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I got away from benzos! You can too!


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I'm still free. I began my journey with anxiety and panic during a divorce many years ago. I was put on xanax .25 mg at first, but as the years went by this amount was increased until I reached .5mg 4 x a day. I was on xanax for a little over a decade of my life. And while I thought xanax was the answer to my troubles, because it kept life calm for me, it was actually destroying my CNS. I just didn't understand how addictive this drug is. Even though *I* didn't feel addicted, my body absolutely was in every way. When my mind felt I could live without it, my body revolted.

 

For years I was told I was a xanax lifer. That means, you go on it and you never go off. I've come back to give anyone hope that needs it that... it does not matter how long you are on this stuff, you can and will get off of it. And it is a very slow process that takes a lot of healing time. Don't expect yourself to heal over night. Don't expect to heal within a couple of months of being clean. Don't expect it to even be totally OK in a year. Everyone heals differently during the taper/withdrawal process. Everyone's bodies are on a different time schedule. The one thing I do understand after going through this was... I'm not alone, and, the symptoms of withdrawal are numerous and at times they will surprise you, maybe even scare you. Once I came to understand that it is sometimes impossible to make sense of what these withdrawal symptoms are, it lessened my fears and anxieties and helped me keep going.

 

The cut/taper stages of this were the most difficult thing I've encountered, and the most challenging. I fully believe that attitude plays a huge part in this. If you choose to step up to the challenge and say, "You know what, this is pure hell, but I don't care. I want off this xanax and I'm getting off of it!!!" then that's really the first step to this. Adjusting my attitude and forcing myself to keep taking the baby steps in front of me. Some days, I was so scared I didn't know if I was going to make it through, and other days my strength magnified, each time I made a cut, every time I could come here and write that my dosage was now lower.

It gave me the courage to read everyone else's stories and see that they did this, they have been through, and I will get through too. If the withdrawal symptoms scare you, think about them as the road to healing.  To get there, you must go through. There is no getting around, no escape tunnel or hatch, when it comes to this process. In reality I believe we are stronger than we realize. Just when I felt I couldn't go on, I got my 2nd wind.

 

I was off xanax in May 2009. I didn't start sleeping good until 2011. It took that long for my sleep to re-establish itself. I finally feel the way I used to when I go to sleep, before the xanax. And when I sleep, I don't feel drugged. I was starting to lose hope that I would never sleep good again. I was worried that the insomnia would kill me! I recall once where after completely tapering I passed out from being so tired and lack of sleep. I didn't know what to do. I even tried benadryl and that actually made the situation far worse. It even increased anxiety attacks.

 

I still have anxiety, by the way. I've had it since I was 18, and now I'm simply learning to just live with the attacks. I have them about twice a week. It depends. But I have learned that I can get through them without xanax.

 

In early 2011, I started having this odd tightening around my chest and ribs. The doctor couldn't figure out what it was coming from, after many tests. As weeks went by, it felt like they were getting worse, like a vice grip. Finally the doctor told me that maybe I could start a low dose of valium. Can I just be honest here and say that I was tempted, for one moment..... thinking it could take away the suffering? I passed on the valium and came home and started finding other ways to deal with the tightness. In time it calmed down and went away.

 

There was another time where I had two incidences of esophageal spasm, and the doctor suggested klonopin! It still amazes me how some doctors still easily pass these drugs out as if they are the cure all.

 

I think in the face of dealing with these health issues that come and go, it is tempting for a moment to think these meds might help.

 

I'm very happy that I'm free. All I can say is believe in yourself. Obstacles are nothing but things for you to step over, to get down the path to your own freedom.

Every single day....... I am so happy I went through the process of cut/taper/withdrawal. No regrets here!

 

God Bless you....

 

Love,

Mia

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A few things to remember,

 

Even if you can't get off of that chair or out of that bed today, you are still healing. You are still going somewhere. Even if the dishes are piled sky high and you don't feel you can move, there is still a process taking place that moves you into healing. It won't happen fast.

 

You will have very good days, and you'll have bad ones. Hold on to the good days and don't forget that those good days will increase as time goes by.

 

And don't forget to laugh or smile. Every day..... find something to smile about and laugh about. Laughing is very healing, even when we feel broken.

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[ed...]

A few things to remember,

 

Even if you can't get off of that chair or out of that bed today, you are still healing. You are still going somewhere. Even if the dishes are piled sky high and you don't feel you can move, there is still a process taking place that moves you into healing. It won't happen fast.

 

You will have very good days, and you'll have bad ones. Hold on to the good days and don't forget that those good days will increase as time goes by.

 

And don't forget to laugh or smile. Every day..... find something to smile about and laugh about. Laughing is very healing, even when we feel broken.

 

Thanks for posting this. What an inspiration. Especially this second part. I'm struggling, for sure. Haven't moved, cleaned, functioned in SOME time...and this was just what I needed to hear. These drugs are sick and dangerous, but I do believe that we ALL heal. Love, ((HUGS)) and continued healing to you.

 

-elocin

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Hi Mia,

Thank you for coming back and telling your success story.  It was great hearing how well you are doing now.  I often wondered how you were doing.  Enjoy your lilfe.

 

Patty  xo

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Mia,

 

I wanted to thank you for posting this story.  This is actually my first post here in quite a few months.  Although I haven't been active, I often swing by to peruse the success stories, and after reading yours and how much hope it gave me, I felt compelled to write.  These stories are like gold to us, and it means so much to all of us that you came back to offer hope and encouragement.

 

You said you were off Xanax in May 2009, which means I am exactly one year behind you at 19 months off Xanax.  I'm still struggling greatly with a not-so-nice list of symptoms.  One of the things you said that really gave me hope was how you said it wasn't until 2011 that your sleep returned.  My sleep is still very messed up, and I have been losing hope of it ever improving.  But I am really hoping sometime in 2012 that changes, and your story restored my hope of that. 

 

Also, I have been having the constriction/muscle tension in the chest/rib cage area, and recently it flared up again pretty bad.  Lots of muscle tightening in my body, spasms, tingling, but the worst of it seems to come on in the chest/rib cage area.  Again, even though I know the drill and that it takes time to heal from these drugs, the doubts always inevitably start creeping in.  After this latest severe bout with this, thankfully it eased up Friday night.  Still remnants and I'm achy and pretty much always have muscle stuff going on, but way more tolerable now, although I'm sure I haven't seen the last of it.  So bizarre how the intensities come and go, and sometimes certain symptoms that have eased can suddenly intensify again out of the blue.  Although I hate that you and many others have suffered from this, it gives me comfort to know I'm not alone, and that it's just going to take more time for my body to heal. 

 

Well, thanks again for sharing your story.  You are very courageous, and I am really glad to hear life is so much better for you and that the worst is behind you!!  Congrats on winning such a difficult battle! 

 

Sincerely,

BitterSweet

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I always read a success story before I go to bed and I loved reading yours tonight.  Thanks for sharing and enjoy your wonderful life!!!! :)  I am looking forward to writing my own someday sooooooooon!!!
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Thanks for the wondeful success story.  Thanks for coming back to post it as it really gives the rest of us the courage to go further in our journey. I hope life brings you many joys.

Hugs

Kristin

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I'm still free. I began my journey with anxiety and panic during a divorce many years ago. I was put on xanax .25 mg at first, but as the years went by this amount was increased until I reached .5mg 4 x a day. I was on xanax for a little over a decade of my life. And while I thought xanax was the answer to my troubles, because it kept life calm for me, it was actually destroying my CNS. I just didn't understand how addictive this drug is. Even though *I* didn't feel addicted, my body absolutely was in every way. When my mind felt I could live without it, my body revolted.

 

For years I was told I was a xanax lifer. That means, you go on it and you never go off. I've come back to give anyone hope that needs it that... it does not matter how long you are on this stuff, you can and will get off of it. And it is a very slow process that takes a lot of healing time. Don't expect yourself to heal over night. Don't expect to heal within a couple of months of being clean. Don't expect it to even be totally OK in a year. Everyone heals differently during the taper/withdrawal process. Everyone's bodies are on a different time schedule. The one thing I do understand after going through this was... I'm not alone, and, the symptoms of withdrawal are numerous and at times they will surprise you, maybe even scare you. Once I came to understand that it is sometimes impossible to make sense of what these withdrawal symptoms are, it lessened my fears and anxieties and helped me keep going.

 

The cut/taper stages of this were the most difficult thing I've encountered, and the most challenging. I fully believe that attitude plays a huge part in this. If you choose to step up to the challenge and say, "You know what, this is pure hell, but I don't care. I want off this xanax and I'm getting off of it!!!" then that's really the first step to this. Adjusting my attitude and forcing myself to keep taking the baby steps in front of me. Some days, I was so scared I didn't know if I was going to make it through, and other days my strength magnified, each time I made a cut, every time I could come here and write that my dosage was now lower.

It gave me the courage to read everyone else's stories and see that they did this, they have been through, and I will get through too. If the withdrawal symptoms scare you, think about them as the road to healing.  To get there, you must go through. There is no getting around, no escape tunnel or hatch, when it comes to this process. In reality I believe we are stronger than we realize. Just when I felt I couldn't go on, I got my 2nd wind.

 

I was off xanax in May 2009. I didn't start sleeping good until 2011. It took that long for my sleep to re-establish itself. I finally feel the way I used to when I go to sleep, before the xanax. And when I sleep, I don't feel drugged. I was starting to lose hope that I would never sleep good again. I was worried that the insomnia would kill me! I recall once where after completely tapering I passed out from being so tired and lack of sleep. I didn't know what to do. I even tried benadryl and that actually made the situation far worse. It even increased anxiety attacks.

 

I still have anxiety, by the way. I've had it since I was 18, and now I'm simply learning to just live with the attacks. I have them about twice a week. It depends. But I have learned that I can get through them without xanax.

 

In early 2011, I started having this odd tightening around my chest and ribs. The doctor couldn't figure out what it was coming from, after many tests. As weeks went by, it felt like they were getting worse, like a vice grip. Finally the doctor told me that maybe I could start a low dose of valium. Can I just be honest here and say that I was tempted, for one moment..... thinking it could take away the suffering? I passed on the valium and came home and started finding other ways to deal with the tightness. In time it calmed down and went away.

 

There was another time where I had two incidences of esophageal spasm, and the doctor suggested klonopin! It still amazes me how some doctors still easily pass these drugs out as if they are the cure all.

 

I think in the face of dealing with these health issues that come and go, it is tempting for a moment to think these meds might help.

 

I'm very happy that I'm free. All I can say is believe in yourself. Obstacles are nothing but things for you to step over, to get down the path to your own freedom.

Every single day....... I am so happy I went through the process of cut/taper/withdrawal. No regrets here!

 

God Bless you....

 

Love,

Mia

 

Mia,  your story is scary, yet encouraging.  I am very glad you have survived getting off of Xanax.  Congratulations!  What a miracle.

 

Would you mind telling me how long you were on Xanax and if you took any other meds along with it? Thank you.

 

Kian

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  • 8 years later...
[68...]

For years I was told I was a xanax lifer. That means, you go on it and you never go off. I've come back to give anyone hope that needs it that... it does not matter how long you are on this stuff, you can and will get off of it. And it is a very slow process that takes a lot of healing time. Don't expect yourself to heal over night. Don't expect to heal within a couple of months of being clean. Don't expect it to even be totally OK in a year. Everyone heals differently during the taper/withdrawal process. Everyone's bodies are on a different time schedule. The one thing I do understand after going through this was... I'm not alone, and, the symptoms of withdrawal are numerous and at times they will surprise you, maybe even scare you. Once I came to understand that it is sometimes impossible to make sense of what these withdrawal symptoms are, it lessened my fears and anxieties and helped me keep going.

 

 

A few things to remember,

 

Even if you can't get off of that chair or out of that bed today, you are still healing. You are still going somewhere. Even if the dishes are piled sky high and you don't feel you can move, there is still a process taking place that moves you into healing. It won't happen fast.

 

You will have very good days, and you'll have bad ones. Hold on to the good days and don't forget that those good days will increase as time goes by.

 

And don't forget to laugh or smile. Every day..... find something to smile about and laugh about. Laughing is very healing, even when we feel broken.

 

:thumbsup: :thumbsup:

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