Set Back at 6 Months - Need a little moral support

Today I hit 6 months and frankly, I am feeling a little discouraged.  I just finished updating my progress report and for the first time I didn't see much improvement in my symptoms.  Infact, I had to add 3 new symptoms, and several symptoms increased.  While I know this process isn't linear, and I probably set my expectations too high, I am wondering if anyone else experienced this at their 6th month.  I think just knowing other people experienced this will give me comfort and reassurance.

 

Why I need reassurance is beyond me.  I have been looking at this logically, trying to keep emotions out of the mix.  For the most part I have been successful at doing this, I don't know why I am feeling so let down at the 6th month mark.  Realistically I think I am probably only 1/4 of the way to the end of the recovery process and have a ways to go.  I still strongly believe I am healing and moving forward, just...IDK...need some reassurance/moral support.

 

I guess we all get weak moments!

I'm at 6 mos now too and feel the same way. I wanted to be feeling better and at least sleeping a bit naturally. This process is really awful. I'm glad we have each other to reason things out. You are not alone in what you are feeling. It is frustrating tho to still feel awful after this much time. Everyone keeps saying just give it time. I'm 63. I want this to be over and I want to be able to sleep. I do have friends tho that are my age and don't use benzos but they also just can't sleep. Part of it is the age I think. I often wonder after giving up the benzos and now trying to stop my daily wine, if I will really be able to sleep when many of my friends can't.

Your name is very appropriate for all this.

I know why you're feeling down, I felt the same way.  I read the manual, I saw healing between 6 and 12 months and figured, 6 months is me, nope!    I've always been healthy, strong willed and capable, so my expectations weren't unrealistic in my book, but benzo's had other plans for me.  It was a blow to my ego and my emotional stability to realize none of my strength, drive and attitude could effect this process.  At 7 months I finally quit counting the months, it only made me feel worse.

 

Logic, reason and the other tools we've used in our lives to get us through don't seem to have any effect on benzo withdrawal, and that sucks!

Pamster, I can totally relate to being "healthy, strong willed, and capable."  That's has always been me too.  How did your progress go, if you don't mind me asking.  Did you get windows that got progressively more frequent/longer?  Or did you have no windows, then one opened that never really closed?  Do you remember any time frame where you felt a large step forward?

 

While I know we all have different w/d experiences, I would like to know how yours went.

 

 

Maltesemom, I have followed some of your posts and seen your insomnia struggle.  I had it too, but I finally just bit the bullet and decided to take nothing for sleep.  I went 6 straight nights with zero sleep, followed by about a week or so of 1-3 hours a night.  I started listening to a self-hypnosis CD each night and my sleep increased to 5 hours a night.  I now sleep anywhere from 7-8 hours a night...I might just be lucky, but I really credit it to my decision to not fight it with OTC meds/supplements anymore and let nature take over, even if it meant I would have to endure prolonged insomnia.

 

This paid off in the end for me, but I must admit it was EXTREMELY tough to go through all that sleep deprivation to get here.  For me, it just seemed anything I took made me feel worse the next day.  I hope you will get sleep soon, being a sleep deprived zombie is NO fun.

I had very few windows, but my suffering became less as time went on, then one day, the inner trembling stopped, and along with it the anxiety and I declared myself healed at 14 months.  I realize now that I continued to heal after that, most noticeably my sleep and my deep sense of contentment, but I was sick of being in withdrawal, so I left it behind.

Hi Perseverance.....I totally relate - at six months I thought I was just going to begin to feel better...it didn't happen.  I remember being so angry and disillusioned and wanting to give up and just go back on the drug.  Pam and others here on BB helped me to hang on and I'm still hanging - 10.5 months benzo free, still suffering but have seen some improvements.  My sleep and appetite are better and I am starting to gain back some of the 40 lbs of weight I lost.  Like Pam, I stopped counting the months, at least I stopped posting it on BB because I never felt there was a reason to celebrate.  I still don't post it, but I am sure aware of it.....and just hoping so hard that I will continue to heal and get my life back.  It has been a long hard road, but we can make it. 

Love Hoping2BFree

P...

 

Just read your progress report.  I for one am encouraged at nearly 4 months out, but I can tell you that I will be in the same boat at 6 months to see what appears to be little improvement.  But I looked at a lot of your numbers and I'm really impressed at the progress you've made, yet I know what it's like to feel like you are taking one step forward and two steps back.  It's like you want to be optimistic because negativity doesn't help and yet you can't make plans or say "well I hope by Christmas I will be able to..."

 

Have you noticed your functioning has improved at all?  I know you said you were able to drive a bit.  Has that window closed?  Are you able to get more done around the house or get back at least in a small way to the things you used to do?  Are you able to cook for yourself yet?

 

You know I love ya!  I appreciate your honesty and yet your encouragement to me!

God bless you dear!

Mary

I still have no sense of hunger whatsoever.  Did you get that?  (6 months out)

sorry pers. I though I was asking ruth.  Wrong thread.

Thank you Pam. It is good to know we will eventually get better. Wow Perseverance I can't believe you went a week with zero sleep and then followed by very little. Do you think the exhaustion is what reset your sleep mechanism? I went several months with only melatonin and tryptophan and had such little sleep I couldn't function. Maybe when I feel I am done with the wine withdrawal(wonder how long that will be) I can do the no supplement route. Right now without the wine or the benzo, I need some sleep help to get over the wine hurdle. I am guessing it will be about a month. On the otherhand I want to stop the benedryl to see if my joint pain and arthritis go away. As  you can see I want to stop everything, but I also have to be realistic and try to take it easy on my poor brain and body. At 63 it is not as easy as 43. I am in such a long time pattern of getting help for sleep. You all believe I need to get rid of the wine to heal...so here goes. Today is day 6 of no wine. I think I will try unisom tonite. I have 7 pills. I used it once and it made me very groggy the next day, but it is worth it to sleep. I've been up since 4 and feel pretty crummy right now. I just did 1/2hr on the treadmill, having lunch with a friend and friends over and going out to dinner. That's a lot for someone sleep deprived and coming down with a cold.

Thank you all for being there!!!!!

I had very few windows, but my suffering became less as time went on, then one day, the inner trembling stopped, and along with it the anxiety and I declared myself healed at 14 months.  I realize now that I continued to heal after that, most noticeably my sleep and my deep sense of contentment, but I was sick of being in withdrawal, so I left it behind.

 

That is intersting Pam.  I think my w/d is going along those lines, very gradual improvements with few windows.  That is very encouraging to hear, thank you for taking time out to tell me.

Hang in there things do get better but at a snails pace.  You just have to have faith and know many people before us have done this and gotten well and so will we.  It's hard to not know when the day will come that we are healed we just have to accept that it will come.

 

Hugs

Kristin

Hi Perseverance.....I totally relate - at six months I thought I was just going to begin to feel better...it didn't happen.  I remember being so angry and disillusioned and wanting to give up and just go back on the drug.  Pam and others here on BB helped me to hang on and I'm still hanging - 10.5 months benzo free, still suffering but have seen some improvements.  My sleep and appetite are better and I am starting to gain back some of the 40 lbs of weight I lost.   Like Pam, I stopped counting the months, at least I stopped posting it on BB because I never felt there was a reason to celebrate.  I still don't post it, but I am sure aware of it.....and just hoping so hard that I will continue to heal and get my life back.  It has been a long hard road, but we can make it.   

Love Hoping2BFree

 

Pam has really been there hasn't she?  I know what you mean about not wanting to celebrate, exactly how I feel today.  I think what I already knew is just now sinking in...this is going to be loooong.

 

Wow, 10.5 months?  That is huge.  This time next year will be 22.5 months for you, so next summer will probably be a whole different story.  But there I go again, counting months.  I am going to take you and Pam's advice and stop the month counting, which I am sure will be a challenge in and of itself.  Thank you Hoping!  Yes, we can, and WILL make it!

P...

 

Just read your progress report.  I for one am encouraged at nearly 4 months out, but I can tell you that I will be in the same boat at 6 months to see what appears to be little improvement.  But I looked at a lot of your numbers and I'm really impressed at the progress you've made, yet I know what it's like to feel like you are taking one step forward and two steps back.  It's like you want to be optimistic because negativity doesn't help and yet you can't make plans or say "well I hope by Christmas I will be able to..."

 

Have you noticed your functioning has improved at all?  I know you said you were able to drive a bit.  Has that window closed?  Are you able to get more done around the house or get back at least in a small way to the things you used to do?  Are you able to cook for yourself yet?

 

You know I love ya!  I appreciate your honesty and yet your encouragement to me!

God bless you dear!

Mary

 

 

You know Mar, you just made me realize I only paid attention to last months numbers, not months 1,2 or 3's.  You are right, from the beginning to now the progress is quite substantial.  And...yes I am still able to drive, have taken over some of the cooking, and it is definitely easier to bathe now.  Thanks for reminding me.  It seems the benzo brain plays tricks with our perspectives too.

 

See, you owe me nothing!  We help eachother, we may be the blind leading the blind, but we will not fall into the ditch! lol!

Hang in there things do get better but at a snails pace.  You just have to have faith and know many people before us have done this and gotten well and so will we.  It's hard to not know when the day will come that we are healed we just have to accept that it will come.

 

Hugs

Kristin

 

Kristin,

 

I see from your signature you ct'd, reinstated, then finished a taper almost a year ago.  How are you doing?  You have been through the wringer haven't you.

 

Thanks for reiterating the snails pace aspect of this.  Benzo w/d is definitely a lesson in patience.

P...if you're blond, then it's "the blond leading the blond", or "the blind blond leading the blind blond"!

 

M

I am coming up on 7 months off and although I am a different person than I was just a few months ago it is still a little discouraging that I can't shake the brain fog and I have very little motivation to do anything but sit in my chair and clack away on my computer. I actually welcome these light waves of symptoms I still get because it reminds me that I am NOT completely healed.

Yes I have been through alot but I keep fighting so one day I can write a success story.  The reinstatement didn't go as well as I wanted but I guess it's a good thing because I have a feeling if it went well I would still be on the benzo.  Even though I did a long 6 month taper to get off .5mg I still am very symptomatic at 10.5 months benzo free.  I try not to let it discourage but I still do when a bad wave hits.  I do see improvement at least now I can get out of the house without freaking out.  Keep a positive attitude it will get you far.

Hugs

Kristin

Thank you Pam. It is good to know we will eventually get better. Wow Perseverance I can't believe you went a week with zero sleep and then followed by very little. Do you think the exhaustion is what reset your sleep mechanism? I went several months with only melatonin and tryptophan and had such little sleep I couldn't function. Maybe when I feel I am done with the wine withdrawal(wonder how long that will be) I can do the no supplement route. Right now without the wine or the benzo, I need some sleep help to get over the wine hurdle. I am guessing it will be about a month. On the otherhand I want to stop the benedryl to see if my joint pain and arthritis go away. As  you can see I want to stop everything, but I also have to be realistic and try to take it easy on my poor brain and body. At 63 it is not as easy as 43. I am in such a long time pattern of getting help for sleep. You all believe I need to get rid of the wine to heal...so here goes. Today is day 6 of no wine. I think I will try unisom tonite. I have 7 pills. I used it once and it made me very groggy the next day, but it is worth it to sleep. I've been up since 4 and feel pretty crummy right now. I just did 1/2hr on the treadmill, having lunch with a friend and friends over and going out to dinner. That's a lot for someone sleep deprived and coming down with a cold.

Thank you all for being there!!!!!

 

When I stopped everything, all my meds, I did them one at a time...so I can completely understand what you are saying.  Congratulations on getting off the wine!  One step at a time, right?

 

I think exhaustion possibly did reset my sleep mechanism.  I read a book put out by one of the top sleep clinics a long while back and remember it saying something about the body having powerful built in sleep mechanisms that kick in if we get too sleep deprived to protect the brain.  That goes hand in hand with what you just stated.

 

When and if you are ready to try to tough out prolonged insomnia, let me know on my blog so I can offer you some support.  No one knows what you are going through better than someone who has been there.  I would be happy to help in any way I can.

A book that has been a blessing to me is "Say Goodnight to Insomnia"...very realistic and helpful...except when he talks about the gal he got off of ativan in a couple of weeks with no w/d!  ha!

Thank you perseverance. I am going to give it another week or so off the wine before I try it again. I'm at one week today and from what I read online it takes 6-12 days for alcohol withdrawal. Of course it is much longer for many people but right now I haven't even slept with the benedryl and it was working fine until I stopped the wine this week. When I did go to sleep, I awakened with a jolt and have been sweating again so I am definitely having more withdrawals from the wine. I also think the benedryl is causing my joint pain. I didn't take it last nite and my joints feel better. I used unisom. It wasn't great and I woke up at 4, but at least I got some sleep. I'll probably use it for a week or so, as I said and then maybe try to sleep naturally.

I would really appreciate any help you could give me. This insomnia is I think the worst thing I have ever been thru. I never imagined it could be this bad, in my wildest dreams. Will let you know when I am ready. Thanks for being there!

Perseverance -

 

You have come a long way and that is a great accomplishment!  I know you are having a tough time, but hang in there.  Thanks for supporting me even during your struggles during withdrawal!

 

Rico

You are so welcome. It is so great that we have each other. It is go good to know  you are not alone in all this misery. We have to hold on to the good thoughts and ideas that others have...the ones that have been thru this and survived and are doing well. That offers us all hope that we too, can get better.

The thing that is so difficult about insomnia is that it makes all the other symptoms worse. When you don't have good sleep, even a totally healthy person has problems funtioning, so what about us in benzo withdrawal. Now for me in alcohol withdrawal on top of that, it sure is a struggle.

Thanks for your support!