My Journey

hey magrita. thank you so much for your story.you are very strong. just wanted to ask yoym did it get Bette rover time ? and was it really bad, like a battle each day? I am really struggling and dont know how long this will go on for. I am so scared and yes. really struggling. and angry that this happened .. looking forward to hearing from you.

Such a wonderful success story.  I agree, it needs to be where all can see it.

 

Hoping I get there.  Six months off a c/t and suffering.

 

Hello dear Plady

 

Sorry you are struggling, I have no doubt you will get there. Withdrawal is so tough but so are you, I have watched you come through such a lot, over the last few years my friend.  Its hard to see the finish line when your going through hell but its there somewhere.  Its Just a matter of time before you reach it.

 

Rooting for you

 

Mags  http://i1193.photobucket.com/albums/aa351/margarita1959/Smilies/mini-graphics-butterflies-247201.gif

 

hey magrita. thank you so much for your story.you are very strong. just wanted to ask yoym did it get Bette rover time ? and was it really bad, like a battle each day? I am really struggling and dont know how long this will go on for. I am so scared and yes. really struggling. and angry that this happened .. looking forward to hearing from you.

 

Hi Claire

 

Yes I struggled to get through every day, I was scared like you, all of us are...it will get easier.  This process is tough  but you will come through it.  Keep putting one foot in front of the other, (if its physically possibly)  just keep going, you will see an end to this. 

 

I had to remind myself every 5 minutes that what I was going through was "temporary”, "it does get better".    I was extremely angry at my situation but I had to let it go,  it was hurting me and holding me back.    You have to tell yourself  what’s done is done.....get rid of the anger.

 

I had tiny improvements in the first year, it started to get better for me in year 2.  I never experienced windows like some do.  I  can remember having one short window near a year off, then a few months into year two  symptoms were disappearing.

 

I had been agoraphobic for a long time, around 18 months off I was  stood outside in my drive.  I remember that day so well, I could have took on the world, I felt so strong and afraid of nothing!!   The same with my laughter, I remember that day too,  feeling and hearing myself laugh, a proper laugh for the first time, it made me cry lol. 

 

Don't get frightened by my recovery time,  It wont take this long for you...I was 26 years on benzo's. 

 

Your going to be okay Claire

 

Magrita  http://i1193.photobucket.com/albums/aa351/margarita1959/flowerysmile.gif

 

Mags,

 

so happy to read your story, not too many of us out there that I have come across that have been on benzos for so long. I was on them for 31 years and I am just starting my 3rd year of tapering which I started Feb 25th 2014.

 

Whenever I am hit with a wave I turn to success stories to remind me that I will get better, that this is temporary. It feels to me as if I have always been on Ativan, can't remember what it felt like before benzos.

 

I will use your success story as an the opportunity to thank you for your work as an admin. You are always there for everyone and especially me as a team member.

 

Thanks for this,

 

Love,

 

Beth

Thank you for sharing

Re-reading this for hope. I shouldn't be complaining because everything is starting to dampen to new lows. But it's so slow. So when I say "reading for hope," I don't dismiss how bad it *could* be.

 

26 years on them and healed. Wow. This was amazing to read. I hope you're enjoying every bit of life that it has to give!

Mags,

 

so happy to read your story, not too many of us out there that I have come across that have been on benzos for so long. I was on them for 31 years and I am just starting my 3rd year of tapering which I started Feb 25th 2014.

 

Whenever I am hit with a wave I turn to success stories to remind me that I will get better, that this is temporary. It feels to me as if I have always been on Ativan, can't remember what it felt like before benzos.

 

I will use your success story as an the opportunity to thank you for your work as an admin. You are always there for everyone and especially me as a team member.

 

Thanks for this,

 

Love,

 

Beth

 

Thank you for your kind words Beth, we are lucky to have you.  I am pleased my story helped, your going to make it through my friend.  We need more success stories Beth, I look forward to reading yours one day.

 

Withdrawal and recovery is such a slow process for most of us, its easy to lose hope of ever getting well again.  The success stories, the amazing support from caring members and my benzo wise book... all of which I wouldn't have made it without...they got me through time and again.

 

Its going to get better

 

Mags

Thank you for sharing

 

Your welcome Iam 

Re-reading this for hope. I shouldn't be complaining because everything is starting to dampen to new lows. But it's so slow. So when I say "reading for hope," I don't dismiss how bad it *could* be.

 

26 years on them and healed. Wow. This was amazing to read. I hope you're enjoying every bit of life that it has to give!

 

Hi, Never again I am so pleased your symptoms are easing a little.  The road to recovery can be extremely slow, keep going no matter what!  Its going to be great when you get there and I am sure you will appreciate every minute after. 

 

Blessings

 

Magrita

We could not thank you enough for the help you give.  Your story wow!!!  You  have proved it can be done.  Don't give up.  Here you are still reaching out helping far more probably then you could know.  Hope to be able to pass this on too.  Keep on we need you!!!

We could not thank you enough for the help you give.  Your story wow!!!  You  have proved it can be done.  Don't give up.  Here you are still reaching out helping far more probably then you could know.  Hope to be able to pass this on too.  Keep on we need you!!!

 

Thank you for the kind words.  You will be able to pass this on, your doing a great job already, well done to you.  This process can be very tough, and slow at times but worth it to be benzo free.

 

Magrita 

 

Reading your story has made me think a bit more positive about my journey ahead Magrita....thankyou so much for sharing 

Hello Dear Margo 

 

thank you sooo much for keeping us all going!

I love reading your story and it gives me hope as it has done all the way through this.

Can't thank you enough for everything that you do and all your encouragement.

 

Love from Lib xx 

Boo!!! 

 

 

My amazing lady 

 

Kept me alive...

:smitten:wow Thanks for sharing, I needed to hear an inspiring story today. I too had an issue with alcohol, but haven't had a drink in 3 years. Yayyyy.

My benzo story started with a panic attack, I was a very active person with a busy social life who loved socialising, i had stopped drinking but it never stopped me having fun. Then out of the blue these panics started i thought i was about to die . I went to my GP and was given 60 diazepam 2mg pills she said take one twice a day That was 26 years ago and the same doctor had also seen my battle with booze.

 

I had no idea they were addictive. We didn't have a computer at that time, we just trusted our GPs. Anyhow i started taking the diazepam I took one pill a day to start with. Got on with life panic attacks stopped I was taking a 2mg pill per day. Over the years I did have bouts of depression and other complaints.Things I couldn't quite put my finger on I know now it was the diazepam 

 

About 7 years ago the panic attacks started again but far worse than before, awful anxiety, I could not function, the GP increased my dose and it went up and up till it got to 20 mgs I started getting very depressed, crying all day, the GP added a/ds to the mix I was a complete mess and I lost the will to live.  :'( I became housebound I could not wash myself or dress myself. I was so sick  my husband had to take care of me.  I was scared of the phone i used to get electric shocks when the phone rang or the doorbell and I could not open my front door.(agoraphobia) I was in fear of everything,  i had muscle pains and severe stomach problems, along with every symptom in the book some were extremely scary.I had tests done,  endoscopies xrays, bloods all came back negative.

 

On my next visit  to see the doctor  I asked her if the medication could be the problem My GP laughed, kept telling me it was all in my head, I was too weak to argue. What was worse for me was when my family and friends told me to pull myself together, that's when I convinced myself it was in my head.  I dragged myself onto the computer one day and did a search on diazepam(Valium). How I managed it I do not know I was so ill, and wanted to die. I learned that  Valium belonged to a group called benzodiazepines, i eventually came across a forum called Benzoisland and could not believe how my story was common knowledge.  People like me with the same complaints, it was so sad but at the same time it was also a huge RELIEF to me to learn I wasn't going mad, it wasn't all in my head. They told me on the forum it gets better. I didn't believe them but I did what they suggested me to do.

 

I did my taper there before it closed  I did 10%  cuts until I got to 6Mg's I then did 5% cuts, it was hard cutting the pills, I ended up with powder most of the time.  Anyhow I managed it it was hell, but oh so worth it. and here I am  20 mths free 99% healed.  I noticed huge improvements after the first year (we are all different)  I have seen some recover sooner and some later but what is for certain WE ALL DO RECOVER. I NEVER thought I would make it, we all make it in the end its just time.  My only regret is that i didn't get off the benzos sooner, i have lost 5 years of my life. I am trying to make up for it know, i am out most of the time. I was also pretty cheap for a while but today it is costing my poor dear loyal husband

 

I  joined Trap after BI closed, that got me through this last 6 months. I made some amazing friendships and got to know some of the bravest people I have ever met. Now I have been welcomed at Benzobuddies. And meeting more brave people

 

Thank you all you amazing mods, admins, volunteers and technicians for giving us these life saving forums.

 

Love

Margarita xx

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edit: Personal info

:smitten:wow Thanks for sharing, I needed to hear an inspiring story today. I too had an issue with alcohol, but haven't had a drink in 3 years. Yayyyy.

 

Congratulations Kyiaboots 3 years sober!! well done to you, what an achievement

 

 

 

Margarita! 👏💕

Thank you for sharing your encouragemt story🙆

You are an inspiration, like so many others here☺

 

Oh I needed to read this today.

Wishing you all the very best in your benzo free future 👌🙇

🌷🍀🍃🌹

Margarita! 👏💕

Thank you for sharing your encouragemt story🙆

You are an inspiration, like so many others here☺

 

Oh I needed to read this today.

Wishing you all the very best in your benzo free future 👌🙇

🌷🍀🍃🌹

 

Hello Me2

 

Thank you for your kind words. The same will happen for you too, you will get better and you will reclaim your life!

 

Withdrawal is tough, but I promise you it will be worth it! 

 

Stay positive!

 

Margarita 

Maybe there’s hope for me too... To get functional again. For my Kitty. More than three yrs of her precious life wasted. Since I went back on benzos in May 2014. She keeps me going. My baby. We were so happy before all this happened. All the best to you, Margarita

Maybe there’s hope for me too... To get functional again. For my Kitty. More than three yrs of her precious life wasted. Since I went back on benzos in May 2014. She keeps me going. My baby. We were so happy before all this happened. All the best to you, Margarita

 

Hi Estee

 

There is plenty of hope for you, I promise you.  Don't you worry about Kitty, she is okay and will help you to get through.  I know how tough this is Estee, Its a dreadful journey...but just remember its a temporary one, life will come good again for you and Kitty.

 

Hang in there

 

Magrita

Did the agoraphobia went away ?

Thank you your story is so inspiring

 

Hi Magrita!!!

I have been spending a bit more time here lately. Not sure why but I know there is a reason. Maybe I am reminding myself of what I went through...?

Glad you are doing well.

east :smitten:

what month did your anxiety stop

 

Great job with your success

 

Hi margarita;was nice reading your story and to know that there is recovery I’m eighteen weeks off now after twenty five years using Valium,about 50% healed I think,not out of the woods yet but hopefully I will write a success story sometime xxfrank d

Hi Margrita,

  I have just read your post "My Journey" thank you for posting it and for your dedication to helping us all. Its so uplifting to know there are people in the world with such good hearts.

I have a question if you dont mind. Did you have any difficulty.  with insomnia on your taper and if so how did you deal with it?

Thank you,