Very bad day, feel I can't cope!

9 weeks off and today is the worst. I feel I can't breath, horrible thoughts are intruding in my mind and I just feel hopeless, as if there is no point in any of it!! Has anyone else felt like this? If so any tips for coping? Please help, feel as though I am going insane!

Your in the thick of it right now.  Your off and that's the main thing.  Hang strong, you've got 9 weeks behind you.  My first 2 1/2 months weren't fun either.  I made it and so will you.  It is definitely worth it.  Keep as busy as you can right now.  Be positive.  You will heal.  Linder

looby,

 

I am right there with you my friend. I am about 8 weeks off.  You are not alone in this.  We both have to do what linder said, we have to be strong and hang on with all we have right now!!  we can do this looby!  keep posting, we are here for you!!  you WILL make it through this!!

Thanks Linder and Mark. Feels better to know that you're not the only one going through this. That feels a bit selfish though but it does make you think that you can cope. I split with my husband 2 weeks ago and I have 2 amazing daughters. Right now though I can't quite see through this fog that's hovering over me. Feel almost paralysed with fear and anxiety all of a sudden. I've been swimming almost every day but today I feel so heavy I fear I would just sink to the bottom. Need to fight through this as my first thought this morning was to reinstate, but I know I can't do that EVER AGAIN. Thanks again guys, much love.

PLEASE do not reinstate. I did this 4 months into a C/T and I regret it HUGE. I was OFF for FOUR long months. Now I am back on, STILL in w/d, and still suffering miserably through a taper. NOT worth it. Please, please, please learn from my mistake. Don't let the drugs lie to you and tell you that you need them. It's not true. You're stronger than they are.

 

You are going to be OK. I know how awful you feel and how bad this is, I really do. But, I promise you- with time, things will get better. It just takes SO much longer than we'd like it to...but, if you hang in there and get through the worst of it, brighter days will come and it won't be so hard or painful. I promise. You are NOT alone in this journey. MANY people before you have come off of these meds, healed up just fine and went on with their lives. You will be no exception to this.

 

Just think about TODAY. That's all we can do is survive today. The rest will come. Time will pass and we will heal as it passes.

 

Much love and healing to you, Nicole

Everything is perfectly normal. You might be 9 months off but you must know that very bad days are yet to come... I see that you were long 17 years on, so your body will definitely need much time to recover from the meds. 

Thanks so much Nicole and Send. I know reinstating would be the wrong thing to do. It's just so god dam hard. Withdrawals and splitting from my husband at the same time is a double whammy. Maybe if I do a minute at a time I'll be okay. The depression and anxiety are awful though. I feel numb with no emotions but funnily enough I've been left with fear. Not a welcome one I can tell you. Fear seems to have taken over for now, wonder if I'll ever get out from it's grip. At least I have here, such a pity about the chat facility though. God bless you all.

Stay the course! You will get there.

 

I was in absolute hell with super fear and anxiety, obsessed thoughts, etc., etc. , thought I was going crazy..between weeks 6 and 12. Those weeks are without a doubt the worst!! So Just remember it's only going to get better from where you are...unless you reinstate....so don't do it!

 

Try to not think about your husband-- give yourself a mental holiday from that one until you are well, because a sick mind cannot think through issues like that.

 

You're making it, and the fear will be loosening its grip soon.

 

love, ask2266

Thanks ask. I think this mental withdrawal is far worse than the physical symptoms. Being in pain sucks but feeling as though you are loosing your mind is in my opinion 100 times worse! I've had tiny wee minute periods of feeling sane so the only hope is that those will increase as time goes on. It's so good to know that you have been here and got through it. I can't wait until I am over this and there is some light at the end of this very dark and lonely tunnel.

Hi Looby,

 

I can relate to the "horrible thoughts", I have intrusive memories for hours during the day, along with crippling anxiety that is so bad I end up pacing the floor for long periods (I keep my curtains closed, I don't want any nosey neighbours to see me doing that!)

 

I sincerely hope it is not so bad that you can't at least sit down!

 

I also have intrusive thoughts and to be honest I am not sure if it is withdrawal or just me thinking such things because the symptoms are so horrendous. Can anyone re-assure me that these thoughts are indeed withdrawal related?

 

Keep going!

 

Others say it gets better, thats what I hold on to everyday it happens!

I am just at a measly 5 weeks off and I am being hit with overwhelming anxiety and emotions that just churn constantly. Between the two, it's all I can do to somehow pass out at some point and drift off for at most 3 hours of sleep each night. I have c/t'd three times before and reinstated each time. Each time was a mistake and I later had to start over from scratch. This time I got rid of all my pills and have nothing for a "rescue dose" or to reinstate with. It's hell, but there is NO GOING BACK for me!

 

Yesterday was tough. I remember being on the love seat in my office. I'd finally given up on sleep at 8 a.m. and got up. I looked at my watch and it was just a few minutes until noon. I was overwhelmed with how SLOW time was moving. I thought how I'd been up for just four hours and how long it had taken. In another four hours it would be 4 p.m., and then another four hours after that it would just be 8 p.m. I just remember looking at my watch and somehow it made it to 11:20, and then 1:45, and then 2:15, and so on. I literally did it "one minute at a time" to just get through yesterday. Somehow I did it and night finally came. I went to bed at 10 and I was still trying to relax enough at 1:15 to go to sleep. Somehow I did, and the next thing I knew it was 3 a.m. I relaxed as well as I could and about 5 a.m. I drifted off again until 6:45, at which point I gave up. It's not much sleep, and certainly not high-quality sleep, but here I am: one day closer to being "my old self" again...

 

Getting through each day, hour, 15 minutes can be a task. But slowly, too slowly!, we move into the future. Please do not reinstate. Been there three times, done that three times. Now I'm on my fourth and FINAL c/t.

 

Hang in there. If I can do this, anyone can!

 

Tucson

 

Me on Day 34 of my final c/t: