Author Topic: My Journey  (Read 39839 times)

[Buddie]

My Journey
« on: January 15, 2012, 12:27:36 pm »
My benzo story started with a panic attack, I was a very active person with a busy social life who loved socialising, i had stopped drinking but it never stopped me having fun. Then out of the blue these panics started i thought i was about to die . I went to my GP and was given 60 diazepam 2mg pills she said take one twice a day That was 26 years ago and the same doctor had also seen my battle with booze.

I had no idea they were addictive. We didn't have a computer at that time, we just trusted our GPs. Anyhow i started taking the diazepam I took one pill a day to start with. Got on with life panic attacks stopped I was taking a 2mg pill per day. Over the years I did have bouts of depression and other complaints.Things I couldn't quite put my finger on I know now it was the diazepam 

About 7 years ago the panic attacks started again but far worse than before, awful anxiety, I could not function, the GP increased my dose and it went up and up till it got to 20 mgs I started getting very depressed, crying all day, the GP added a/ds to the mix I was a complete mess and I lost the will to live.  :'( I became housebound I could not wash myself or dress myself. I was so sick  my husband had to take care of me.  I was scared of the phone i used to get electric shocks when the phone rang or the doorbell and I could not open my front door.(agoraphobia) I was in fear of everything,  i had muscle pains and severe stomach problems, along with every symptom in the book some were extremely scary.I had tests done,  endoscopies xrays, bloods all came back negative.

On my next visit  to see the doctor  I asked her if the medication could be the problem My GP laughed, kept telling me it was all in my head, I was too weak to argue. What was worse for me was when my family and friends told me to pull myself together, that's when I convinced myself it was in my head.  I dragged myself onto the computer one day and did a search on diazepam(Valium). How I managed it I do not know I was so ill, and wanted to die. I learned that  Valium belonged to a group called benzodiazepines, i eventually came across a forum called Benzoisland and could not believe how my story was common knowledge.  People like me with the same complaints, it was so sad but at the same time it was also a huge RELIEF to me to learn I wasn't going mad, it wasn't all in my head. They told me on the forum it gets better. I didn't believe them but I did what they suggested me to do.

I did my taper there before it closed  I did 10%  cuts until I got to 6Mg's I then did 5% cuts, it was hard cutting the pills, I ended up with powder most of the time.  Anyhow I managed it it was hell, but oh so worth it. and here I am  20 mths free 99% healed.  I noticed huge improvements after the first year (we are all different)  I have seen some recover sooner and some later but what is for certain WE ALL DO RECOVER. I NEVER thought I would make it, we all make it in the end its just time.  My only regret is that i didn't get off the benzos sooner, i have lost 5 years of my life. I am trying to make up for it know, i am out most of the time. I was also pretty cheap for a while but today it is costing my poor dear loyal husband :laugh: :thumbsup:

I  joined Trap after BI closed, that got me through this last 6 months. I made some amazing friendships and got to know some of the bravest people I have ever met. Now I have been welcomed at Benzobuddies. And meeting more brave people

Thank you all you amazing mods, admins, volunteers and technicians for giving us these life saving forums.

Love
[...] xx







Edit: Personal info
« Last Edit: January 06, 2013, 12:34:03 pm by [Buddie] »
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: My Journey
« Reply #1 on: January 15, 2012, 12:49:28 pm »
Hi [...],

Welcome to your blog. I'm glad you started one. I thoroughly enjoyed reading your first post. I didn't know your back story at all. This is another good thing about starting over; we are getting to know one another better.  :thumbsup:

Every story I read could almost be my story and everyone's story. I'm continually amazed that people continue to suffer and lose chunks of their lives to this accidental Leo Sternbach "mistake".

I didn't know you struggled with alcohol. I guess I remember one oblique reference a while back. I'm wondering if your anxiety stemmed from quitting drinking. I think a lot of mine did.

You are a brave soul, my friend. How does it feel to be 99% recovered. I already know the answer, of course. It feels wonderful! It is marred with misgivings and regrets (me too), and appreciation for and apology to your steadfast husband (me too).

We could write a benzo book and it would be everyone's story. And the story of many to come. It is all just so sad and so unnessesary. Think how much money is being spent everybday, either private individuals or public health services, chasing mystery illnesses that don't exist!

I'm so happy you found your way to BI for your slow taper. You did it correctly. I'm sure it has impacted your successful recovery. And I'm glad you were at the TRAP because we all benefitted from your kind heart, you wisdom and your humour. Now we are here and our journeys continue. Im to the stage I think I can be supportive to others in some small way. You already are.

I'm so glad to know you!
Love
[...]
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: My Journey
« Reply #2 on: January 15, 2012, 10:44:09 pm »
This is so, so so encouraging [...]. Thankyou so much. I am truly glad that you are enjoying life!! [...] (Horty)
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: My Journey
« Reply #3 on: January 15, 2012, 11:09:52 pm »
Thank you for sharing your story.  I wish you a WONDERFUL benzo free life ahead--you made it!!!!   :yippee:
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: My Journey
« Reply #4 on: January 16, 2012, 11:50:04 am »
This is so, so so encouraging [...]. Thankyou so much. I am truly glad that you are enjoying life!! [...] (Horty)

Thank you dear Horty, you will too, when are you going to start tapering the mirtz?
love
[...] :-*
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: My Journey
« Reply #5 on: January 16, 2012, 11:54:07 am »
Thank you for sharing your story.  I wish you a WONDERFUL benzo free life ahead--you made it!!!!   :yippee:

Hi [...] :hug:
Thanks for reading, nice to meet you....i hope your doing ok

love
[...] :-*
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: My Journey
« Reply #6 on: January 16, 2012, 02:11:26 pm »
Congratulations, [...].  Thank you for posting your success story as it is so important for others to know that healing does occur.  Now it is time to enjoy life.

[...]  xo
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: My Journey
« Reply #7 on: January 16, 2012, 05:38:57 pm »
[...],
Thanks for the story I need this today.  I hope one day to write a success story but the way I'm feeling it won't be for quite sometime.
Hugs
[...]
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: My Journey
« Reply #8 on: January 16, 2012, 05:41:30 pm »
Hi Magritas x
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: My Journey
« Reply #9 on: January 16, 2012, 06:49:06 pm »
Congratulations, [...].  Thank you for posting your success story as it is so important for others to know that healing does occur.  Now it is time to enjoy life.

[...]  xo

Thank you [...] :hug: its nice to meet you

[...] x 
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.