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Forced To Fight...And Win! 15 months Healed Yes....


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We remember you Jaso....mr linn here...linn still fighting....I'm going to read success stories and find the ones that compare to her....yours is one...thanks for the input....15 months....linn is at 13 months and we are hopeful that she is close to the end....not there yet. But from what I am reading. It has to be soon....mr linn
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Jenny I just wanted to tell you that I read your blog every single day as I go through this withdrawal i cold turkey off of diazepam after 7 months of taking it and occasionally taking temazepam I am a week and a half away from being at 6 months I'm finally able to walk on my feet so very weak and I'm able to go in my pool and try to teach myself how to swim again which is very difficult the most hardest symptoms on my muscle pain in my back and my butt I'm wondering I know it 7 months you said you had a turning point and things became easier at what point did the pain go away and you just had to deal with the tightness it brings me to my knees every time I have to deal with the severe muscle pain almost to the point where I'm going nuts and crazy and driving my husband crazy because I have crying fits and Don't know what to do  to stop the torture is pain feels like all my weight is on my lower back in my butt anything that you can tell me if how you got better from this pain after the 7 month mark would really really be appreciated it would help me tremendously I think you're a godsend to all of us.  your blog is certainly helping me to push on you can know that I will heal waiting is the hardest thing I've ever had to do I'm really a wimp at this right now god bless you I look forward to your response
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Hi!  I ct 21 months ago! However I took rescue doses for several months because I was told it wasn't wd causing all of this and I was preg and In fear for my life and my unborn child's life.  I read that you had akathesia. Could you tell me more about this. I have it very bad to the point of insanity.  It's like energy surges through my body and being on crack at the sane time. I just scream out and cry. My body is so very restless. I punch my arms and legs and practically pull them out of socket. I've seen 3 drs and all three ignore my complaints.  I desperately need to know if this is perm at this point.  However the Dr's won't even recognize that I'm having it or that it could be feom the drugs!!  The last one told me it's psycho somatic!!!!    Just need hope Jaso! Any hope! My 14 month old son needs a mommy and my husband needs a wife... how can I be this bad this far out and it not be perm.

Traumatized first let me say its Not permement!

Akathesia is no joke . That is a very hard sxs and when I had it it would almost drive me mad. It was like this unwanted creepy energy. I would have to walk and keep busy.My arms and legs were so restless to. Many people expeirence this and drs have no idea what this w/d does to us. Its def not Phyco somatic. You will get better sweet friend. I pray this eases for you rt away.

Your child will have a very happy healthy mother and your husband will have his beautiful wife back ..  :)

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We remember you Jaso....mr linn here...linn still fighting....I'm going to read success stories and find the ones that compare to her....yours is one...thanks for the input....15 months....linn is at 13 months and we are hopeful that she is close to the end....not there yet. But from what I am reading. It has to be soon....mr linn

Mr Linn 

 

Thank you so much! That is so nice to hear. I am so happy to hear about your wife . I know in time she will only feel better and better. Thank god this ends. She is so strong!

Your a wonderful husband!

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Jenny I just wanted to tell you that I read your blog every single day as I go through this withdrawal i cold turkey off of diazepam after 7 months of taking it and occasionally taking temazepam I am a week and a half away from being at 6 months I'm finally able to walk on my feet so very weak and I'm able to go in my pool and try to teach myself how to swim again which is very difficult the most hardest symptoms on my muscle pain in my back and my butt I'm wondering I know it 7 months you said you had a turning point and things became easier at what point did the pain go away and you just had to deal with the tightness it brings me to my knees every time I have to deal with the severe muscle pain almost to the point where I'm going nuts and crazy and driving my husband crazy because I have crying fits and Don't know what to do  to stop the torture is pain feels like all my weight is on my lower back in my butt anything that you can tell me if how you got better from this pain after the 7 month mark would really really be appreciated it would help me tremendously I think you're a godsend to all of us.  your blog is certainly helping me to push on you can know that I will heal waiting is the hardest thing I've ever had to do I'm really a wimp at this right now god bless you I look forward to your response

Ddd  :smitten:

 

Oh boy I know how much pain your dealing with expecially with muscles. I think its amazing how your fighting through . Pushing yourself to swim and walk is the best you can do for your self. Its amazing the fight you have.

For me it was like when I stood up this rush of weakness and burning would rush to my thighs and cause so much weakness. I couldnt hold my own weight . But at 7 months I was able to stand longer periods of time and then walk a bit longer. It was very hard but I knew then I would walk more and more and get stronger and stronger. You will to!

 

I am so sorry for all your pain Ddd. I know you suffered but I promise you you are getting stronger everyday even when you dont realize it. Stay strong dear friend and thank you so much for being so kind to me and saying such wonderful things to me :)

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Jenny and means the world to me that you answer my post the back pain in the butt pain is so excruciating and hard to stand at times but I'm doing it jenny mean the world back pain.  at what point did it seem easier for you to manage your pain it seems like I get hit with the head down to the feet and I'm just praying this week is going to be 6 months if the pain becomes more bearable and I can push soon start doing normal things.  it's because of you posting what you went through that I remain strong if it wasn't for you I think I would have probably given up by now you inspire me to keep pushing forward knowing that there's an end to all the suffering so if you could please kind of relate us when start stuff started really getting easier for you I would greatly appreciate it it gives me something to look forward to lots of love and God blessI

 

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  • 1 month later...
Jenny I read your post everyday and I'm gone back to your old blog and inspires me to keep pushing I just get so discouraged that I still have to lay down in bed for me a good part of the day because I'm so tired and exhausted standing is so hard I try to move as much as I can throughout the day but I find by 4 p.m. I'm ready to lay down I'm just waiting for the time to count down for night so I can try to sleep again and hopefully wake up stronger enable to do more did you find your 8 month that you found that you had the most positive healing that's what I'm praying for a positive healing if this pain can just let up and let me do my thing I can distract with the rest of it it stinks that I can't sit for very long without pain
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  • 2 weeks later...
Jenny finally moving into my 8 month month seven and a half pain is more bearable but still have the foggy brain weakness and fatigue.  it would be extremely helpful if you could be kind and tell me how good you started to feel and what month did you start to get more energy at what point did you feel you could really function for me sitting down and stuff I can do it for an hour or so and then I start to get the pain.  I know you living your life and it's hard to come back here and answer everybody but you're such an inspiration and right now I'm following kind of your timeline.  scalp is extremely dry hair is dry breaking in following which is discouraging but I see the small hairs growing back in.  for me if I could just function and distract it would be great instead of lying down legs are stronger like I said pain is better but this brain fog really sets me back .  at what point does your brain feel like it was cleared up and now that you felt like yourself.  again I apologize for  posting so much but you give me such hope that soon enough I can start to be myself.  just started to walk straight up again and hoping it stays that way.  if you have the time it would be awesome if you could just kind of give me that timeline of when your head cleared and your energy started to come back I looked at your old posts and it looks like nine months you were feeling really well I hold on to that.  thank you for doing so much on BB for everyone I constantly go back on your old posts constantly read everything gives me great hope.  I pray that I get any answer from you I know you love in your life it's been years since you had to deal with this I can't wait till this is years behind me as well God bless you
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Jenny finally moving into my 8 month month seven and a half pain is more bearable but still have the foggy brain weakness and fatigue.  it would be extremely helpful if you could be kind and tell me how good you started to feel and what month did you start to get more energy at what point did you feel you could really function for me sitting down and stuff I can do it for an hour or so and then I start to get the pain.  I know you living your life and it's hard to come back here and answer everybody but you're such an inspiration and right now I'm following kind of your timeline.  scalp is extremely dry hair is dry breaking in following which is discouraging but I see the small hairs growing back in.  for me if I could just function and distract it would be great instead of lying down legs are stronger like I said pain is better but this brain fog really sets me back .  at what point does your brain feel like it was cleared up and now that you felt like yourself.  again I apologize for  posting so much but you give me such hope that soon enough I can start to be myself.  just started to walk straight up again and hoping it stays that way.  if you have the time it would be awesome if you could just kind of give me that timeline of when your head cleared and your energy started to come back I looked at your old posts and it looks like nine months you were feeling really well I hold on to that.  thank you for doing so much on BB for everyone I constantly go back on your old posts constantly read everything gives me great hope.  I pray that I get any answer from you I know you love in your life it's been years since you had to deal with this I can't wait till this is years behind me as well God bless you

hi Ddd:smitten:

 

I'm so happy for you that you were starting to get the strength back in your legs for me at the same time 8 months it start to get stronger and stronger and stronger. I had some setbacks and some days are harder than others but I didn't care I knew I was getting better. if you see a little progress just know if your brain can do that it can do it all the way through! for me my time line at 9 months I still have funky brain issues as well as fatigue at times you know sometimes had burning skin I had some sinus infection that kind of made me feel really crummy. but again I was healing and I know it things started to clear up for me I think at 9 months my brain started to clear and by 10 months I had a little setback at 11 once again not so great but by 12 months and 13 months so I was almost back to normal. Keep fighting sweet friend I think you're doing amazing just know if even one symptom has gone away that means all of your symptoms will go away stay strong stay focused and keep with your friends you can post to me anytime you like I'm here for you

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OMG! Jenny I prayed all day that I would hear from you. I want to tell you how much you have inspired me to try and remain positive. You were and are always so positive in your posts, its catchy. I find myself telling myself when I feel beaten and down "Jenny went through this too, Jenny handled it as a positive, Jenny must have kept talking to herself that its hard but better."

I really feel God led me to your success story, and imagine my shock and excitement when I found your old Jason posts that I now use as a guide because I am following your timeline almost to the T, symptoms pretty much mine, give or take. Every day I read them to inspire and lift my spirit.

You are such a kind and loving soul to pass this forward even after years gone by. I never met you but I consider you a friend at a time where friends are lacking. Thank you for that I need that, even without you knowing you are there for me.

Thank you sooo much for relating your time line in your last post to me, it helps me feel "normal" at this stage in recovery, and as you know nothing feels quite normal at this point.

I just want to say THANK YOU. you just don't know what a difference you have made in my life.

GOD BLESS.

Donna

 

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Wow thats so awesome congratulations!  CT off 20mg is pretty impressive but dangerous! I jumped at 0.5mg and thought i was dying for 2 months straight , 3.5 months off and at that bedridden stage now the fatigue is crazy. Hearing this story has really given me hope.

 

Thankyou

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  • 2 weeks later...

Jenny feeling really discouraged today.  I spent a whole day walking in the mall barely and constantly pace back and forth around my backyard so I can walk and strengthen my legs.  I don't know if that's what's done it but the pain is so excruciating down my buttocks and through my feet that I'm stuck in bed for the next two days.  I don't know if this is just a massive wave that I'm going through or its pushing myself that's put me back in bed I will be 8 months Monday and I get so discouraged and depressed when I have to lay in bed and just suffer because it hurts too much to walk.  I'm not really so weak as the pain is putting me back in bed it seems like at the end of every month I go through a bad wave and then get some relief I'm just so hoping that this doesn't last as long and that my 8th month of the saving grace.  I try to push myself so I'm not in bed but my central nervous system is so sensitive I think I just end up putting myself back there.  did that happened to you did you have times when you had to just be in bed all day.  I'm still calling out to God for relief and I pray every moment in light candles everyday all day long.  I hope you don't mind answering me I could really use your input I know you probably hate to revisit what you went through for right now I need you it helps me more than you could ever know to keep up the fight.

Donna

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I also wanted to input that my left side is really weak and has been that way since I took the Gabapentin and then switch to Valium Valium seem to have made my Left side weaker from my arm all the way down my leg I still get tremors in my hand and my leg drags a little bit I also get burning around my forehead so it's not really that bad.  I hate that my left side is so affected through this and I'm trying to working out with weights on my arm and putting a weight on my left leg I think of my left side wasn't so affected I would be much better by now it has improved but not greatly
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Jenny wanted to give an update I know you don't come here but probably once a month.  I have been in a really bad waves for 5 days now.  started 4 hours of sleep when I was doing 6 of 7 the last 2 months.  been trying to be brave for this wave it's brutal seems like I'm back in the acute stage.  weakness Inter vibrations. Nerve pain is back but weirdly enough the right side is better mostly on my left side.  doing a lot of crying and praying for God to make this wave end and hopefully feel a lot better once it does.  I went back and read your post and saw that you had some pretty bad waves on the 10th 11th and 12 months.  the worst one being the 13th month and then you were done.  does help me understand that my body is healing and I need to go through these horrible waves to get to the end.  I just wish I had better coping skills to get through this my coping skills are really bad spirit mind body all broken but it hopeful and have faith that this is going to end pretty soon.  on top of this I have to cog frog and balance issues.  I just wish I could function but the pain just gets me back in the bed and I'm afraid the more time I spend in bed the  Less healing I'm doing.  I just want to be able to function so I can do my housework on my paperwork for my business but am unable to sit still  because of my butt has the pain and walking is still a little tough because of the back pain.  thank you for describing in your post what you went through so I know that I'm pretty much going through its normal even though it's the hardest thing in the world I've ever done.  I had to watch my baby brother died in 2012 with a brain tumor and I thought that was the hardest thing I would ever have to do but I was wrong this is.  I thought I would never enjoy life again but all I want is my life back now.  thank you for reading the post and replying thank you for writing them thank you for being there for everybody because now you were there for me even though you don't know me.  your post have become my lifeline and my hope of getting through this and once again getting my life back thank you
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Jenny,

So glad you won the battle.  Would you tell me about the lump in your throat.  I just got over a cold my kids gave me in early Oct. cold sxs went away but I started a dry cough.  Ive been to GP and no bronchitis..  Any thoughts thanks.

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Wow thats so awesome congratulations!  CT off 20mg is pretty impressive but dangerous! I jumped at 0.5mg and thought i was dying for 2 months straight , 3.5 months off and at that bedridden stage now the fatigue is crazy. Hearing this story has really given me hope.

 

Thankyou

Hi Lockie  :)

 

Thank you so much for coming on here and saying such nice things. what a hard battle huh hang in there though little by little the fatigue will lift and all the pain will go away and you're going to start getting back into your life. Try to enjoy the couch days while you can if you can cuz once you're back to life its non stop lol. I'm wishing you so much luck and peace and that has speedy speedy healing comes your way.

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Jenny wanted to give an update I know you don't come here but probably once a month.  I have been in a really bad waves for 5 days now.  started 4 hours of sleep when I was doing 6 of 7 the last 2 months.  been trying to be brave for this wave it's brutal seems like I'm back in the acute stage.  weakness Inter vibrations. Nerve pain is back but weirdly enough the right side is better mostly on my left side.  doing a lot of crying and praying for God to make this wave end and hopefully feel a lot better once it does.  I went back and read your post and saw that you had some pretty bad waves on the 10th 11th and 12 months.  the worst one being the 13th month and then you were done.  does help me understand that my body is healing and I need to go through these horrible waves to get to the end.  I just wish I had better coping skills to get through this my coping skills are really bad spirit mind body all broken but it hopeful and have faith that this is going to end pretty soon.  on top of this I have to cog frog and balance issues.  I just wish I could function but the pain just gets me back in the bed and I'm afraid the more time I spend in bed the  Less healing I'm doing.  I just want to be able to function so I can do my housework on my paperwork for my business but am unable to sit still  because of my butt has the pain and walking is still a little tough because of the back pain.  thank you for describing in your post what you went through so I know that I'm pretty much going through its normal even though it's the hardest thing in the world I've ever done.  I had to watch my baby brother died in 2012 with a brain tumor and I thought that was the hardest thing I would ever have to do but I was wrong this is.  I thought I would never enjoy life again but all I want is my life back now.  thank you for reading the post and replying thank you for writing them thank you for being there for everybody because now you were there for me even though you don't know me.  your post have become my lifeline and my hope of getting through this and once again getting my life back thank you

Ddd...

 

Hi sweetie oh honey you're really going through it right now those waves are terrible when they hit you in the later months. You definitely sound like you're traveling through the same path I once went through hang in there though keep reminding yourself how the some symptoms have dropped off some have lessened and some are not nearly as bad as how they once were that is your true fact you're getting better. I got hit by waves at 10 months I got hit with waves at 9 months they were bad but I felt really sure somewhere in my soul that I will fully get through this and I know you will too! I'm sorry I'm not here all that often but as soon as I do see your messages I try and get to you as soon as I can. stay strong Donna you're going to be so good again. I'm so sad to hear about your little brother and what you must be going through with that when I read it I couldn't believe what you said because I lost my daughter to brain cancer brain tumors in 2002 she was 4 years old it looks like you and I have a lot in common. unfortunately not things anybody would want to have in common but none the less it makes it a lot easier to relate. I have a lot of faith in you Donna and I think you are so strong hang in there and just remind yourself when it gets too tough that you're getting better every single day even when you're in pain.

 

:smitten:

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Jenny,

So glad you won the battle.  Would you tell me about the lump in your throat.  I just got over a cold my kids gave me in early Oct. cold sxs went away but I started a dry cough.  Ive been to GP and no bronchitis..  Any thoughts thanks.

bhawk hello

 

Wow I got the lump in my throat very early on after my cold turkey. it was really bad by the third month and probably on and off every time I had the time of the month it would get worse until probably 10:11 months off. I felt very hard to swallow it felt like something was stuck in my throat. it was just something I had to learn to live with during my withdrawal I think it has something to do with the vagus nerve I'm sure people on here would know a little bit more. do you have that problem? I don't remember having a dry cough though. I'm hoping you're doing okay I'm getting through this with a ton of support and friends. always know you have friends here that will guide you through this

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Jenny thanks for posting back.  it always inspires me to keep pushing when you write back to me especially since you've been over this for over 5 years.  unfortunately nobody wants to have someone died of a brain tumor to be in common and I could never imagine losing my child to it even though it rock my world with my brother.  I commend you for moving on with your life and looking at things so positive really tough to be positive to this.  woke up today pain is less feel like this wave is finally starting to push its way out.  its just so hard because you feel like you can't take it another minute and you want some part of your life back.  I'm praying I can get through this is positive as you did so I'm Failing quite often with it.  I want to so badly believe this is going to end and I will get my life back trying to read the positive stories on here but there's some that have suffered years and I don't know if I could go through years of dealing with this.  I'm praying that in the next month I really start seeing real positive healing so I can get back my positive.  you are a blessing Jenny thank you so much for responding.  my coping skills stink with this pain and I know if I could get past the pain I can get past anything.  I have seen small improvements praying to God that I have a huge blessing right around the corner
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  • 2 weeks later...
Seems like I'm in a constant wave of nothing but pain hoping it starts to get easier again but it seems like as the days go on it just seems to really start to get worse feel like I'm losing my Mind in dealing with this.  I'm so sorry I try to stay positive in all this but today is just really rough it's been days now of nothing but pain.  its just I don't know how it's going to end and I try to stay with this program of being positive and pushing through but I'm having it really rough right now as are so many others and I feel selfish for feeling this way but at eight and a half months I just feel like I've had enough.  sorry for being so negative Jenny I really try to follow your route of how you dealt with this just not very good at it it just seems never ending
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Jenny,

So glad you won the battle.  Would you tell me about the lump in your throat.  I just got over a cold my kids gave me in early Oct. cold sxs went away but I started a dry cough.  Ive been to GP and no bronchitis..  Any thoughts thanks.

 

Hi bhawk    :hug: I have the cough you describe, and have had it on and off for a while since WD began, and lots of other people on BB had it or got it as I noted in different post's ??? I coughed so hard in my sleep once that I woke up with blood in my mouth which is no big thing, its just where I was coughing so hard and nothing to worry about it happens Benzo WD or not. And back a few months ago I coughed non stop for 5 day's  and nights felt a bit feverish so I called the Doctor out, I knew it was WD in my heart but got checked for common sense sake. She said I had an upper respiratory virus and that I would be poorly for a few weeks, two days later my 'Virus' and cough stopped ::)

 

I am now coughing like a barking Dog again and it does sound very much like bad bronchitis but its not. :) I also got diagnosed 'Asthmatic' after being taken CT off 30 Ativan 2mg  tablets a day which is equal to 600mgs of Valium?  :D I don't not believe I am Asthmatic either  >:( I just became sensitive form the CT and it caused breathing problems. I get them now but know what it is so let it work its way out with out any drug interference, :thumbsup: I alos got put on Steroids and told the Doctors they were making me worse but all they did was bump the dose up. No wonder Steroids are cross tolerant big time with Benzos they were doing a grand number on me  :tickedoff: It will get better all by its self in time like all WD symptoms always do.

 

Love Nova xxx :smitten: :smitten: :smitten:

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I just joined this site today. I am struggling so hard dealing with this panic disorder and then taking these benzos. I am not sure which is which. When I stop taking the benzos, I am good for a few days and then yhe panic comes back. I am not sure if it is withdrawal or re emergence of symptoms. At any rate, your story is very inspiring. I cried when I read it because I want to stop taking the meds. I want to get better so bad. I just don't see the light at the end of this. Feels like I will be suffering from either the disorder or the withdrawal for the rest of my life. But you made me think otherwise. I am so lost right now. I just want to feel like my normal self again before thus panic disorder started.
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Seems like I'm in a constant wave of nothing but pain hoping it starts to get easier again but it seems like as the days go on it just seems to really start to get worse feel like I'm losing my Mind in dealing with this.  I'm so sorry I try to stay positive in all this but today is just really rough it's been days now of nothing but pain.  its just I don't know how it's going to end and I try to stay with this program of being positive and pushing through but I'm having it really rough right now as are so many others and I feel selfish for feeling this way but at eight and a half months I just feel like I've had enough.  sorry for being so negative Jenny I really try to follow your route of how you dealt with this just not very good at it it just seems never ending

Ddd

 

don't you ever feel like you have to apologize this is a very painful experience are going through! I also cry sometimes and screamed and begged I wasn't always positive I was negative a lot of times it's only natural. I'll be praying that you get relieved so soon and start feeling so much more hope in knowing that you're getting better every single day and soon this will all be behind you. you hang in there and stay strong and try and give yourself a break you deserve that don't feel bad for feeling negative you're allowed to. Stay strong my friend

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as always Jenny you lift my spirits.  comfort me that you walk this road before and ever gotten to the other side.  thank you for reminding me that I'm just human and being negative to this is just part of being Human.  I gain strength through your words and string through your healing I gained strength through your words and strength through your healing thank you for taking the time to answer me so much.  I hope to post a better update soon I'm just want you to know how special you are and how much it really touches my heart that you answer me.  I'm hoping one day soon I will be doing the jig laughing and smiling and running once again.  god has truly blessed me to have you guide me through this process and inspire me to keep pushing on.  thank you with all my heart god bless you.

 

Donna

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  • 2 weeks later...
Jenny finding the depth of benzo hell coming out of my 8 months next week will be My 9th for whatever reason I am now getting one night on good sleep and one night off  no sleep.  lots of swelling deep wrinkles  under my eyes where they used to be none makes me really depressed does this improve are we destined to wear our battle scars.  bad enough that this weakness and shaking came back pain has gotten a little better but still very much present  the 8th month of been really hard since I've been in a wave all the way through it.waiting for some of these symptoms it's hard to finally let off.  you are a makeup artist is there anything you did that help with underneath your eyes I don't even like looking at my face doesn't look like me anymore.  I didn't know if you had a tip for something that would help with this as I try to get through this horrific time in my life.
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