Same symptoms everyday like clockwork.

My symptoms are always the same: shaking, burning skin, tingling pain in legs, watery red eyes with blurry vision, head pressure, extreme Fatigue, nervous around people, disoriented, all I want to do is stay in bed.

Will this ever end? Will I get my life back?

  I was off for 5 months when I cold turkeyed and it was still like this at 5 months off. This times around I'm not jumping off.

  - Bmwzw

Hi bmwzw,

I find it helpful to focus on the "Success Stories" especially those that say, "If I can do it, so can you".

You said that your symptoms happen "like clockwork".  I find this to be true myself and I find this to be to my advantage.  Why?  Because this tells me that everything out of the ordinary that I am feeling is caused by my CNS as it is "waking up" and healing.  I may not like my symptoms, but I can logically understand that I will experience them as a result of lowering my dose and getting to that "last dose". 

When I struggle, get angry, think life is unfair or ask "why me?", I get all worked up, distressed, and consequently feel out of control.  The more I get upset, the worse my symptoms are. 

I do everything and anything to make myself feel comfortable, safe, well-taken care of, nurtured, loved, sane, logical.  I do almost 99.9% of this on my own without help of loved ones because my family cannot possibly begin to understand the complexities of benzo w/d.  How do I do this?

The best thing I can do for myself is to not get caught up in any self-discussions that I will feel this way forever.  I notice that my symptoms are like clockwork.  For example, I know through experience, that I am going to wake up at 4:00 or 4:30 AM.  I know that once I wake, most likely I will start feeling a sense of dread and begin to ruminate.  I know that my symptoms come and they go.  I started to realize that if my symptoms come and go and are pretty predictable then why couldn't I learn how to ignore and/or distract myself?

I do anything and everything that will distract myself from uncomfortable feelings/sensations.  I watch tv, movies, clean house, tear apart my computers and rebuild them, search on the internet, reach out to others on BB, call a friend, go to a movie. 

Everytime that I distract myself, I find that I no longer have my mind on my symptoms.  Sometimes I do this better than others, but I can guarantee you that everytime I use distraction, I no longer have distress. 

As I respond to your post, I am completely distracted, I have no fear or intense feelings.  I feel fine.  As I start thinking about how I am feeling at this moment, my heart begins to speed up and I start wondering if I am actually going to be OK.  As I continue typing this post, the fear disappears and I feel fine. 

I take all of my symptoms as being a natural consequence of coming off a very powerful drug and that my body is doing its very best to heal.  I treat myself kindly, lovingly, and very protectively.  When I spin out and feel out of control, I turn into the spin and ride it out.  Sometimes, I end up laughing at myself for falling for the same old benzo-beast that plays tricks on my mind. 

I am beating this benzo-beast one moment at a time, one day at a time, by not paying much attention to its antics.  I think of the benzo-beast as being a very naughty, spoiled brat who simply does anything for attention.  The more I ignore the "bad behavior" of the beast, the more I am am able to get long moments of time where I discover I am not having any distress.  I repeat this over and over again during the day and the night and I find that the more I do this, the less I suffer.

I am absolutely convinced that if I am able to turn extraordinary suffering into long periods of time throughout my day and night of relative comfort, so can you!

Ignore the beast, distract yourself by doing anything other than resisting and getting angry and upset.  I promise you that this works.

hugs, KL

Thank You for that.

  I appreciate it.