Is it just me or withdrawal? Morning terror, anxiety, restlessness, need to move

Hi Got,

 

Thank you so much for posting this!!! I'm experiencing EXACTLY the same thing as you and thought I was going crazy. Everyday, I wake before my alarm, getting only 4-5 hrs sleep and just praying to doze off a little more. Most the time I can't and lay awake until having to get up and get ready for work. Luckily I'm able to still work and somewhat distract my mind from the anxiety that builds during the morning hours. Last week was the worst so far, I walked 15 mi during the week to help combat the anxiety and fear...it helps tremendously but now the pounds are really starting to melt off and I have to remember to eat more often to keep from losing too much. Just as you are, I'm scared during these hours...its the strangest thing because despite knowing that its withdrawal, the fear hangs on...only time makes it go away. Around lunchtime I start to feel better and it continues until completely dissipated by the evening. By the time I'm ready for bed I feel almost normal...thats the real torture, knowing I have to wake up to the same thing in the morning. This has been happening to me for the past year because of tolerance withdrawal. Now I'm tapering and it continues...

 

My heart goes out to you... I know if I were at home all day it would be so much worse, as I hate to be alone...I dread the weekends because of this. I have no family but a handful of friends that do their best to keep me busy...they're very special people. If it weren't for them, I would have gone completely nuts this past week. Being alone really bothers me...and I know that exacerbates the anxiety reaction. Are you able to get out? Do you have friends you can talk to? Or visit? The isolation just makes everything worse...

 

Again thank you so much for posting this, as it feels so good to know I'm not the only one that this is happening to...

 

Big hugs to you!!! XXOO

Hi Guys, thankyou again for your replies.

 

It seems I am not alone with this, but I feel so alone and when the terror hits (like it has been now for so many hours) I start doubting this is wd and I am making this terror happen, but if that is the case then surely I can stop it happening..... and I can't.

 

I just cant be still, I am going to go out and walk (pace) now and come back but when I come back it's still there.

 

It is really freaking me out.

 

Please read my initial post and comment if you can.

 

Thank you,

 

Got.

Got,

 

Look for my blog in buddie space (2 Years Out...) and read my first entry.  You'll see why I understand where you are.

Every bad thought you're having, every fear is all part of the damage benzos has done to you. It takes time for you CNS to get back up to speed and to heal. But it will happen. I promise!

 

Keep walking. Keep distracting yourself as best you can. 

 

ginger

Ginger,

 

Thank you so much for the reassurance and thank you to everyone else for replying so far on this thread.

 

I took a look at your blog Ginger and it looks like you, like all of us in our own unique way has been, or is going through, the ringer!

 

I am tired of this, yet get no rest from it, its just totally awful.

 

Ginger, did you feel total terror early on?

 

Has it subsided now?

 

I just need to know that this is going to go away for me at some point because no matter the way I think or what I do it continues the same pattern every 24 hours.

 

If anyone else reading this can relate or has some good news for me regards their own terror experience please read my post at the top of page 1 and leave your experience here please.

 

Holding on and in pain.

 

Got.

Hi,

 

Is there anyone else that can contribute to my thread?

 

I would love to hear more success stories from the terror wd symptom department.

 

Thank you,

 

Got.

Hi,

 

Is there anyone else that can contribute to my thread?

 

I would love to hear more success stories from the terror wd symptom department.

 

Thank you,

 

Got.

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Hey Got,

 

As far as the terror w/d symptoms..I am all too familiar with that symptom.  I had terror for most of all last year, but it was really really bad around the 3-5 month rage. It was ALL day there for a while. It completely consumed every waking moment. There are no words to describe how I felt during that time other than pure raw organic terror. I have explained as feeling like being on stage naked in front of my old school while waiting for a noocleer bomb. It was like an impending doom that can't be fully understood or expressed unless one hadn't gone through it.

 

Good news though...it does end and w/d will be a little more tolerable as time goes on. You will gets stops and starts and maybe even feel like you aren't healing at all, but thats far from the case.  This can be a slow process for some and it can also speed up at different times for others to where they heal fairly quickly.  The important thing to keep in mind during this process is...YOU WILL HEAL. It just takes TIME. Just hang on for this part, as it is by far the worst part of w/d in my humble opinion.

 

Chrisw

Hi Got,

I have this horrible symptom. It is unbearable. I fear the night coming because I know what the morning brings. It's like someone fills your veins with hot lava and you know its coming. I imagine that is the cortisol being released. I move, clench my fists, teeth, rock, pace, cry. It is torture! The inner restlessness is indescrible to people who have never experienced it. I understand what you are going through. I have had this for a long time now. I am exhausted yet can't be still. I describe it as receiving the worst news you could ever get and then living in that moment 24/7. I am also desparate for relief.

I am 3 months out but had this sx all through my use of ativan/valium (tolerance but didn't know it). I don't know how to survive another minute of it but God always gives me another day and I am thankful for that. I read and re-read the posts where those who are surviving this or have survived it state that "it will pass, to just hang on". It's all I have to go on. The only thing that has become better for me in the last 3 months since the cold turkey is that 3 wks ago I started to get 1-3 hours of broken sleep per night. I welcome that. I was pacing round the clock. Please hang in there. There is good advice on this thread. Try to distract. I come to this site and read and rock...sometimes cry. Thinking of you.

It's certainly w/d!  Mine has gotten a LOT better; I'm at 4 months off, but it's only happened over the last week or so.  One morning a few nights ago, I had a window of clarity, and the next morning I woke up, I was COMPLETELY relaxed!  Praise God!

 

In my first couple months, it was so bad that I would bolt out of bed, scream, cry, put on my shoes, go outside, and run and scream till I was exhausted.. couldn't shut my eyes, was completely doomed.  It gets better.

I forgot to mention that one thing that helps is when I have some sort of 'weight' on me. I have a heavy pillow that I put on top of me  (mostly my legs) to sort of hold me down, calm me down. Just tonight on another blog I saw where someone posted a web site where you can purchase a "weighted" blanket. Oh how I wish I would have known about this months ago. Anyway, I just ordered one. The heaviest they have is 18lbs. Because of the holiday season they said it would take 2 wks for me to get it. The company is based in California, I live on the east coast. I can't wait for this to arrive!! It also states that it helps with sleep. The site is www.beanblanket.com.

Maybe you have something around the house that could help, a pile of heavy blankets...anything to help stop the movement.?

 

:'(

Got, we have been thinking about you, and it's good to see you online.  How are you holding up?

 

Many hugs, and hope you're hanging in there.

 

Pommy (POM)

Hi Got,

 

Long time no see...what's up with the frowny face?

Hi Got,

 

*Hugs* to you. 

 

 

 

Tink

Dear Got,

 

I am sending you warm hugs and thinking of you.  , KL

I am still in my taper, and I have that restless, frustrating, anxious need to just pace and brush my hair over and over.  Like several of you have said, it is pure torture!  Sometimes I lay in bed and don't want to get up and face the world.  My psych doc calls this akathisia and has given me two anti-cholinergic drugs (Cogentin and Artane) to try to solve this problem.  To make a long story short, neither of them worked and each had its own intolerable side effects, so I had to get off them.  Now I am trying a mega dose of vitamin B6  (1200 mg/day--a lot!) because my husband turned up some links to articles claiming that B6 can help with this.  I hope and pray that it does, because I am losing hope.  I cried and cried this evening thinking about the horror of facing another day of this.  I can tolerate the sleeplessness and general anxiety, but this akathisia is intolerable.

 

I read this whole thread and I am deeply grateful to you folks who have said such comforting and inspiring things. 

The vitamin B6 may actually be working!  I've taken 3 doses of 600 mg so far, and (though it may just be due to a crappy night's sleep) I am not nearly so twitchy and restless this morning.  I even got a few useful things done, like making the bed and doing the dishes.  I am not pacing all the time. Maybe this will work...I can only hope so!

Got--has the restlessness improved for you??  I had it bad when I cut too fast and had to reinstate. Now it's gone and I am holding at this dose. I am scared about what will happen when I resume my taper.

 

A new one- thanks for your pm. Glad to hear the b6 is working for you. Keep us posted.

 

Tina

I am still in my taper, and I have that restless, frustrating, anxious need to just pace and brush my hair over and over.  Like several of you have said, it is pure torture!  Sometimes I lay in bed and don't want to get up and face the world.  My psych doc calls this akathisia and has given me two anti-cholinergic drugs (Cogentin and Artane) to try to solve this problem.  To make a long story short, neither of them worked and each had its own intolerable side effects, so I had to get off them.  Now I am trying a mega dose of vitamin B6  (1200 mg/day--a lot!) because my husband turned up some links to articles claiming that B6 can help with this.  I hope and pray that it does, because I am losing hope.  I cried and cried this evening thinking about the horror of facing another day of this.  I can tolerate the sleeplessness and general anxiety, but this akathisia is intolerable.

 

I read this whole thread and I am deeply grateful to you folks who have said such comforting and inspiring things.

 

I haven't found anyone who had any good results from taking supplements or vitamins within 6 months of completing their taper. You might want to consider not taking anything until your CNS is more stablized. We seem to be oversensitive to B vitamins in particular. It's really best to just let your brain heal on its own. Hang in there! I know it's terrible but you will survive.

 

g

Got,

 

Let us know you are ok...haven't heard from you for a while.

 

Robb

Hope you are doing okay, Got!  Please check in when you can.

 

Hugs,

POM

I hope this person is ok. I am concerned.

Write back we are worried about you!

Have you tried keeping the window cracked at night? That helped me this morning....no heart palpitations/anxiety

Hey Got just read your blog please let us know you are ok the same thing is happening for me i hate it worried about you

 

 

Lizzy

Didn't end up having much luck with the vitamin B6 after all, so I am now off it.  Fortunately, it didn't seem to have any withdrawal effects.