Post Benzo Protracted Withdrawal Support Group

Some helpful advice on HEALING from the Mental & Emotional TRAUMA of this.

 

http://webcache.googleusercontent.com/search?q=cache:JomZuAWXGiMJ:www.martinvcohen.com/trauma1.html+healing+from+trauma&cd=3&hl=en&ct=clnk&gl=nz

 

I hope others find that helpful/wise.

 

Doubt is easy to enter our minds & hearts & confuse us that we will never heal, simply because the PROCESS of healing from this can be so strange, misunderstood, misdiagnosed & GLACIALLY slow.  The best advice I heard was to monitor your progress on a MONTHLY basis.

 

There are MANY LEVELS on which we need to heal too, as we are 3 dimensional beings (mind, body, spirit).

 

So when looking towards wise STEPS to healing, I think its important we recognize its not just supps or whatever that are going to help us-we need to look at a wider whole picture (if our minds can manage it!).

 

There are so many different approaches to healing too, it makes it hard to know what is wisest for us & that can often leave us more confused, overwhelmed & unsure.  I've always found trusting & following my intuition 100%, gleaning wisdom from those that have been there, listening to my still, small voice & inner convictions to be the best/wisest approach & GUIDE (when I can hear it!!!).

 

So IMO healing from this will take; alotta praise, encouragement, reassurance, recognizing how much we've come through-more praise, RE-building one's self esteem & confidence, learning new skills & coping strategies for self-empowerment, perhaps prayer (for those who believe), alot of self-love & extreme patience with onesself, acknowledging & processing the feelings of trauma & coming to terms eventually (like forgiveness), having good nutrition, sleep, and attending to our social & emotional needs too like simple company when we can handle it.

 

I think one of the biggies is self-image.  We've all probably been so torn down & told so many negatives that it can possibly lead to non acceptance of self, confusion or too harsh a criticism of one's self or simply not knowing WHAT is truth or what to believe anymore.  So alot of BUILDING UP is in order, just as we would our children when we are trying to teach & raise them.  Its not egotistical if its truthful, it's simply LIFE-BUILDING/encouraging.  (I truly dunno how much ego any of us would have left after this anyway! But there IS such a thing as HEALTHY pride).

 

The Bible states "As a Man, thinks in his heart, so IS he".  So that gives me clues that I need to throw away all the absolute rubbish that has been spoken over me & come back to a more accurate truthful view of myself.  I know myself better than anyone else, why I do things & no1 else knows what I have been through or where I still am.  This alone can diffuse all the confusion of belief - of all the "labels"  or "diagnosis" & bring way more inner PEACE. So just chuck all of that crap OUT & start telling yourself the truth with loving kindness (kinda like CBT really!!!).

 

I dont want to get too wordy & I am prob loosing track now, but thats just my thoughts on the matter in a moment of clarity.  Hope the above helps someone.  Trust/follow your own inner convictions & intuition on what you feel you need to do in order to keep stepping OUT of each level, back to finally, a better place/space . Absorbing more positive input too. Stronger, wiser, more knowledgeable, more cautious & rightly so.

 

We ARE winners simply for what we've battled & endured.  It WILL be a continuing process & we CAN get there if we believe in ourselves, trust our intuition to be our guide, rebuild ourselves, encourage one another, be on our own sides, take the right steps for us & help & encourage one another.  For truly, NO man is an island, we ALL need each other .

 

xoxoxo Ruth xoxoxo 

Some helpful advice on HEALING from the Mental & Emotional TRAUMA of this.

 

http://webcache.googleusercontent.com/search?q=cache:JomZuAWXGiMJ:www.martinvcohen.com/trauma1.html+healing+from+trauma&cd=3&hl=en&ct=clnk&gl=nz

 

I hope others find that helpful/wise.

 

Doubt is easy to enter our minds & hearts & confuse us that we will never heal, simply because the PROCESS of healing from this can be so strange, misunderstood, misdiagnosed & GLACIALLY slow.  The best advice I heard was to monitor your progress on a MONTHLY basis.

 

There are MANY LEVELS on which we need to heal too, as we are 3 dimensional beings (mind, body, spirit).

 

So when looking towards wise STEPS to healing, I think its important we recognize its not just supps or whatever that are going to help us-we need to look at a wider whole picture (if our minds can manage it!).

 

There are so many different approaches to healing too, it makes it hard to know what is wisest for us & that can often leave us more confused, overwhelmed & unsure.  I've always found trusting & following my intuition 100%, gleaning wisdom from those that have been there, listening to my still, small voice & inner convictions to be the best/wisest approach & GUIDE (when I can hear it!!!).

 

So IMO healing from this will take; alotta praise, encouragement, reassurance, recognizing how much we've come through-more praise, RE-building one's self esteem & confidence, learning new skills & coping strategies for self-empowerment, perhaps prayer (for those who believe), alot of self-love & extreme patience with onesself, acknowledging & processing the feelings of trauma & coming to terms eventually (like forgiveness), having good nutrition, sleep, and attending to our social & emotional needs too like simple company when we can handle it.

 

I think one of the biggies is self-image.  We've all probably been so torn down & told so many negatives that it can possibly lead to non acceptance of self, confusion or too harsh a criticism of one's self or simply not knowing WHAT is truth or what to believe anymore.  So alot of BUILDING UP is in order, just as we would our children when we are trying to teach & raise them.  Its not egotistical if its truthful, it's simply LIFE-BUILDING/encouraging.  (I truly dunno how much ego any of us would have left after this anyway! But there IS such a thing as HEALTHY pride).

 

The Bible states "So a Man, thinks in his heart, so IS he".  So that gives me clues that I need to throw away all the absolute rubbish that has been spoken over me & come back to a more accurate truthful view of myself.  I know myself better than anyone else, why I do things & no1 else knows what I have been through or where I still am.  This alone can diffuse all the confusion of belief - of all the "labels"  or "diagnosis" & bring way more inner PEACE. So just chuck all of that crap OUT & start telling yourself the truth with loving kindness (kinda like CBT really!!!).

 

I dont want to get too wordy & I am prob loosing track now, but thats just my thoughts on the matter in a moment of clarity.  Hope the above helps someone.  Trust/follow your own inner convictions & intuition on what you feel you need to do in order to keep stepping OUT of each level, back to finally, a better place/space . Absorbing more positive input too. Stronger, wiser, more knowledgeable, more cautious & rightly so.

 

We ARE winners simply for what we've battled & endured.  It WILL be a continuing process & we CAN get there if we believe in ourselves, trust our intuition to be our guide, rebuild ourselves, encourage one another, be on our own sides, take the right steps for us & help & encourage one another.  For truly, NO man is an island, we ALL need each other .

 

xoxoxo Ruth xoxoxo 

 

You found your wisdom again, Ruth!  See?  It's still there, it's just buried sometimes under mounds of benzo brain fog.  Your words are very encouraging, thank you!

Aw you're welcome Sagemom & thanks.  Nice to have a number of moments of clarity!!!! (Even though the thoughts are all still swirling around like gnats mostly lol).  So glad it was encouraging for you  .

 

My dad always used to say "sincerity makes all the difference" & although I cant YET speak with the passion with which I used to speak, I certainly mean all the words from my heart.

 

We all need help, wisdom, guidance & shiteload of help for stepping outta this 3-dimensionally (body, mind & spirit).  It IS gonna take time & truly only God knows how long it will take for each of us individually, but here's praying we will all find more wise positive steps to keep "stepping up & out" as well .

 

xoxoxoxo

hey vertigo, that's good perspective. i suppose i am still early in the game.

 

something that is problematic is that i live at home with my folks (moved back in when health got very poor a couple years ago), and they are of the mind that i've drawn my benzo withdrawal out to get attention or out of laziness or dramatics. so i've been hearing since i was four months benzo free to stop making excuses for myself and to pull myself up by the bootstraps, even as i am taking on more than feels realistic a lot of the time.

 

at the same time, my pdoc has never really acknowledged my withdrawal symptoms as being at all related to benzo withdrawal. and mainstream media sources do acknowledge that people experience bad withdrawal for weeks, or months in extreme cases, but generally do not normalize w/ds at a year +. i have really been struggling with feeling like it's all in my head and that i'm a bad person because i just can't get it together (by others' standards).

 

even when i jumped from 1mg of klonopin i didn't take a break from my life for even a day. didn't get help with my son, didn't get any medical support, didn't even tell any friends or family. i did it completely alone, while single parenting, cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, helping friends with their children, etc. i think i have some serious grief about going through something so hard with no acknowledgement or validation that it was even happening. i am ready now, finally, a year later, to validate myself, and to say, "this is what's going on for me. it's real. i'm not making it up. you don't have to believe me and you don't have to help me, but i am going to find the help i need to get healthy. i have the right to do that."

 

this feels really big and emotional and hopeful for me.

 

-pass

 

Good on ya Only-Passenger.  I like your final conclusions.  I too have had to do this alone.  I too have had my brother deny theres nothing wrong even though he at 1 stage saw me with violent tremors/spasms, speech & walking problems ETC you name it-I had to completely ditch him from my life-I was taking NO MORE.  He told me to grow up.  Oh the misunderstanding & anger it caused me, especially considering I've been there for him in past years.  You CERTAINLY find out who your TRUE friends are when the chips are down.

 

On top of all that I've had my only son leave home throughout this process & slowly drift away too (which causes me great grief) but I just had to keep focussing on getting myself well.  I dunno how you managed to do what you did, cos I was bedridden for months!!! And yet I used to be a Single WORKING Mum.

 

Let me just say "truth stands the test of time, lies will eventually be exposed".  You know it to be true.  Meaning it may not EVER be acknowledged for you from others & especially not Pdocs nor Conventional Docs, but I'm glad you're finally acknowledging it for yourself!!!  I'm sorry others thought wrong of you.  I just HATE how this has totally destroyed rock-solid relationships!!!

 

I hope you get a BOATLOAD of affirmation & validation from here, as I have.  I'm grateful at least my Mum believed me, cos she knew me BEFORE all this really well.  I'm also grateful I found a doc that even though he was lost on how to help, at least believed me too.  I sure hope & pray you can find a Natural Doc, Counsellor or whatever that can actually HELP & ENCOURAGE you towards full healing again.

 

I greatly admire your inner fortitute for everything you've gone through.

 

Hugs & Prayers to you & every1 else for continued healing.  Sincerely, Ruth

Dear Friends,

 

I just wanted to add my name to this thread as I am 22 months free and still struggling immensely.

 

I am not sure about the ongoing conversations here because I have to have my husband read to me.  But he has read half way through this thread and he said there was 38 pages written since December.

 

After 22 months of excruiating depression, depersonalization, anxiety, rage, nerve pain and all the rest I thought that I would see some lasting degrees of improvement but it is unrelenting and cycling chaotically.  I just say the same complaints over and over.  This morning I just felt so burned out like all my circuits and burned up and will not reconnect ever and all my nerves are burned too.  Just to wake up again without any feelings of energy, motivation, joy, or interest and facing another day of doing nothing, dragging around trying to do something, and sitting, staring, crying, hurting with surges and all, I just don't know how to keep enduring. 

 

But we have no other choice.  We must keep going.  We must get through this day again. 

 

I am trying to accept suffering to the two year mark and I am so scared that even if I can get there, I will still suffer.  It does feel like the depression and depersonalization will never go away.  The disconnect is so severe every day that I just cannot function as a wife, mother, friend or help anyone or help myself at all.  I have lost all my friends.  My blog is my world now and the only friends I have is on my blog.  I am thankful for those understand what I am going through here and at the same time I wish I wouldn't have ever had to know this suffering and want it to stop so desperately so that I can connect to my family and to interests.  I severely ache with unspeakable lonliness and boredom and I won't call or text my kids and just hang on to the cell phone and pray that I can text them but I never can and I weep and weep.  I am so disconnected still after 22 months and 5 days and I would think that now that I am passed 22 months there would be some turn that I could feel but there is not.  It is so hard to believe that I will get better and over being traumatized by the protracted multiple immense suffering with nobody or nothing to ease the pain. But those of us who have healed say it will happen and that we will rebound and be stronger for it.  I am beyond discouragement and I know many of you feel as I do and so let us all get through this day together.  Thank you for letting me join this thread today.  Hope4us

thank you ruth and everyone else. i am so glad i found bb.

 

-pass

thank you ruth and everyone else. i am so glad i found bb.

 

-pass

 

Thats ok Only Passenger.  Same here!!!  Tis a vital lifeline ay!!!

Dear Friends,

 

I just wanted to add my name to this thread as I am 22 months free and still struggling immensely.

 

I am not sure about the ongoing conversations here because I have to have my husband read to me.  But he has read half way through this thread and he said there was 38 pages written since December.

 

After 22 months of excruiating depression, depersonalization, anxiety, rage, nerve pain and all the rest I thought that I would see some lasting degrees of improvement but it is unrelenting and cycling chaotically.  I just say the same complaints over and over.  This morning I just felt so burned out like all my circuits and burned up and will not reconnect ever and all my nerves are burned too.  Just to wake up again without any feelings of energy, motivation, joy, or interest and facing another day of doing nothing, dragging around trying to do something, and sitting, staring, crying, hurting with surges and all, I just don't know how to keep enduring. 

 

But we have no other choice.  We must keep going.  We must get through this day again. 

 

I am trying to accept suffering to the two year mark and I am so scared that even if I can get there, I will still suffer.  It does feel like the depression and depersonalization will never go away.  The disconnect is so severe every day that I just cannot function as a wife, mother, friend or help anyone or help myself at all.  I have lost all my friends.  My blog is my world now and the only friends I have is on my blog.  I am thankful for those understand what I am going through here and at the same time I wish I wouldn't have ever had to know this suffering and want it to stop so desperately so that I can connect to my family and to interests.  I severely ache with unspeakable lonliness and boredom and I won't call or text my kids and just hang on to the cell phone and pray that I can text them but I never can and I weep and weep.  I am so disconnected still after 22 months and 5 days and I would think that now that I am passed 22 months there would be some turn that I could feel but there is not.  It is so hard to believe that I will get better and over being traumatized by the protracted multiple immense suffering with nobody or nothing to ease the pain. But those of us who have healed say it will happen and that we will rebound and be stronger for it.  I am beyond discouragement and I know many of you feel as I do and so let us all get through this day together.  Thank you for letting me join this thread today.  Hope4us

 

Hey Hope4us,

 

Glad you found this board and you really express yourself well, especially the disconnect part.  I hear ya on the "cycling chaotically" part.  I've heard that sometimes the brain has to go into "functional disarray" for a time, then you get more "windows" of semi-normalcy. When you're in it though its hard to recognize a window & a wave. 

 

I know it seems unrelenting thats for sure!!! I've said the same thing. The best advice I've heard is to monitor your progress MONTHLY.  And also that the brain heals like a rubiks cube-not linear, nor making ANY sense or following any uphill pattern, hence why its so discouraging/disheartening because its uphill/downhill/uphill etc-a real rollercoaster ride from hell.  I'm truly grateful for those that understand it too-it gives us alot of validation & security from self-doubt that we're NOT nuts & it IS the drugs/damage.

 

I can say one thing from all this - I will never EVER trust or engage myself with Conventional Doctors EVER again.  I've lost complete faith in the system & their methodologies/protocols.

 

An "Expert" should be someone who LISTENS to you & works with you, not deny what you are saying, tell you you're having an adverse reaction, blame it on you & offer NO SOLUTIONS/hope!!!  So I've learnt a valuable lesson outta that.  I will be the one to weigh up the risks versus the benefits from now on, NOT my doc.  It will be Natural GPs for me from now on forever!!!

 

I cant function as a Mum, Daughter or friend either at the moment for which that grieves & frustrates me greatly.  Understanding it is the damage though should hopefully comfort you somewhat, rather than being the true "you".  Please TRY & continue to be patient with yourself (I am trying too, but often fail in that dept).  I know when I 1st got that DP or bluntedness I was just disgusted with myself that I couldnt feel love or concern for my loved ones!!  That is until I understood it.

 

The bluntedness is still with me now & it is just awful-perhaps that & the depression are the last things to go???  Now theres a comforting thought. Perhaps others could chime in here & add what they've heard from others???   To know that you might be at the tail end of all this hell.  I know though, you wont believe it til you experience it-you cant afford to get your hopes up & have them dashed.  But it is a comforting question/thought to hold onto.

 

I wonder how much of the bluntedness is true trauma & how much is just the damage if you know what I mean???  i.e. I've heard some ppl just EVENTUALLY wake up 1 day feeling better, wonder what on earth all that was about, feel in a better frame of mind, with less crying etc & slowly begin to just get on with their normal lives.  They didnt believe it either, they were stunned/shocked but grateful.  I expect after this I would have to see a Trauma Counsellor for YEARS but maybe from other's accounts that wont be the case???

 

No doubt this whole experience will inspire alot of us to make different decisions health wise in the future, trust what our bodies are telling us, trust our intuition, trust ourselves more, for some to become fierce advocates & campaigners for others, to be less judgemental, just all sorts on how it has changed us. And alot more compassion for others, even if we had heaps to begin with.

 

Throughout this horrendous storm I hope you can hold the hands of others here & be reassured we will all come outta this hell eventually, slowly but surely.

 

Hugs & Prayers to you.  Sincerely, Ruth xoxoxo 

Dear Hope4us, 

Its so strange to read your posting today.  because I just wrote out something for my husband to post for me because I have hit such a wall of despair today.  I too have my husband read from the logs because I can't handle it on my own.  Here is the posting I wrote before he read me yours.  Sound familiar?

 

I'm 27 1/2 months and have really hit a point of dispair.  For the 3rd year I've really struggled with acceptance.  I just feel like it has gone on so long and that this is my life from now on.  How do you accept the loss of friendships, employment, self esteem, physical appearance?  it is so hard to explain how I thrive on the these success stories but at the same time they bring me despair because en veryone seems to be healing but me.  During my 1st and 2nd years I would have brief moments of such happiness that it gave  me motivation but I've seem to have lost all that during my 3rd year.  I certainly have days when its more tolerable but nothing I could describe as a window.  The guilt I feel for what its done to my family is enormous.  How can I ask them to hang in there with me when I can't even do it myself?  Thanks for listening.

 

Sharil

sharil,

 

I totally get it.  Im over 25 months off and feel the same way.  We are tired.  We are losing hope.  It stinks. 

 

Im getting to where i dont even remember how it was to feel normal.  I wish for one day in which i didnt think about benzos wd. 

Hi everyone on the protracted board,

 

I am still tapering Ativan and have been having a tough time with it.  Was doing pretty good, but then took a pretty big cut and have not been the same since--that was 3 weeks ago.  I haven't slept more than an hour/night in the past 10+ days, have major anxiety, palpitations, nervous energy, pacing around house, etc., etc.  However, the most troubling symptom is the unrelentless insomnia.  I don't feel sleepy anymore--just exhausted.  Before this, I never had any sleeping problems and just went straight to bed!

 

I am writing you all because perhaps you have been where I am and would have done something differently.  I am going to a new doctor today to figure out what to do (last doctor just said "get off as quick as possible").  I believe he might give me the option to switch to Valium and updose a little, or even updose on the Ativan.  I am hoping to get my sleep back, but since it's been almost 3 weeks at this level, I know there are no guarantees.  I am concerned about kindling, because I have unknowingly gotten off Valium in the past and experienced w/d and have gone up and down several times in this taper.  I just wanted to see what you all would have done if you were in my place.  Updosed hoping for stability?  Stay where I am a bit longer?  Or continue taper (however I am very sick and weak so think I must have to hold for awhile).  I just basically don't know if I should updose or not at this point.  If you have been where I have been at some point, I would love any comments regarding the decision I must make.  I am beyond sleep deprived at this point.  How can my brain not fall asleep?  And I've been taking OTC meds for sleep as well.

 

Anyway, I must make a decision today--I am unhappy I am in this spot in the first place as I know I tapered too quickly.  I have gone through a lot of suffering the last 2 weeks and hate to updose and do suffering over again with slow taper but am miserable in current spot as well.  I have 2 little kids to care for--ages 2 and 4--although right now it's not easy and I am getting help.

 

One more question for you all--when does sleep improve?  I can't imagine getting 1 hour a night for months and months!  I don't think a body could survive that!  I used to sleep at least 7-8 on a regular basis.

 

Take care all you brave souls,

Tina 

Hi everyone on the protracted board,

 

I am still tapering Ativan and have been having a tough time with it.  Was doing pretty good, but then took a pretty big cut and have not been the same since--that was 3 weeks ago.  I haven't slept more than an hour/night in the past 10+ days, have major anxiety, palpitations, nervous energy, pacing around house, etc., etc.  However, the most troubling symptom is the unrelentless insomnia.  I don't feel sleepy anymore--just exhausted.  Before this, I never had any sleeping problems and just went straight to bed!

 

I am writing you all because perhaps you have been where I am and would have done something differently.  I am going to a new doctor today to figure out what to do (last doctor just said "get off as quick as possible").  I believe he might give me the option to switch to Valium and updose a little, or even updose on the Ativan.  I am hoping to get my sleep back, but since it's been almost 3 weeks at this level, I know there are no guarantees.  I am concerned about kindling, because I have unknowingly gotten off Valium in the past and experienced w/d and have gone up and down several times in this taper.  I just wanted to see what you all would have done if you were in my place.  Updosed hoping for stability?  Stay where I am a bit longer?  Or continue taper (however I am very sick and weak so think I must have to hold for awhile).  I just basically don't know if I should updose or not at this point.  If you have been where I have been at some point, I would love any comments regarding the decision I must make.  I am beyond sleep deprived at this point.  How can my brain not fall asleep?  And I've been taking OTC meds for sleep as well.

 

Anyway, I must make a decision today--I am unhappy I am in this spot in the first place as I know I tapered too quickly.  I have gone through a lot of suffering the last 2 weeks and hate to updose and do suffering over again with slow taper but am miserable in current spot as well.  I have 2 little kids to care for--ages 2 and 4--although right now it's not easy and I am getting help.

 

One more question for you all--when does sleep improve?  I can't imagine getting 1 hour a night for months and months!  I don't think a body could survive that!  I used to sleep at least 7-8 on a regular basis.

 

Take care all you brave souls,

Tina 

 

Well, I know you've already heard from me multiple times, so this may not help you.  I'm sure others will chime in soon.  But I just wanted to let you know that I feel for you, and totally understand the desperation you're feeling.  I can't really give any great advice other than what I've already said.  I think that if I was in your shoes, I might just unwisely jump off.  As I'm sure you are aware, that would probably cause further trauma.  But I can definitely see how you would feel discouraged when you know you have so much further to go in your taper.  I guess the wisest advice would be to try to cross over to valium and stabilize, then continue to taper.  There's no guarauntee that would work, but it has worked for some.  I know others on here have been able to feel somewhat normal on something like Remeron or Trazadone.  I personally wouldn't do that as I'm terrified of meds, but it might work for you the way it worked for others. 

 

What I did, as you know, is to simply wait for my sleep to return on it's own, which it did.  But I wasn't tapering, I had gone CT.  My body just tends to do so much better off of medication.  But I did suffer horribly after that CT, so I would never advise anyone to do that. 

 

Anyway, I hope you are able to get some better advice than I'm able to give from some of the others.

Hey Guys,

Have been reading last few posts and I thought I need to share alittle ,21 months  out for me and still sick most days.

I track each day thru out each month at it seems the last 6 months for me not much has really changed.

I too am so burnt out from this,on average I have 3-4 lighter days per month,not full windows just easier to get thru the hours of the day.

Mornings are still rough,afternoons also,evenings uasally easier.

I feel for everyone here who have suffered far longer than ever imagined,I thought I would escape this long horror,I was low dose just under 4 months total,115 /.5mg pills over 3 months 3 weeks!!!NOT!!! Genetics definetly is not in my favor.

  I am holding on to hope that is all that I have left,no belives I can still be sick.I am weak in spirit from this long long nightmare too.

I have no advice to others here,I only wish we awake one day and really turn a corner an permantly start to feel like ourselves once again.

May we all Heal Soon!!!!

Rondo

Hi Tina, If I had to do it over again I would have crossed to valium then slowly tapered off. I have three friends here who crossed from klon to valium....everyone of them said while its not easy to taper off valium its easier than tapering klon...smoother and sx not as harsh. I would try to get in touch with bataid in the UK...they have advised a few of my friends...I believe they advocate cutting no more quickly than every 3 weeks. I did not taper but instead went to detox and ct, its been very harsh...no windows and almost two years now of painful anf frightening wd...please go slowly to minimize your suffering...then youll know you did everything you could to avoid a harsh and prolonged wd...and please consider the valium. Take care...I wish you only the very best. Hugs, Colleen

Hi guys,  Just checking in.  I have some pretty good days as I am now at 35 months out, but still struggle with being food and sugar sensitive, so based on what I eat truly determined how my day will play out.  I also still have shoulder pain and occasional head pressure and tingles, as well as inner vibrations.  All of these symptoms are on a lesser scale, but it saddens me that they are still here at all.  However saying that, compared to the long list of symtpoms that have come and gone, I am blessed I got this far.

 

On another note - "Still Alive"  I've been wondering how you have been feeling.  Haven't see you around lately?  My GI symptoms have settle a lot as far as bloating and stomach tightness, but I still don't process food correctly.  Possibly my fungus is still dominent.  But I hope you have found relief.

I made a post to my blog just now because I'm feeling better and feel like the battle is over and won.  33 months off today!!!  OMG, please let it be over!!!  You can read it by clicking on the link to my blog in my signature.

 

Hope it provides some hope and encouragement to the long-suffering that hang-out on this thread.

 

My best to you all ... keep the faith. 

Hi Hope4us, Havent seen you much around the forum lately...Im sorry you r still suffering so. Have you noticed any improvements at all? My healing has been very gradul, mental stuff mostly gone at about 14 months except for some anxiety...physically I still have some pretty intense sx...like the nerve pain and twitching in my feet. I will have to catch up on your blog...its sad so many of us have gone protracted...we will heal too though in time. Its frustrating I know. Take care Hope. Love, Colleen

 

 

Just wanted to add a couple of positive things...since I started the cymbalta for the nerve pain 5 weeks ago I have noticed that Im no longer vibrating everyday, Im lesss jittery and my legs dont feel as rubbery...also I can lay in bed for awhile in the morning and rest or sort of meditate for a little while. It hasnt helped the nerve stuff though. My nerve conduction test is Thurs...have put it off a bit...sort of dread being shocked...also found out my b12 is normal...so thats not the cause of the nerve pain. Take care everyone...we are healing. Love, Colleen

Hi Whoopsie...oh how wonderful...Im so happy 4 you. I will check out your blog. Much love Colleen

wow...33 months today...congrats. You have fought so hard and have been a huge inspiration

Once again, sorry for the length of this guys.  I just need to vent it all out.  I am going to see if I can get a referral to have this kind of therapy.  I really dunno whether its the right thing to do or not.  I'm just BEYOND DISCOURAGED & finding this SO BEYOND HARD to continue to live like this ALL ALONE.  I constantly feel angry lately (just like a constant state) yet blunted, traumatized, extremely hopeless & depressed, mood swings, obsessive circular looping thoughts swimming around that I cant shut off, totally confused, cant for the life of me remember my previous life wisdom & am BEYOND DESPERATE  :'(  :'(.  I feel super-sensitive to everything but blunted  .

 

I was NEVER like this before!!!  I knew how to operate in the world before & could think straight, had learnt alot of wisdom, coping skills etc, knew who I was etc.  Now thats just all INACCESSIBLE    :'(.  Yep I had anxiety & depression.  Alot of that was situational & I accept alot of it may have been alot of other issues which are so unclear at the mo.  But now I am BRAIN DAMAGED & without much love, care or support  :'( oh goddddddddddd.  I cant even cry much.  It starts & then immediately stops.  I so wish I could just cry & have it cleanse me!!!!

 

I just wish I could just wail & sob my poor heart out good & proper.  It's never a full on proper cleansing cry.  Just loads of tears, but no relief of pain from my heart.  I honestly dunno what to believe anymore about understanding it all.  What is this teaching me - to not give a toss what others think lol?  I cared far too much about EVERYTHING before.  I had great compassion for ppl I didnt even know.

 

Are these constant feelings of anger (yet again) just "inorganic" or NOT REAL like what the Benzowise lady explains???  Or is it from all the damage to the brain & consequent trauma from going on so long AND being all alone???  It just feels like my feelings are constantly stuck in that state lately.

 

I've tried just about everything else.  Extra Sleeping, walking, good food, naturopathy, supplements, prayer, prayer clinics, taking it easy & TRYING to pace myself & god knows what else.  I feel I've been tremendously patient, but am just holding out for something that may not ever happen.  There we go with the doubt again  .

 

I firmly believe "the definition of insanity is doing the same thing & expecting a different result".  So changing my approach - I think coming at this from a different healing angle/approach might help (seeing as I've tried everything else!).

 

I'm VERY VISUAL & CREATIVE (we do tend to be venty/misunderstood types!  ) so I visualize surrounding/attacking a problem from all angles.  God it even takes so much just to formulate the words of what I want to say here-this has honestly taken me 1 hour to write this.  I feel like such an idiot but know I am not.  I'm just so tremendously frustrated with myself & the whole situation. as I know others are too.

 

I have to go over & over editing my post to get out clearly what I want to say.  I am trying BEYOND tremendously hard!!! Probably WAY too hard.  Pushing my brain far too hard but its desperation for answers/solutions that drives me.  See if I had my previous life wisdom/common sense back I could say now thats enuf, but I simply cannot see clearly anymore nor remember it  :'( which just compounds all my problems.

 

According to the research I've done on this Oxygen Therapy, its NOT just a matter of sitting back & waiting or that time is the ONLY healer (at this stage anyway).  Excuse me if I am SUPER literal, but I am - so I spose that can cause alot of misunderstandings/confusion additional to this damage!

 

Anyway, this research suggests that OXYGEN THERAPY is KEY to the brain healing quicker.  That makes a SUPER LOTTA sense to me.  I smoke (tobacco only) & can barely breathe anyway, so NO DOUBT that is NOT helping. And because of the trauma & stress of all this I've smoked like a train - even more than I used to.  I'm trying to look into getting electronic ciggies to help me quit.  God knows how I will cope with that on top of all this  . I just want to die cos I feel SOOOOOO bad & havent got much rope left.  I dont want to upset others by saying that - I just need to vent it out is all.  What I really need when I vent out feelings such as that is comfort & reliable caring reassurance or encouragement & definite reassurance - hope, solutions that work.

 

I've been at the end of my rope this whole entire time & just running out of fight or hope or motivation  :'( of EVER seeing an end to this.  I honestly just want to give up & die cos it seems nobody gives a damn to help me find solutions that actually work anyway  :'(.  People that have partners or loving supportive family are extremely lucky.  I am tremendously grateful for my Mum but she is 75 & just CANNOT cope with all this, so I am totally alone in it all which just makes me more frustrated/angry - why do others not care enuf to help??? I know others are bogged down with their own stuff but, I simply cant understand that when its suffering on this level.

 

In the meantime I seriously want to try this, as it seems my ONLY hope left.

 

HYPERBARIC OXYGEN THERAPY

 

What do others think about this as perhaps being helpful?  Is it worth a crack???

 

This sounds TRULY HOPEFUL to help heal our brains QUICKER!!!!  It seems to have helped ALOT of other ppl with traumatic brain injuries & all sorts of OTHER brain problems.  I may just have found a pioneering key to 1 day finally SHORTENING the suffering of protracted w/d??? God knows.  Anyway I hope this helps/interests/inspires others.

 

I would honestly sell my car (if I didnt owe money on it) in order to get my brain, memory of wisdom, self, heart, confidence, life & relationships back again.  PLEASE someone tell me I'm gonna be okay mentally & emotionally   :'(.......

 

It's been such a tremendously long & lonely road, FULL of strife all the way.  I am by myself, alone, scared, confused, frustrated, feel angry as hell (but blunted), depressed, anxious & desperate for some PROGRESS & REAL breakthroughs & just some1 to come along & HELP me sort all this mess out.......I just cant take this ANYMORE by myself.......I need encouragement & reassurance that will actually penetrate or EXPERIENCING some mental/emotional PROGRESS.  I WISH I could say one day I just woke up & it all changed.  I'ver certainly had PHYSICAL progress for which I'm extremely relieved.  It's just the mental/emotional that are the hardest to deal with STILL.

 

I know one thing for sure it's clear WISDOM & reliable wise steps thats gonna get me outta this.....it's so hard to hold onto faith when it's been this long.

So ANYONE - are these constant feelings of anger (yet again) just "inorganic" or NOT REAL like what the Benzowise lady explains???  Or is it from all the trauma from going on so long AND being all alone??? Or a combo of all???  And what do others think about perhaps this Oxygen Therapy helping to heal the brain quicker??? Once again so sorry for the length of this.

Sweet  RuthieAllison,

 

I care.  We care about you and I just want your symptoms to stop.  They just need to stop.  I wish I could hug you right now and I must just send my hug through this forum.  Oh Ruthie how I wish all of our symptoms would stop.  I am like you just so worn our praying and praying for relief and praying that the next morning and day would be better.

 

I was going to desperately vent on this thread this morning because I woke up before dawn in ballistic rage and it hurt so badly and I was trying to deal with it, trying not to give in to it and pace and scream because I am so worn out and discouraged about waking up with all the cycling moods just wringing me out day after day.  Yesterday was ragingly and depressingly terrible. 

 

But then you posted what is going on with you and I just felt like I needed to  write to you and just say that I don't know why we are still going through the symptoms so intensely after we are this far out on time. 

 

That was what I was going to ask everyone on this thread.  I was going to ask them about waking up this way and cycling with moods and how my thoughts are all in the past and I can't get my mind off of people and places I shouldn't even remember.  This morning I was so upset, angry, and grieved because of the movie "Dances with the Wolves," and the insensitive and dreadful things that were portrayed in that movie.  I could see the red headed actor and his insensitive role and I was out of my mind upset in my emotions and physically upset in my body.  I was thinking I am really not right in my mind because why am I thinking this way and feeling so intensely out of control and this is how I am starting my morning again?  Why aren't I just relaxed, stretching. thinking about nothing really and just getting some decaf and starting my day with projects I want to do or taking a nice walk or something?  I haven't been that way for many many months.

 

I knew that I was going to sit in the chair again and suffer. 

 

I have been trying to accept the two year mark which is several weeks away for me.  I don't no how I can even endure that, but a post was sent to me last night by a Dr. Melenis who said that most heal at two years and he said to try not to resent the symptoms because they are all about healing us.  So I was trying not to be resentful about waking up again to rage this morning and how I suffer the intense thoughts and emotions over some movie I saw a long time ago and people of the past and just depersonalized and apathetic and explosive in my body and my eyes are heavy and my forehead feels funny and on and on the symptoms go.  Oh Ruthie,  this is so very difficult to say the least for us.

 

But you talked about looking in the oxygen therapy and so I thought I had better tell you of my experience.

 

About 6 months ago I was trying different things to  try to help myself.  I tried some acupuncture and it didn't help really.  The acupuncturist thought it would be good for me to try the hyperbaric tube to oxygenate my whole body and brain for healing.  So I tried it.  It caused pressure in my head because it is like going up in an airplane sort of.  But it just seemed to cause more stress to my system then help and so I don't want to discourage you from trying it for yourself and knowing how sensitive we are to what anyone tells us, I probably am discouraging you about it but I thought I should at least tell you that I tried it once and didn't think I should do it anymore. 

 

The theory behind it is good and right.  My aunt had to have several one hour oxygen therapy sessions for healing to her gum tissue and my uncle had it done for his toes that needed healing and it does work for those things. 

 

I hope my post has not been discouraging to you.  I just don't know why this is taking so long for us and the rest on this thread to just wake up and start feeling better.  I am feeling like you right now as I don't know what to do and just trying to hang on one more hour, one more day again and I am so scared that I won't be able to hold out much longer and I am so scared of the pills and I don't think they could help me because they all hurt me.  I am scared. 

 

A lady had to come to our home today and I got in the shower because I didn't think I could cope with hearing a normal happy voice and this just grieves me as I used to be so hospitable and just happy to be with others and never saw a stranger and so I just can't believe that I am this way again today.  I am sitting here with nerve pain and just hyper and explosive with rage and irritability in my system and it doesn't make sense to be this way again this far out.  I want so desperately to be able to enjoy others like I used to.  Oh, Ruthie. . . .

 

We should be close to healing, shouldn't we be?  We should just be so close.  Please Lord, please bring relief as we have a lot of healing time behind us.  Amen.

 

I just don't know how others go this long and longer and make it through.  I don't know how to keep going in all this lonely walled off pain. 

 

The last time I had a good lift was in the mid afternoon of Dec 1.  I was just suffering the symptoms and then I had this good thought and joy came with it like it should and then I got up and cleaned out the whole garage and faced the men who were fixing our sprinklers in the yard and I was interested in what they were doing and I decorated the Christmas tree and could enjoy it and I went out to eat a hamburger.  I was in hopes that I was going to turn the corner but it was all gone by the next morning.  I have had a few half lifts at the end of January but they were just half and so brief but I will take anything. 

 

I don't understand why it has gotten so much harder the further along we get putting time behind us.  Oh Ruthie,  I hope that we will turn the corner any time soon.  Oh please dear Lord, I pray that it will happen for us like it has happened for others.  Amen.  My faith is so crushed and yet I still plead to Him. 

 

Well, I apologize for writing such a long post back but I think everyone on here will be okay with it because we have gone so very long in this withdrawal and we are all due for it to be over soon.  It should come.  It feels like it is impossible and yet that is what everyone thinks before they heal.  God please help us.

 

I am sending you a hug right now RuthieAllison, because I don't want you to feel all alone in this.  We love you, Hope4us

 

Dear Colleen, 

 

It is good to hear from you.  Yes, I have not been posting on the forum anymore because my posts are so long and so I have only been posting on my blog.  Oh, Colleen you are healing ever so gradually and yet you have been there for me.  Thank you.

I know it has been so rough for you and yet you are so good to post encouragement.  My love, Hope4us

 

Dear Rondo,  yes I can relate to what you shared.  Thank you for chiming in and posting what you are going through.  We all need a break.  We have gone so long and I thought by now we would have turned the corner.  Like a friend wrote to me last night,  he said, "One more day behind you in the bank of healing."  Oh Father, may the symptoms cease soon!  Hope4us

 

 

 

 

Sweet  RuthieAllison,

 

I care.  We care about you and I just want your symptoms to stop.  They just need to stop.  I wish I could hug you right now and I must just send my hug through this forum.  Oh Ruthie how I wish all of our symptoms would stop.  I am like you just so worn our praying and praying for relief and praying that the next morning and day would be better.

 

I was going to desperately vent on this thread this morning because I woke up before dawn in ballistic rage and it hurt so badly and I was trying to deal with it, trying not to give in to it and pace and scream because I am so worn out and discouraged about waking up with all the cycling moods just wringing me out day after day.  Yesterday was ragingly and depressingly terrible. 

 

But then you posted what is going on with you and I just felt like I needed to  write to you and just say that I don't know why we are still going through the symptoms so intensely after we are this far out on time. 

 

That was what I was going to ask everyone on this thread.  I was going to ask them about waking up this way and cycling with moods and how my thoughts are all in the past and I can't get my mind off of people and places I shouldn't even remember.  This morning I was so upset, angry, and grieved because of the movie "Dances with the Wolves," and the insensitive and dreadful things that were portrayed in that movie.  I could see the red headed actor and his insensitive role and I was out of my mind upset in my emotions and physically upset in my body.  I was thinking I am really not right in my mind because why am I thinking this way and feeling so intensely out of control and this is how I am starting my morning again?  Why aren't I just relaxed, stretching. thinking about nothing really and just getting some decaf and starting my day with projects I want to do or taking a nice walk or something?  I haven't been that way for many many months.

 

I knew that I was going to sit in the chair again and suffer. 

 

I have been trying to accept the two year mark which is several weeks away for me.  I don't no how I can even endure that, but a post was sent to me last night by a Dr. Melenis who said that most heal at two years and he said to try not to resent the symptoms because they are all about healing us.  So I was trying not to be resentful about waking up again to rage this morning and how I suffer the intense thoughts and emotions over some movie I saw a long time ago and people of the past and just depersonalized and apathetic and explosive in my body and my eyes are heavy and my forehead feels funny and on and on the symptoms go.  Oh Ruthie,  this is so very difficult to say the least for us.

 

But you talked about looking in the oxygen therapy and so I thought I had better tell you of my experience.

 

About 6 months ago I was trying different things to  try to help myself.  I tried some acupuncture and it didn't help really.  The acupuncturist thought it would be good for me to try the hyperbaric tube to oxygenate my whole body and brain for healing.  So I tried it.  It caused pressure in my head because it is like going up in an airplane sort of.  But it just seemed to cause more stress to my system then help and so I don't want to discourage you from trying it for yourself and knowing how sensitive we are to what anyone tells us, I probably am discouraging you about it but I thought I should at least tell you that I tried it once and didn't think I should do it anymore. 

 

The theory behind it is good and right.  My aunt had to have several one hour oxygen therapy sessions for healing to her gum tissue and my uncle had it done for his toes that needed healing and it does work for those things. 

 

I hope my post has not been discouraging to you.  I just don't know why this is taking so long for us and the rest on this thread to just wake up and start feeling better.  I am feeling like you right now as I don't know what to do and just trying to hang on one more hour, one more day again and I am so scared that I won't be able to hold out much longer and I am so scared of the pills and I don't think they could help me because they all hurt me.  I am scared. 

 

A lady had to come to our home today and I got in the shower because I didn't think I could cope with hearing a normal happy voice and this just grieves me as I used to be so hospitable and just happy to be with others and never saw a stranger and so I just can't believe that I am this way again today.  I am sitting here with nerve pain and just hyper and explosive with rage and irritability in my system and it doesn't make sense to be this way again this far out.  I want so desperately to be able to enjoy others like I used to.  Oh, Ruthie. . . .

 

We should be close to healing, shouldn't we be?  We should just be so close.  Please Lord, please bring relief as we have a lot of healing time behind us.  Amen.

 

I just don't know how others go this long and longer and make it through.  I don't know how to keep going in all this lonely walled off pain. 

 

The last time I had a good lift was in the mid afternoon of Dec 1.  I was just suffering the symptoms and then I had this good thought and joy came with it like it should and then I got up and cleaned out the whole garage and faced the men who were fixing our sprinklers in the yard and I was interested in what they were doing and I decorated the Christmas tree and could enjoy it and I went out to eat a hamburger.  I was in hopes that I was going to turn the corner but it was all gone by the next morning.  I have had a few half lifts at the end of January but they were just half and so brief but I will take anything. 

 

I don't understand why it has gotten so much harder the further along we get putting time behind us.  Oh Ruthie,  I hope that we will turn the corner any time soon.  Oh please dear Lord, I pray that it will happen for us like it has happened for others.  Amen.  My faith is so crushed and yet I still plead to Him. 

 

Well, I apologize for writing such a long post back but I think everyone on here will be okay with it because we have gone so very long in this withdrawal and we are all due for it to be over soon.  It should come.  It feels like it is impossible and yet that is what everyone thinks before they heal.  God please help us.

 

I am sending you a hug right now RuthieAllison, because I don't want you to feel all alone in this.  We love you, Hope4us

 

 

Hey Hope4us,

 

No you dont discourage me at all.  I really appreciate that you shared your experience!!!  I wouldnt want to go through trying to organize all of the oxygen therapy & then find yet another flop that doesnt help during benzo wd!!!  So you've saved me more crushed hope, time & $$ I simply do not have!!!  So I truly thank you for that  .

 

If anything I am just discouraged that nothing else seems to help.  I do appreciate the experience & wisdom of others sharing.  Yep it can get confusing though cos we all react so differently. I know we are all individual though so somtimes its just scary trial & error.

 

Thanks so much for your message.  I truly appreciate it & your care, empathy & compassion.  Yep here here on your prayer that we all heal near the 2 year off mark....truly thank you again Hope4 us...

 

Hugs, Ruth xoxoxo

Once again, sorry for the length of this guys.  I just need to vent it all out.  I am going to see if I can get a referral to have this kind of therapy.  I really dunno whether its the right thing to do or not.  I'm just BEYOND DISCOURAGED & finding this SO BEYOND HARD to continue to live like this ALL ALONE.  I constantly feel angry lately (just like a constant state) yet blunted, traumatized, extremely hopeless & depressed, mood swings, obsessive circular looping thoughts swimming around that I cant shut off, totally confused, cant for the life of me remember my previous life wisdom & am BEYOND DESPERATE  :'(  :'(.  I feel super-sensitive to everything but blunted  .

 

I was NEVER like this before!!!  I knew how to operate in the world before & could think straight, had learnt alot of wisdom, coping skills etc, knew who I was etc.  Now thats just all INACCESSIBLE    :'(.  Yep I had anxiety & depression.  Alot of that was situational & I accept alot of it may have been alot of other issues which are so unclear at the mo.  But now I am BRAIN DAMAGED & without much love, care or support  :'( oh goddddddddddd.  I cant even cry much.  It starts & then immediately stops.  I so wish I could just cry & have it cleanse me!!!!

 

I just wish I could just wail & sob my poor heart out good & proper.  It's never a full on proper cleansing cry.  Just loads of tears, but no relief of pain from my heart.  I honestly dunno what to believe anymore about understanding it all.  What is this teaching me - to not give a toss what others think lol?  I cared far too much about EVERYTHING before.  I had great compassion for ppl I didnt even know.

 

Are these constant feelings of anger (yet again) just "inorganic" or NOT REAL like what the Benzowise lady explains???  Or is it from all the damage to the brain & consequent trauma from going on so long AND being all alone???  It just feels like my feelings are constantly stuck in that state lately.

 

I've tried just about everything else.  Extra Sleeping, walking, good food, naturopathy, supplements, prayer, prayer clinics, taking it easy & TRYING to pace myself & god knows what else.  I feel I've been tremendously patient, but am just holding out for something that may not ever happen.  There we go with the doubt again  .

 

I firmly believe "the definition of insanity is doing the same thing & expecting a different result".  So changing my approach - I think coming at this from a different healing angle/approach might help (seeing as I've tried everything else!).

 

I'm VERY VISUAL & CREATIVE (we do tend to be venty/misunderstood types!  ) so I visualize surrounding/attacking a problem from all angles.  God it even takes so much just to formulate the words of what I want to say here-this has honestly taken me 1 hour to write this.  I feel like such an idiot but know I am not.  I'm just so tremendously frustrated with myself & the whole situation. as I know others are too.

 

I have to go over & over editing my post to get out clearly what I want to say.  I am trying BEYOND tremendously hard!!! Probably WAY too hard.  Pushing my brain far too hard but its desperation for answers/solutions that drives me.  See if I had my previous life wisdom/common sense back I could say now thats enuf, but I simply cannot see clearly anymore nor remember it  :'( which just compounds all my problems.

 

According to the research I've done on this Oxygen Therapy, its NOT just a matter of sitting back & waiting or that time is the ONLY healer (at this stage anyway).  Excuse me if I am SUPER literal, but I am - so I spose that can cause alot of misunderstandings/confusion additional to this damage!

 

Anyway, this research suggests that OXYGEN THERAPY is KEY to the brain healing quicker.  That makes a SUPER LOTTA sense to me.  I smoke (tobacco only) & can barely breathe anyway, so NO DOUBT that is NOT helping. And because of the trauma & stress of all this I've smoked like a train - even more than I used to.  I'm trying to look into getting electronic ciggies to help me quit.  God knows how I will cope with that on top of all this  . I just want to die cos I feel SOOOOOO bad & havent got much rope left.  I dont want to upset others by saying that - I just need to vent it out is all.  What I really need when I vent out feelings such as that is comfort & reliable caring reassurance or encouragement & definite reassurance - hope, solutions that work.

 

I've been at the end of my rope this whole entire time & just running out of fight or hope or motivation  :'( of EVER seeing an end to this.  I honestly just want to give up & die cos it seems nobody gives a damn to help me find solutions that actually work anyway  :'(.  People that have partners or loving supportive family are extremely lucky.  I am tremendously grateful for my Mum but she is 75 & just CANNOT cope with all this, so I am totally alone in it all which just makes me more frustrated/angry - why do others not care enuf to help??? I know others are bogged down with their own stuff but, I simply cant understand that when its suffering on this level.

 

In the meantime I seriously want to try this, as it seems my ONLY hope left.

 

HYPERBARIC OXYGEN THERAPY

 

What do others think about this as perhaps being helpful?  Is it worth a crack???

 

This sounds TRULY HOPEFUL to help heal our brains QUICKER!!!!  It seems to have helped ALOT of other ppl with traumatic brain injuries & all sorts of OTHER brain problems.  I may just have found a pioneering key to 1 day finally SHORTENING the suffering of protracted w/d??? God knows.  Anyway I hope this helps/interests/inspires others.

 

I would honestly sell my car (if I didnt owe money on it) in order to get my brain, memory of wisdom, self, heart, confidence, life & relationships back again.  PLEASE someone tell me I'm gonna be okay mentally & emotionally   :'(.......

 

It's been such a tremendously long & lonely road, FULL of strife all the way.  I am by myself, alone, scared, confused, frustrated, feel angry as hell (but blunted), depressed, anxious & desperate for some PROGRESS & REAL breakthroughs & just some1 to come along & HELP me sort all this mess out.......I just cant take this ANYMORE by myself.......I need encouragement & reassurance that will actually penetrate or EXPERIENCING some mental/emotional PROGRESS.  I WISH I could say one day I just woke up & it all changed.  I'ver certainly had PHYSICAL progress for which I'm extremely relieved.  It's just the mental/emotional that are the hardest to deal with STILL.

 

I know one thing for sure it's clear WISDOM & reliable wise steps thats gonna get me outta this.....it's so hard to hold onto faith when it's been this long.

So ANYONE - are these constant feelings of anger (yet again) just "inorganic" or NOT REAL like what the Benzowise lady explains???  Or is it from all the trauma from going on so long AND being all alone??? Or a combo of all???  And what do others think about perhaps this Oxygen Therapy helping to heal the brain quicker??? Once again so sorry for the length of this.

 

I don't think anyone can really know where the anger is coming from, but if you are feeling it, it's real.  Sometimes anger is a result of a physical problem, such as liver congestion or low blood sugar.  I get enraged when I'm having liver problems.  But it's also very understandable to feel angry because of having to go through so much suffering alone.  I'm so sorry your suffering is so unrelenting, and I sure wish I could cross the globe so I could just give you a hug and some reassurance! 

 

I know that I feel better when I get plenty of oxygen simply by breathing clean air, so I can see how the hyperbaric chamber might be of benefit.  I dearly hope for your sake that you find a way to get this therapy, and that it really helps you. 

 

:hug:

Dear Ruthie, I care too about your suffering. I truly believe we will heal in time. When I first joined the forum I spent most of my time reading the blogs that were archived. I think I did this, because I really didnt know what to write to people. By doing this I learned how individual this process can be...we all heal differently and in different time frames. I had to accept this process...that it is slow, unpredictable and unfair. Life is unfair though. I also read the blogs in buddie space. I learned a lot there too...about coping. I pretty much have known since joining the forum that it would take me quite a while to heal. Unfavorable factors for me...ct, highdose, longterm, polydrugged, and kindled. Im sorry to ramble...I had the delusional thoughts, intrusive thoughts and memoreies, agitation, flatfeeling of no happiness and that lifted for me...I dont know why...it was just gone...but the physical for me has been just agony...constant severe and drasticly life altering. But I accept it for now...I really didnt have to do anything...I just let my own brain adjust and it has. We are kind of opposite...your physical healing first and my mental healing first...lol combined wed be either pretty healthy or really sick...maybe this happens and  we have run into each other here to encourage each other...that mental and physical wd both heal in their own time, that whatever sx we have heal. I envy you your writing skills...I am just terrible at written communication...thank goodness I can speak Im sorry if this didnt help...just wanted to let you know I care. Love, Colleen 

Dear Hope4us, Im glad you joined the thread...I also envy your writing abilities...how you are able to express what you are going thru. Keep letting it out Hope...so many of us relate to how you feel. You and I are very close in time off. Im concerned about coming up on two years...the milestones are difficult...Im keeping my expectations low so Im not disappointed like I was at 1 year off and 18 months...Im just telling myself everyday I get thru is a day closer to healing. I used to ask why me? I would then respond why not me...many are suffering and surviving. I will too. So will you Hope. Love, Colleen

Ruthie, the agitation/rage was one of my top 5 worst symptoms.  It will slowly go away.

 

Patty  xo