Author Topic: My Journey  (Read 39593 times)

[Buddie]

Re: My Journey
« Reply #20 on: January 11, 2014, 01:26:17 pm »
    Good deal. It sure is hard, all of it.  I liked (not) the beer to much at times. One down...
         nikki
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: My Journey
« Reply #21 on: January 11, 2014, 07:03:51 pm »
Hi [...],

I remember you from the TRAP but I didn't realize then how far you were along.  Now I see why you seemed so well and more stable to me.  You were along in your healing where I was just starting out with my c/t.  I was just 4 1/2 months out when the TRAP closed and we all came here to BB. 

Thank you [...] for all your support you give and have always given even before becoming an administrator on BB.  You are a light - have always been even to me.  I know at one time you weren't but I haven't seen that side of you - healing is all that I have seen coming from your posts. I read your poems again, I remember them from the TRAP.  I had run them off and took them to my counselor at the time.  They spoke differently than a regular post did.  I [...] love Tess.  My dog that is 11 and had been an outdoor dog - living with another dog we had but lost this pass year, so Pal has become an indoor dog and my companion.  The difference in relationship between indoor dog and outdoor is big.  I have never experienced an indoor dog before.  Reading Tess today had a different light from having Pal in with me all the time. I'm thankful to have this relationship now in my life.

You give me encouragement [...] that healing will happen for me, it is getting closer - many sxs have gone away - the others will eventually.

May healing happen for all of us,
[...]  :angel:
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: My Journey
« Reply #22 on: January 13, 2014, 05:55:52 pm »
My dear friend [...]!!! Funny I was thinking of you yesterday, and get on here and here you are  :yippee:

You were one of the sweetest ladies I had the pleasure of being in contact with and encouraging me in the early days of finding out what was wrong with me on TRAP.

I am so glad you are posting here. I loved your poem, made tears stream down my face. It hit me in the heart as if I wrote it myself.
Thank you for being so thoughtful to write me by email when I could no longer get on TRAP. It made me feel like someone truly cared.  :smitten:
Love,
S

S :hug: sorry hun I didn't see this post, thank you for your words of kindness. I remember you moved home and had problems logging into Trap! I think its a bit late to reply here, anyway I am so glad you got something from my poems. I know you were doing ok we have pmed since this post lol

Hi [...],
better 2 years late than never. just found your amazing story about your  experience today , so glad you have got your health back and thanks, i needed it today. :smitten:

Oh [...], you must have dug deep for this  :laugh: 2 years Yikes!!! were has the time gone. Keep hanging in [...], it will all come good in the end.

I found it was extremely tough for me between 12 to 15 months out...so long away from my last benzo...I expected to be well but I wasn't...A lot of symptoms had improved and some had gone at 12 months out....But they returned soon after, not as severe and I was so grateful and willing to except that, because I had been so ill, coming from being bedridden...at least I was on my feet and could wash my own face, I thanked god for that! I remember saying if it doesn't get any better I will settle for what I had.

Around 18 months out was the big turning point for me, That's when I washed the car...in my drive, I was a little nervous at first, It started to rain but I was not put off....I was out and I was bloomin staying out  :laugh:, I wasn't going to be put off by no downpour of rain....I looked like a drowned rat, my hubby said I was crazy!!  Neighbours curtains were moving...slats in the blinds being lifted.....I had to stop myself from giving them all a sign!! lol  I didn't care a jot that day it was magic. The agoraphobia had lifted and I wanted to go out by myself!!! not in the car just yet!!

It was an amazing feeling, I took baby steps to the gate first...then end of the road...within a week or so I was up the road and in a shop, it was strange opening my purse to pay for the stuff, I think it was a magazine I bought!! It seemed all so new to me...I had butterflies in my stomach with excitement...I was no longer dependant. I cried coming home :'( not with sadness.... happiness.... if that makes sense lol

Try not to get scared if you think you have healed, and then suddenly your back in it again!! that's how it works sometimes. I noticed each time symptoms returned...they were not as bad as before, they were less in intense. I also remember torturing myself with the notion that I was going to be one of the minority that would not get better. I would tell myself, that no one could feel this sick and survive it especially someone like me "24 years on benzos":sick:

Then around about 17/18 months symptoms started to disappear one by one and never returned. I do have stomach issues, I have a very sensitive stomach and had this before benzos, I was diagnosed with IBS, it is not as bad today, it was horrendous in withdrawal!!

Keep moving forward, stop awhile if you need to...try not to go backwards...why cover old ground. I know its hard but you can do it, believe me you can without a doubt!!! Keep reminding yourself what you are going through is "temporary" it will pass and it does eventually all go away, "It will get better"

Love and light to you all


[...] aka [...] aka [...] :smitten:
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: My Journey
« Reply #23 on: January 13, 2014, 06:02:05 pm »
    Good deal. It sure is hard, all of it.  I liked (not) the beer to much at times. One down...
         nikki

Hi Nikki, It is hard...extremely hard...but so worth it!  You seem to be doing ok, how are things? 

[...]  :smitten:
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: My Journey
« Reply #24 on: January 13, 2014, 06:21:59 pm »
Hi [...],

I remember you from the TRAP but I didn't realize then how far you were along.  Now I see why you seemed so well and more stable to me.  You were along in your healing where I was just starting out with my c/t.  I was just 4 1/2 months out when the TRAP closed and we all came here to BB. 

Thank you [...] for all your support you give and have always given even before becoming an administrator on BB.  You are a light - have always been even to me.  I know at one time you weren't but I haven't seen that side of you - healing is all that I have seen coming from your posts. I read your poems again, I remember them from the TRAP.  I had run them off and took them to my counselor at the time.  They spoke differently than a regular post did.  I [...] love Tess.  My dog that is 11 and had been an outdoor dog - living with another dog we had but lost this pass year, so Pal has become an indoor dog and my companion.  The difference in relationship between indoor dog and outdoor is big.  I have never experienced an indoor dog before.  Reading Tess today had a different light from having Pal in with me all the time. I'm thankful to have this relationship now in my life.

You give me encouragement [...] that healing will happen for me, it is getting closer - many sxs have gone away - the others will eventually.

May healing happen for all of us,
[...]  :angel:

Hi [...] :hug:

Thank you for your wonderful words of kindness, I do remember you from Trap, I was way ahead in my withdrawal when I arrived at Trap!!  I did my taper on the Benzoisland forum 2008, when it closed I joined TRAP.  When trap closed we all piled over here to Colin lol. 

Being on the team now, I can see just what Hope did for us the day we arrived, she was on her own,  I would have been in a state of panic she was superwoman that day she did a wonderful job!!

 Stay positive, Sal your doing great at the moment, it is up and down sometimes but it will continue to get better and you will eventually heal and claim back your life. I am pleased you liked the the “Tess poem” lol, she helped me get through a lot of suffering.

Its so awesome to hear about Pal being your companion, I don’t know were I would be without Tess.  I am glad I have been able to help you, that’s how I got better with support from some wonderful members and  I will always be indebted to the members who stayed around after recovery to pay it forward.

((hugs))

[...] :smitten:
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: My Journey
« Reply #25 on: January 13, 2014, 06:27:03 pm »
My dear friend [...]!!! Funny I was thinking of you yesterday, and get on here and here you are  :yippee:

You were one of the sweetest ladies I had the pleasure of being in contact with and encouraging me in the early days of finding out what was wrong with me on TRAP.

I am so glad you are posting here. I loved your poem, made tears stream down my face. It hit me in the heart as if I wrote it myself.
Thank you for being so thoughtful to write me by email when I could no longer get on TRAP. It made me feel like someone truly cared.  :smitten:
Love,
S

S :hug: sorry hun I didn't see this post, thank you for your words of kindness. I remember you moved home and had problems logging into Trap! I think its a bit late to reply here, anyway I am so glad you got something from my poems. I know you were doing ok we have pmed since this post lol

Hi [...],
better 2 years late than never. just found your amazing story about your  experience today , so glad you have got your health back and thanks, i needed it today. :smitten:

Oh [...], you must have dug deep for this  :laugh: 2 years Yikes!!! were has the time gone. Keep hanging in [...], it will all come good in the end.

I found it was extremely tough for me between 12 to 15 months out...so long away from my last benzo...I expected to be well but I wasn't...A lot of symptoms had improved and some had gone at 12 months out....But they returned soon after, not as severe and I was so grateful and willing to except that, because I had been so ill, coming from being bedridden...at least I was on my feet and could wash my own face, I thanked god for that! I remember saying if it doesn't get any better I will settle for what I had.

Around 18 months out was the big turning point for me, That's when I washed the car...in my drive, I was a little nervous at first, It started to rain but I was not put off....I was out and I was bloomin staying out  :laugh:, I wasn't going to be put off by no downpour of rain....I looked like a drowned rat, my hubby said I was crazy!!  Neighbours curtains were moving...slats in the blinds being lifted.....I had to stop myself from giving them all a sign!! lol  I didn't care a jot that day it was magic. The agoraphobia had lifted and I wanted to go out by myself!!! not in the car just yet!!

It was an amazing feeling, I took baby steps to the gate first...then end of the road...within a week or so I was up the road and in a shop, it was strange opening my purse to pay for the stuff, I think it was a magazine I bought!! It seemed all so new to me...I had butterflies in my stomach with excitement...I was no longer dependant. I cried coming home :'( not with sadness.... happiness.... if that makes sense lol

Try not to get scared if you think you have healed, and then suddenly your back in it again!! that's how it works sometimes. I noticed each time symptoms returned...they were not as bad as before, they were less in intense. I also remember torturing myself with the notion that I was going to be one of the minority that would not get better. I would tell myself, that no one could feel this sick and survive it especially someone like me "24 years on benzos":sick:

Then around about 17/18 months symptoms started to disappear one by one and never returned. I do have stomach issues, I have a very sensitive stomach and had this before benzos, I was diagnosed with IBS, it is not as bad today, it was horrendous in withdrawal!!

Keep moving forward, stop awhile if you need to...try not to go backwards...why cover old ground. I know its hard but you can do it, believe me you can without a doubt!!! Keep reminding yourself what you are going through is "temporary" it will pass and it does eventually all go away, "It will get better"

Love and light to you all


[...] aka [...] aka [...] :smitten:


oh boy, what a story, what a torture story and then the Happy End. this is what will
happen to me as well i think. the neighbours will move their curtains , they have not seen
me for over a year.
everybody will be talking and wondering that i am [...] alive. (brrrr)

you are one special Lady [...] and i am so happy to know you. thanks. :smitten:
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: My Journey
« Reply #26 on: January 14, 2014, 06:25:47 am »
Bump
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: My Journey
« Reply #27 on: January 14, 2014, 12:07:49 pm »
oh boy, what a story, what a torture story and then the Happy End. this is what will
happen to me as well i think. the neighbours will move their curtains , they have not seen
me for over a year.
everybody will be talking and wondering that i am [...] alive. (brrrr)

you are one special Lady [...] and i am so happy to know you. thanks. :smitten:

[...], it was the same for me....everyone wondering when I would be carried out lol....but to their surprise I walked out :laugh:.

Anyway that does not matter anymore,...I am so grateful for what I have today, I really do appreciate the small things in life. I see everything different...I remember reading someone saying " Its as if a veil has been lifted" that is so true, I had dresses in my wardrobe I bought a long time ago...the colours looked different!! So it was like I had a new wardrobe  :laugh:

We are all of us special here those who are [...] tapering and those in withdrawal and those recovered.

Your going to be ok :thumbsup:

((hugs))

[...] :smitten:


edit: typo
« Last Edit: January 14, 2014, 12:14:08 pm by [Buddie] »
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: My Journey
« Reply #28 on: January 14, 2014, 02:01:30 pm »
[...],

It was so nice to come back and read this.

You have done such an amazing job here, donating your time and keeping your spirits up when at times it was difficult for you.

Keep on rockin ;)
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: My Journey
« Reply #29 on: January 19, 2014, 02:22:29 pm »
Bump.
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.