Dealing with anticipatory anxiety!

I had a fairly decent weekend and actually even slept through last night, with the exception of three times when emotion and/or anxiety woke me up. I let it wash over me and didn't get up and eventually I went back to sleep.

 

Today is a totally different story. I have an 8 a.m. appointment tomorrow (Tuesday) with my family practitioner, who sees me annually to renew my RXs to control high blood pressure and Type II diabetes. He doesn't know I am (or was, I should say) on Valium. My previous doctor, who was killed in a car accident, prescribed me Xanax for almost 2 years (1997-1999) and I used an online pharmacy in the U.S. to transition from Xanax to Valium, and have made several attempts to taper. Until now, 23 days was the longest I made it. Today is Day 27 on this attempt, but I CT'd, from 30-40 mg. so it's been tough.

 

I am totally stressed out about seeing my family practitioner tomorrow. I dread driving the 12-13 miles to his office and I'll be doing so during rush hour. My normal driving is just up to the grocery store and back, so this will be quite an expedition. I am very jittery and have started to worry about how I will be when I see him. I hate that I begin to play out things in my mind about something as routine as seeing a doctor. Still, as much as I like him (he's been my doc since the previous one was killed, so 11 years now), I do not want to tell him what I am going through, as I don't want it to be a part of my medical record. Still, what do I do if he notices I'm "out of it?" Oh, God, my mind is my own worst enemy at times! I wish I could just block it all out, but I can't.

 

This time tomorrow it will all be history. Just 22 hours to go...

 

Still the same on Day 27...  

I used to be tortured by frequent anticipatory anxiety, Tucsondeadhead.  For a time, it even included anxiety over running into someone I knew at the grocery store.  It was ridiculous and definitely impacting my life.  What worked best for me was to go to a quiet room, close my eyes and imagine every bit of the trip in minute detail as I wanted it to be.  In my run through, I was always calm and collected.  If I was going to have to talk with someone, like for a doctor's appointment, I would type out and practice what I wanted to communicate and took brief notes of the main points with me so I wouldn't forget.  Anyway, those mental practice sessions worked for me.

 

Good luck tomorrow.

My two sons and three grandchildren are visiting in July...I am thinking about it already.  A 2,4, and 6 year old that are non stop chaos.  I have not seen them in over a year thanks to this Hell I am going through and want to enjoy myself BUT....Yes, the ole anticipatory anxiety.  I know how you feel.

 

Donna

I feel this same type of anxiety, and Donna, with 7 grandchildren, I know exactly what you mean.

 

Thoughts and prayers,

Kat

I've got it too....anxiety over the anxiety. I guess it's one day at a time and trying not to project so far ahead. I'm curious for those who have overcome this....how did you know when it was quieting down?

I don't feel like I deserve to give you advice but I will say congratulate yourself for having the courage to drive yourself to your doctor's office I won't drive or even go out of the house because I'm too shaky and scared.My Doctor actually dropped me and told me not to call or email the office if it has to do with anxiety. They want me to go through the Bahavior Center which has to do with psychiatrists and therapists so I have to keep my guard up so not to get anymore benzos. This forum is full of nice sweet people who care more about you than the doctors. Stay with us. Y R never alone and just like me will get good help and great support. My anticipatory anxiety is HOURLY. It is hell but I'm not giving up so lets help each other.

Thanks for the comments. It's Sunday afternoon and I am already stressing about having to go to the Department of Economic Security's Unemployment Insurance office at 9:45 a.m. Tuesday to show a "Reemployment Specialist" my "job search log" and a copy of my resume. He or she will review my progress, make recommendations and, if they feel I am making a good faith effort to find a job, they will continue my unemployment. If they deny it, I'm in a world of hurt, as I have no other income and can't continue the c/t in the state I'm in and try to find a job. So, it's crucial that I do a good sales job on Tuesday. I hate taking occasional rescue doses of Xanax (my benzo of choice was Valium, so Xanax works OK but it has a very short half life, which means it's out of my system quicker). However, if I blow it on Tuesday and lose my unemployment, then I don't know what I will do. The funny thing is that I applied for unemployment on April 4, but since I got a month's vacation pay I was "disqualified" until Monday, May 9. I've received a whopping two checks so far, with another one due on Tuesday, so it's not as if I've been collecting unemployment for ages! But, yeah, anticipatory anxiety is eating away at me right now, and I don't even have to do anything for something like 42 hours!

 

Such is life...