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thank you very much for your story is similar to mine but I still have not reached success. I have read it many times especially because I had taken valium just like me. I also had a depression in 2013 for which I had to take escitalopram and I had never had that feeling before and I think that benzodiazepines helped to decrease the production of serotonin. Now for the great moment in which he finds himself, I hope he does not take long to arrive

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  • 1 month later...

Did the agoraphobia went away ?

Thank you your story is so inspiring

 

Thank you for stopping by Wesolh sorry I am late with my reply.  I have been so busy on and off the forum, I will send a pm.  Yes the agoraphobia did go away but it took a while.  16/18 month mark, the fear lessened in intensity and I gained some of the strength I had lost. I got back some of the push I always had!.    It was far from easy, I couldn’t just get up and go.  I sat outside my door for short periods…5 then10 minutes at first!  Then made it to the gate,  to the end of the avenue,  it took a few weeks.  I remember my first walk with the dog to the local park, (10 minutes away) my heart racing, shaking!  My hood up and head down all the way avoiding eye contact.

 

My agoraphobia started in tolerance, long before I found out the root of all my symptoms.  I had been struggling and housebound for a long time.    I remember my first trip to the shopping centre was sheer terror.  I was sweating, shaking.. crying at one point.  The supermarket seemed a lot bigger than before.  It took me quite a few attempts before I was able to stop myself running out to sit in the car.  It was hard.. but I got some strength back, this enabled me to keep trying.  It got easier the more I pushed myself  until I eventually made it to the checkout.  What an accomplishment, learning how to spend money again! lol

 

Anyone who has  agoraphobia social phobia, or is housebound for a long time throughout this process.  It can be hard to get back into socialising, especially if you are  like me.  I didn't see many people, while going through this process!  Friends and family members stopped calling.  I read somewhere about going to places you don’t need to talk , like a library, museum/art gallery.  It did help in getting used to being around people. 

 

Stay positive, life will get better

Magrita  :smitten:

 

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Hi Magrita!!!

I have been spending a bit more time here lately. Not sure why but I know there is a reason. Maybe I am reminding myself of what I went through...?

Glad you are doing well.

east :smitten: :smitten:

 

Hi east

 

Sorry I am late here, I have been busy on and off the forum,  I am glad you are sticking around, I know what you went through, you had such a tough time. Thank you for being so supportive to our members

 

Thanks for stopping by

 

Magrita  :smitten:

 

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what month did your anxiety stop

 

Great job with your success

 

Thank you bluepm,  I can’t remember exactly,  it was around  15/16 months. It didn’t just disappear like some symptoms, it just got less intense, and the more active I became, the less anxious I was. The dreadful  morning anxiety eased off around 12 months mark. 

 

You will eventually get better, stay positive.

 

Magrita :thumbsup:

 

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Hi margarita;was nice reading your story and to know that there is recovery I’m eighteen weeks off now after twenty five years using Valium,about 50% healed I think,not out of the woods yet but hopefully I will write a success story sometime xxfrank d

 

Hi frank, sorry I am late with my reply.  Well done on getting off these drugs.  It sounds like you are doing okay,  I would wait until you are mostly recovered before doing a success story.    What symptoms do you have now?  Just stay positive, distract as much as you can from remaining symptoms.  You will eventually come through this, life will get better.

 

Magrita  :smitten: 

 

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Hi Margrita,

  I have just read your post "My Journey" thank you for posting it and for your dedication to helping us all. Its so uplifting to know there are people in the world with such good hearts.

I have a question if you dont mind. Did you have any difficulty.  with insomnia on your taper and if so how did you deal with it?

Thank you,

 

Hi fridaygirl

 

I thank you for your kind words, sorry I am late with my reply.  I have been so busy on and off the forum.  Insomnia is a dreadful symptom, I was lucky if I got more than 2/ 3 hours, you have to do the best you can.  I rested my body at every opportunity, sat in a chair, and listened to relaxation tapes.  Insomnia is one of the worst benzo withdrawal symptoms for many of us.  If  we are not getting proper sleep, it makes all of our other symptoms worse. 

 

Keep going, do the best you can until it changes, sleep will come,  lack of it will not stop you reaching the finish line.

 

Stay positive,  thank you for stopping by.

 

Magrita  :smitten:

 

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thank you very much for your story is similar to mine but I still have not reached success. I have read it many times especially because I had taken valium just like me. I also had a depression in 2013 for which I had to take escitalopram and I had never had that feeling before and I think that benzodiazepines helped to decrease the production of serotonin. Now for the great moment in which he finds himself, I hope he does not take long to arrive

 

Hi TATITA42

 

This process can take such a long time, but its worth the wait, it will eventually get better, life does come good again.  My heart goes out to anyone suffering with depression.  It was after reaching tolerance level I started feeling depressed, it got really worse during my taper, I thought I was losing my grip.  My doctor prescribed mirtazapine, no one mentioned the benzo could be my problem!    I took the a/d reluctantly (family pressure) for 3 years.  I was a year tapering off, awful drug. 

 

Be patient and keep positive, it will get better,  you will eventually recover when the time is right. Sorry I am late getting here, thanks for stopping by

 

Hang in there, recovery will happen.

 

Magrita :smitten:

 

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Hi Magrita!!

I do not spend a lot of time here now but I have noticed you are not as present here. Are you no longer a Mod??? I hope you know how much you helped me over those first couple years of benzo horror. Your calming, sensible voice resonated with me and helped me get through it all.

I am fine. I have two  weird symptoms that only started in WD but I ignore them and carry on. I am getting too old now to worry about this sort of thing. I just keep on going, no matter what. My benzo experience did change me in some very interesting ways. Totally unexpected ways. I became OCD about cleaning, for one. Weird, huh? That started back in perhaps 2013, a year after I went CT off b enzos. It got stronger and eventually I put it to use  for me. I now clean houses to earn money despite being 69 years old now. Weird but very true.

Sweet Magrita, thank you for helping me get through it all. IO will never forget how lovely you were to me.

Annie (east)

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  • 1 month later...

Hi Magrita!!

I do not spend a lot of time here now but I have noticed you are not as present here. Are you no longer a Mod??? I hope you know how much you helped me over those first couple years of benzo horror. Your calming, sensible voice resonated with me and helped me get through it all.

I am fine. I have two  weird symptoms that only started in WD but I ignore them and carry on. I am getting too old now to worry about this sort of thing. I just keep on going, no matter what. My benzo experience did change me in some very interesting ways. Totally unexpected ways. I became OCD about cleaning, for one. Weird, huh? That started back in perhaps 2013, a year after I went CT off b enzos. It got stronger and eventually I put it to use  for me. I now clean houses to earn money despite being 69 years old now. Weird but very true.

Sweet Magrita, thank you for helping me get through it all. IO will never forget how lovely you were to me.

Annie (east)

 

 

Hello Annie!

 

Sorry I am late getting here.  I am still here!  Thank you for your kind words I know you had a tough time Annie, like me!  We are both of us, still here helping and supporting best we can.  I am sorry about the weird symptoms,  some of us can have stubborn symptoms that linger for quite a long while...I think they will go eventually!  I am so pleased you don't give these symptoms any importance and choose to ignore them...its great if you can do that! 

 

I know about your cleaning Annie, you should be so proud of yourself!!  Thanks again for your words of kindness, I am so glad I was able to help in some way.  I had someone helping me through this hell, its great to come through it and be able to give back.  You are also giving back, I thank you Annie for your continued support for members,

 

Magrita :smitten:

 

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  • 5 months later...

Thank you,

 

Can I ask you how much time you waited to taper down to the next lower amount?

 

 

I was taking 4 mg daily Klonopin on Sept 30. The next day I was taking 3.5mg daily(12% reduction). My main system has been muscle cramps resulting in some pain. So I joined the Y and began classes in exercise and muscle stretching. My depression immediately went away. My anxiety lessened. and muscles got better.

 

So 3 weeks later I went down (.25mg to 3.25mg or 7.7%) and have yet to see any change or worsening in symptoms. I know klonopin has a long half life so maybe things will get worse. I plan on going down to 3mg daily by Nov. 1. So 25% in one month.

 

It seems symptoms get worse as the dose gets down to relatively low doses like .5mg daily?

 

Whatcha think?

 

Dan

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Hey Magrita. Thank you for being here.

 

Begood placed your poem "My Beautiful Forum of Hope" on her blog yesterday.

 

It is so hard today. Actually made me cry when I saw your light on.

 

Please don't leave us. Ever. Leslie left. It's been three months. I miss her.

 

Love :smitten:

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Thank you,

 

Can I ask you how much time you waited to taper down to the next lower amount?

 

 

I was taking 4 mg daily Klonopin on Sept 30. The next day I was taking 3.5mg daily(12% reduction). My main system has been muscle cramps resulting in some pain. So I joined the Y and began classes in exercise and muscle stretching. My depression immediately went away. My anxiety lessened. and muscles got better.

 

So 3 weeks later I went down (.25mg to 3.25mg or 7.7%) and have yet to see any change or worsening in symptoms. I know klonopin has a long half life so maybe things will get worse. I plan on going down to 3mg daily by Nov. 1. So 25% in one month.

 

It seems symptoms get worse as the dose gets down to relatively low doses like .5mg daily?

 

Whatcha think?

 

Dan

 

Hello Dan

 

I never stabilised, so waiting 3 weeks didn't really help much for me.  It sounds like you are coping okay.    If i was me i  would take it more slowly....  see how you feel!  I was on diazepam so don't have experience with Klonopin.  If i was you i would post to this support group Klonopin Klub#2 members here are very helpful.

 

It does get better.  Keep moving forward, slow is the way to go, be patient and stay positive.

 

Magrita :smitten:

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Hey Magrita. Thank you for being here.

 

Begood placed your poem "My Beautiful Forum of Hope" on her blog yesterday.

 

It is so hard today. Actually made me cry when I saw your light on.

 

Please don't leave us. Ever. Leslie left. It's been three months. I miss her.

 

Love :smitten:

 

Hello my dear Estee :hug:

 

I am so sorry you are struggling today, sending healing vibes out to you... i hope you can feel them ((((Estee))))  This too shall pass...it will get better... wait and see what tomorrow brings!  I am always here, my friend!

 

 

Lots of Love

Magrita mini-graphics-hearts-683379.gif

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Hey Magrita. Thank you for being here.

 

Begood placed your poem "My Beautiful Forum of Hope" on her blog yesterday.

 

It is so hard today. Actually made me cry when I saw your light on.

 

Please don't leave us. Ever. Leslie left. It's been three months. I miss her.

 

Love :smitten:

 

Hello my dear Estee :hug:

 

I am so sorry you are struggling today, sending healing vibes out to you... i hope you can feel them ((((Estee))))  This too shall pass...it will get better... wait and see what tomorrow brings!  I am always here, my friend!

 

 

Lots of Love

Magrita mini-graphics-hearts-683379.gif

 

Thank you, Magrita. I will be reading this thread from now on.

 

I'm not giving up. Just keeping myself occupied.

 

Your presence here really means so much :smitten:

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  • 6 months later...

Hi Magrita! 

I wanted to read your story. You are the 1st person to welcome me. I am so happy that you have made it so far. I really hope that my family will not give up on me. I was the same as you except I got pregnant after drinking from 13-17. I honestly believe that is when my whole addiction process began.  I have wondered for a while.. Thanks for the warm welcome. Hugs

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Hi Magrita! 

I wanted to read your story. You are the 1st person to welcome me. I am so happy that you have made it so far. I really hope that my family will not give up on me. I was the same as you except I got pregnant after drinking from 13-17. I honestly believe that is when my whole addiction process began.  I have wondered for a while.. Thanks for the warm welcome. Hugs

 

Hello BeckWilldoit....love the username...you are going to do this! :hug:

 

Take it slowly, be patient, it will happen for you,  Its not easy but its worth it!    Everything will seems hopeless right now, I can remember feeling the same, and wondering if my family would stick by me,  they did, and yours will too.  Yes i believe my addictions started at a young age,  I was drinking from a very young age but i eventually got myself sober.  After a panic attack I was prescribed benzos...."out of the frying pan into the fire"

 

Dont feel alone, we all know what you are going through. No matter how bad you feel  I promise you it does get better.

 

Magrita :thumbsup:

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  • 2 months later...
Hello Magrita, I read your story. I know all of this too. I used to be a mechanical engineer, had a good job, in the course of my Benzo career I lost everything, my job, my wife, my house, my family, everything. In the end there was only the Benzos. In the course of the withdrawal, there were many, many pains and feelings of guilt, which made everything worse. Over the years I've tried almost everything, psychotherapy, health clinics, psychosomatics. Nothing has helped at all. Often times I would lie in bed praying that I was ready to die. But God didn't take me, I don't know, maybe he has something else to do with me. Nobody could tell me what was going on. Today I am old and broken. I am on the healing path, many bad symptoms have improved, I am maybe at 25% and there is still a long way to go.
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Hello Magrita, I read your story. I know all of this too. I used to be a mechanical engineer, had a good job, in the course of my Benzo career I lost everything, my job, my wife, my house, my family, everything. In the end there was only the Benzos. In the course of the withdrawal, there were many, many pains and feelings of guilt, which made everything worse. Over the years I've tried almost everything, psychotherapy, health clinics, psychosomatics. Nothing has helped at all. Often times I would lie in bed praying that I was ready to die. But God didn't take me, I don't know, maybe he has something else to do with me. Nobody could tell me what was going on. Today I am old and broken. I am on the healing path, many bad symptoms have improved, I am maybe at 25% and there is still a long way to go.

 

Hello Homerfichte

 

It breaks  my heart reading your post, the damage these drugs have done to peoples lives, it never gets any easier reading.  I also lost my job, I suffered financial losses and almost lost my home and husband…I don’t know why my husband stayed,  he had every reason to leave.   

 

You might feel broken for good, but you’re not,  I promise you are definitely repairable .  Don’t let these drugs win, you have to fight …this is a war that you will win.  I promise you will walk tall one day.  I realise it’s probably too late to get back your wife,  but you will be able to get on with your life and you can enjoy life again.

 

I can remember feeling as you do…devastated,  helpless and hopeless, thinking my life was over, and I would never feel good or enjoy anything ever again.    One of the first things I got back was laughter, it rather took me by surprise…and at that moment,  I knew I was going to recover!    Recovery is going to be a wonderful surprise for you….as it was for me… I promise you.

 

Try and stay positive, accept that it takes time.. and be patient, its just a matter of waiting...recovery could be right around the corner.

 

Magrita  :smitten:

 

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  • 5 weeks later...

Hi Magrita

I found your blog today and it was encouraging to me so thank you! Can you tell me how long it took you to taper your 20mg? Also how often were you making cuts? I am doing a DMT slowly chugging along!

Thank you,

Jen

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Hi Magrita

I found your blog today and it was encouraging to me so thank you! Can you tell me how long it took you to taper your 20mg? Also how often were you making cuts? I am doing a DMT slowly chugging along!

Thank you,

Jen

 

 

Hello Jen

 

Thank you for stopping by, it’s nice to know that my story has helped in some way.  It took me just over a year to taper!  I had reached tolerance level and was struggling with symptoms before I started my taper.  I think you are doing the right thing tapering slowly, “chugging along” is fine Jen, you go with whatever you feel comfortable with.

 

My taper was rough, the cuts were inaccurate. I did the best I could with what little knowledge I had.  Looking back, had I known more about titration I might have gone down that route.  In saying that, if for some reason, I had to do the same again…I would without question, to get what I have today.

 

The first few months i was holding for 3 sometimes 4 weeks, I didn’t stabilise, so holding made little difference to me.  I decided to cut every 2 weeks, and keep pushing forward.

 

It does get better

 

Magrita :smitten:

 

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Thank you for the response Magrita! My muscle are so weakened I can’t be upright for more than an hour without having to lay down. I struggle with trying to push myself or just let myself rest. Is there time that you start to be able to do more and have the energy for it or do you really have to push to get that strength and motivation back?

Thanks,

Jen

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Hello Jen

 

My taper was different than yours, I didn’t do a DMT.  I did have  dreadful  muscle symptoms, it was hard for me to stay upright!    It will get easier, and it does get better eventually.    Have you tried slowing the taper down a little ?  holding a little longer?  Not sure how slow you are going!  I wouldn’t recommend anyone do what I did.    I felt I had little choice but to keep moving forward, so I did push myself.  You have to remember,  I didn’t know any better at that time.    I was symptomatic before I started tapering and this continued throughout my taper... it was tough.

 

Magrita :smitten:

 

 

This is from the  The Ashton Manual

 

 

Muscle symptoms.

 

Benzodiazepines are efficient muscle relaxants and are used clinically for spastic conditions ranging from spinal cord disease or injury to the excruciating muscle spasms of tetanus or rabies. It is therefore not surprising that their discontinuation after long-term use is associated with a rebound increase in muscle tension. This rebound accounts for many of the symptoms observed in benzodiazepine withdrawal. Muscle stiffness affecting the limbs, back, neck and jaw are commonly reported, and the constant muscle tension probably accounts for the muscle pains which have a similar distribution. Headaches are usually of the "tension headache" type, due to contraction of muscles at the back of the neck, scalp and forehead - often described as a "tight band around the head". Pain in the jaw and teeth is probably due to involuntary jaw clenching, which often occurs unconsciously during sleep.

 

At the same time, the nerves to the muscles are hyperexcitable, leading to tremor, tics, jerks, spasm and twitching, and jumping at the smallest stimulus. All this constant activity contributes to a feeling of fatigue and weakness ("jelly-legs"). In addition, the muscles, especially the small muscles of the eye, are not well co-ordinated, which may lead to blurred or double vision or even eyelid spasms (blepharospasm).

 

None of these symptoms is harmful, and they need not be a cause of worry once they are understood. The muscle pain and stiffness is actually little different from what is regarded as normal after an unaccustomed bout of exercise, and would be positively expected, even by a well-trained athlete, after running a marathon.

 

There are many measures that will alleviate these symptoms, such as muscle stretching exercises as taught in most gyms, moderate exercise, hot baths, massage and general relaxation exercises. Such measures may give only temporary relief at first, but if practised regularly can speed the recovery of normal muscle tone - which will eventually occur spontaneously.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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  • 3 months later...

Just read your story, hope you don’t mind.  You are very strong and brave.  Well done my friend.

Thankyou for forwarding the websites.  You are very kind.  I will try to read them tomorrow. 

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Just read your story, hope you don’t mind.  You are very strong and brave.  Well done my friend.

Thankyou for forwarding the websites.  You are very kind.  I will try to read them tomorrow.

 

You are very welcome,  I hope you found the thread links helpful!

 

Magrita :smitten:

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