Incessant anxiety. Is this "normal?"

Hi all. I'm on Day 13 of a reinstated c/t and things just seem to get gradually worse day by day. My anxiety is with me constantly, even when I do things to try and take my attention off it. (I'm having to type a few words at a time, pause and take a deep breath because of the anxiety overwhelming me right now, and then resume typing...) Is it "normal" to feel non-stop anxiety? I'm lucky to have avoided any panic attacks, but the incessant anxiety just really exhausts me, emotionally.

 

I c/t'd for 47 days in April and May before anxiety issues led me to take "occasional rescue doses" that led to my essential full reinstatement from mid-June until resuming the c/t on September 7. I remember anxiety coming and going during the 47 days of my previous c/t attempt, but I don't recall anxiety that just doesn't go away. This c/t is very different than the last -- no d/p, no d/r, no tight jaw, no tinnitus, just anxiety, anxiety, anxiety.

 

Has anyone else experienced this?

 

Me on Day 13 of a reinstated c/t:  :'(

 

Tucson

 

I was thinking about you just today, wondering how you were doing.  I'm not surprised to hear this CT is different than the last, I've heard that's the case with tapers too.  I had the anxiety as well, in fact, I couldn't log into BenzoBuddies much, even after I found it because being on the computer was torture. 

 

I'm glad you've kept the panic at bay, just keep using the tools we all should have used instead of reaching for a drug.  You can do this Jac, keep pressing forward, because that's the only way to be free.

Thanks, Pamster, for the words of encouragement. Yes, this c/t is so different than the 47 days in April and May! Then, I had all sorts of stuff going on and now it's just overwhelming anxiety. I will push on. I have no choice. My wife got rid of stash of Valium, so there's no option for "occasional rescue doses" that led me astray in late May.

 

Whew! It's hard to focus on what I'm writing! I'm hanging in there...

 

Again, thanks for your kind words.

 

Jac in Tucson

 

Me on Day 13 of my reinstated c/t:  :'(

Be strong. Wishing for luck isn't necessary: it's strength you need. I wish you strength in this challenge.

Well, dang it, I posted here two days ago about my anxiety and I'm still no better! This isn't very fun!

 

Tucson

 

Me on Day 15 of a reinstated c/t:

I've had non-stop anxiety as well.  Had it during my entire taper which took a year and now I'm 5 months off and its still with me.  Not that your's will last that long, mine just is.  I"ve talked to several people that had this non-stop anxiety every day and they got better.  Some days I let it overwhelm me and I scream, cry, rant and rave.  But one woman told me she would just lay on her floor and every time she tried to get out of control she would just keep saying she could do it.  Yes, the anxiety/panic is the WORST symptom in my opinion, but I've been reassured time and again that eventually it does pass.  We just have to figure out a way to get through the days with our new best friend - Anxiety.  Yes, its very exhausting to say the least.  I feel your pain, I truly do.  Mine lasts all day and some days its just straight panic.  But, I've somehow managed to get through it, and must continue doing so.  I distract a whole lot.  I do puzzles and stained glass.  No, nothing seems to take it away...distraction, mediation, self-talk, walking, etc.  So, that tells me its for sure BW.  We WILL heal, I'm hanging on for dear life and you will to.  Keep telling yourself it's your brain trying to heal from the drugs.  Every minute, every hour, every day, we are one step closer to getting our brain back to working properly. Its mis-firing right now which is why we get so much anxiety.  I'm so sorry you are suffering, and again I'm right there with you on this one!  Take care of yourself!

 

P

I was up longer than usual yesterday. Usually I go to bed about 9 p.m. and end up dozing off and hour or two later. However, I got hooked on a cheesy B-grade movie on HBO last night and ended staying up until 11. I noticed that as I got more and more tired my anxiety seemed to lessen.

 

I don't know why, but there were periods between 10 and 11 p.m. when I felt very brief "windows" of clarity and the anxiety just disappeared, only to return a few minutes later. I don't know if this is "normal," and I was surprised to get those brief glimpses of "the old me" on my 17th day, but it really encouraged me! I feel like crap again today, but just remembering how it felt for a few minutes to feel "normal" makes me hope that things will slowly get better.

 

Onward through the haze...

Me on Day 18 of a reinstated c/t: 

 

Tucson

 

I've had those exact moments of clarity which are eventually taken over by anxiety. It can be pretty scary, I understand that all too well. Before jumping, I had weeks where I thought I was going to stay that way forever since I hadn't seen a change, but every time I made a cut I felt better. Even though I had physical symptoms, my anxiety was greatly reduced the day after I jumped. It's back now, though, so those of us who feel this should keep reminding ourselves that what we're feeling is pure withdrawal, that are bodies are healing, and we'll get through this.

Shane:

 

So you're now three days off! Congratulations. From here on out, it all changes. I'm 21 days out and looking back at short period I can already see that I've gone through a lot of little changes in just the first three weeks. Anxiety didn't bother me at first, but it came out of nowhere and it's my biggest struggle now.

 

I wish you success as you move into a new life free of benzos!

 

Tucson

 

Me at the end of Day 21 of a "reinstated c/t":

Thanks, Tuscon. I'm hoping for the best, and trying to prepare for what's to come.

 

21 days is a lot. Before you know it you're going to have 151! If you can ct, then I know you can make it through the healing process.

Thanks, again. I'm now out to Day 23 and still hanging in there. The momentary relief I got on Monday is gone, gone, gone. The anxiety is back and waking me up at 3 a.m. every single morning. It's like an alarm clock -- plus or minute 15 minutes or so I can count on that anxiety to shake me from bed. I just go into my home office where I have a couch and kick back and ride this storm-in-a-body out as best as I am able...

 

This ain't no fun!

 

Tucson

 

Me as Day 23 begins to wind down:

Well, what can I say? When I wrote this I thought the anxiety would pass. Now I'm at Day 27 and if anything it has gotten worse! Will this ever end?

 

Tucson

 

Me on Day 27 of a c/t: 

Hi Tucson,

 

I can't offer you much apart from you are not alone, I also re-instated because of various symptoms from a cold turkey and the main reason why was because of the relentless anxiety I was having from the moment I woke to mid-afternoon'ish. I am now about 4 months off after a long taper and the anxiety is still there everyday, I overbreah as a result of it, I feel restless and cant sit still and I have to get up and walk around, it's an undescribeable horror.

 

I hope it lessens in time for you, I really do.

Thanks. I've never been able to successfully taper. I did a c/t in 2000, another in 2004, and then another one in April/May. Every single one of those found me reinstating after anywhere from 16-23 days. I think we hit a real "hump" at about the 2-3 week mark as the last bits of benzos leave our system and we're faced with hanging on while our brain struggles back to life. I finally realized the last time, in April and May, that it was getting past that 16-23 day period that is crucial. I'd made it a collective total of 47 days in April and May, but looking back I reinstated at about 16 days for 2-1/2 days and then resumed the c/t, but another 2-3 weeks after that I began allowing myself to take "occasional rescue doses." At first it was every 4-5 days, and on those days I took a rescue dose I didn't include that day in my c/t total. But there was no way I did 47 straight days. That 16-23 "hump" just kept rearing its ugly head.

 

This time I pushed hard through that period, which like clockwork began on Day 16 and, to be honest, is still going on at my 34th day. Fortunately, I've had a couple of days with brief windows and that's given me the strength to keep on pushing through this. I don't know how long this second phase last. It seems to get worse and worse, and I am only driven on my the hope that in time the two brief windows I've had will come back for longer periods, and more frequently.

 

I truly feel at times as if my emotions are just going to rip me apart. And my mental well-being? I've come real close to thinking I was having a "psychotic break" and losing my mind. I just somehow hung in there and it passed. Things seem worse when I can't sleep, and those nights of two hours of sleep are almost always followed by days of near-psychosis, overwhelming anxiety, d/p and d/r, and I literally have to hang on from minute to minute.

 

This ain't fun...but it can be done. Just don't give up.

 

Hang in there!

 

Tucson

 

Me on Day 34 of my final c/t: 

Dear Tucson:

 

I am sorry you are still having so much anxiety.  I totally understand.  I have the same problem-the worst problem for me.  I hope you can get some sleep tonight and that tomorrow is better for you.

 

Jenn

OMG, I first posted this back on Day 13 of my current c/t! It's been 28 days and the anxiety is still with me constantly! Will this ever pass? It keeps me up until the early morning hours, so I'm dealing with both anxiety that never ceases and a chronic lack of sleep!

 

Help! This is driving me crazy...

 

Tucson

 

Me as Day 41 of a c/t winds to an end: