d hit. I know its scary. And wondering if they will be good again. Absolutly Rico. I hope there not to painful for you. Hang in there and I promise as time goes by.There gonna become real strong again. Thank you for saying my post encourged You. I really appreciate that!!!!

P.S My joints still do pop mostly in my hips but not bad anymore..

~Jenny

Thanks for responding, Jenny.  During my first month off or so, I had problems with my ears (fullness, etc. - still do today) and an ENT put me on Zithromax for the swelling he thought I had.  Turns out, it was just another w/d symptom.  This said, I wonder if taking that antibiotic set me back in my recovery?  Anyway, I understand to stay away from fluoroquinolones, but am curious what antibiotics are OK in w/d?  I get sinus infections on occasion and want to be prepared for the next one.

Rico

Rico...

Yes thats exacly why I have been on the antibiotics. Sinus issues. I have had such trouble with my sinus since my c/t began.I was put on amoxil in month 10.That really set me back. Then I was on ZPac..Zithromiacin. And that reved me to. Many peeps have had no problems with these tho. I think it may just depend on the person .But if you ever have to be put on one again.Ive herd that the amoxicilian was the safest route .Im so sorry you have the sinus issues on top of the other sxs .

I hope you start to see real good healing take place. Try no to worry to much on your muscles.There gonna be all good again

~Jenny

Hi Jenny -

Just wondering if during the time your muscles were wasting, did you ever have any blood work done by a doctor to see what was causing this.  If so, do you recall if your creatine kinase (muscle enzyme) levels were high?  My guess is that anyone with wasting would have high CK levels due to damage, but I'm not sure.  My CK levels have been high as well, and I'm certain this is due to benzos and w/d.

Thanks,

Rico

You awe me with your strength.  You are one in a million 

WWWI

oh my I did not even know about this thread Jenny you should have told me lol then it would have saved you answering all the stupid questions i shot at you hehehe.  I just love this story it should be used and highlighted so it will never ever get lost.  I just love this thread peeps need to see it .  such a hopeful and true account from the bottom of your heart.

thanks honey

Lizzyxxx

Hi Jenny -

 

Just wondering if during the time your muscles were wasting, did you ever have any blood work done by a doctor to see what was causing this.  If so, do you recall if your creatine kinase (muscle enzyme) levels were high?  My guess is that anyone with wasting would have high CK levels due to damage, but I'm not sure.  My CK levels have been high as well, and I'm certain this is due to benzos and w/d.

 

Thanks,

 

Rico

I never took any test after the first 8 weeks of c/t.At that point my muscles werent hit by this w/d. I dont know what my levels were.But I do know there back to fully working strong .Its a miracle cause my muscles were so wasted and weak. It was Visible to. I hope ur getting some relief from ur muscles. I know its so scary.It was to me to. But Time is going to fix this for you. I wouldnt do to much working out .It can push ur muscles to hard.

Hang on Rico ur gonna get through this w/d

~Jenny

You awe me with your strength.  You are one in a million 

 

WWWI

~Jenny

oh my I did not even know about this thread Jenny you should have told me lol then it would have saved you answering all the stupid questions i shot at you hehehe.  I just love this story it should be used and highlighted so it will never ever get lost.  I just love this thread peeps need to see it .  such a hopeful and true account from the bottom of your heart.

 

thanks honey

 

Lizzyxxx

Im so glad this was bumbed up. I forgot about this. Im glad you liked it.Yea I have maybe done a few threads in my time here and almost all in the Accentuate The Positive.I swear I know what your all going through.I fought so hard just like all of you. And now Im done Fighting for me but doesnt mean Im done for all of you!

Love ya honey

~Jenny

So inspiring to read this right now. Thank you for sharing your incredible journey with us and giving hope to others. <3

Love, Chantillie

chantillie...

Thank you for saying that. I really appreciate it. I hope its helped you. Just know that this gets better!

No matter how bad this is it comes to a END.Im now Healed 100% and I know how bad this can get.

Stay strong and keep possitive.Your gonna be ok

~Jenny

Love you and loved reading this today!

Mary

Aww Mara!!!!!

I love you back..Stay Strong Mara.Stay Focused. Your doing so much better then ur giving your self credit for. I know ur still hurting! But when that leaves your all DONE...

Miss you ~Jenny

Love you and loved reading this today!

 

Mary

Hey Mary... See you stopped by here and thought I would say hey!!! Been awhile since we've spoke.. Hope life is getting better for you!! You've been thru HELL and deserve the best in life! Stay strong!!!

Rock