10 month update

Update November 26 2011

 

Context: In August 2010, after several months of disrupted sleep (my cat), I started taking Zopiclone to help me sleep.  Three weeks later, I started having anxiety and a panic attack, which I never had before, from what may have been a side effect of the medication (inter-dose withdrawal?) and I still had disrupted sleep.

 

Medication: Over the next three weeks, the panic and anxiety attacks continued to get worse and I was given chloral hydrate, olanzapine, lorazepam, Seroquel, Epival, Nosinan, all for sleep.  Remeron was added in December.

 

Symptoms while on medication: The daily rolling panic attacks and anxiety continued to intensify in October, November, and December 2010 (but sleep improved).  By then I could barely swallow, could only drink liquids not eat solid foods, had lost a significant amount of weight, I could not speak anymore.  I lost all sensations in my body, had no hunger, thirst, did not felt the need to pee, I no longer felt pain, I could not feel my limbs, I didn’t have any sensation in my stomach, gut, or bladder, and was never sleepy, and stopped menstruating, my short term memory was severely damaged, had brain zaps, had symptoms of traumatic stress, and was no longer able to care for myself.

 

Withdrawal: By mid-December 2010, I suspected that lorazepam was causing the problems, and over the span of three weeks I tapered the lorazepam.  On January 20, 2011, I took my last dose of lorazepam, and went in acute withdrawal. Over the next several months, I felt intense withdrawal symptoms in addition to the symptoms already mentioned, however, the recurring daily pattern of anxiety and panics stopped immediately (but I did get rebound anxiety and panics, just not in the same time each day,) and in addition I had severe rebound insomnia). 

 

At the end of November 2011, these are my remaining symptoms:

 

By November 2011, 10 months after stopping the lorazepam, I continue to see gradual improvements, but I’m still very symptomatic. Other than some of the pain, I did not have these symptoms before August of last year.

 

Physically: I have outside shaking, inside shaking, shivers, my nerves feel like there are buzzing, myoclonic jerks, random nerve zaps, shudders (while in bed), my nerves feel raw, tinnitus since January, a high startle response, fast heart rate, increase blood pressure, I have a feeling of pressure at the temple I’m restlessness and still pace some.

 

Mentally / neurologically:  I never feel hunger or thirst, I have no satiety, food never tastes good, I never feel the need to urinate, I never feel sleepy but I’m exhausted, I have disrupted sleep, insomnia, poor sense of temperature, my menstruation resumed but are very irregular, I have headaches, nausea, I have an overwhe lming mental tension, poor short term memory, poor concentration, poor ability to organize, difficulty putting my thoughts together, difficulty learning, poor sense of time, thick brain-fog, derealisation, depression, anxiety, irritability, mood lability.

 

Psychologically:  PTSD, I do not have the emotional reserve to handle stress.

 

Pain: I have chronic and acute pain. Physically, what I can best describe as my sensations to pain, started returning in April 2011 after almost 8 months little or no sensation in my body. First, my entire backbone from neck down to lower back felt like I had a sharp electric current running through it, for several hours a day. I also had shooting sciatic pain in both legs, (left leg worse). In my upper body, I have nerve pain running from the shoulders blades and shoulders down to my hands on both sides (right side worse), I cannot use my arms or hands very much. I had and continue to have painful nerve twitch in my neck and muscle spasms in and around the neck and upper back several times a minute at its worse.  My right wrist burns all of the time.  I had been bedridden most of the day from April to approx. July - August because of pain and mental exhaustion.  Walking, sitting, or using my hands is painful. My arms regularly go numb.

 

In late August, very suddenly, my feet, knees, and hips started to hurt so much that for almost 3 weeks, I had difficulty walking for even a few steps (returning sensations?).  My feet now tingle a lot (burn?), and I have sensations of heat and cold at the same time, in both feet, all day most days.  My knee and hip still hurt.

 

At about the same time in August, my skin started itching from my neck down to my entire front torso, and by October, the itching sensation has spread to most of my body, along with tingling.

 

What’s better:  I have seen very gradual but significant reduction in the following symptoms since January 20, 2011:  Panics, terror, agoraphobia, intrusive memories, metallic taste, heart palpitations, resting heart rate, brain zaps, pacing, eye focus, swallowing, taste, (but I still don’t have “taste good”), shaking, jerks, sleep, voice and speech, tightness in chest, breathing, acid reflux, nausea, headaches, teeth clenching, electric burning nerve pain, my organizational skills are better but I’m still severely cognitively impaired.

 

Functionality:  Rebound anxiety, rebound insomnia, brain-fog, mental tension, nausea, headaches, pain, fatigue, nervousness, and a poorly functioning brain prevent me from being active or functional.  I still cannot cook.

 

dear wellness,

 

My heart bleeds for everything you have and are going through.  You hate to see at 10 months out someone suffering as intensely as you are.  I can only say that I hope the future is brighter for you and that one day you, too, can see through a large window that stays open.  All we can do is be here for you.

 

Hugs,

Popcornlady

I'm so sorry you are still suffering so much.  It still seems so bizarre to me that these pills could cause so much damage but we are all proof that they do.  I am right behind you and still suffering also.  I know I am much better than I was so I know this horrible experience will end someday. I really believe things will start turning around for you soon so hang in there.

Hold your head up high and keep going. You will heal and your life will be back before you even have a chance to realize it.

Hi Wellness, it's Pattylu, my hubby Ron went off the lorazepam January 15, 2011'  just five days before you.  Ron is just over 10 months, and like you has gone thru the hell of it also.  He has had changes, but very few windows.  He struggles and at times doesn't, know how much more pain, gi problems and huge wgt loss he can take; though he keeps struggling and plowing thru it as you are. Unfortunately, he was on this poison for 10.5 months.  I have tried following your posts, and two other bbs that all got off about the same time.  Just know, you are a tower of strength, as all are.  You will heal, I pray that it's not much longer for you and my Ron.  My prayers are with you.  Hugs, Pattylu

Hi, wellness --

 

I read this post with great interest.  It was very well presented and contained very detailed and technical descriptions and information.

 

I see a lot of myself in your posts.  I'd say that I don't have it as bad as you do, and think I got off a little easier.  But I do share some of your problems - only to a lesser degree.

 

Just know I'm thinking of you as I struggle a bit on my 1 year anniversary from stopping Klonopin.

 

I regret tapering too quickly.  But I feel I'm improving every few months.

 

I'd be happy to talk to you on the forum.  Start a reply here if you'd like.