Is it just me or withdrawal? Morning terror, anxiety, restlessness, need to move

Hi,

 

I am 4 months out, I have had many symptoms during tolerance (7 months), re-instatement (1 year) and now that I am 4 months out, while a lot of symptoms have lessened or gone away, the most disturbing ones for me have not and they are......

 

Morning terrors which last sometimes till mid afternoon, they mostly are not there in the evening.

 

These are coupled with anxiety, restlessness and the need to move or pace around.

 

I am "tired" of this now, I don't see an end to this now and would quite welcome a natural death in my sleep so I don't have to go through these horrendous feelings in the morning again.

 

It just goes on and on.

 

I am realtively comfortable when I go to bed but after "sleep" it just starts again.

 

Is this just me or is it withdrawal?

 

I am looking for positive re-assuring comments here form fellow sufferers who have been through this and they have gone away.

 

How long did it take to go after jumping off the benzo?

How did you cope whilst having them?

Did they go away overnight or was it gradual?

Is it caused by massive amounts of Cortisol, do you have proof?

Can you add anything to re-assure me?

 

These are my main and MOST troubling syptoms, I am losing hope, I am beginning to think I will have to live like this forever and to be honest there is no way that that can happen, I also have many intrusive memories of loads of things in my life and I don't know if this is connected or not, everything is just so scary and I am totally fearful, but not frozen with fear, that I would welcome rather than the restlessness.

 

I could go back to work if it was not for these symptoms, I could deal with the rest.

 

I am physically on my own with this horror, I have nobody to hug me or tell me it will get better!

 

Please help.

 

Got.  :'(

Hello Got,

 

We are here for you. Here is a cyber hug ((((Got to Beat This)))  . I have that restless feeling and sometimes taking an epsom salt bath helps for a while. I get to where I am unable to be still. I have to move. I do have a husband here and when it gets really intense he will rub my back or play with my hair. Having him close is calming. Sometimes I just sit while he touches when I am unable to lay down.

 

The restlessness is not easy to experience. It sounds like it goes on for way to many hours and that it is cycling. It happens every morning. I get inner tremors that cycle like that. I get them every morning.

 

I wake with fear and worry too. That is very common. I understand you are hurting and want relief. I am wondering if a calm relaxing massage or a warm jacuzzi may help?

 

I care. We all care. I go to physical therapy 2 times per week and most of the time the relaxing touch they do is calming to me for a while.

 

Love,

Summer  :

Summer,

 

Thankyou for your ((())), here is one back (((Summer)))

 

I have tried a bath but it made no difference, I had to get out because of the restlessness.

 

I try to do physical therapy on myself in the leg area but that does not really help either, to be honest I have not found anything that helps, its so torturous, I cant stand it.

 

I really dont know what to do and I have nobody to just hold me, and to care.

 

It's the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with and if I remember rightly it started happening about a month after the valium along with other stuff, I just cannot stand it, it must be the benzos but how long will this take, it disgusts me.

 

Thank you again for your kind words.

 

Got.

Hi gottobeatthis,

I truly feel your pain. I tapered too soon last year and just wanted to die! I couldn't believe months after not having the benzo in my system I could still be suffering, so I had to reinstate too. I had and have many of the things you describe.  The unbridled terror during that time was indescribable but I know you know.  You didnt mention what benzo you were on and how long your taper was?  I know I figured out after 4 months that I was in protracted w/d but all but one doctor wouldn't believe me. My own doc, bless her heart, did and she is supporting me now with the taper. Have you read Benzo-Wise? It is a recovery manual and the author went through a really tough time, but pulled through and has some amazing insight.  Good luck to you!!!

amb

((( Got )))

 

Hello I just wanted to say.. You hang in there and remember ..You know YOU! No1 and no w/d can tell you different. This w/d is a beast and a lier. Dont listen just fight. Your going to be so happy again .This ends and every aspect of your life becomes Bright. Your a fighter dont forget that. I believe there are true Rewards that will come out of this. Were here for u...

 

~Jenny

Hi Amb,

 

I have read Benzo-Wise, I try to do the postive affirmation stuff and other things, it's so hard though, I am in a lot of physical pain too, especially in legs and neck and I pace too, it makes no sense.

 

I was taking 20mg of valium throughout the day for 7 months'ish to "help take the edge off" side effects from an AD, I was prescribed for a bit of anxiety that I now know was due to a simple life stressor.

 

Then I was ct'd, it was only at that time I realised it was the Valium because i got so much worse.

 

I re-instated after 9 weeks and tapered for a year and now I am 4 months off.

 

The terror, restlessness, increased anxiety, has remained throughout, I think it started after being on Valium for one month.

 

It's a nightmare, one I want to end NOW!

 

Thankyou for replying to my thread.

 

 

Jenny, thankyou so much for your reply, and thanks for your support in chat, it means a lot, your re-assurance is greatly received.

 

I hope that more Buddies can chime in as soon as they can!

 

Got.

 

 

((( Got )))

 

Hello I just wanted to say.. You hang in there and remember ..You know YOU! No1 and no w/d can tell you different. This w/d is a beast and a lier. Dont listen just fight. Your going to be so happy again .This ends and every aspect of your life becomes Bright. Your a fighter dont forget that. I believe there are true Rewards that will come out of this. Were here for u...

 

~Jenny

 

Ditto!

 

What you're experiencing is classic withdrawal.  It can take a while to clear up completely but you WILL recover! You will.  It just takes time.

Hi Got to beat this!

 

Sorry to hear you're going through a tough time. I feel your pain. Everything you mentioned I can relate to, especially the morning anxiety. Anxiety was the reason why I started taking benzos in the first place.

We have to keep on fighting and one day we will be totally free again, I am sure about this!!

 

All the best!

 

From 'Leave'

Hi Got,

Hear me sweetie. You are going to make it - we all are going to get through this. It has truly been our darkest hours, but it won't own us, doesn't control us, and has to leave us at some point. For some, it is more difficult and the end just doesn't seem in sight - but there is an end. I know what you are feeling, but it's going to let go. Some days, to get through a day - it is getting through the hour, then the next, and so on. So we live like this one day at a time, try not to look at yesterday or tomorrow - focus on today. At the end of the day, it was painful and hard - but we made it - and we are closer to our recovery. That has been my own strategy for the hard days - finding a way to get through the day because I know my recovery day is coming and it will come for you too. Hang on! Good luck to you.

amb

I quit alcohol in December and jumped from a 3 week reinstatement on January 21st.  The symptoms you listed were the worst ones for me and the most prominent.  February and March were okay but by mid April things became really bad for me.  So that would been about month 3 or 4.

 

The morning anxiety was awful and it was always there no matter what I did each morning.  I seemed to sleep rather well but as soon as 7am rolled around I was unable to lay in bed.  I had to get up and pace around a bit, often with nausea that would cause me to dry heave or even vomit.  I remember waking up around 3am or so and wishing that morning wouldn't come, grateful that I had a few more hours before hell started over again.  There was this horrible feeling of dread every morning where I didn't know if I had the strength to make it through the day. As the weeks wore on, this feeling of dread seemed to get worse because I was getting so mentally frustrated with the mornings.

 

Around mid May my mornings got better rather quickly.  I was caught off guard and almost shedding tears of joy that I was finally able to lay in bed an extra hour without that intense feeling.  It felt like I entered a new chapter in my healing.  Many people report experiencing the worst of the withdrawals somewhere between months 3-6, and that was definitely the case for me.

 

Your mornings will get better.  It could be gradual or it could be sudden.  You can't prevent it from occuring but you can help yourself endure it.

 

- Get out of bed as soon as you wake up

- Get some food in you, force some in if you have to.  Carnation Vanilla Instant Breakfast was a quick way for me to fill my stomach and get much needed vitamins.  It also eased my anxiety about my body wasting away.

- Go for a jog or walk

- Come back and read positive stories or affirmations.

 

Doing this every morning probably didn't speed up my recovery, but it did help me to endure the torture a tiny bit.  I have had bad mornings during my later waves but nothing compared to months 3 and 4.  That was the worst.

wtbna,

 

Does it feel like a surge of adrenaline? Like adrenaline is moving through your body?

Hi all who have replied since I last wrote, I can't think just now to write replies but thanks so much for your re-assurance, I really need it right now, as the terror is here in full force. I can't stand it. I don't know if it is adrenilan, I have had it once or twice during my normal life for real reasons, obviously it didnt last long because the "reality problem/moment" went away as it is supposed to. IE getting a fright about something serious. All I do know is that the same feeling is happeneing for no reason around me and it goes on for hours and hours. I have had to stop typing and move around about six times while writing this so far. Is it cortisol/adrenilane because of wd? I dont know, which is the reason why I have posted this thread in the first place. I feel the urge to move, pace but even after I do that, the urge does not stop. Its like an inner torture.

 

I need re-assurance from you guys, I would also like to hear from buddies who either once felt like this and it went away (and when) and also buddies who have the same ongoing problem.

 

The fear I have as well is totally through the roof, I can't get rid of it.

 

Got.

O Got.. Im so sorry what your going through..

At month 4 and 5 I got what is called Akethesia.. Its when u have to pace,Like extreme bouts of Internal

Energy not good energy,Like massive adreniline.. It was awful I wanted to jump literly out of my body.

But I didnt know what this was cause I didnt find BB till I was month 7, So it creeped me out!

But its kinda normal in this w/d ,Try not to get to worried ,This ends that Fear and constint paceing..Hang in there Got... Your going to be all normal again it just takes alittle time and everything works itself out again,

You will be so calm and filled with relief .. Over nomore w/d ..Just keep pushing foward ok...

 

Ur friend ~Jenny

I have the terror in the morning, every single morning upon awakening. It jolts me out of sleep (SUPER early) and feels like someone has kicked me in the stomach. I feel breathless from it. It's an AWFUL feeling. Also get the "I'm going crazy" stuff some during the daytime. That's awful as well. Makes me feel like I need to get up and move or pace around. I hate the terror- hate it, hate it. It's the scariest thing I've ever felt or dealt with in my entire life. Toss in all of the aches and pains that go along w/ this nightmare and it's just a HUGE mess.

 

I'm sorry you're having to deal with this as well. Hang in there. The fear/terror will get less and less as time passes and you'll eventually have no more organic fear. All will be well again.

 

Much love, ((HUGS)) and healing, lamberfn

I think the morning terror is pretty common for many of us.

Yes, I have it.. it's no fun at all. Some mornings, I have to get up and move immediately.

Other mornings.. I just lay in bed waiting for it to pass. This past two or three days I have had it bad.

I suppose over time it does subside.

 

Hang in there!

 

Billy.

Is it cortisol/adrenilane because of wd?

 

yes it is - it's probably worse in the morning, right?  Stay away from all stimulants (caffeine, sugar). Exercise as much as you can. Pacing is fine, as long as it's productive! i.e., clean the house, go for a walk, etc.

 

I need re-assurance from you guys, I would also like to hear from buddies who either once felt like this and it went away (and when)

It lasted for me about 3 months but then subsided. I still occasionally get bouts of restlessness and anxiety but it always passes.

 

The fear I have as well is totally through the roof, I can't get rid of it. I know, it's terrible, isn't it?  But knowing that it's part of your process should help you cope until this phase of your w/d is over. Just ride it out as best you can; reassure yourself that it's just w/d, there's nothing to be afraid of, it will pass. You'll have to work really hard at distracting yourself and not letting your fear get the best of you, but you can do it!

 

Got.

hang in there!

ginger

Hi Got,

 

When I made my last cut (think it was too big) I got just what you're describing. I felt like I was going to jump out of my skin for about 10 days. It got gradually better. I think exercise really helped me. I would do 20 or 30 minutes of aerobic dance, then stretch and I would feel better for a while.

 

It is definitely adrenaline. It wont last. Try to keep moving if you can. As ginger suggested stay away from all stimulants...including starches, like bread, rice or potatoes. They turn into sugar once they get into the digestive system.

 

I cooked and cleaned a lot when I was having this feeling. It just felt better to be doing something. There were days I was exhausted from doing so much but that was good. It always felt better to be tired.

 

I'm sorry you're going though this. I know what it's like and I understand why you're feeling so freaked out by it. I think it's been my most unpleasant symptom so far. 

 

It will go away. Look for gradual improvement.

I'm new at this, so don't have much advice.  But wanted to send ((((((((hugs))))))) and encourage you to keep on fighting.  Your body is slowly healing.  Try not to think too much about getting past today.

It is all normal, the ups and downs, the waves and then windows, and it frankly is the most frustrating part of the recovery, when I was at my worse I would expect it, be prepared for it and muddle thru, but once one gets down the line towards healing and gets those hours, days, even a week or two of  'hey I feel pretty good' to only then get slammed right back to day one...well it's just hard to deal with............

 

but what I can say is that even though it's hard to be optimistic all the time

and getting slammed does bring on the negative thoughts...

from all the posts and from personal experience, I KNOW we will beat this thing yippee

 

so the only thing we need to do is to "keep on keeping on" cool

 

thanks,  LK

Feel better.

Thank you all for your replies,

 

I need to know that this is temporary.

 

I need to know that this will end and everything I used to deal with in life so easily will come back to me

 

Thank you so much for all your replies so far.

 

Got.

Hi Got,

 

I'm experiencing this now too. Except I can't sleep at all so I get no relief, ever. This has come out of nowhere. I am 3.5 months off and except for the sleeplessness, I have been pretty good. This being slammed with symptoms is so out of the blue. I hope this means we are healing. I am not sure I could endure this for years. I feel very desperate. I hope you get relief soon.

 

Jittery

Again, thanks for the replies, I am off to bed now and apart from sore legs, neck, tinnitus and some mild anxiety I am feeling not too bad.

 

BUT, like groundhog day, this feeling will dissapear and I will be back in the state I was as per the top of page one on this thread.

 

I hope while I am "sleeping" more buddies will post re-assuring comments with regards to thier experience with this horrendous problem.

 

Hang on in there!

 

Night night.

 

Got.

Dear Got

I am 16 weeks off and I DREAD the mornings too. I sleep pretty well these days. Broken sleep but usually 6-9 hours. But when I wake up its like WHAM! Anxiety, depression and the dread of having to hold on another day. Sigh. I got slammed by a big wave of body sx and depression. My thoughts are all over the map. Hang in there. It WILL get better. Read the posts of others who are ahead of us. They say the mornings were hard but that it got better. It will be the same for us. Keep us posted the minute you feel better in the AM ok?? Its gonna happen.

 

Thank you for all the replies.

 

I do appreciate them, is there any others who experience this horrendous part of withdrawal?

 

Please read my intial post.

 

Thank you,

 

Got.