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trying to understand windows and waves


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Hi everyone my name is Johnny, nick name Watchman I am an independent minister in the Philippines I have been off mixed benzos since about Jan 1 2011, I believe I am in my 5th month now! The withdrawals were horrific to say the very least! But now I am now experiencing what I believe is called windows and waves where I’ll feel so good like I can preach for hours :angel:, than bam I instantly get depressed, severe anxiety, mood swings, evil sexual or violent thoughts, tremendous or instanced fear of going to hell, I can’t feel God, everything little thing drives me clean up the wall, I feel pins and needles and itching all over my body and God only knows what else which I cannot think of right now! Oh yeah that’s because my brain goes dead or num where I can’t even remember what I am talking about!!! Not a good thing for a preacher let me tell you >:(. Than out of nowhere ill get a boast of energy and ill feel like am in heaven :yippee:, but it never last long at all, maybe a day or two if I am extremely blessed, then I am all messed up again for weeks or longer before things get better again!

I need some good preaching on {Windows and Waves} can I get a witness out there?

 

I love you guys

God hold you :thumbsup:

Watchman

 

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[25...]

Watchman,

 

Welcome to BenzoBuddies,

 

Congrats on being Benzo-Free.

 

What you're describing does indeed sound like windows and waves.

 

Sigma.

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Hey Watchman,

 

We have a couple of good threads in the "Faith and Philosophy" forum you should check out.  I think you will find many similarities and comfort by reading these posts from other members.

 

I will be at 5 months on June 22nd.  I am looking forward to those windows!

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I think i have just experienced my first window and wave. I am 5 months out now and have been suffering from aching joints

and low energy for a while. Last week for 2 to 3 days i felt a little better and thought maybe it is starting to ease up and

then all this week my symptoms have increased in intensity again.

 

It is frustrating and hard work as these symptoms are on going with no let up since january.

 

I have faith though and am positive if i don't take anymore and keep going, things will get better.

 

Hang in there and day by day we are moving forward, even if it does'nt feel like it. 

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Hi Johnny and welcome.

 

I 'm so sorry you are experiencing this.  I had a great friend who was (is) a minister from years ago when I lived up north.  His journey through benzos was not unlike what you are experiencing.  He actually reached a point where he could not feel God's presence anymore, and it almost drove him over the edge.  I knew him before benzos, during, and after. He is the single most Godly man I have ever met in my life, and for him to actually experience the deep darkness I myself experienced, helped me to see just how powerful these drugs are.

 

I can safely report that he is fine now, and healed from what he describes as his, " roadtrip through hell via doctor prescribed drugs".  I am almost completely healed as well, so I can vouch for the fact that there truly is healing after benzos.

 

I keep in contact with him and his family a few times a year.  He now says he is even better from where he was pre-benzo, because as a state and board certified counselor, he can help people  see that it is the drugs making them loopy and if they can hold on and make it through their taper, they will eventually get back to their "normal"self.

 

Please ask questions and let us know how we may help you.  As someone else pointed out, we have a "Faith and Philosophy " board where you may feel more comfortable sharing. :)

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Hello r,

 

I am encouraged that you have your faith to lean on, even on the days where you don't "feel" it helps, it is still there, believe me.

As you see,  some of us are already at 5 months and have not had a window, so you should feel blessed. Everyone will get there, but at their own pace.

Please feel free to ask any questions and we are all here to help you.

 

Blessings

 

Lu

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Watchman,

 

Welcome to BenzoBuddies,

 

Congrats on being Benzo-Free.

 

What you're describing does indeed sound like windows and waves.

 

Sigma.

 

Thanks

 

Thanks for the very warm welcome brethren; I love all you guys so much and each one of you are in my prayers night and day! Yes I feel extremely blessed to be experiencing these windows early on like this  at 5 months and also extremely sad for those that have not experienced any as of yet! I have seen a couple of sisters on another forum last night that didn’t get their first window until they were in their 15-17th month of recovery!!! Wow that must have been hell to say the very least :-\, thanks so much for all the encouragement especially the story about the fellow minister that made my day :yippee:! I will check out the Faith and Philosophy board today!

 

I pray that the peace of Christ that surpasses all understanding and joy unspeakable rest upon each and every one of you each and every day of your lives……….

 

Praise him

Watchman :thumbsup:

 

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