Day 58 off Valium - Panic attack again

I have been off Valium for 58 days now. This week I had 3 semi-good days, but Monday and today were horrific. The panic started when I got up at 10 a.m. this morning. I have been driving and trying to calm down since then. I signed on to chat on line, but I just read that it was closed. I had terrible nightmares last night and I'm considering going to an outpatient program tomorrow. It just seems like the walls are closing in on me at home, and every time my dogs bark I jump out of my skin. I pray that this levels off soon, before I get to the point where I can't take it anymore. I don't know if this has happened to others, but everything now feels dirty. I keep taking showers, doing laundry but the house feels dirty and I'm noticing more things that need to be fixed. I'm trying not to overwhelm myself but all of the triggers are covered up now and glaring at me. My husband has been an amazing support, but he has to work during the week. My parents want to help but they are older and really don't understand what I am going through. I wish they would read up on it more and be more educated about what this process is like. It is so much pressure when people think you have 1 good day and that now it's over but then the panic/anxiety comes back and everyone is surprised. This seems like a never ending cycle of ups and downs. I am just taking it one minute at a time and trying to get through these hours alone. It seems like the weeks go by so slowly. :'(

Hon,

 

The good news is that you seem to be doing the very best you can, and that's taking it a minute at a time. I too felt that my strength was being worn down to nothing. I worried I wouldn't be able to cope with withdrawal beyond more than a few months. And, yeah, people listen to what you say and then place it in the framework of something in life their are familiar with, and at that point they no longer "get it." That's why we are here on this forum for each other.

 

It seems like a neverending cycle of ups and downs, but in fact it will turn out to be a finite number and you will one day feel like your old self. I had to write affirmations on 4x6 cards that I posted in the house, in the car, or just tucked in my bag -- and I referred to them often. Because no matter how much I explained to my husband and asked for his re-assurances, it was not in him to provide verbal re-assurances. His strength was taking care of the day-to-day stuff because I wasn't up to it.

 

The bad news is that there's no way through it but through it. "When you find yourself in Hell, keep going!"

Hi Writer:

 

I am 4.5 mths off valium and I have more good days than bad ones.  But it's the unpredictability of it all that wears me down.  Can I make plans to doing something that requires getting on my calendar?  Most of the time, I ask my friends if I can call them on a morning if all went well the nite before.  Spontaneity has been my theme for a long time now. 

 

Your whole body is in a "wake up" mode now that the benzo is running out of gas.  It will ebb and flow for a while but I have seen improvements in my sxs.  I have charted my feelings for a long time now, so I have been able to see that I am getting better.

 

Please hang on -- you have come so far and healing might be around the corner.

Take care,

Rocko

Hi Writer, so sorry to hear about your waves.

 

I know how frustrating it is to go back and forth with this mess. But we have to remember just how amazing our brains are. The brain wants to adjust to life without drugs and it is doing the very best it can do - - the fact that you have good days is evidence of that.

 

Keep moving forward. Every day gets you further away from the drug dependency, soon it will be a distant memory!

 

Take care, Lida

I'm also coming off Valium. I was taking 30-40 mg daily since 1999 and about 4-6 mg. of Xanax from Sept. 1998 until crossing over to Valium in the summer of 1999. I'd give anything to be where you are. I c/t'd back in April and made it 47 days before I began "occasional rescue doses" that led to essential reinstatement by mid-June. I was just so fed up with myself for going back on the Valium, and so I resumed my c/t as of last Wednesday, Sept. 7, making this Day 6 for me.

 

My emotions are bouncing all over the place and I'm up and down with my anxiety levels. I went for my morning walk about an hour ago and at one point I had to stop and just stand still for about 10 seconds because I felt myself getting dizzy and if I hadn't stopped I felt I was going to fall to my right and land on the ground. This is nuts! I hate it, but I have no choice but to hang in there and keep pushing forward.

 

I admire you for making it 58 days. I've been tempted to add up the days and see where I'd be since I quit my c/t and took my first "rescue dose." (Although I had days after that first dose when I did remain in c/t, I don't count them. Once I took that first dose, my c/t was over, as far as I'm concerned.) I'd be about 140 to 150 days out... God, why did I blow it? Oh, well, I just have to keep pushing on...again!

 

Hang in there. We can do this!

 

Me on Day 6 of my reinstated c/t:  

 

Tucson

 

Yikes! I'd forgotten that I previously had made the comments above. That was just one week ago and it's gotten WORSE since then. The anxiety now just flows from the time I get up until I go to bed. I'm hanging on this incessant tension, or whatever it is, just really is difficult to deal with.

 

Me at Day 13 of my reinstated c/t:  :'(

 

Tucson

 

Im almost 4 months off, I might actually be a bit over 4 months off, im not actually sure of the date I stopped benzos.

 

But I have to say, being about 2 months off, was way worse for me for me then being at the end of month 3. There was alot of recovery in that time period for me. The symptoms do get less intense, and it does get better.

 

 

Hon,

 

The good news is that you seem to be doing the very best you can, and that's taking it a minute at a time. I too felt that my strength was being worn down to nothing. I worried I wouldn't be able to cope with withdrawal beyond more than a few months. And, yeah, people listen to what you say and then place it in the framework of something in life their are familiar with, and at that point they no longer "get it." That's why we are here on this forum for each other.

 

It seems like a neverending cycle of ups and downs, but in fact it will turn out to be a finite number and you will one day feel like your old self. I had to write affirmations on 4x6 cards that I posted in the house, in the car, or just tucked in my bag -- and I referred to them often. Because no matter how much I explained to my husband and asked for his re-assurances, it was not in him to provide verbal re-assurances. His strength was taking care of the day-to-day stuff because I wasn't up to it.

 

 

The thing about panic attacks that I dislike is I'll have 1 real bad one and it feels like it sets me back for a good 3-4 days where I'll have constantly high anxiety. Since starting with a new therapist and learning some techniques, however, I am more able to cope with the actual panic attack symptoms and I'm not really afraid of panic attacks themselves. it is the periods of high anxiety (which I learn are caused by the same cognitions as panic attacks themselves), that are difficult to deal with.