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Forced To Fight...And Win! 15 months Healed Yes....


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Jenny just wanted to stop in and see how things are going for you.  Reading your blog gives me hope that I will be feeling better soon.  I'm so glad you are sticking around to give support to those who need it.  I wish so much I could get better so I can be more supportive to others but right now I really don't have any positive things to say I just take one day at a time.

 

Hugs and thanks

Kristin

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Hey girl...tried to reach you the other day in a semi-window and now I'm in a huge psychotic wave!  Arrgghhh!!! Love that I can come back here and read of your success because you and your story mean so much to me.  Just wish I could find someone who has gotten on the other side of the major psycho stuff!  Love ya!!

 

Mary

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HOW are you?  That fever is still pretty high, hope you are keeping your doc informed.  You must have a bad infection Jen.  Please baby youself and drinks lots of fluids!!!!  Keep us posted on how you are doing.  Saying a special prayer for you tonight!
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  • 2 weeks later...

Thank you for sharing your story and for staying on the board to encourage others including me. 

 

I hope the rest of your life is filled with happiness and love!

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Hi Jenny,

 

I can 'feel' the happiness and contentment that is surrounding you, you really seem at peace with who you are, and where you are, at this stage in your life. You should write a book about your experiences. The way you clawed your way out of that bottomless pit you were trapped in, and now, how you have become an Angel of inspiration to so many, would make an awesome story.

 

You keep asking how I am feeling. It has been 9 months since my c/t, and I really thought I was done with this garbage, but a few days ago some of my symptoms came back, not as bad as they were though. I realize that this is the nature of the benzo beast, he wants us in his grasp as long as he can.

 

MY little Niece, Abby, says she loves your caramel apple avatar. I'll have to go to the store and buy her a caramel apple.

 

The best to you and yor kids :) :) :) :)

 

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Pan....

 

O yes you can ...I know its hurting you and I know its so discourgeing!

But all these sxs leave us they really do.Pan you hang in there I promise

this is not Forever and Life is restored with such a Joy ..You are strong and you are Tuffer then this benzo beast!

 

Pan Omg I am so sorry ur suffering this.I remember Ill never forget zi was just like you.And felt like time stood still ,Like there was noway in Gods creation I could do 1 more min. We do get through the mins then days and months,Before we know it...We have great healing time behind us and ,The fight ENDS..W/D OVER... :)

 

Pan im here for you...Hang in your going to be ok..No  better then ok...Wonderful

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jenny angel - thank u for your faith and kindness once again; u r a music note; a ray of sunshine.  the acuteness of it has subsided some. i am trying not to be hard on myself for not doing anything.  i take care of the fuzzies always tho

i have so many papers to correct; maybe tomorrow

thank u so much for telling me u were like this too; it is so darn hard; i can't believe it.

i pray my taper did not damage me terribly

thanks again sweetness :smitten: :smitten: :smitten:

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Jenny,

 

Can't thank you enough for checking in on me yesterday!  As I said, I think I am getting better by inches.  When I compare today to two months ago I know there has been significant improvement and I am very grateful to God, but much still needs to be done to get me where I need to be.  The main things I am still dealing with are cog fog/slow reaction time, major DP, disorientation especially when I wake up, fatigue and tinnitus.  Way better than early this summer.  I have been able to walk a few miles and bike several miles a day and have been able to drive up to my daughter's school for her first two cross country meets last week praise God!  The biggest thing is I was able to drive myself to church yesterday--first time I have been able to go in over a year!  Then my car died on the way home and it was a bit disconcerting.  Before it would have been way to overwhelming for my brain to handle it and it's still hard, but not impossible.  I also started a new online business--a few years ago I was an online retailer and now I am in the conisgment business--selling antique, collectible, designer and vintage goods for people online.

 

The most disturbing/disabling things right now are the DP and fog.  I can't wait for the day that I recognize my daughter and husband and don't freak out inside around them.  It has been 9 months of that crap and I will be glad when my brain realizes it doesn't need to "check out" all day long.  On Saturday I saw a high school friend I haven't seen in 28 years and I "felt" that she was more real than my daughter who was sitting next to me.  I have been blessed by Shaun O'Connor's ebook/mp3 download on DP and recommend it to everyone because it has shown me what DP is and that it is possible to train your brain out of it.

 

I have literally clawed my way through all of these improvements.  It is absolutely unbelievable that God has given me the strength to do these things.  I have walked and biked and met new people/engaged in business feeling horribly gone/out of it, but it has been essential to helping to retrain my brain that I am not crazy, weak or hopeless.  So far, my healing has been fairly consistently forward with only a day or two here and there where I feel like I am back to the beginning of this mess.  Through all of this I have seen that nothing is impossible for God, that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me and that I will use this new strength to be a blessing to others someday.

 

Now I am going to read how you are doing.  I hope you are fabulous because you deserve it.  I couldn't tell you more how you've helped me and what a blessing it is to know that someone has your "back".  God bless you!!!!

Love,

Mary

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OMG Mary...

 

I have CHILLS rt now!!! Omg you so made my day..Mary Look how far you have come ..

I am just so Proud of you Mary.. I know you have clawed you way through every min of every day..But your doing it! Your really doing it!

 

Wow I cant even believe your driving holy crap! This is huge .. And starting a business..

Mary my love for Vintage and Antiques is huge..My house is made of eclectic pieces ..O I'm so happy for you..

 

I know you still have some ways to go and its still nowere near easy! But the progress your makeing is so wonderful! Aww you saw your friend from 28 yrs ago thats way cool!

Mary I just cant tell you enough ..You are so Strong and so Dedicated to your healing ..Your such a Inspiration to me and so many..What a Leader you are..

 

I was worried about you ..I am so glad you let me know yesterday you were ok!

 

Mary I will always be here to Fight when your tired .And Cheer you on all the way to the Finish Line .Thats my Promise my Sista!!!!

 

 

Keep fighting Keep doing exactly what your doing..Your Winning

 

Your Sista whos so Proud ~Jenny

 

P.S You ROCK!!!

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Jen,

 

There are a handful of things I absolutely need to do before the Lord takes me home someday, and one of the them is to meet you and give you a giant hug and sob all over you for your faithfulness, encouragement and love!  I absolutely truly mean it!  I know you make God smile a bazillion times a day because of how you serve others!  "Thanks" will never ever be enough.

Have a fabulous day!

 

Mary

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:smitten: :smitten: :smitten: Mary

 

You have me in Tears..Like for real and I cannot stop smileing .This is the First time in 16 months I have Tears of JOY..

You have no idea how you made my day ..Omg I so needed this...

I will be waiting very patienly for that day..I cannot wait to meet you to.and I know we wil meet.May not be tommorrow may not be next month,But it will be at the most Perfect Time.  ;)

Your more then special to me..I just cant tell you how you have made my day!!!

 

Your so sweet .You really think I can make God smile? Or do you think hes just real Bored of me by now.LOL

 

xoxoxoxoxoxox ~ Jenny

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[38...]

Hi Linder,.... (Julie, Mary, Tam, Gracie, Jenny) Jenny you are so special, and God can never be bored of you, none of us, BUT definitely NOT YOU!!!!  :angel:

I saw this today and it really made me laugh... Here's to hoping that we are all walking side by side and not head on.....

I'm pretty sure we're next to each other in spirit and heart... So I'm not too worried!

I'm going to post this and hope to get a little laugh from Tamzo, Jenny, Wellie and Mary...

 

Keep trucking my friend!!!

xoxo

Melo

:smitten:

 

http://www.cartoonstock.com/newscartoons/cartoonists/gfo/lowres/gfon539l.jpg

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CMGMelo..Christine

 

Your so sweet and I will never forget the first day we met! Jan 1st New Years day..

You poor girl .You were so sick..We were alone in chat all morning.You were like my husbands Brazilian I was all..Mine to..Thats it we were friends..I saw you so sick day in and day out ..You literly hurt my heart.. I knew you would get better.But I also knew you had to walk this walk first..You are a Inspiration so huge Christine ..My god people after you will see what you went through and then see how far you have come ..HOPE..Sheer Hope you give..

 

Christine I feel so Blessed by you and your friendship!!!! :smitten:

Your doing so amazing Im Blown away by YOU..

I loved that pic sooooo cute

Keep it Flowing girl your almost There!!!

 

xoxoxoxo~Jenny

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Jen - you know that intense kind of strangeness aspect of this?  well i had that so much these past 2 days.  you were really there for me and i will be forever grateful.  there are no words to describe how hard it is sometimes and these past couple of days were like the twilight zone.  i am so thankful to you for your sweet and kind notes.

it has lifted quite a bit;  i have had many days lately with depression and anxiety but they are fine next to what this week end was like.  and it was like this continually in the beginning so at this moment i am full of gratitude that it is not like this all the time.  boy i read a couple stories - valerie and bradley's stories; folks from the past.  learned aabuut them in chat.  i can't bbelieve how you went thru this alone without benzo buddies.  so wonderful having u on here now.  thanks again sweetness :angel: :angel: :angel: :angel: :angel:

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Pan...

 

O we are so Vibeing!!!! LOL I just posted on your blog and then I just saw you posted to me!!! Total Twilight Zone.. Love it!!!

 

Yea Idk I just been feeling your worry and fear of this w/d!!!

xoxoxox~Jenny

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Those carmel apples look yummy, chicka JWow,

 

And it sounds like you had fun making them with the kids. Good wishes getting everyone back to school and to you for the fall days that are in the air. :)

 

Much love,

 

Gracie~

 

:balloon:

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Jenny thanks for stopping by my blog it really meant alot. So many of my old buddies don't come here anymore and it's nice to know someone is thinking of me since I'm still stuck in benzo land and they have been able to move on.  Thanks for sticking around even after you have healed to help others your one special person.

Hugs

Kristin

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Congrats, and thank you for the times you have comforted me directly and indirectly. 

I am not healed 100%, some night anxiety and head pressure, BUT I am so much better 3 1/2 months out and at this time you were in bed suffering..

I am at work and pushing fwd, loving my family and my hobbies again...

 

Suffering creates bonds between people that are not easily broken.  Thanks!

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