I'm new here - 16 months off & need reassurance

My name is Ruth & although I may be new here, I am 16 months off.

 

Need reassurance I am losing hope!!!!!!

 

 

16 Feb 2010-start of 2.5 mnth taper. 1mg Clonaz to 5mgs Diaz - PDoc 3/4 cold turkeyd me, but I didnt know.

 

SEVERE & Protracted W/D.  16 months off:  Disconnected from myself, Dysphasia, Shaky CNS.  Shell-shocked - mentally & emotionally.  Muscles weak, & Nerve Pain.

 

 

Hi Ruth,

 

Welcome to BenzoBuddies, although I wish it were under better circumstances.

 

You'll find some members here who are in the same position as you, still experiencing symptoms at 16 months off. I myself am only in my 9th month, but others will drop by this thread and post to you.

 

You can also use the search box at the top of the forum to find topics others have posted previously about waiting for healing at the 16 month mark. The important thing to remember is that healing WILL occur, even though it is a waiting game for some people.

 

All the best 

Princezz

Hi Ruth,

 

I'm so sorry you are having so many problems after being off the meds for so many months.

 

I'm still tapering so don't have any suggestions but I think there will be others in a similar situation that will post.

 

Also there is a chat room.  Above Post Reply, there is green area, the chat is the 4th one over, just click on it and you'll be in. It will show you how many people are in the chat room and their site names.

 

Hoping your symptoms lessen soon.

 

Pacey

Hi Ruth,

I am so sorry for you. I can feel your desperate cry.  Sweetie, this is going to be over soon. You are going to make it and you are going to get your life back. For some it takes this long. I have been where you are, also because of tapering too fast (but didn't know). I reinstated when I figured out what was happening and am currently tapering. As I come down in my dose, I have some of the terrible symptoms, but because I know now what is happening and that it could be a long ride (none of us knows how long our benzo journey will be). I read as much as I could and educated myself and it really took a lot of the fear out of it. I read Benzo-Wise, A Recovery Manual - it took the author a long time also, but he pushed through once he knew what he was dealing with. It gave me hope. It will give you hope as you read the posts here of so many who made it through. I'm on here most days to give myself hope, but also to encourage others because I myself receive so much encouragement.  I also get the CNS shakiness and weird sensations in my head, and some days have to beat fear off with a stick - I hate it. But, we are going to survive Ruth and we are going to be stronger than because of it. Blessings to you my dear.

amb

Ruth,

 

I didn't know either and ended up going to a detox facility.  Don't even get me started on doctor ignorance in regards to benzos!

 

You have 16 months behind you now and are more than likely very close to realizing big improvements in your healing.  It is so scary to get further and further out and to try to not let your mind start wondering if it will ever end.  But be aware that you are still within the 6-18 month healing window Ashton talks about and a lot can change in just 2 months.

 

Don't lose hope Ruth, there is really no reason to.  I have not read anything that says we don't heal.  It just takes longer for some people.  Try to look back and realize improvements that have happened.  The brain is very complex and people who have suffered brain traumas in general take a long time to heal.  But our brains have an amazing ability to come back from injuries, so please keep the faith in your healing ability.

 

We get worn down and discouraged when something takes this long, causes so much suffering in the interim, and has such a disabling effect on our lives.  But as I said before, I think you are nearing the finish line, you just have to hang on a bit longer.

 

I want to welcome you to this forum and be sure to ask questions as there are several protracted people here who can offer you advice and support.

 

Sorry all I didnt get any email to let me know someone had replied.  I only happened to revisit my posts & find all your replies tonight!  Thank you all for your empathy & reassurance (I still need heaps though!!!).  I live by myself & trying so hard to keep faith & researching every waking moment to try & find solutions - SAFE ONES that work.  The deepest depression has set in recently that I have EVER experienced in my life, combined with excessive Cog Fog - sooooo frustrating.  I think I've actually hit mental & emotional burn-out now from fighting so hard for so long.  I dont feel I have ANY resources or strength left.  I believe thats from fighting so intensely from the doc-induced 3/4 cold turkey & consequently the severe & protracted withdrawal symptoms, as well as the sheer duration & intensity of it all.

 

Yep its 7 weeks til I hit the 18 month mark off.  I know many ppl who say its between 18months to 2 years PLUS.  How disheartening.  I'm GRATEFUL there IS a timeframe though.  Because hanging on gets extremely hard to do every day without a time frame.

 

I'm trying to force myself out for walks to help the weak/shaky muscles but boy I feel like a stunned mullet trying to drag along a dead horse.  Like I'm the walking dead.  I just need to experience some SIGNIFICANT results & feel some strength come back.  Perhaps I've been fighting & researching too hard, but I'm sure others will understand its the desperation that drives us...

Hi Ruth,

I am so sorry for you. I can feel your desperate cry.  Sweetie, this is going to be over soon. You are going to make it and you are going to get your life back. For some it takes this long. I have been where you are, also because of tapering too fast (but didn't know). I reinstated when I figured out what was happening and am currently tapering. As I come down in my dose, I have some of the terrible symptoms, but because I know now what is happening and that it could be a long ride (none of us knows how long our benzo journey will be). I read as much as I could and educated myself and it really took a lot of the fear out of it. I read Benzo-Wise, A Recovery Manual - it took the author a long time also, but he pushed through once he knew what he was dealing with. It gave me hope. It will give you hope as you read the posts here of so many who made it through. I'm on here most days to give myself hope, but also to encourage others because I myself receive so much encouragement.  I also get the CNS shakiness and weird sensations in my head, and some days have to beat fear off with a stick - I hate it. But, we are going to survive Ruth and we are going to be stronger than because of it. Blessings to you my dear.

amb

 

Thanks Amb.  Your DEFINITE words manage to penetrate somehow.  You're wise in tapering slowly.  I thought I was doing that too & didnt find out to ages later that the PDoc had given me the wrong dose when transferring from Clonaz to Diaz.  I sure hope you don't have the hellish ride I've had.  You shouldnt seeing as you're going slowly.  I wish you all the best....xoxoxo

During the 16 months period, your s/x have been aggravated? Did you consider taking some supplements like valerian root?

During the 16 months period, your s/x have been aggravated? Did you consider taking some supplements like valerian root?

 

No I havent tried Valerian Root.  I'm on just about every other supplement out there though (Magnesium, Fish Oil, Vit C, Total Aminos)!  Thats incredibly tough being on such an insanely tight budget.  I've tried many supps and some have just made things worse (Sun or L-Theanine) which is super scary .  I've tried loads of Homeopathic Tinctures too none of which I really feel helped much.

 

I feel that the supps I am on now are DEFINITELY helping (especially the Magnesium) & not causing any additional problems at least.  I just want the rest of what I have left to go....like the deepest depression has descended upon me now on TOP of the Cog Fog/Confusion & I just cant think straight or remember my previous life lessons.... those have GOT to be the worst!!!  My balance has gotten worse again & the head dizzy has returned somewhat.  I'm so grateful for what HAS gone.  I'm just beyond burnt out mentally/emotionally/physically from so much intense & long fighting.  I keep praying for encouragement & for God to restore me. I just want this over & done with already.  I've been more than patient & enduring.  I am hoping Acupuncture will help with the Dysphasia at least...but lord I wish something wld help with the Depression/Anxiety & Cog Fog/Confusion!!!

Hi Ruth,

 

Sry to hear your still feeling crappy. I have seen alot of ppl who have CT'd benzos, and for some reason the 2 year mark they just woke up feeling like thier old selves again. hang in there, your day will come too.

 

Chris

Hi Ruth,

It was so good to hear from you. I kept checking back to see if you had replied and how you were doing. I've thought of you every single day!!!!! You are in my prayers.  I know that when I was in protracted withdrawal, any type of exercise seemed to help. I see you are doing some of that.  I think it is the endorphins must mute the lack of gaba.  I have a stationery bike and I ride about 30 miles a night. Many times I am lightheaded when I start out, but about 30 minutes into it, I feel so normal. So, I'm using that as part of my recovery plan.  As I mentioned before,  I think the author in Benzo wise withdrew from the same drug you are on. I also think the author took magnesium and it helped alot.  I also read in one of the books that 10 days of adversity causes us to grow and learn in ways we never ever would compared to 10 years of contentment that doesn't bring any growth. We should be spiritual giants full of wisdom when we are done, right!!!!! LOL! Stay connected. We're going to make it.

amb

Hi Ruth,

It was so good to hear from you. I kept checking back to see if you had replied and how you were doing. I've thought of you every single day!!!!! You are in my prayers.  I know that when I was in protracted withdrawal, any type of exercise seemed to help. I see you are doing some of that.  I think it is the endorphins must mute the lack of gaba.  I have a stationery bike and I ride about 30 miles a night. Many times I am lightheaded when I start out, but about 30 minutes into it, I feel so normal. So, I'm using that as part of my recovery plan.  As I mentioned before,  I think the author in Benzo wise withdrew from the same drug you are on. I also think the author took magnesium and it helped alot.  I also read in one of the books that 10 days of adversity causes us to grow and learn in ways we never ever would compared to 10 years of contentment that doesn't bring any growth. We should be spiritual giants full of wisdom when we are done, right!!!!! LOL! Stay connected. We're going to make it.

amb

 

Wow thanks Amb - thanks for your thoughts & prayers & actually waiting for my reply!  Yeah I have re-started dragging myself out walking most days.  I TRY to go every day for a 1 hour stroll.  My balance is all over the place so all I can go is slow anyway.  Thats fine, I'm just glad I'm doing it.  It's scary cos you're in a major fog, but I've just had to pray that God keep me safe.  Thats really reassuring to know that the Benzo Wise person also took Magnesium & that it helped them alot too - good to know I'm on the right track supplement wise!!!  Hmm as far as "spiritual giants" go full of wisdom lol dunno about that.  I will certainly expect to have more wisdom & compassion than before yes, but I'll never have enuf wisdom I reckon!!!  Thanks for your reassurance & definite words...

 

Thanks also to SUIKODEN re the 2 year mark for CT ppl.  Ugh thats still 7.5 MONTHS away...I DO work better with time frames though - it's critical to my endurance...

During the 16 months period, your s/x have been aggravated? Did you consider taking some supplements like valerian root?

 

Hey guys, just to let everyone know Valerian acts ont the very GABA A receptors we are trying to heal, check out the link below.  I know there is a huge learning curve while we are going throught this, and symptoms can be so intense we can become very desperate for relief...but we need to be careful with even 'natural' remedies.

 

GABAA receptor ligands

 

Agonists/Positive allosteric modulators: alcohol,[40][41][42] barbiturates, benzodiazepines, carisoprodol, chloral hydrate, etomidate, glutethimide, L-theanine, kava, methaqualone, muscimol, neuroactive steroids, z-drugs, propofol, scullcap, valerian, volatile/inhaled anaesthetics.

 

Antagonists/Negative allosteric modulators: bicuculline, cicutoxin, flumazenil, furosemide, gabazine, oenanthotoxin, picrotoxin, Ro15-4513, thujone.

 

GABAB Receptor Ligands Agonists: baclofen, GBL, GHB,[43] phenibut.

Antagonists: phaclofen, saclofen.

 

GABA reuptake inhibitors: deramciclane, hyperforin, tiagabine.

 

GABA-transaminase inhibitors: gabaculine, phenelzine, valproate, vigabatrin, Lemon balm (Melissa officinalis).[44]

 

GABA analogues: pregabalin, gabapentin.

 

Others: GABA (itself), L-glutamine, picamilon, progabide, tetanospasmin.

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gamma-Aminobutyric_acid