23 Months Benzo free today :)

Today I celebrate 1 month short of two years benzo free.

 

I just want to encourage all of you to keep going.  The road seems very long and it's very hard,  but life does return to normal.

 

I am happy to report that I am symptom free,  totally sypmtom free  .  The last and  biggest hurdle was getting back into a normal sleeping pattern,  I am thrilled to tell all of you stuggling with sleep, that deep, restoritive , dreaming sleep does return,  and I want you all to know, it is amazing!

 

I dont' think much about benzo withdrawal anymore,  my days are pretty much filled with just normal, mundane, ordinary life stuff,  with lots of fun and love and appreciation for my healing.

 

I have so much to be grateful for,  I was in bad shape for a long time,  feeling good again is something I do not take for granted.

 

I know alot of you are suffering, and tired, and scared,  I was too.  It ends.  The days seem to go by too fast now,  I no longer dread going to bed at night ,  there is no more tinnitus, vertigo, bone pain,  no more waking with a racing heart and unbearable anxiety,  my brain has healed,  yours will too.

 

Keep the faith guys, believe in yourselves and in the process, healing does happen,  you can not stop it.  love to all  xoxoxoxoxoox  K

 

 

 

Thank you so much for this post, for it gives me hope that at some point I'll be "normal" again!

 

I get a bit freaked out and discouraged when someone who's been off for a year or two posts about how horrible they are doing after "x" number of months.

 

It's nice to know that not everyone suffers for months or years!

 

Keep up the good work. I look forward to a nice big post a month from now when you hit two years!

 

Way to go!

 

Tucson

 

Me as Day 50 of my final c/t winds to an end: 

Thanks for the optimistic words.

 

Popcornlady

offandrunning,

Congrats!  So happy for you!  Thanks for giving me HOPE!!!  Sophia

Congratulations offandrunning, I hope you add to the success story section (or if you want to I can move this there for you). It's always good to hear of these positive stories of inspiration. Thank you so much for posting your journey, how liberating to be free and healed! Congratulations 

 

 

I still like the E. Roosevelt quote in your sig line - “You must do the thing you think you cannot do.” I try to remember it when I get that “Is this ever going to end?” feeling. Thank you for this post and encouragement. Glad you are doing well.

 

eli

 

Congratulations offandrunning, I hope you add to the success story section (or if you want to I can move this there for you). It's always good to hear of these positive stories of inspiration. Thank you so much for posting your journey, how liberating to be free and healed! Congratulations 

 

 

 

thank you

Thank you so much for this post, for it gives me hope that at some point I'll be "normal" again!

 

I get a bit freaked out and discouraged when someone who's been off for a year or two posts about how horrible they are doing after "x" number of months.

 

It's nice to know that not everyone suffers for months or years!

 

Keep up the good work. I look forward to a nice big post a month from now when you hit two years!

 

Way to go!

 

Tucson

 

Me as Day 50 of my final c/t winds to an end: 

 

 

It takes time Tuscon  , but it does end.  Thanks xo

Thanks Sophia and Popcornlady,  your day of full healing will come too.

 

love to you Katie

I still like the E. Roosevelt quote in your sig line - “You must do the thing you think you cannot do.” I try to remember it when I get that “Is this ever going to end?” feeling. Thank you for this post and encouragement. Glad you are doing well.

 

eli

 

 

It ends Eli  ,  it really does,  I had many many days of thinking it wouldn't.  love to you katie xo

Katie,

 

I'm 22 months off and coming out of a bad wave that started a little over a month ago.  I can't help but wonder if the windows and waves will ever end or if there is permament chemical impairment in my brain.  can you describe how your healing went?  Did the symptoms just dissappear all of a sudden or was it just gradually, without your realizing it?  I still get a heavy uncomfortable feeling in my head/brain and I'm hoping that goes away soon!

 

 

congratulations, yu really deserve freedom. go well always, Cheers Wal

Katie,

 

I'm 22 months off and coming out of a bad wave that started a little over a month ago.  I can't help but wonder if the windows and waves will ever end or if there is permament chemical impairment in my brain.  can you describe how your healing went?  Did the symptoms just dissappear all of a sudden or was it just gradually, without your realizing it?  I still get a heavy uncomfortable feeling in my head/brain and I'm hoping that goes away soon!

 

 

 

Hi dj,  sorry you are still having awful waves.  It was all very gradual,  getting back into good sleep has been amazing for me,  I think it's the key.  HOw are you sleeping?  Are you dreaming.  It took me all the way up to last month to finally start having the real restoritive sleep that I needed.  I was sleeping,  yes,  but not deeply,  no dreaming, over the course of the last month really,  I started dreaming again,  it has been really great since then.  I had no idea that my sleep was still an issue, because I figured if I was sleeping 6 to 8 hours i was getting good sleep,  it's not the case.  It's the restoritive , dreaming sleep that we need.  I began a practice of going to bed at the exact same time every night and getting up the same time every morning no matter what,  eventually my body started getting into that cycle.  It has helped a lot.  Now,  I go to bed at the same time every night , but when I wake up,  if I want to sleep more I do.  Hope that makes some sense.

 

My guess is , you are a lot better now than you were 20 months ago,  is that correct???  This thing is really hard to get through some days, but keep moving forward, you are getting there.  Let me know how you are doing and if I can help, let me know.  love to you Katie.

congratulations, yu really deserve freedom. go well always, Cheers Wal

 

 

(((((Walmer))))))))  So nice to see you.  Thank you so much xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

 

HOw you doing?

Katie, thank you for the kind wishes.  I've heard of others that had insomnia and felt when they got back to sleeping that was the key for their healing.  For me, I've not had insomnia.  If anything I had insomnia when I was on the drug.  After my last dose, I slept....BUT, EVERY night I had vivid intense dreams.  I would wake up with my shirt soaked from sweat.  This happened every night for the first 5 to 7 months.  That doesn't sound like a lot, but for every night for that long it was a nightmare.  But that went away.  Now I have dreams and don't remember them past the first few minutes of waking.  I dreamed last night and I can recall some of the dream, but not much and so that's back to normal.  Sleeping doesn't seem to be the key for my individual healing, though I do recognize that it's a good thing that I sleep.  I did get what people have accurately called toxic naps, but that has improved greatly as well. 

 

I'm hoping I continue to improve.  I'm greatly improved from 20 months ago.  It just seems like I'm stuck at this point.  I went to a high school basketball game this past weekend and the noise, energy etc, really had my feeling dizzy, etc.  I think I'm still sensitive to stressors.  If this and the sun sensitivy would go, I think I'd be healed. 

i just wanted to say thankyou for your post, i read what you wrote and started crying.  i want so much to be able to write a success story and say im healed too.  i just cant believe this ever ends but reading your simple post has given me hope.  ive read some really scary stuff of people who sound so close to suicide from this benzo withdrawal and reading your post just gave me a really warm feeling of the good life that does come back after all this over with.  i was on 77mgs of methadone and 2 mgs of xanax and i got sent to jail,  came off both cold turkey all by myself in a cold dirty room, and was given nothing, not even a tylenol.  i still have nightmares of those thirty days in jail with only a gaurd to walk by the cell just to check and see if i was still alive. it was like a bet to them, to see what i would do, and how much i would cry and go nuts.  i thought  the worst was over when i got out of jail, only to learn it had just begun.  my doctor looked at me as if i was making all my symptoms up, and i can truly say if it wasnt for this site and words of encourgement from its members i dont know if i could of ever made it this far,  14 months and counting.  thankyou for the post and i hope you continue to live the life that you deserve.

i just wanted to say thankyou for your post, i read what you wrote and started crying.  i want so much to be able to write a success story and say im healed too.  i just cant believe this ever ends but reading your simple post has given me hope.  ive read some really scary stuff of people who sound so close to suicide from this benzo withdrawal and reading your post just gave me a really warm feeling of the good life that does come back after all this over with.  i was on 77mgs of methadone and 2 mgs of xanax and i got sent to jail,  came off both cold turkey all by myself in a cold dirty room, and was given nothing, not even a tylenol.  i still have nightmares of those thirty days in jail with only a gaurd to walk by the cell just to check and see if i was still alive. it was like a bet to them, to see what i would do, and how much i would cry and go nuts.  i thought  the worst was over when i got out of jail, only to learn it had just begun.  my doctor looked at me as if i was making all my symptoms up, and i can truly say if it wasnt for this site and words of encourgement from its members i dont know if i could of ever made it this far,  14 months and counting.  thankyou for the post and i hope you continue to live the life that you deserve.

 

((((Benny)))))  Good Lord,  I am heart broken to read what you have endured.  I'm so sorry.  14 months is really good healing time,  it does take what feels like way to long,  each day that goes by is another day closer.

 

You are in my thoughts,  Keep going,  it's going to okay.  lots of love to you  zoe xo

Katie, thank you for the kind wishes.  I've heard of others that had insomnia and felt when they got back to sleeping that was the key for their healing.  For me, I've not had insomnia.  If anything I had insomnia when I was on the drug.  After my last dose, I slept....BUT, EVERY night I had vivid intense dreams.  I would wake up with my shirt soaked from sweat.  This happened every night for the first 5 to 7 months.  That doesn't sound like a lot, but for every night for that long it was a nightmare.  But that went away.  Now I have dreams and don't remember them past the first few minutes of waking.  I dreamed last night and I can recall some of the dream, but not much and so that's back to normal.  Sleeping doesn't seem to be the key for my individual healing, though I do recognize that it's a good thing that I sleep.  I did get what people have accurately called toxic naps, but that has improved greatly as well. 

 

I'm hoping I continue to improve.  I'm greatly improved from 20 months ago.  It just seems like I'm stuck at this point.  I went to a high school basketball game this past weekend and the noise, energy etc, really had my feeling dizzy, etc.  I think I'm still sensitive to stressors.  If this and the sun sensitivy would go, I think I'd be healed. 

 

I had a lot of vertigo during all of these months of healing ,  and yes stress does seem to trigger symptoms.  I don't think you are stuck at all dj,  I think things will continue to get better,  to me it felt like fine tuning as I got further and further along in healing.  Congrats on your progress.  You are not done healing yet    xoxooxox

Thanks so much for posting. It gives the rest of us hope that we will be able to write our own success stories.  Dizziness seems to be the worst symptom for me. I'm starting to think it is something I will always have to deal with but it sounds like you had it and it went away so hopefully I'm not too far behind you.

Thanks so much for posting. It gives the rest of us hope that we will be able to write our own success stories.  Dizziness seems to be the worst symptom for me. I'm starting to think it is something I will always have to deal with but it sounds like you had it and it went away so hopefully I'm not too far behind you.

 

I had vertigo for a very long time,  it's gone    It will eventually go away,  takes some time but it does go away.

 

Congrats on your progress!!!  xoxo

I could read your story every day! it gives me so much hope...I am having a much better day so far than yesterday. I'm headed into the "good time" of the month.

 

Every time I am in having a hard time enduring, I think of you and know that this is almost over for me....I am 95% well most days, but that last 5% is what I'm really looking forward to. 

 

 

Thanks for sharing your story 

 

I'm not anywhere near 100 percent, but over the last week I've had some positive progress.  Hopefully one day I'll be feeling like you.

 

Congrats Katie, 

 

When you say vertigo; do you mean a spinny feeling?

 

 

Thanks for the wonderful success story.  I am at 14 months and still suffering so reading posts like yours is awesome.  Hope you have great days from here on

Hugs

Kristin

Oh my gosh, I am only at day 7 without benzos, each day is agony.  How do I make it through MONTHS??