Anxiety & depression TOGETHER? Yikes....

Howdy -

 

I am posting in the anxiety blog but not sure if I should

be posting in the depression blog...here is why.

 

I have the most intense combination of both anxiety and

depression going on...at the same time. I feel both deep

depression and hopelessness along with intense anxiety,

negative thoughts and fears...all mixed up in the same

nasty "stew". I have to say, this is SO not fun. I have

struggled with both some anxiety and depression in my

life pre-benzo use, but nothing like this. This is the

worst of both worlds! I just wondered if anyone else has

this "double whammy" going on with them at the same time.

 

I am coming up to the end of my taper in the next 5 weeks

or so, and I am scared these yucky emotional states will

be hanging on for awhile. I know there is no way to know,

but it sure is in my "fear pile". There is alot of stress

in my life right now, but I have never felt like this before,

so I know it's a benzo thing. It sucks, what can I say...

Yes, lovepema, I have both anxiety and depression by the boatload.  It's been going on for so long in my taper, I don't know how I will ever feel joy and calm again.  I, too, am close to the finish line.  Did this just start for you recently?  What dose are you at now?  Sending my best wishes that this will pass for you soon.  ~~mbr

Lovepema, never mind my dose question.  I just read your sig line.  Yes, you ARE low!

lovepema,

 

I have some of the very same things going on, but you have done a very slow and wise taper.

Hang in there, we can only do the best we can.

 

I hope these symptoms go away for you soon.

 

S#

lovepema,

You can count on me to respond to a post like this.  I am heartily sorry you are going through this too.  I am in the deepest darkest depression right now and scared.  very scared.  I have never experienced anything like this before.  I can hardly put one foot in front of the other.  They say there is no depression like benzo depression.  I don't know because I have never been depressed until now.  And I'm still tapering.  But I HURT so bad inside, and have  nothing to hurt about. 

 

And Yes, I am experiencing the anxiety too.  And when they both hit together, I just truly do not know what to do.  one by itself is bad enough, but you are right, a double whammy.  It's just HORRIFIC. 

 

I soooo hope you feel better soon.

 

Mamie

I see from your signature that you have been tapering for two years and that you are planning on going even lower before jumping? How long have you been in full blown WD? I'm just curious because any time I see someone who is suffering while undertaking a long taper I have to wonder whether they might be subjecting themselves to unnecessary pain.

It's nice to know I am not alone in this, although

I am sorry so many of us are dealing with such stuff.

It has lifted today, but I feel like I am always waiting

for the other shoe to drop...wondering when it will come

back on me.

 

sigma0123-- I do feel it was wise to go slow, but it

may be biting me in the rear right now, as I think

w/d is upon me, like it or not. Thanks for your kind

words.

 

Mbr---the w/d symptoms have intensified over the

last few months...maybe it is my super-low dose

bringing it on...who knows. I, too, feel like I will

never feel calm and joyful again, and that's a lousy

way to feel. I do get "windows" much more often, but

I always feel this sense of impending doom, because I

know a nasty bunch of symptoms are probably going to

return. It's a icky way to live...can't wait for this

to be over!

 

 

Mylilcappi -- thanks for your kind words...and

you are SO right...this benzo depression/anxiety thing

is like nothing I have felt before....and I have felt

really down and anxious in my life pre-benzo use. There

is just no comparison...it is so much more intense in

nature...ugh. I wish you the best ... hang in there like

we all are...we will get thru it eventually.

 

 

To Florida guy --- I suspect I am already in full-blown

withdrawl due to the super-low dose I am on. I am going

to stop completely in about a month, and from what I

have gathered here on BB, I am still in for alot of

"fun" symptoms once off. I simply had to do a ridicu-

lously slow taper in order to work these last two

years. I support myself, and I had to do it that way.

 

I wonder, too, if going SO low has been wise...some

say it actually gets worse at these low doses...but

others say the opposite. I guess I am kinda afraid to

get off...it's become part of my life by now. But, like

it or not, I am stopping soon. There is no clear right

or wrong way to do this, as we are all different and

this benzo ride is SO unpredictable. I have been worse

for about 2-3 months now, so maybe it is acute w/d. I

hope so...at least it will be somewhat over with.

 

Lovepema, when will you take your last dose, do you know?

I can definitely understand wanting to take it slow in order to remain functional. Just have to be careful that you aren't causing yourself prolonged or undue pain.

Hi Florida guy and mbr....

 

I am stopping the med on August 8th .... I will be at a dose of

.005mg or so by then. Pretty darn low, huh?

 

As far as causing myself any undue pain for having taken so long

and gone so slow, do we have any proof that I would have been

better off ending sooner? Wouldn't one just go into acute w/d

anyway on super low doses? I know some say they got worse

with the low dosing....but so many others (in my opinion) had

hella bad symptoms from doing a too quick taper. It's all a

crap shoot in my book....but thanks for the input.

Hi love pema-

 

I love Pema, too. Her books have gotten me through lots of difficult times. I had mild anxiety and mild depression off and on throughout my taper, but it wasn't a big deal. I managed very well.  Then, the anxiety and depression both got really bad when I got down to about 1.5mg Valium. At that point, most of my physical symptoms were gone, but the mental ones became extremely intense.  It was awful!! That's when I finally joined BB forum. It was extremely tough! I had short windows, but I was very obsessed with being depressed, anxious etc. forever, even in the windows.  Gradually, I became less obsessed. I am doing much better now. I have felt really good for the past 4 weeks, which is the longest window I have had since I started my taper in June 2010.  Just remember, you are in the thick of it right now. You are supposed to feel like you will never get better-- that thought is an actual symptom of withdrawal. The obsessive thoughts will get better, which will make your anxiety and depression get better. I promise.... just be patient (easier said than done!!). You're going to make it!

 

Ashley

As far as causing myself any undue pain for having taken so long

and gone so slow, do we have any proof that I would have been better off ending sooner?

 

That's the problem. That question could be rephrased as "do we have any proof that I was better off tapering over a long period of time?"

 

The issue I have is with seeing people in agony for months on end during a slow taper. The general consensus is that a longer taper is better but where is the proof? I see this all the time in my line of work- someone makes a comment about something based upon opinion and the next thing you know it is taken by the community as the gospel.

 

My suspicion is that there probably IS a sweet spot between tapering and jumping but the studies aren't there to give us an accurate idea of where that might be. The medical community certainly isn't jumping all over themselves to figure this out.

 

If you are only a month away from jumping I would say just stick it out. A month isn't very long in the benzo game and if it helps you push through it psychologically that's a good thing.

 

 

Anxiety and depression is the reason I ended up on benzo's in the first place. 10 or so years ago I was put on a low dose of Elavil and Ativan. It worked great..well for a few years anyway. Then I was just taking the benzo for sleep. I was later put on a low dose of Doxepin and stayed on the Ativan. My depression and anxiety are gone and when I am done with this tapering, if I ever have depression or anxiety again, I will seek a better way to deal with it.

Hi love pema-

 

I love Pema, too. Her books have gotten me through lots of difficult times. I had mild anxiety and mild depression off and on throughout my taper, but it wasn't a big deal. I managed very well.  Then, the anxiety and depression both got really bad when I got down to about 1.5mg Valium. At that point, most of my physical symptoms were gone, but the mental ones became extremely intense.  It was awful!! That's when I finally joined BB forum. It was extremely tough! I had short windows, but I was very obsessed with being depressed, anxious etc. forever, even in the windows.  Gradually, I became less obsessed. I am doing much better now. I have felt really good for the past 4 weeks, which is the longest window I have had since I started my taper in June 2010.  Just remember, you are in the thick of it right now. You are supposed to feel like you will never get better-- that thought is an actual symptom of withdrawal. The obsessive thoughts will get better, which will make your anxiety and depression get better. I promise.... just be patient (easier said than done!!). You're going to make it!

 

Ashley

 

 

OMG Ashley, you just helped me put things in perspective "You are suppose to feel like you will never feel better, that thought is an actual symptom of withdrawal." This is how I felt all day, wondering why I was feeling so icky after having so many windows. Thank you!

 

Lida

Maybe these could help:

 

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/07/06/6-yoga-poses-for-depressi_n_890836.html#s303647&title=Child_Pose

 

I'm trying it.

 

Best wishes.

M

This whole thread has been so helpful to me ... thanks

to all of you for sharing your ideas and similar experiences.

 

I totally agree with you---FloridaGuy---I just know there

is a "sweet spot" that one could reach that would be the

best way to go about tapering...with minimal symptoms. All

we have is anecdotal stuff to work with...no hard and true

facts. I think we have all done pretty amazing, no matter

which route we have gone...as this is the most difficult thing

most of us have encountered thusfar. Sure wish the medical community

would hone in on all the suffering these damn meds cause and

do true studies to figure out how best to get people well

again...but don't hold your breath on that one.

 

ask2266 --- a fellow Pema lover! Her CD's and writings

have kept me sane over the years...she's such a sweet and

knowledgable woman...I could go on and on... Thanks for

sharing.

 

MarthaKicks....I will look up that link tonight...thanks

so much...I appreciate all the help I can get.

 

miss kim -- I was taking Ativan for insomnia and some

anxiety/depression, too...worked wonderfully until I

tried to stop!

 

Lidaboo -- Isn't this SO true? "You are suppose to feel

like you will never feel better, that thought is an actual

symptom of withdrawal." I never thought of it that way...and

feeling really down and discouraged has been a big deal for

me...I just love this...it is so on the money.

 

I think so many of us seem to have physical symptoms (as well

as the emotional ones) in the beginning....yet most people seem

to complain of alot of extra harsh emotional stuff as they

are getting off or in acute w/d. I guess that is the "last

stand" this damn med takes up in our brains. It is no picnic,

that's for sure. It's a great comfort to know I am not alone

in all this....thanks again.